Chapter 7
Affiliation and Friendship
Chapter Outline
What is A Friend?
Goals of Affiliative Behavior
Getting Social Support
Getting Information
Gaining Status
Exchanging Material Benefits
What is a Friend?
Affiliation motive - the desire to be
near others and to have pleasant and
affectionate interactions with them.
This chapter focuses on the “platonic”
aspects of friendship and affiliation.
What is a Friend?
Studying Real-Life Relationships
People tend to be inaccurate in their
recall of social interactions.
57 scientists asked to remember recent email communication partners forgot
2/3 of them.
Naturalistic observation of friendships
poses problems, because people might
adjust their behavior if they know they
are being observed.
Focus on Method:
Studying Intimate Relationships
without Really Being There
Experience sampling skips the observer.
The experience sampling method involves
participants recording their own
interactions.
Example: When a portable beeper sounds,
you fill out a short description detailing
who you are with, and what is going on.
What is a Friend?
Agreeableness and Dominance
People’s thoughts about themselves
and other people can be well
described along two dimensions:
• Agreeableness - How likable or
warm is this person?
• Dominance - How outgoing and selfconfident is this person?
Agreeableness and Dominance
The interpersonal circumplex
Assured-Dominant
Arrogant-Calculating
Cold-Hearted
Aloof-Introverted
Gregarious-Extraverted
Warm-Agreeable
Unassuming-Ingenuous
Unassured-Submissive
Agreeableness and Dominance
A circumplex of
interpersonal problems
Domineering
Vindictive
Intrusive
Cold
Overly Nurturant
Socially Avoidant
Exploitable
Nonassertive
Domineering – do not deal well with criticism; do not respond
well to authority
Vindictive – suspicious of others; not supportive of others;
willing to harm others
Cold – not close to others; not affectionate
Socially avoidant – easily embarrassed; socially withdrawn and
awkward
Nonassertive – not open with feelings, needs; not self-confident
Exploitable – gullible; easily taken advantage of
Overly nurturant – don’t set limits on others; too generous and
giving
Intrusive – too open about self and others; gossipy
What is a Friend?
Goals of Affiliative Behavior
The reinforcement-affect model posits a
domain-general goal of feeling good.
Reinforcement-affect model - the theory
that we like people we associate with
positive feelings and dislike those we
associate with negative feelings.
What is a Friend?
Goals of Affiliative Behavior
Domain-specific models assume different
relationships have different goals at
different times.
Chapter examines four main goals for
affiliating and forming friendships:
• getting social support
• getting information
• gaining status
• exchanging material benefits.
GETTING SOCIAL SUPPORT
Social support the emotional, informational, or
material assistance provided by
other people in one’s social
network. (Perception or actual)
We often turn to others for
support when we are under
stress.
Why Do We Need It?
 Security: Both Physical and Emotional
 Social Reality
 Social Regulation
 Social Utility
Focus on Application: Health
Psychology and Social Support
Health psychology the study of behavioral and
psychological factors that affect
illness.
There are a number of positive
health benefits that come with
having social (either human or
canine) support.
Focus on Application: Health
Psychology and Social Support
Effects of High Social Support –
 Perceived and actual high SS have lower
mortality rates
 Have less incidence of CHD
 Faster recovery from chronic illness
 High and low SS in marriage moderates
the effect of other SS
Intro To Schachter’s Work on
Anxiety (Fear) and Affiliation
Does Anxiety Lead to Affiliation?
Induce High or Low Anxiety via Supposed Shock
Levels
People then fill out a scale of affiliation
Very much prefer to be alone
prefer to be alone
don’t care
prefer being together with others
very much prefer being together with others.
Intro To Schachter’s Work on
Anxiety (Fear) and Affiliation
High Anxiety People Strongly Prefer to be With Others
So It does lead to affiliation, but with whom?
Same Study, but varies whether people who they can wait
with are in the same situation (will be shocked), or are just
others in general (not waiting for the study)
In the condition where they could wait with others who
would be shocked, the majority choose this option. If they
could wait with general others, none choose this option.
So the desire appears to be motivated by similarity of
circumstances
Intro To Schachter’s Work on
Anxiety (Fear) and Affiliation
Why Does Anxiety Lead to Affiliation with Similar
Others?
1. Escape
2. Cognitive clarity
Ruled out by no
talking studies
3. Direct anxiety reduction
4. Indirect anxiety reduction
5. Self-evaluation
Ruled out by dissimilar
others study
Summary of Anxiety and
Affiliation
Affiliation with whom:
People desire to be with similar others, others in
similar circumstances
Why?
Direct anxiety reduction
Social Evaluation
Schachter’s Other Work Birth Order and Fear (Anxiety)
Stanley Schachter (1959) informed students
they would be receiving electric shocks
that, though “quite painful,” would do no
“permanent damage”:
“These shocks will hurt. They will be painful.
As you can guess, if, in research of this sort,
we’re to learn anything at all that will really
help humanity, it is necessary that our shocks
be intense.” (High Fear)
Getting Social Support
Birth Order and Fear
Other students (Low Fear) were told
they would receive mild and
painless electrical stimulations, that
will “resemble more a tickle or a
tingle than anything unpleasant.”
Students were then given the
opportunity to wait alone or with
others.
Getting Social Support
Birth Order and Fear
The researchers compared how first-born
(and only children) reacted to fear, as
compared to later-born children.
Schachter hypothesized that first-borns,
whose parents had been more likely to
soothe their every concern, would be
more likely to want to affiliate with
others when they were threatened.
Getting Social Support
esearch
100
Percentage
Wanting to
Wait With
Others
75
50
25
0
Low Fear
High Fear
Later-born participants’ decisions to wait
alone or with others were not influenced
by fear.
Getting Social Support
esearch
100
Percentage
Wanting to
Wait With
Others
75
50
25
0
Low Fear
High Fear
First-born participants, however, were
substantially more likely to want to wait with
others when they were afraid.
Getting Social Support
Birth Order and Fear
Conclusion: Firstborn and only
children tend to seek social
support in anticipation of a
stressful event, while later-borns
are less likely to seek social
support.
Getting Social Support
Threats: Why Misery (Sometimes)
Loves Company
Impersonal dangers and social
isolation both increase our
motivation for social support.
The potential for embarrassment
decreases that motivation.
Getting Social Support
Interactions: Pushing Support
Away
Some people actively reject social
support.
We do not always perceive social
social support as a good thing,
especially when we cannot
reciprocate.
Focus on Social Dysfunction:
The Self-Perpetuating Cycle of
Loneliness and Depression
Loneliness
Discomfort
around others
Others begin to
avoid person
Avoiding Others
Negative
Interpersonal
Behaviors
Self-Defeating
Thoughts
Depression
Focus on Social Dysfunction:
The Self-Perpetuating Cycle of
Loneliness and Depression
Depressed individuals tend to
focus on negative aspects of their
lives, which can alienate others.
Lonely people often cope with
isolation in counterproductive
ways.
Attachment and Social
Development
People whose parents provided a secure
relationship are better suited to handle
stresses later on in life.
This may be because they are better
equipped to get support.
Attachment and Social
Development
Adolescents and college students
increasingly turn from parents to peers
for support.
Even in college, people who have
reassuring relationships with parents
have less negative moods and get good
grades.
GETTING INFORMATION
Other people can provide a wealth of
facts helpful for solving problems in
the physical world (Example: How
to build a fire)
When it comes to social realities (do
others perceive you as friendly?) other people’s opinions are more or
less all that matters.
Getting Information
Social Comparison and
Liking for Similar Others
Our motivation to obtain information
from others is partly driven by a desire
for accurate information.
But part of the attraction of getting
information from similar others is the
positivity bias.
Information that others agree with us
makes us feel good.
Getting Information
Self-Disclosers and Non-Disclosers
A key aspect of being a friend is selfdisclosure.
Self-disclosure - the sharing of
intimate information about oneself.
• People who disclose more about
themselves are more likable.
• Women are generally more disclosing
than men.
Getting Information
Uncertainty and
Similarity of Others
Uncertainty increases the desire to
make social comparisons.
When we’re afraid, part of why we
desire the company of others is to
compare our own reactions with
theirs.
Getting Information
Uncertainty and
Similarity of Others
Many studies support the theory that
when we’re uncertain, we prefer
information from similar others.
But if the issue is highly important to
us (not ambiguous and is selfrelevant), we prefer affiliating with
others who can give us accurate
information, whether they are
similar or not.
Getting Information
When Dissimilarity Can Save
Self-Esteem
We tend to be uncomfortable when
someone excels on a characteristic
we see as central to our self-esteem,
especially when that person is a close
friend.
GAINING STATUS
Humans, like chimpanzees,
often form alliances to
improve their position in the
social dominance hierarchy.
Gaining Status
Sex Differences in Friendships
Men’s relationships are marked more by
hierarchy and instrumentality
(components of status-seeking)
Women’s more by an emphasis on
emotional support and intimacy.
Consequently, men get more respect in
their relationships, but women get more
affection.
Gaining Status
Status by Association
The desire to form friendships with
high status individuals is especially
strong in status-oriented cultures
(example: Japan > United States)
People often try to break social
connections that could reflect poorly
on them (example: dishonest, hostile,
or stigmatized others).
Gaining Status
Cutting Off Reflected Failure
Students in one experiment were assigned
to the “Blue Team,” to work together on
intellectual problems.
They were later told that their team
scored either:
• Above 90 percent of people their age
• Below 70 percent of people their age
• Controls were given no information
Snyder, Lassegard, & Ford (1986)
esearch
Gaining Status
100
80
Percent
Taking a
“Blue
Team”
Badge
60
40
20
Failure
No
Information
Success
Students whose team had performed
well “basked in reflecting glory,”
proudly displaying their team
affiliation.
Snyder, Lassegard, & Ford (1986)
esearch
Gaining Status
100
80
Percent
Taking a
“Blue
Team”
Badge
60
40
20
Failure
No
Information
Success
Students whose team had performed
poorly “cut off reflected failure” by
avoiding wearing the badges.
Snyder, Lassegard, & Ford (1986)
Gaining Status
Seeking Status May Erode Social
Support
Pursuing status motives in our
relationships may reduce social
support.
• Men may create social worlds that are
status-oriented but not as socially
supportive as the worlds created by
women.
EXCHANGING MATERIAL
BENEFITS
Because of the importance of
sharing resources, all societies
have strong rules about sharing.
(Example: Ache hunters in
Paraguay have random runs of
luck, and would not survive if
they did not share with one
another)
Exchanging Material Benefits
Fundamental Patterns of Social
Exchange
Social exchange The trading of benefits within relationships.
Equity State of affairs in which one person’s benefits
and costs from relationship are proportional
to benefits and costs incurred by partner.
Equity is not the only form of social exchange
for all relationships:
Models of Social
Exchange
Communal
Sharing
Authority
Ranking
Equality
Matching
Market
Pricing
Exchange Rules
Example
Models of Social
Exchange
Communal
Sharing
Authority
Ranking
Equality
Matching
Market
Pricing
Exchange Rules
All group members share
in the group’s resources
as needed and depend on
one another for mutual
care.
Example
Tight-knit
family
Models of Social
Exchange
Exchange Rules
Communal
Sharing
Authority
Ranking
Equality
Matching
Market
Pricing
Example
Tight-knit
family
Higher-ranking
individuals are entitled to
loyalty, respect, and
deference; lower-ranking
individuals are entitled to
protection, advice, and
leadership.
Military
squad
Models of Social
Exchange
Exchange Rules
Example
Communal
Sharing
Tight-knit
family
Authority
Ranking
Military
squad
Equality
Matching
Market
Pricing
No one gets more than
others; people take turns,
share equally, and
reciprocate benefits.
Children
playing a
game
Models of Social
Exchange
Exchange Rules
Example
Communal
Sharing
Tight-knit
family
Authority
Ranking
Military
squad
Equality
Matching
Children
playing a
game
Market
Pricing
Individuals trade
according to rational
rules of self-interest,
taking goods and services
in proportion to what
they put in, and seeking
the best possible “deal.”
Customer &
Shopkeeper
Exchanging Material Benefits
Individual Differences in
Communal Orientation
People who have a communal
orientation are less concerned with
keeping careful track of inputs and
outputs in their relationships with
others.
Exchanging Material Benefits
Communal and Exchange
Relationships
People are more likely to adopt a needsbased rule in communal relationships.
(Example: If you are taken sick, your
spouse will excuse you from your
share of the housework, but your
credit-card banker won’t care)
Exchanging Material Benefits
Proximity
Proximity-attraction principle The tendency to become friends with
those who live or work nearby.
May be due partly to the ease of exchange
with neighbors, and partly to:
Mere exposure effect The tendency to feel positively towards
stimuli we have seen frequently.