RAISING CONFLICT PRODUCTIVELY
Federation of Medical
Women of Canada Annual
General Meeting
Rose Goldstein
Calgary, Alberta
June 2008
Objectives
1. To be able to use a strategic
framework to analyze conflicts;
2. To identify several
communication skills and
conflict resolution techniques
that can be used to prevent,
reduce and resolve conflicts.
Workshop Objectives
Participants will be
introduced to:
• A strategic framework to
transform conflict into a
forward moving force
The Two Faces of Conflict
• A destructive force
• Physically and emotionally
damaging
• Wastes resources, time and
money
• Distracts from what we really
want to accomplish
The Two Faces of Conflict
• Creates opportunity for personal
growth and change
• Exposes real problems
• Stimulates improvements
• Galvanizes problem solving
• Increases community
A Simple Strategy
• Goal: Become Less
Reactive and More
Systematic
• Method: Apply a Simple
Framework &
Communication Skills
Strategic Framework
4 TOOLS
1. Conflict Analysis
What are the sources of this conflict ?
2. Identify Interest
What interests underlie the positions or
demands?
Strategic Framework
4 TOOLS
3. Consider Culture
Is culture impacting on this
situation ?
4. Communication skills
Using skills to turn a “positional
debate” into productive joint
problem solving
A CONFLICT SITUATION FROM
YOUR WORK ENVIRONMENT
• Jot down some notes on a
conflict you have been part
of or observed
• Identify a question you were
left with
• Describe the situation to
your partner
The New Meeting Policy
Look for:
• Communication skills
• Positions or demands
• Concerns and needs underlying
demands
• Sources of tension
POSITIONS
• Students have no vote;
Advocacy issues are
priority
• We have to have buy-in;
we have multiple issues to
consider
INTERESTS – Regional
Director
• Assisting the organization to achieve its
mission
• Respecting and influencing new National
policies
• Meeting needs of the organization and
membership
• Good relationship with National office
• Having input
• Respect for her own leadership skills
• Managing change efficiently
INTERESTS – Branch
President
• Maintaining membership and involvement of
members
• Getting input from members and having input
into the organization
• Advancing on multiple issues
• Meeting educational and social objectives of
members
• Acknowledgement of educational initiatives to
date
• Respect for her own leadership skills
SKILLS
• Not reacting. Breaking the
negative pattern
• Ignoring the personal attack
(Don’t get mad, get what you
want)
• Gathering Data
• Letting them know you are
listening to understand
SKILLS
• Empathy
• Paraphrase
• Acknowledge the problem and
the other person’s point of view
• Creating the right environment
REFRAMING
Reframe away from the
position to the problem
Position: Students have no
vote
Reframe: Plan for student
input while prioritizing
advocacy issues
Sources of Conflict
• Negative repetitive behaviour
• Poor communication skills
• Hierarchical decision making
• Lack of data and interpretation of data
• Imposed decision and structural constraints
• Assuming decisions are final and input is
futile
Communication Basics
• Active Listening
• Restating
• Reflecting
• Paraphrasing
• Summarizing
• Reframing
•Positions
•Interests
INTERESTS
• Change or shifts people from
their positions
• Broaden the range of solutions
CONFLICT PRESENTS AS
POSITIONS
Compromise
X
X
UNCOVERING INTERESTS
• Interests - concerns, wants, needs,
hopes and fears
• Uncovering the interests underlying
the positions creates more ground for
solutions.
• A mix of substantive, procedural and
psychological interests
SUBSTANTIVE
Interests
• Substantive:
– Material concerns such as money, property,
resources, time
• Procedural:
– How things are done;
– How decisions are made;
– How disputes are resolved
• Psychological:
– Psychological aspects can include emotional needs,
respect, trust, fairness, acknowledgement
X
UNCOVERING INTERESTS
• Interests
– common
- non-competing
• Enlarge problem-solving potential
• Enables multiple options for
resolution
• Identify all the stakeholders
Next Steps
• Topics that need to be
discussed
• Problems that need to be
resolved
• Create agendas
Examples: Substantive
• Position: Starting next week we are closing
the clinic on Fridays unless we are allowed to
recruit new faculty to handle the increased
demand for service.
• Interests: A manageable workload to assure
quality services, prevent faculty burn-out and
promote good staff morale.
• Issues:
– Extent of increased demand for service
– Workloads
– Faculty wellness needs
Examples: Procedural
• Position: You must rescind the decision on
the allocation of research funds because I
was not consulted!
• Interest: My department needs sufficient
funding. I want a budget allocation process
that maximizes departmental input.
• Issues:
– Impact of the current allocation
– Shortcomings in the recent process
– Improving the process for future allocations
Examples: Psychological
• Position: I want Dr. Jones removed as my
thesis supervisor. She ridiculed my thesis
statement.
• Interest: Respect for my work. Constructive
feedback and fair evaluation of my efforts.
• Issues:
– Supervision and evaluation expectations
– Constructive feedback
– Effective and respectful communication
Positions and Interests
Example:
• 2nd Person: I am working on an urgent project and
need the reference. You weren’t around and I
couldn’t wait for you to come back. Office space is
not private property.
Possible interests:
• Efficiency
• Doing good work
• Not wasting time
• Using the resource
Positions and Interests
Example:
• 1st person: I spent 20 minutes looking for that
reference book, how dare you take it from my shelf.
I ordered that book. My office is off-limits to you.
Possible interests:
• Privacy
• Not wasting time
• Using the resource
• Doing good work
• Recognition of initiative in acquiring the resource
Positions and Interests
• Shared Interests
• Not wasting time
• Using the resource
• Doing good work
• Competing interests
• Privacy
• Efficiency
• Control
• Interests that are neither shared nor compete
• Recognition of role in acquiring the resource
Positions and Interests
• Be clear on your own interests
• Understand the other person’s interests
• Prioritize interests
• Use interests to reframe positions into
problems that can be worked on
– We are looking for a solution that meets X for
you and Y for me
Positions and Interests
We both need to use this reference book
to get our work done well, and we both
need to be efficient with our time. I really
appreciate that you got this book for our
department, it is really useful. How can we
arrange things so that your privacy is
ensured and I can still use the book when
required for the project?
Adapted from C.
Moore, 1996
Identifying Sources of Conflict is
Useful for:
• Targeting systemic or root problems
• Finding ways to immediately de-escalate
tensions
• Identifying problem solving approaches
• Developing long range plans to prevent
future problems
• Choosing different dispute resolution
approaches
Relationship
• Poor communication
• Misperceptions
• Stereotypes
• Strong emotions
• Negative, repetitive behavior
• Cultural miscues
Relationship
“Whenever I bring up the topic of my workload, the
attending physician rolls her eyes”
Immediate de-escalation:
Communication:
Clarify perceptions
Improve listening
Use active listening so the resident feels heard
Long-term strategies:
Set ground rules for how and when complaints are made
Restructure assignments
Raise awareness of non-verbal communication
Relationship Problems
• Cultural miscues
“She has no right to expect we will take
her point of view into account if she is
not prepared to raise it at the meeting.”
Does the decision-making process
optimize input from people with different
culturally influenced behaviors?
DATA
• Information lacking
• Misinformation
• Disagreement on relevance or
interpretation
• Different data collecting and
assessing processes
DATA
“My chair is pushing me to submit a
$500,000 budget for this project ,
but Joe’s wife sits on the
committee. She says that they are
not approving budgets over
$250,000. I can’t submit an
unrealistic proposal. The project
must be scaled down.”
Strategies – data problems
Immediate de-escalation:
Fill data gaps/clarify strategy
Find mutually acceptable sources and
assessment processes
Consider alternative data sources
Long-term:
Agree on common criteria
Engage 3rd party experts
Structural Conflicts
• Formal and informal structures,
patterns and operating constraints
• Relating to: decision making, time,
hierarchy, communication channels,
resources
• Often externally imposed
• Often systemic and longstanding
Strategies – Structural problems
“I had no part in the decision to accept more medical
students, now I have to miraculously find more PBL tutors.”
Immediate de-escalation:
Questions to uncover needs and impact, timelines,
resources
Reframe as a joint problem to work on together
Long-term strategies:
Reorganize PBL tutor recruitment strategy
Establish working group re: PBL and new
increased numbers of students
Improve decision-making strategy
Values Conflicts
• Values contribute to our sense of selfmeaning and can impact our assumptions
of:
– Moral behaviour
– Priorities
– Fairness and Justice
– How conflicts should be resolved
Value Conflicts
• Arise when people insist on one set
of values to the exclusion of others
• Divergent views are not allowed to
be expressed
• Decisions are unconsciously based
on ideology or culture
Value Conflicts
• Chair :“If you want to be successful in
academic medicine you have to put in
long hours at the hospital like the rest of
us.”
• Faculty member: “Just because I value
my family life and try and leave the clinic
by 6:00 p.m. doesn't mean I'm not
pulling my weight.”
Strategies – values conflict
Immediate de-escalation:
Mutual education
Use communication skills to surface the values and
perspectives
Long-term strategies:
Agree to disagree and look for other objective standards
Translate values into interests
Focus on a larger common goal
Reframe the problem from a conflict over dedication
(personal) to a joint problem (patient care]
Create spheres of influence
RAISING CONFLICT
PRODUCTIVELY
Strategies that:
Improve Communication
Meet Interests
Prevent Cultural Miscues
Deal with personal attacks, offensive tactics
and tricks
RAISING CONFLICT
PRODUCTIVELY
Improving Communication
•
•
•
•
Timing
Environment
Attitude
Communication skills
RAISING CONFLICT
PRODUCTIVELY
Improving Communication Timing
and Environment
• Is this the right time ?
• People can’t hear when emotions
are high
• Avoid distractions, noise, public
places
• Don’t make important decisions
on the spot
Improving Communication Timing and
Environment
Is this the right time and place?
Time: Friday at 5:15
Place: Building Vestibule
Dr. Harsh: “You’ve failed the
practical exam. I want you in my
office Monday at 8 AM sharp to
discuss your poor performance
and to schedule a retake.”
Improving Communication Timing and
Environment
People can’t hear when emotions are
too high
Her cheeks turned red, she stared blankly
into space, trying not to look me in the
eye.
Response:
You’ve got a lot on your mind. Shall we
postpone this discussion. When would be
best for you?
Improving Communication Timing and
Environment
Avoid distractions, noise, public places
“They cornered me and demanded a
response right there in the hall. Everyone
could hear us. How did they expect I
would react?”
“ She started peppering me with questions
in the middle of a busy cafeteria. I couldn’t
hear her, I don’t know what I agreed to. I
just kept nodding until she left”
Improving Communication Timing and
Environment
Don’t make important decisions on the
spot
Strategies to buy time:
Name it: “This is an important decision for me, I need some
time
Input: “I’d like to run this by …., is there anyone you think
should be consulted?”
15 minutes: “Can we take a 15 minute break while I collect
my thoughts?”
Summarize: “Let’s take 10 minutes and summarize how far
we’ve gotten and what else we might need to do”
RAISING CONFLICT
PRODUCTIVELY
Improving Communication Attitude and
Skills
• Avoid communication traps
• Listen to understand
• Don’t react or defend –clarify
and explore
Communication Skills
• Active listening
• Restating
• Reflecting
• Paraphrasing
• Summarizing
• Reframing
Improving Communication
Attitude and Skills
Attitude Basics
• Genuine interest in other people’s
concerns
• Assume other viewpoints are
possible
• Flexibility
• Resilience. A willingness to learn
and correct
Improving Communication Attitude
and Skills
Avoid communication traps
Avoid Trigger Words
BUT, WHY, SHOULD,
NEVER, ALWAYs
Change To:
YES, AND, WHAT, HOW,
SOMETIMES
Improving Communication Attitude
and Skills
Avoid communication traps
Focus on behaviour not the person
“This office is a disgrace. You are a
disorganized, sloppy person, and I can’t
work with you!”
Change to:
“When materials are left out and files aren’t
put away I can’t concentrate and work
effectively. What needs to change so that
we can share this office?”
Improving Communication Attitude
and Skills
Avoid communication traps
Use “I” messages
“Your failure to attend to your duties is
irresponsible.”
Change to:
“When you didn’t respond to the
page, I found myself in a tight spot…”
Improving Communication Attitude and Skills
Listen to Understand
Find the intended meaning. Don’t focus on the
literal words.
Research Fellow :
“That’s the third time the experiment has not
produced results. This project is dead and I want
out.”
Principal Investigator:
” Right now your frustration is overwhelming and
you don’t see much point to continuing. Unless we
can find a way to get this project back on track, you
may need a break. What ideas do you have? “
Improving Communication Attitude and
Skills
Listen to Understand
How was your message received?
“I’m sorry, when I capitalized the last
sentence in the e-mail I sent, I was trying to
draw attention to a key point, It didn’t occur
to me that using capitals meant shouting.”
Improving Communication Attitude
and Skills
Listen to Understand
Don’t react or defend- clarify and explore
Research director
“Merging the three research campuses will
destroy the fund raising base. You can’t do
this. “
CEO
“You’re being irrational. This is actually
very simple. Here is how it will work….”
Listen to Understand
Don’t react or defend- clarify and explore
“You’re
being irrational. This is actually very simple.
Here is how it will work….”
Using logical arguments to negate feelings
Offering solutions without clarifying concerns
Offering solutions without input
Change To:
Acknowledge their concerns and feelings
Ask questions
Summarize their points
Highlight common points of view
Define the problem more fully
Ask for help in finding the right approach
Using Interests Effectively
Combine
Genuine Curiosity:
A genuine interest in understanding the
other person’s needs and perspective
without necessarily agreeing
With
Assertiveness:
Advancing your own needs and
interests
Using Interests Effectively: Genuine
Curiosity
TAKE AN INTEREST IN THEIR PROBLEM
“OK, for you an important constraint is
changes in the project funding formula
that come up from time to time.
I wasn’t aware of that.
How does that work exactly?”
Using Interests Effectively: Genuine
Curiosity
Assume other viewpoints are possible
Strategy: Role reversal
“If I were a third year research fellow and the
project I was working on kept changing, how
would I see my options.”
Using Interests Effectively: Assertiveness
BE REAL, DON’T APPEASE
Be clear about your real concerns
Say what you mean, not what you think
will be acceptable
Prioritize your needs
Make sure your needs are meet
TURNING THINGS AROUND: Attitudes
and Techniques
Be prepared to unilaterally change your
behaviour to work through difficult
situations and impasses.
Agree when you can.
Acknowledge agreement: Don’t take
points of agreement for granted.
QUESTIONS TO ASK
YOURSELF
What am I doing to perpetuate
this argument?
She is repeating herself again,
does she think I haven’t
understood her points?
QUESTIONS TO ASK
YOURSELF
Am I trying to persuade him that
his concerns are irrational?
Have I acknowledged her
concerns?
TURNING THINGS AROUND: Attitudes
and Techniques
Project Optimism :
Differences can be bridged.
State the differences
State your intention to keep working on the problem
“We have different priorities.
You are mostly concerned with how this will affect
decision making in the long run and I am more
concerned with how this will impact on current
workload.
I still think we can solve this problem.
Let’s keep at it.”
Strategies to deal with personal attacks,
offensive tactics, bullying and tricks
Don’t get mad, get what you want!
Name it explicitly:
“Look, that is a threat, and I don’t
respond to threats. I’m here to talk, shall
we go back to the issue?”
Personal attacks, offensive tactics,
bullying and tricks
Name it internally:
“That was intended to undermine
my confidence, but I don’t need to
respond”
Personal attacks, offensive tactics,
bullying and tricks
Personal Attacks
NAME IT:
Calling me irresponsible shifts the
blame to me
REFOCUS:
I’d like to return to the issue which as I
understand it is…
Personal attacks, offensive tactics,
bullying and tricks
Insist on using objective criteria
Insist on meeting interests for
both sides
Develop an alternative plan that
satisfies your needs without
them
The Web-based Modules
THANK YOU
QUESTIONS?
COMMENTS?