Family Mediation:
For The Sake of The Children
March 4, 2014
including the mediator, decides that the
process is not working for them, the
mediation process stops. The mediator does
not offer solutions and does not evaluate
agreements.
When couples who are separating have
children, they need to arrive at arrangements
regarding the custody, access, and support of
the children involved. Separating spouses
sometimes head down the path of finding
fault, laying blame, and competing for
support from family and friends. -This is
the time when a mediator can be very
helpful.
The goal of mediating a parenting plan is for
the couple to reach an agreement that each
thinks is fair and in the best interest of their
family. We know the damage that the
adversarial approach wreaks among those
involved. In the adversarial approach the
children are usually caught in the crossfire
of their parents’ marital battles becoming the
chief casualties of the divorce. The children
are often forced into a conflict of loyalties,
which ends up having detrimental effects on
their developing personalities. The parents
can become so embroiled in the continuing
struggle that they may find it difficult to
move forward in their lives.
Mediation is a voluntary, cooperative,
negotiation process.
Mediation uses
collaborative, interest-based techniques
where the parties involved, with the
assistance of the mediator, work together
towards a mutually satisfying solution of the
issues involved.
Initially, the parties meet individually with
the mediator to determine if they are willing
participants and if the issues to be resolved
are appropriate for the mediation process. If
both parties are committed to settling the
issue(s) and they are willing to disclose all
relevant information, in the confidence that
what is discussed in mediation is completely
confidential, mediation is appropriate.
Some of the benefits of a mediated parenting
plan include: better outcomes for children,
reduced stress for everyone, saved time and
money, protection of privacy, and flexibility.
Research shows that through a nonconfrontational process like mediation,
couples reach a suitable agreement with
reduced conflict. The process helps improve
the communication between the parents,
improves the communication within the
Once mediation starts, it continues for as
long as the parties involved are willing to
negotiate and it terminates once an
agreement is reached. If one of the parties,
Page 1
356 Queen Street, Fredericton NB E3B 1B2
Tel: 506-458-8211; Fax: 506-451-9437
www.familyenrichment.ca
[email protected]
family, and the couple’s future relationship
has a more amiable tone.
Howard H. Irving, professor, family
mediator, and author says that “if the
adversary system takes a bad situation and
makes it worse, mediation can take the same
situation and make it ‘less bad’ – and often
even better.”
Separation and divorce is very stressful.
When a couple can retain control over the
process, and have all their needs taken into
consideration, the result is less stress for the
couple and the family. Children appreciate
their parents working together rather than
against each other.
Family mediation treats the children
involved not as assets to be divided but as
innocent by-standers who need to be
protected from the fallout of the marital
breakup. The focus of family mediation is
‘what’s best for the children.’
Mediation can typically resolve key issues
within a few weeks rather than having a
long, drawn out court battle. Similarly, the
cost of mediating a parenting plan is
significantly less than one hammered out
through the courts. And a parenting plan
can be mediated in a private, comfortable,
confidential setting.
The mediation process affords the parties the
opportunity to customize a settlement based
on their individual needs. There is room for
“thinking outside the box” to achieve the
important goals of each party.
When parents participate in creating their
agreement, they are more likely to follow
the arrangements and get along better. And
a mediated agreement normally includes a
provision for mediation of disputes that may
arise in the future.
Although through mediation a couple may
explore the possibility of staying together,
mediation is not marriage counselling.
Page 2
356 Queen Street, Fredericton NB E3B 1B2
Tel: 506-458-8211; Fax: 506-451-9437
www.familyenrichment.ca
[email protected]