Simple Words for Tough Conversations
Kirsten Schulte, Licensed Specialist in School Psychology
Resources
• Choice Theory – William Glasser, M.D.
• Hunter and His Amazing Remote Control – Lori Copeland, Ph.D.
• Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships – Temple Grandin, Sean Barron, Veronica Zysk
• The Zone – Think Social – Michelle Garcia Winner
• The Incredible 5-Point Scale – Kari Dunn Buron and Mitzi Curtis
Choice Theory
• The 5 Needs: Survival – Love – Freedom – Fun - Power
• After Survival, if remaining Needs in balance = A Happy Life (Quality World)
• What will you do TODAY to meet each need?
• The only way to get from where you are now (Real World) to where you want to be
(Quality World) is by ACTION.
What Drives Your Car?
• Front Wheels – Actions & Thoughts
• Back Wheels – Feelings & Physical
• Trunk - Uncontrollable Family and Personal Issues
• We can control the front wheels. Front wheels steer our car and determine direction.
Back wheels are hard or impossible to control. They push our car.
• Roads:
• Talk it Out / Compromise
• Let it Go and Move On
• Seek Help from An Adult
• Let it Bother Me
WDHP
What do I WANT?
What am I DOING?
Is it HELPING or HURTING?
What is my PLAN?
The 10 Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships
1) Rules are not absolute. They are situation-based and people-based.
2) Not everything is equally important in the grand scheme of things.
3) Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t have to ruin your day.
4) Honesty is different than diplomacy.
5) Being polite is always appropriate.
6) Not everyone who is nice to me is my friend.
7) People act differently in public than they do in private.
8) Know when you are turning people off.
9) “Fitting in” requires looking and sounding like you fit in.
10) People are responsible for their own behavior.
The Zone
Expected Behavior = Good Thoughts (Green Thoughts)
Unexpected Behavior = Weird Thoughts (Red Thoughts)
Five Point Scale
Looks/Sounds Like – Feels Like – What I Need/Can Do – Who Can Help – Picture
Reality Check
Are my emotions and/or behaviors healthy?
What am I telling myself?
Am I exaggerating or distorting?
Whose problem is this?
What is the worst that can happen?
Am I taking it too personally? Too seriously?
Am I demanding success? Approval? My way?
Can I stand it?
How can I think more realistically?
What, if anything, can I do?
The Remote Control
Channel Changer – I can filter out distractions. I control what channel my brain is on.
Pause – I can stop to think. I can relax. I can create a plan.
Fast Forward – I can think before I act. I can predict how my actions affect myself and others.
Rewind – I can focus on doing things better in the future, instead of what I did wrong in the past.
If I make a small mistake, I might be allowed a “do-over,” if I apologize and ask for one.
Slow Motion – I can move slowly and carefully during times I really need to be in control of my
remote.
Coach – I can use resources to help me make the best decisions.
Zapper – I can recognize and ZAP negative and irrational thoughts.
Way to Go – I can be proud of my successes! I can use positive self-talk.
These can be INTERVENTIONS if conversations lead to ACTIONS.
 one second Five Point Scale check
 daily check-in/check-out
 behavior chart
 weekly mentoring/counseling appointment
Disclaimer
Not for every student
Teacher, Mentor, but not Therapist
Never be scared to ask about suicide, self-harm, or abuse. If a student has hinted at these topics,
THEY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. You will not give them the idea…they already have it! Listen,
Support, BUT get the student to someone who is trained to help.
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