Focus: Students will identify the anatomy of a conflict.
Goal: To understand the importance of I-Message.
Standard: NHES #2 Safe and Healthy Environment
Warm-Up: Interview your peer, record their answer,
and report to class.
1. What is an I-Message?
2. What does a “You” message do?
Notes:
1. *Hints for Successful I-Messages*
a. Be specific in describing the problem behavior.
b. Make eye contact.
c. Use a respectful tone of voice, not an aggressive or confrontational tone.
d. Be aware of what your body language is saying – that it is reinforcing what
your words say.
2. *When I-Messages Don’t Work*
a. The words may be okay, but the tone may be full of blame or rage or
disrespect. EX: face red, yelling, eyes bulging. Or calm, cool, and
collected.
b. There is little to be gained by an angry message.
c. The other person may be out of control or too upset. (Let them blow
off steam)
d. The other person may not “agree” that the effect on you is the real
problem.
e. Conflict of needs. Change from I-Message to a different technique
where possible.
Scenarios: Complete the following scenarios with your group.
• Brent and Joel are sitting together at lunch. Trinh walks by, and Brent snickers
about what Trinh is wearing. Trinh hears him. What could Trinh do . . .
a) if he wanted to get even? What would likely be the result?
b) if he wanted Brent to like him no matter what? Would this be a win or a lose for
Trinh?
c) if he wanted to keep Brent as a friend yet keep his own self-respect (win-win)?
• Shanta is always on the phone. Roan, her older brother, has found a new
girlfriend and has cornered the phone for the entire evening. Shanta has been
banging on the door of Roan’s room, shouting for him to get off the phone. He
has ignored her for a while, but now he goes to the door and . . .
(a) What choices does Roan have?
(b) How can he respond to create a win-win situation with his sister?