QUEST SCHOOL YEAR HIDDEN RULES
Week 1
SMALL PROBLEM VERSUS BIG PROBLEM
In life, there are small and big problems. It is important to figure out if something is a small problem or a
big problem. A small problem would be if someone took a piece of your candy, while a big problem would
be getting a broken leg. Sometimes a small problem will feel very big if we don’t use some coping skills
and ask ourselves if something is a small or a big problem. If we try to ignore a problem it will likely get
worse. It helps to realize when a problem is a small problem versus a big problem.
Week 2
BIG FEELINGS
We always feel some type of emotion. Our emotions change a lot during the day. Sometimes we can feel
more than one type of feeling at a time like feeling both happy and excited, or sad and worried. We can use
strategies to calm our emotions when they are feeling too big. If we don’t deal with our emotions, we can
explode like a volcano. By the time we are in school, we are not supposed to show our big negative
emotions even if we feel them. So we need to use our coping skills. Part of life is finding ways to cope
with all different kinds of emotions in a healthy way. We are supposed to calm ourselves down and calmly
tell people how we feel even when we are feeling upset.
There are many great ways to calm down when we have big feelings. We can: take deep breaths, image
our happy place, tighten our muscles and relax them, exercise, count to 10, read, play a game, think of a fun
memory, think of something we are looking forward to, ask for help, get a hug, listen to music, watch TV,
get a drink of water, or do something for fun.
Week 3
EXPECTED VERSUS UNEXPECTED
People have thoughts and feelings based on when people do what is expected versus unexpected. When we
do what is expected, like follow rules, other people like teachers and parents feel happy and proud. When
we do what is unexpected, like break rules or be unkind in our words or actions, others can feel
disappointed or frustrated.
Week 4
USE WORDS TO EXPRESS FEELINGS THOUGHTS AND NEEDS
In life it is important to use our words to express our feelings, thoughts, and needs. When we use our words
we want to use something called “I” statements where we don’t blame or name call, but we say how we
feel because of someone else’s behavior and what we would like to see happen instead.
When you___________(behavior), I feel ____________. What I would like is _______________.
Example:
When you (bump into me/ jump in the front of the line/ raise your voice), I feel (frustrated, sad, upset).
What I would like is (for you to be more careful when you walk/ to stay in your place in line/ to keep your
voice lower).
Week 5
NO MEANS NO
No means no. When an adult says no, that is the final answer and there is no negotiation. Even when we
ask the right way, we will often be told “no” by adults in our lives, like parents and teachers. These adults
have reason for saying no. Parents will make lots of decisions for us, including things like when we have
earned electronics time or other rewards. Adults are also in charge of telling us when to get things done,
like when we need to do homework, and if we are finished with chores. If I get stuck because I want
something and do negative behaviors like whine or misbehave my parents or teachers will have negative
feelings about me and I will get consequences. I need to remember that by accepting no this time I will
have a better chance of getting a yes next time.
Week 6
LIFE IS NOT FAIR
Life is not fair. Don’t expect it to be. This is not going to change. We all need to deal with this and move
on. Enjoying things we like to do and being with people who make us feel good are some of the reasons we
enjoy life. But life is not just about enjoyment, it is also about having to do things we don’t want to do in
order to learn to take care of ourselves. Sometimes life seems unfair. It seems like someone else gets
something better than us. However, remember there are time when we each get good things other people
don’t get.
Week 7
BEING A FLEXIBLE PROBLEM SOLVER
One type of getting stuck (inflexible thinking) is called black and white thinking. When we get stuck in
black and white thinking we say a lot of you ‘always’ and you ‘never’ and we have trouble seeing the grey
area. When we get stuck we need to work to be flexible and use our coping skills. When we get stuck we
have more disagreements with others and have trouble compromising and finding good answers to
problems. Some conflicts go on and on because people aren’t willing to budge. They don’t really care
about resolving the conflict. They just want to win. Be wiling to compromise. When we compromise, we
find a middle ground where everyone wins something. Remember fighting is not the solution-try conflict
resolution where we use our coping skills, our words, and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Remember we are all great problem solvers! We are all capable of solving large problems. To be a good
problem solver it is important to be calm. Sometimes we will need to try several things and use coping
skills to find the best answer or solution.
Week 8
EAT, EXERCISE AND SLEEP RIGHT TO LIVE RIGHT
Our bodies are like high-performance cars—when we eat better foods and get enough sleep our bodies have
the fuel that they need. We think and feel good and have better energy when we take good care of our body
by eating better. It is important to try lots of different healthy foods, including natural foods that are lots of
different colors. We call this “eating the rainbow.” Getting exercise helps our body and mind grow strong
and helps us to feel happy and healthy.
Week 9
BEING RESILIENT OR BOUNCING BACK
In life there are going to be many unexpected things that do not go our way. When negative things happen
we want to be resilient. Resilient people are able to become strong, healthy, and successful again after
something bad happens. Resilient people are able to bounce back like a rubber ball. This is accomplished
this by:
1. Using coping skills to deal with our feelings
2. Having a positive attitude
3. Being optimistic (by expecting good things to happen) and having hope
4. Seeing setbacks of failures as learning opportunities and things to problem solve so they are able to keep
trying
Trying new things can be outside our “comfort zone”. This means doing something unfamiliar or
uncomfortable. It means not knowing what the outcome will be and that can be scary. But a lot of the time,
when we try new things we may end up liking it, feel more confident and be stronger. We all need to be
lifelong learners and have a growth mindset. Life is constantly about learning and growing. People who are
more open to feedback, who are willing to make mistakes, and know that they can learn anything with
effort progress more in life and become more successful.
Week 10
THE EXCELLENCE OF EMPATHY
Have you ever heard the expression, “Put yourself in my shoes?” It’s not about wearing someone else’s
stinky shoes. It’s about imagining how it might feel to be another person – to think their thoughts, have
their feelings, and live their day-to-day-life. Walking in someone else’s shoes builds empathy – the ability
to understand how other people feel. The more empathy we have for others, the more we realize that people
aren’t all that different, and the easier it is to be a caring person.
GROUP RULE FOR BEING A POSITIVE GROUP MEMBER FOR PROJECTS:
Working in a group: Working with other people in a group means we have to keep our body, mind, and
words in the group!
a.
b.
c.
Move my body to join the group
Share my ideas with the group, but don’t expect them to accept them.
Acknowledge that other people have good ideas too.
Agree to do PART of the work, but not ALL of it or NONE of it.