To Be Joyful Again
May and June 2016
Dear To Be Joyful Again Members,
I recently spent 2 weeks in Australia for business, a trip I wouldn’t
have chosen on my own. The flight is brutal, and due to the time zone,
day and night are reversed. Once I slowly began adjusting, though, it was
fun to discover this new country. I fed a cassowary, held a baby
kangaroo, and made friends with a koala. But what challenged me to the
core was climbing the Sydney Harbor Bridge.
Ever since I almost fell out of a tree as a young girl I’ve been afraid
of heights, especially if I could fall somehow. Scaling the bridge meant
being attached by a tether and having railings on each side, but being
totally out in the open, climbing stairs and walkways until we reached the
top, hundreds of feet above the harbor. Could I really do this? Just
looking at the web site of the climb terrified me. But I was determined to
overcome my fear, to risk stretching well beyond my comfort zone.
The first 20 minutes I felt panicky and clenched the rail. Yet as we
continued higher, to my surprise, I began feeling a sense of freedom. I
enjoyed the rush of wind and saw vistas that were impossible from the
ground. Fear was there, but my pounding heart was partly from the
beauty I beheld and the thrilling realization that I was actually doing this.
Reaching the top, I was ecstatic.
What a valuable lesson in the midst of grief! When I was widowed
suddenly, a journey I would never have chosen, the experience felt brutal
and I was forced to adjust every aspect of my life. It was so hard to
confront my fears, or to reach out and try something new despite them.
I knew others had healed before me, and there were guides to help. But
it felt so much safer to stay “close to the ground”, to cocoon inward
instead of risking.
Still, I wanted so much to heal, to put the pieces back together
somehow, to be whole and happy. So gradually, little by little, I
stretched, tried new things, discovered talents I didn’t know I had, made
new friends, and reached well beyond my comfort zone. Every step
made a difference, getting me ever closer to healing. Now, grief takes a
lot longer than the 3-hour bridge climb and is infinitely more complex,
but every choice that helps you climb higher is worth it!
Choose to heal. Let us help you put one foot in front of the other
and push ahead so you, too, can regain your life and find joy.
May God bless you
Amy Florian
Calendar of Joyful Events
***To check weather cancellations, call Holy Family at 847-359-0042.***
Thursday
May 5
7:00 Come to talk, and to get the advice and support you need. We
break at approximately 8:00 for conversation and refreshments
provided by our hospitality team. Everyone is welcome.
Sunday
May 15
4:00 SPRING FLING!!
Come join us for our party to welcome the (hopefully) end of
snowfall and the warm weather of spring – FINALLY!! Meet at the
home of Debbie. We will provide the main course (Mariano’s fried and
grilled chicken) plus soda and water. Please bring a small dish or dessert
to share, and/or any other beverage you enjoy. This is always a fun and
relaxing gathering. Family members and friends are welcome too.
We’ll see you there!
Thursday
May 19
7:00 Support group
Since it is important for people who attend the support group to visit
and socialize afterwards, we will have speakers only when a member
recommends them. (We appreciate any “leads” on a good speaker.) Of
course, even if you don’t come to the support part of the meeting, you
are welcome to join us at about 8:00 for snacks and visiting.
Sunday
May 22
(one week
early due to
Memorial
Day)
Come join us for Sunday brunch at the Knight’s Café. Feel free to
bring family and friends. Enter the Holy Family gym door between
11:45 and 12:00. We greet you by the register and direct you to our
reserved tables. For only $8, you get waffles, eggs, sausage, bacon,
pastries, - PLUS ice cream, cookies & desserts. And it’s all you can eat.
It’s a great bargain, a good cause, and a way to have fun on a Sunday.
Join us on the last Sunday every month for a wonderful meal.
Thursday
June 2
7:00 Come to talk, and to get the advice and support you need. We
break at approximately 8:00 for conversation and refreshments
provided by our hospitality team. Everyone is welcome.
Thursday
June 16
7:00 Support group
We’ve gotten good feedback so we will continue having speakers only
when we see someone we think the group would enjoy. And please
offer us your recommendations if you see a good speaker! Of course,
even if you don’t come to the support part of the meeting, you are
welcome to join us at about 8:00 for snacks and visiting.
Sunday
June 26
Come join us for Sunday brunch at the Knight’s Café. Feel free to
bring family and friends. Enter the Holy Family gym door between
11:45 and 12:00. We greet you by the register and direct you to our
reserved tables. For only $8, you get waffles, eggs, sausage, bacon,
pastries, - PLUS ice cream, cookies & desserts. And it’s all you can eat.
It’s a great bargain, a good cause, and a way to have fun on a Sunday.
Join us on the last Sunday every month for a wonderful meal.
Important Advance Notice
Holy Family is closing on some evenings in the summer to cut costs for utilities and
maintenance. Therefore, in July and August, we will meet on the 2nd and 4th
Thursdays (July 14 and 28; August 11 and 25) instead of the 1st and 3rd Thursdays
as usual. Mark your calendars now, and watch the newsletter for reminders.
Prayer News
One of our newer members suffered a mini-stroke at the end of March. He is doing
well in rehab and we hope to welcome him back to our meetings soon.
Kathy had hip replacement surgery on March 21. She is doing rehab and we pray that
she will soon be walking around without pain and be able to join us again at meetings.
Judy’s sister-in-law Jackie continues her struggles with a severe case of Guillain-Barre
syndrome. She is now at home, and is improving with a lot of therapy, but still has a
long way to go. Please continue prayers for Jackie and family.
Bessie’s mom, Thelma, is dying of breast cancer, yet she continues to hang in there
and inspires everyone around her. We pray for her and for the entire family.
Debbie is again dealing with painful and motion-limiting effects of her bone disease.
She will likely have to go through a series of injections soon to control the pain of the
disease. We keep her in constant prayer.
Also, Jonah, the 4-year-old son of Debbie’s friends, has cancer that has spread
through his vertebrae and brain. Any further treatments would be ineffective so he is
now at home. Please continue your prayers for Jonah, his parents, his three siblings,
and all who care for him.
Karen’s grandson Zachary is out of the mental hospital, but we continue to pray for
him, his wife, and their whole family.
Carol’s daughter-in-law was diagnosed with a rare condition that severely limits her
physical activity and endangers her life. We pray for the family and for the doctors.
Also, her niece’s 6-month-old baby has a protein deficiency. Please pray for her, too.
To Make You Smile 
We all need some smiles in our lives, and we need to spread smiles to others. Smiling
is healing. It relieves stress. It activates the immune system. It helps us cope.
Sometimes smiles are hard to come by when you’re grieving. But grief and smiling
don’t have to cancel each other out. If you need a smile, go online to this URL:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MakesS18yk0
Then decide that you will grieve, but grab every smile you can, and spread every
smile you can to others. You’ll be glad you did!
TBJA Library
To Be Joyful Again now has a library of books about grief that you can check out,
read, and return, just as you would at a regular library. The books will be available for
your perusal at any meeting where we don’t have a speaker. You simply leave your
name and phone number, and then check it off when you bring the book back. On
occasion, we will focus on a particular book in the newsletter, so you get ideas about
the books that are available.
One example is a new addition to the library, On My Own by Diane Rehm,
a long-time host of a daily radio show on NPR. This large-print book chronicles the
story of Diane’s 54-year marriage and her grief for the first full year after her husband
died of Parkinson’s disease. It is an accurate and thoughtful look at the grief process,
allowing for the uniqueness of the grief experience for different people as well as the
similarities.
One aspect that must be noted: Diane believes her husband should have been
allowed to end his own life with prescribed medications, a stance by this very public
person that has added to the public debate over physician-assisted suicide. The
presence of this book in the library does not indicate the group’s position or beliefs
on this complex issue. However, the rest of the book is so descriptive of the grief
process that we decided to include it in the library. We welcome your comments if
you choose to read it.
If you’ve read another book that was particularly helpful, you may wish to
donate a copy to our library so you can help others in the future. Come take a look
at the many books we have. We hope to provide information that will help you heal.
Joyful Again Retreat Weekends
June 25-26 St. Julie’s Parish, Tinley Park
July 23-25 Holy Family, Inverness (yes, that’s here)
August 13-14 Mary Queen of Heaven, Elmhurst
October 22 – 23 or 29 – 30 Nazareth Retreat House Batavia
Nov 26-27 Alvernia Manor, Lemont
Joyful Again retreat weekends are two-day programs for widowed people who want
to resolve their grief and begin to live again. The weekend includes video
presentations, time for reflection, and small group sharing with trained facilitators
who have also been widowed. Participants talk about how they feel, listen to others,
support one another, and heal.
Many members of our group have attended, and report that they were helped
tremendously. It’s best to wait at least four months after the death, but you are
encouraged to attend any time after that, even if it’s been years.
Saturday’s session runs 8:30 am to 8:00 p.m. You go home to sleep (unless
overnights are available), and return on Sunday from 8:30 a.m. to 3:15 p.m. The cost
is $85, which includes 5 meals, refreshments, supplies, and anything else you need.
Register: 708-354-7211 or e-mail [email protected].
Thoughts for the Day
You can shed tears that he is gone. Or you can smile because he lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back. Or you can open your eyes
and see all that she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him. Or your heart can be full of the
love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday, Or you can be happy for
tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she is gone. Or you can cherish her memory and
let it live on.
You can cry, close your mind, be empty, and turn your back.
Or you can do what he or she would have wanted, smile, open your eyes, love and
move on.
- David Harkins