PC Nuts and Bolts - II
Columbus AFCC
September 28, 2007
Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D.
www.californiaparentcoordinator.com
Coparenting and the PC
Process
Structural Transition from
Nuclear to Binuclear
Adequate functioning in each subsystem
Adequate functioning between
subsystems
An appropriate Parenting Plan
Defines timeshare, coparenting structure, etc.
Coparenting after divorce
Collaborative - accurate perceptions,
child-focused,supportive of parenting,
ability to communicate, give and take
Conflicted - distortion, projections, anger,
“in the name of the child”, poor
communication, breakdown in parental
hierarchy, executive functioning
Schism/Skew
Coparenting types
Level of
Level
LOW
LOW
Engagement
HIGH
of
Conflict
HIGH
Parallel
40%
Cooperative
25%
Mixed
20%
Conflicted
15%
Parallel Parenting
Kelly, J.B. (March, 2007 Family Process)
 “Cooperative coparenting promotes resiliency in children because of the
parents ability to resolve differences on their own or with mediators or
therapists as they arise. It has been reported that children whose parents
engage in conflict-free parallel parenting also appear to thrive, as long as
they have adequate parenting in both homes and well articulated parenting
agreements and orders specifying contact and when joint decision-making
is required will occur”
The PC as “interface”
Handout “ parallel parenting plans”
The tragic legacy of the
Litigation Context
Litigants don’t make good coparents
Representation - advocacy
Distrust
Sabotage
Win/lose
Chaos
Unilateral action
In the name of the child
Focus on the problem being the other parent -advesaries
Depleted resources - financial,emotional
Coparent training in the PC
Process
Clear demarcation of new ADR process
Let go of the legal/adversarial process
The rules are changing
You don’t have to work with the other parent,
just with the PC and the rules
Disengagement with the coparent, moving
towards functional engagement
Manageability, protection
Object Relations in the PC
Process
Countertransference in the PC
Punitive, Withdraw, overwhelmed (caught like the
child)
Expectation and “tolerance” of bad
behavior
Management of O-R
dynamics
Building an overarching reality from the
polarized partial/distorted perspectives
(Johnston). This is the Holding
Environment
Recognition and management of vulnerabilities
“Sorting” perspectives
Parents will enact these dynamics with you
Clear relationship rules are critical
Boundaries
Two ways to get into trouble with
boundaries:
Faulty Rules
Failure to maintain Boundaries
Faulty Rules
Explicit, detailed policies and procedures as
a tool for setting appropriate boundaries. The
rules of the relationship.
• Slippage do to your stuff and/or the client’s stuff
becomes evident when you rules are violated
Failure to Maintain boundaries
Challenges come in two ways
Pulls - idealization, need, money, celebrity
• More seductive, gratifying
Pushes - devaluation, Demand, threat, criticism,
questioning
• Hard to stand up to
Limit setting, training the clients
What behavioral theory tells us
Clearly defined expectations of behavior
Consistent response
Timely response
Compassionate firmness
Depersonalize
Consequence fits the violation
Disengagement: Structuring
Coparenting in H-C situations
The PC is the interface between the
parents Titrating the communication/contact so that
it is functional and manageable
• Face to face meetings - structure
• Telephone conference calls
• Email - timely, can control receipt, response,
documented
• Fax, letter
• No contact, except through PC
Disengagement using PP
Crafting the Parenting Plan
Handout “Parenting Plan Musts”
Handout “Sample Parenting Plan Provisions
Implementing the Parenting Plan
The devil is in the details, conflict breeds in the grey
areas
Training in using “our” constitution
Nuts and Bolts of the PC
process
Never Commence work until
you have
A signed court order = Authority
Fees/retainer = money
Signed PC agreement = Protection
The stipulation and order
appointing SM/PC
The stip which defines the parameters of your
role must reflect the procedural necessities of
the role.
Access to information (therapists, documents)
Contract formation can be a strategic dance,
push back.
Relationship rules formed early
Brief review of the Stipulation and Order
appointing SM/PC
A signed Court Order
This is your constitution
Is it detailed, are you being set-up
don’t allow big issues to be deferred to the SM
(e.g. timeshare issues, school, etc.)
Fees and Retainer
The O-R dynamics/boundary issues will
be played out in the money relationship
Clear structure - set the boundaries,
maintain them
Don’t get into a position where the fees
are exhausted
Particularly by one parent
Documentation
 Your file - what goes in it/organization
 Letters
“This letter documents the agreements/decisions that
have come from our meeting of 12/12/06. Please review this
documentation for accuracy and inform me immediately, if
you have questions or concerns. In the absence of
modification, based on your feedback, you have agreed to
follow the directives contained in this letter unless modified in
the Parent Coordination process or by further order of the
court.”
Documentation (cont)
Decisions/awards/Orders
Handout “Documentation”
Who do you send letters to?
Communication procedures
Ongoing Work
Working on the Parenting Plan
This is a collaborative, highly structured
process, using this to assess and build the
structure of functional coparenting,
psychoeducate (child-focus, give and take,
businesslike, up front sanctions, planning)
Handout “Sample order for Parenting Plans
Ongoing Work
Developing the schedule
Where is Johnny every hour of every day
Calendar, working through
Again, reinforcing coparenting - planning
(September/March meetings),
organization(bringing the info you need),
documentation, give and take (building trust)
Gradual turning over - symbolic presence
Do it, set up protocol, narrow issues for PC
Resolving Issues
Types of Issues
Violation of Court Orders
• Avoid adjudication, anticipate issues, depersonalize
• Behavioral theory at work
• Sanctions
Issues that come up
• Reasonable, fair, child-focused, does it fall into a larger
set of issues (special events - can we create a protocol
Types of Issues (Continued)
Parenting Issues
• Boundaries are important, developing tolerance,
psychoeducational approach, educating eachother, but not
controlling (disengage) - diet, routines, homework, clothes
Larger Issues
•
•
•
•
•
Push beyond the boundaries of the order?
Evaluation and judge?
Changing timeshare significantly, move away, school
Document, document, document
Supervise and evaluation process
The Dispute Resolution
Process
Settlement processes
Not mediation
Tension between turning to eachother and turning to
you
Bargaining in the shadow of the law (Mnookin),
negotiation, holding the tension, tipping the balance
(weighing in), aligning with the “good
parent/coparent” and the “needs of the child”,
reinforcing desire to align with you
Case Management
The Coordination Role
Specific Goals: Supervised visitation, substance
abuse, domestic violence, special issues (health,
education), alienation/estrangement
Treatment plans: initiation, support and
monitoring and coordination
Professionals and non-professionals who are
involved with the family: caught in the middle of
conflict (alignment, withdrawal)
The Collaborative Team
The evaluator
Attorneys
Mental health professionals
• Child therapists, parent therapists
Other professionals
• Physicians, nannies, teachers, coaches, tutors
Extended family/significant others
Collaborative Teams
PC is organizer/leader
Parameters in place to protect team
• Confidentiality, releases, control of information
Goals and specific plans, coordinating, monitoring,
modifying
Collaborative system around family
• Professional loyalty/client loyalty
Team’s involvement in coparenting issues
Protecting the therapeutic relationship