BLOGPOST
How to Prevent and Quickly Resolve Conflicts
on Your Team
Twenty-four years ago, something tragic happened in Waco, Texas. A religious group (the “Branch
Davidians”) seized a compound and got into a 51-day standoff with the FBI. The intense conflict
quickly gained international attention. Conflicts at work usually aren’t quite as severe (though
sometimes they might feel that way), but they’re crucial for team performance and sometimes
feel impossible to resolve (Lencioni, 2002). But what if I told you that resolving the “Waco Siege”
crisis and resolving your work teams’ conflicts both rely on ONE specific skill? Tough to believe?
That’s okay – I would be skeptical too, but you’ll see what I mean by the end of this blog.
For starters, conflict arises when someone feels misunderstood or mistreated. Team members
depend on each other because they’re trying to accomplish the same team goals. When conflict
arises, it’s because teammates feel like others are keeping them from accomplishing their goals
(De Dreu, 2010). For example, perspectives may clash when some colleagues disagree with the
leader’s strategy. These colleagues might feel like other team members are blocking their progress
by moving too slowly or missing deadlines. They might feel like personalities and workstyles aren’t
compatible. Or they might even feel as if the other team members are just downright incompetent.
Whatever the conflict is, it’s always because people are at odds with one another and aren’t being
heard (De Dreu, 2011).
It’s important to recognize that conflict isn’t completely avoidable – and it shouldn’t be! Research
has shown that some level of conflict is ideal. Getting to the bottom of conflict helps to avoid
catastrophes - like the Challenger explosion. Healthy conflict and discussion can lead to better
problem-solving and innovative solutions (Van de Ven & Poole, 1995). Unhealthy conflict – or
absolutely no conflict at all - does just the opposite. When conflict is highly escalated, performance
drops drastically and the team becomes ineffective (De Dreu, 2011).
Most Conflicts Are Caused By the Lack of One Skill
Clearly, team conflict is important to manage. The “Waco Siege” of 1993 provides some insight
into how to solve an intense conflict, whether it’s hostage negotiation or a team issue. Although
the siege ended with a brutal fire and many casualties (BAD conflict resolution by the in-your-face
“Hostage Team”), Gary Noesner (head of the patient “Negotiations Team”) successfully negotiated
the release of 35 people from the compound (GREAT conflict resolution!) before the Hostage Team
took over and complicated things.
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How did Noesner do it? The answer is shockingly simple. According to Noesner himself, the key
was listening to the Davidians – but not just listening in the traditional sense (Noesner, 2010). He
used listening that involved “acknowledging their point of view without agreeing with it, giving
them the opportunity to say what was important to them, and treating them with civility” (Shaw,
2016).
That’s right. The key to hostage negotiations is simply listening. The FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Unit
even incorporates this into their model for resolving hostage crises - negotiators’ first
responsibility is to actively listen to what the hostage-taker has to say (Vecchi et al., 2005). The
same goes for workplace conflicts – active listening is the key skill that people overlook all-toooften. Through proper listening skills, we can actually hear what caused the conflict in the first
place. Heated arguments get us nowhere – it’s only through active listening that we can talk
through the misunderstandings and come to a beneficial understanding.
Strong listening skills are the ultimate driver of resolving all types of conflicts – before OR after
the conflict happens. So how can you develop those skills on your team?
Most Conflicts Are Caused By the Lack of One Skill
Clearly, team conflict is important to manage. The “Waco Siege” of 1993 provides some insight
into how to solve an intense conflict, whether it’s hostage negotiation or a team issue. Although
the siege ended with a brutal fire and many casualties (BAD conflict resolution by the in-your-face
“Hostage Team”), Gary Noesner (head of the patient “Negotiations Team”) successfully negotiated
the release of 35 people from the compound (GREAT conflict resolution!) before the Hostage Team
took over and complicated things.
How did Noesner do it? The answer is shockingly simple. According to Noesner himself, the key
was listening to the Davidians – but not just listening in the traditional sense (Noesner, 2010). He
used listening that involved “acknowledging their point of view without agreeing with it, giving
them the opportunity to say what was important to them, and treating them with civility” (Shaw,
2016).
That’s right. The key to hostage negotiations is simply listening. The FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Unit
even incorporates this into their model for resolving hostage crises - negotiators’ first
responsibility is to actively listen to what the hostage-taker has to say (Vecchi et al., 2005). The
same goes for workplace conflicts – active listening is the key skill that people overlook all-toooften. Through proper listening skills, we can actually hear what caused the conflict in the first
place. Heated arguments get us nowhere – it’s only through active listening that we can talk
through the misunderstandings and come to a beneficial understanding.
Strong listening skills are the ultimate driver of resolving all types of conflicts – before OR after
the conflict happens. So how can you develop those skills on your team?
How to Improve Listening Skills
Listening skills, like all leadership skills, can be developed with practice. The process starts with
breaking down the complex skill (actively listening) into micro-behaviors that make up the skill.
In this case, actively listening involves these micro-behaviors (McMahon, 2008):

By attending to others as they speak (maintaining eye contact and mirroring their body
language and tone) and listening until the end of the sentence, you encourage them to speak
openly and to share more.

When you paraphrase (repeat back a brief summary of what they said), you ensure that your
understanding is correct and convey that you hear the essence of what the other party is
saying.

Finally, by asking questions and reflecting others’ emotions, you’re showing empathy and
keeping the conversation going.
Through these micro-behaviors, you can actively listen to whatever misunderstanding led to the
conflict and then work together to resolve the conflict once and for all.
According to the leader habit formula, practicing these micro-behaviors for only 5 minutes per day
can easily change them into habits in about 66 days (Lally et al., 2010). But, make sure that you
pick a good cue to pair with each micro-behavior – good cues are naturally embedded reminders.
When you’ve practiced each micro-behavior long enough, you’ll know you turned it into a habit
when you are actively listening without even trying! Here’s some examples of these 5-minute
exercises to improve your active listening skills:

After someone expresses disagreement with something, ask at least one open-ended question
to understand the other person’s perspective or to facilitate reflection. Examples: What is your
position on this? What else matters to you here? What are your concerns? Tell me more about
…

After someone explains an idea or their experience, restate what the person said in your own
words. Using these phrases: What I hear you say is … . These seem to be the key points you
have mentioned … . Let me make sure I understand, what you are telling me is …
References

De Dreu, C. K. W. (2010). Social conflict: The emergence and consequences of struggle and
negotiation. In S. T. Fiske, D. Gilbert, & H. Lindsey (Eds.), Handbook of Social Psychology,
5th Edition. (Vol. 2, pp. 983–1023). New York, NY: Wiley.

De Dreu, C. K. W. (2011). Conflict at work: Basic principles and applied issues. In S. Zedeck
(Ed.), APA Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology, Vol. 3: Maintaining,
Expanding, and Contracting the Organization (pp. 461-493). Washington, DC: American
Psychological Association.

Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed:
Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40, 9981009.

McMahon, G. (2008). Coaching skills for managers. In A. Kinder, R. Hughes, & C. L. Cooper
(Eds.), Employee Well-Being Support: A Workplace Resource (pp. 69-78). Chichester, West
Sussex: Wiley.

Lencioni, P. (2002). The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. Wiley Imprint: San
Francisco, CA.

Noesner, G. (2010). Stalling for time: My life as an FBI hostage negotiator. New York, NY:
Random House.

Shaw, K. (2016). I was a crisis negotiator for 23 years. Here’s what it’s like to talk down an
armed hostage taker. The Trace. Retrieved from: https://www.thetrace.org/2016/08/crisisnegotiator-armed-hostage-taker/

Vecchi, G. M., Van Hasselt, V. B., & Romano, S. J. (2005). Crisis (hostage) negotiation:
Current strategies and issues in high-risk conflict resolution. Aggression and Violent
Behavior, 10, 533-551.