Strategies for Partnering with Parents of Children with Special Needs
Script
Introduction
Welcome to “Strategies for Partnering with Parents of Children with Special Needs.” This
2-hour course is part of a series of online trainings designed to help you, as child care providers
and directors, to gain a better understanding of how to create an inclusive child care environment
for infants and toddlers. “Parents are a child’s first, and most important, teachers” is a phrase that
you have likely heard. Parents know their children better than anyone else. Because of this, the
relationship you have with parents of children in your care is as important as the relationship you
have with the children themselves. Building partnerships with parents takes hard work, and it has
many rewards. The purpose of this course is to explore various aspects of building partnerships
between early childhood professionals and parents of children with special needs. During the
course, we will address the challenges that may occur when parents have a child with special
needs, discuss effective communication strategies that can be used to build stronger relationships
with parents, explore a wide variety of ways parents and families can participate in your
program, and identify strategies for gaining support from parents of children in your program
who do not have disabilities.
Learning Objectives
By the time you complete this course, you should be able to:
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Identify common concerns of parents who have children with special needs,
Describe strategies for communicating with parents of children with special needs,
Explain steps you can take to ensure that information concerning a child with special
needs remains confidential,
List ways that you can encourage the involvement of parents with children who have
special needs in your child care program, and
Identify strategies for gaining the support of parents with children in you care who do not
have a disability or other special needs.
Children with Disabilities and Their Families
Before we consider various strategies for partnering with parents to create a high quality
inclusive child care environment, it’s important to understand what we mean when we refer to
“inclusion” during this training. The National Association for the Education of Young Children
(NAEYC) and the Division for Early Childhood of the Council for Exceptional Children (DEC)
created this joint statement regarding the definition of early childhood inclusion:
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“Early childhood inclusion embodies the values, policies, and practices that support the right of
every infant and young child and his or her family, regardless of ability, to participate in a broad
range of activities and contexts as full members of families, communities, and society. The
desired results of inclusive experiences for children with and without disabilities and their
families include a sense of belonging and membership, positive social relationships and
friendships, and development and learning to reach their full potential.”
As noted in this statement, one of the desired results of an inclusive child care environment is a
sense of belonging and membership, not only on the part of the child, but also on the part of his
or her family.
Children have a profound impact on their families. Before a child is born, parents plan and
imagine their own future as well as their child's. If the child is born with a disability, the feelings
of excitement that are normally associated with a new addition to the family may be replaced
with shock, disbelief, anger, denial, and/or guilt. Many families talk about this early period of the
child's life as a blur of intense feelings.
Sometimes, the news that their child has a disability is so painful that parents cope by denying
that anything is wrong. Denial is deeper than saying “my child does not have a disability."
Parents often acknowledge the disability but cannot face that it is "permanent." You may hear
parents talk as if the child will outgrow the disability. Be aware that denial is a strategy that lets
parents confront their fears in smaller doses. It may be easier to focus on the distant future than it
is to confront the various developmental challenges the child is experiencing right now.
You may also come into contact with a parent who "expects the worst" each time the child is
evaluated or goes in for surgery. Some parents cope with disappointment by not letting their
hopes get too high. As a result, their comments about their child may be stated negatively. This
reaction may also be a coping strategy, buffering parents against "more bad news." In many
cases, by the time the child is enrolled in a child care program, the parents have had a chance to
adjust to the initial diagnosis and have acquired many skills needed to care for the child. It is
important to remember that a child with a disability has a long-term impact on the family. Even a
family who appears to be strong and competent, experiences a wide range of emotions that may
be hard to understand unless you have had similar experiences.
Some parents experience feelings of bewilderment shortly after the birth of their child because
the child is identified as having a disability. This can happen, for example, when a newborn is
diagnosed with Down syndrome. Often, however, a child's disability is not recognized until
much later. A learning disability, for example, may not be apparent in the early weeks and
months of a child's life. Some disabilities are the result of injury or illness. Regardless of when
the diagnosis is made, the parents will likely experience intense feelings.
Common Parental Reactions
It is impossible to describe how a family will react to having a child with a disability. However,
there are some common reactions from parents of children with disabilities that you may
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encounter. In the next several minutes, we’re going to discuss seven of these and some basic
steps you can take to foster partnerships with the parents.
First, parents may question their parenting skills. Of course, this happens with most parents,
regardless if they have a child with a special need; however, it is more pronounced with parents
of children with disabilities. The parents may feel insecure or uncertain about their skills and
convey this by asking lots of questions, or expressing their doubts to you or to other families in
your program. When this happens, you need to recognize the questioning of their parenting skills
as a typical concern of parents and to look for ways to reassure them that everyone has doubts on
occasion. You also need to be sensitive to the additional skills that parenting a child with a
disability may require, such as figuring out how to support a child’s language and literacy
development when the child has a learning disability, learning to do motor development
exercises, using special feeding equipment, or monitoring medical problems. The parents of a
child with a disability may actually be telling you that their concerns are above and beyond the
concerns of most families and that they need help as well as reassurance. Parents cannot hear too
often that no one knows their child better than they do.
To help parents who question their parenting skills, you might:
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Suggest a parenting class or seminar that addresses a topic parents have identified as an
interest or concern,
Encourage parents to visit your program and observe other people interacting with their
child,
Encourage parents to share concerns with other professionals who work with their child, or
Encourage parents to contribute books, brochures, or information on parenting groups and
parenting workshops.
Second, enrolling a child in a child care program may trigger intense feelings on the part of
parents. The parent may be thinking about what it would be like to look for a child care program
if the child did not have a disability. They may be acutely aware of the different qualities they
need to look for in selecting a program. They may be remembering their initial reactions to their
child and worrying that your reactions will be the same. Everything they have learned about
caring for their child you will also need to know, and that, in itself, adds pressure to the situation.
One mother told the director of a child care program that, if her child had not had a disability,
she would not have enrolled her in the program. Although initially offended by the remark, the
director learned that the mother had anticipated keeping the child at home with her until
kindergarten. Because of the child's disability, she felt additional opportunities for interactions
with other children were especially important. The remark revealed some of this mother's most
sensitive feelings about her daughter.
In such instances, you can welcome the child and the family into your program in the same way
that you would welcome any other family. You can help the family who is worrying about your
reactions by listening and talking openly and honestly in a way that lets the family know that you
are aware of and willing to learn about the care their child will require. It is okay to express
concerns that you may have, and it is equally important to express your commitment to doing
whatever it takes to try to meet their child's individual needs. This is also an opportunity to
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remind families that meeting each child's individual needs is an important goal for every child
enrolled in your program. Be cautious of treating all parents who have children with disabilities
in an identical fashion. Parents are as individual as the children who are enrolled in your
program.
To help parents deal with their intense feelings during enrollment, you might:
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Acknowledge parents' concerns with statements like, "This seems to be really hard for you”
(if appropriate),
Provide plenty of opportunities for families to share their concerns with you, and
Watch carefully for cues from parents about how much they are ready to hear from you at
each visit.
Third, the day-to-day experiences in an early childhood program may provoke intense
reactions from the parents of a child with a disability. Events that regularly occur in your
program can occasionally be a source of concern for parents, either because they are unsure of
how they or their child may respond or because the experience evokes an emotional response. A
father of a child with a severe disability enrolled his two-year-old daughter in an early childhood
classroom and was surprised to find that dropping her off and picking her up at the end of the
day was especially difficult for him. Even though he had selected the program specifically to
give his child an opportunity to be with children who did not have disabilities, seeing children
who could move around and talk and play more easily than his own daughter was very painful
for this dad.
In situations like this, be sure to create an environment that makes it easier for parents to share
their concerns. You can do this by letting parents know that you (and other staff) are accessible,
that you want to talk with them, and that you value your relationship with them. It is important to
respond to parental concerns calmly and avoid expressing shock or disapproval which may make
it harder for a family to talk with you in the future.
To assist parents in these situations, you can:
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Initiate conversations with families in your program whenever you have the opportunity.
While parents may not feel comfortable interrupting your schedule to bring up their concerns,
they may be relieved to have the opportunity to bring up the issue in the middle of a
conversation you have initiated. You can also…
Make home visits, such as at enrollment or at the beginning of each new year.
Fourth, the parents of a child with a disability may worry that their child will not be
accepted by you, other staff members, other children in your program, or their parents.
You may have your own fears about including this child in your program, so it is important that
you take the time to acknowledge that parents may be having similar worries. It is surprisingly
common for parents or other family members to call a program to inquire about available
openings and never mention that their child has a disability for fear that she will be rejected.
Even if you welcome them with enthusiasm, parents' concerns about acceptance are very real.
For weeks after their nine-month-old was enrolled in a family child care home, the mother and
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father continued to ask if their child had made any friends. In this instance, the concept of
"friends" was hard to understand because infants do not typically express preference for a
particular friend. The child care provider correctly assumed that these parents were asking
whether their child was being accepted by the other children in her program. The provider
continually looked for ways to describe things the baby had done, as well as things the other
children did to include her in routines and activities.
Your job is to make sure that your words and actions convey acceptance. Let the family know
that you are excited about including their child in your program. Do not be afraid to ask
questions to learn more about the child's needs. Be careful to balance concerns with statements
that reassure the family. Your actions will be mirrored by other staff, children, and parents.
Encouraging statements can work wonders with parents and children. Comments that are specific
to their child such as, “She danced at music time today,” let parents know you notice and accept
their child. Remember that the child with a disability is a child first; the family needs to hear this
from you as well as see it in practice.
You might consider:
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Giving specific examples of how the child can participate in group activities, meals, or
outdoor play so that the parents begin to develop a better understanding of what you do.
Or, after the child is enrolled in your program, share examples of how other children are
building a relationship with their child.
Common Parental Reactions (continued)
Fifth, in addition to the stress of being a parent, the parent of a child with a disability also
has to contend with a whole other set of life experiences that contribute stress.
Circumstances that may contribute to the already stressful job of parenting are coordinating
appointments with numerous specialists who may even be in different states and who may offer
conflicting care recommendations; explaining a child's disability to other family members,
neighbors, acquaintances, baby sitters, and others; worrying about medical complications that are
associated with the child's disability; and learning new skills to meet the special needs of their
child.
You can help by developing a relationship with the family that takes into consideration the
additional stress that may come from having a child with a disability. Avoid putting yourself in a
position of trying to protect them from situations that may cause that stress. Your job as an early
childhood educator is an important one, but it does not include becoming a family counselor. It is
also important to realize that every family responds differently. Families facing the same set of
challenges may handle them in different ways because they have different strengths, resources,
and coping strategies. Just as no two children are the same, no two families are the same.
Steps you can take to support the family include:
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Encouraging the family to share their concerns with other professionals and even other
families who have children with disabilities,
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Keeping a current list of community support services,
Creating a family resource center with brochures, copies of articles, and books, and
When the situation a particular family faces is especially stressful, helping the family seek
additional assistance from a professional who is trained to provide the specialized attention
the family requires.
Sixth, when problems arise, parents of children with disabilities may appear to overreact.
Parents want everything possible done to help their child develop. Many parents fear that they
are the only ones who truly are invested in their child's development and interpret day-to-day
occurrences quite seriously. For example, one parent looked at the program bulletin board and
observed that her toddler’s art work was not on display with the other children's drawings. That
night, as she thought about it, she wondered if her child had even participated in the art activity.
What if she was excluded from all art activities because of her disability? By the next morning,
this simple observation had become a major concern. She found herself angry and upset as she
approached her child's teacher. As it turned out, her child had been absent on the day that those
particular pictures were made. Many examples of her daughter's work were on display in other
parts of the program.
You can help by responding quickly and calmly, not defensively, to parental concerns. Parents
often see their role as that of an advocate who makes sure their child has good experiences in
your program. It is important that you are accessible to families and that they are encouraged to
share concerns before they become major roadblocks. You may not be able to solve the problem,
but you can certainly listen to concerns objectively and without becoming defensive. If parents
appear to "overreact," your calm response can help clarify the issues.
Things you can do to help families in this regard include:
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Preventing misunderstandings by establishing regular contact with all of the families,
Making yourself available for visits, telephone calls, or meetings with families, and
Instituting frequent written contact so that you and the family can communicate daily or
weekly through notes back and forth.
Seventh, parents of a child who is not yet diagnosed may have a whole set of anxieties they
are silently dealing with as well. Parents may know in their hearts that something is "not quite
right" with their child, yet be unable or fearful of voicing their concerns. This silent fear may
create situations where parents are sensitive to even trivial comments you might make about their
child, for fear (or hope) that you feel the same uneasiness. One father talks of the first time he
heard his unspoken fears about his son being put into words by the child care provider. "Here she
was, gently suggesting Gordie's speech was delayed; an issue I had tried to ignore hoping it
would just go away. Part of me was so angry at her for making it seem more true, and part of me
was so grateful that I wasn't the only one who saw it."
It is important to watch carefully for subtle signs that the parent might be worried or touchy
about some subject related to the child. Do not assume you know why this may be happening!
Always check out your concerns about a child with the child's parents. The first step in this
process is to establish a good relationship with parents. If you have communicated often with
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parents previously about both successes and challenges, you are more likely to be listened to
when a very serious message needs to be communicated. Remember, both of you are concerned
with the long-term welfare of the child.
Suggestions to help parents in these situations include:
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“Putting yourself in their shoes," and thinking of how you would want a potentially
sensitive message conveyed to you,
Agreeing to gather more information and talk about it again later,
Addressing the issue several times in a variety of ways, and
Suggesting a specific resource or individual parents could contact.
While these suggestions cannot be used as a "recipe" for dealing with the very individual needs
and situations of parents, they do provide useful guidelines for where to start. Respecting parents
as your partners means that you invest effort and energy into making the partnership successful.
As with many types of investments, working respectfully with parents should result in significant
returns to you as an early childhood professional.
Communicating is More Than Talking
You talk with parents about all different kinds of things. Most of these interactions revolve
around enhancing their child's participation in your program. To foster partnerships with parents,
you need to consciously promote open communication. When parents have an infant or toddler
with a disability, effective communication is especially critical. For the next several minutes, we
will examine ideas that can be used to create an environment that nurtures communication with
parents.
When communicating with parents, whether through a note, a parent conference, or an informal
conversation at the end of the day, every interaction should be honest, respectful, timely,
constructive, and reciprocal. Let’s take a brief look at each of these elements.
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Communication with parents should be Honest. Let parents know what you really mean
because you want them to tell you what they really mean. If you do not know how to position
their child so he can easily play with the toys in the water table, be honest enough to say so.
It may seem easier for you to talk around the issue, but a direct approach is more likely to
lead to positive solutions.
Communication with parents should be Respectful. Each interaction helps to build a lasting
relationship with parents. Be especially sensitive about cultural differences. Let families
know that you respect their privacy.
Communication with parents should be Timely. Whether it is good news, a regular update, or
a bad situation getting worse, find a way to communicate information to parents on a regular
basis. Share news promptly. Do not wait to let parents know both the high points (and the
low points) of their child's day.
Communication with parents should be Constructive. Helpful communication clearly
identifies what needs to happen next. Do not leave the family hanging. Offer suggestions and
ask for their feedback on the next step or steps to take. Imagine getting a note from your
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child's teacher that describes a list of problems but does not give you any idea of what to do
next!
Lastly, communication with parents should be Reciprocal. Prepare to learn as much from
parents as they learn from you. Listen as much as you speak. Avoid approaching parents
about a problem with the solution already clearly defined in your mind. Leave room for
parent feedback and suggestions. Make certain that both your actions and words represent
your goal to form a partnership.
Activities that Build Partnerships with Parents
There are hundreds of great ideas for communicating with parents. Let’s take several moments to
examine some simple activities that you can implement to facilitate communication with parents
and, thus, build stronger partnerships with them. The following ideas focus on implications for
children with disabilities, but each strategy facilitates effective communication for all parents in
the program. Remember that communicating with parents is more than just talking and listening,
it often means doing.
Create a Child Care Notebook. A journal or notebook can be used to establish and maintain
ongoing commentary about the child's experiences. Begun at the time of enrollment, this tool is
important to the early childhood professional because it provides a vehicle to relate important
events of the child's day for parents to review and comment on. It might include notes about the
child's delight at finding a new toy, reaction to the day's planned activity, what happened when
the therapist came, or progress related to an emerging skill. The notebook can be used to ask or
answer questions or alert each other to changes in the child. Parents can write about what
happens at home, comment about child care activities, or ask or answer questions about the
information you have shared. Many times these notebooks are used to follow up important
discussions. After a conversation about toilet learning, for example, a teacher might write a note
that summarizes the discussion and attach an article or the name of a book on the subject.
One child care provider kept detailed notes about toilet learning and each evening the parent
would read the notes, make an occasional comment, and record her experiences in the evenings
and on weekends. Months later, both child care provider and parent were amazed at the story
their notes told. In fact, parents have even added these notebooks to the child's baby book, which
includes a record of their child's early learning experiences.
The notebook or journal is best utilized when communicating information that lets the family
know about what happens in your program after they leave and gives parents another way to
describe what happens at home. Used to convey "wish you were here" or "I couldn't wait to tell
you" information, the notebook can quickly become a treasured part of the family's experience in
your program. When sensitive information needs to be conveyed, it is generally a good idea to
speak directly with the parent. The notebook should never be a substitute for personal
communication, but it is an excellent tool that promotes open and frequent communication
between parents and professionals. Keeping a notebook for children who are enrolled in your
program can be a wonderful way for parents of children with disabilities to note their child's
progress and a way for you and parents to share mutual experiences.
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Celebrate Special Events. Many early childhood professionals celebrate some traditions or
major events, such as birthdays or losing a tooth. These celebrations may be parties primarily for
the children, but some providers encourage parents and family members to participate as well.
Joining in fun activities is a great way for parents to become more involved, and it introduces
them to the children in your care and their families. It also provides an easy way to let parents
see the kinds of experiences their child enjoys in your program.
Events can be planned as daytime or evening activities. One program chooses fall harvest for
their family celebration. Parents are invited to join in circle time with harvest songs and menus.
It takes very little planning, and many of the parents appreciate the opportunity to participate in
an activity that is a familiar part of their child's daily routine and learn songs their children sing
in your program.
Parents frequently offer to provide treats or party favors to celebrate their child's birthday. Let
parents know that you are willing to celebrate children's birthdays and offer concrete suggestions
about how parents might participate. Some parents may be especially sensitive about birthday
celebrations for a variety of reasons, such as their child being allergic to typical party food.
When children have their first birthday, for example, many parents think about major milestones
like walking and first words. A parent whose child has a disability and cannot walk or use words
at their first birthday may be particularly sensitive to your comments about this upcoming
occasion. This does not mean you should avoid a celebration, just be prepared to accept sadness
or reluctance as well as excitement and pleasure when you suggest bringing snacks or birthday
hats.
Launch an Out-To-Lunch Program. Parents who have jobs often have difficulty finding time
to become actively involved in the child care experience. In response to this challenge, one
provider started an out-to-lunch program to encourage family members to stop in and have lunch
with the children. This type of activity makes lunch time extra special for the children and allows
you to share your menu and lunchtime routine. Many parents have a lunch hour and can
participate at least once or twice a year.
In another program, an out-to-lunch activity actually began because the child care provider asked
a parent whose child was difficult to feed if she could come in and demonstrate the techniques
she used at home. This lunch hour demonstration was a little hectic but a lot of fun for the child
care provider, the parent, and the children. Weeks later, the provider invited another parent
whose toddler had been recently enrolled in the program and a tradition began. As other parents
and grandparents learned about this out-to-lunch alternative, they began to request invitations!
Activities that Build Partnerships with Parents (continued)
Initiate Discussion Groups. How many times have you brainstormed with parents about
planning a bedtime routine, toilet learning, or guiding behavior? These discussions are an
important part of educating parents and represent one more way that parents indicate their trust
in you and in the program you have created. In one fairly large child care center, the staff
planned a series of discussion groups for parents about several frequently asked questions. These
discussion groups were held one evening a month with one staff member scheduled to facilitate.
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There was no invited guest speaker and no staff person assigned as the resident expert. The
parents learned what worked and what did not from the discussion and from the sharing of each
other's experiences.
Construct a Parent Bulletin Board. Just inside the front door of one classroom was a bulletin
board full of information. Sometimes the staff posted an article they read in an early childhood
journal; other times it featured an announcement about an upcoming community event. The
bulletin board was an attractive display greeting parents as they entered the program.
As frequently happens with bulletin boards, many parents overlooked the information posted.
Instead of giving up, the staff posted pictures of group activities, children's art work, and favorite
quotations from the children along with the items described above. When the bulletin board
displayed what children were doing during the day, it became a wonderful thirty-second
opportunity to communicate with parents. A bulletin board attracts parents when you address
their interests. Sibling issues, announcements for parent support groups or workshops, and fliers
describing community family events are a few examples of information that may interest parents.
Extend an Invitation to Play. Many adults are not accustomed to small chairs, the chatter of
many children, or the "chaos" of a really fun group activity. When a parent stops by to visit or to
pick up his child, you may have to offer an invitation to participate. The invitation can be as
simple as "Come on over" or as direct as "Can you help John put on his paint smock?" By giving
parents a clear idea of how they can join in, you are actually communicating a much bigger
message. "Come join our circle time" really conveys "We're in this together."
Post a Brainstorming List. To elicit input from parents, the director of a child care center put
up a very large blank piece of paper titled "What do you think?" Periodically, underneath this
heading was a question about a dilemma the staff was struggling to solve. A pen was attached
and, over the course of a week or two, parents gave valuable input on the current issue. Using
this method, parent input helped the center staff decide whether or not to use cloth diapers, how
to renovate the playground, and how to involve children in recycling.
Let Parents Know You Can Use Their Help. It is not always easy to ask parents for help. You
want to appear competent and be able to assure parents that you can provide appropriate care for
their child. Remember that a partnership involves mutual support. Because parents have had to
learn many of the same skills you are learning in order to care for their child, they are an
excellent resource for you. A parent whose toddler has significant motor delays, for example,
became frustrated when the child care provider did not use proper techniques to pick up and hold
her son. When the provider finally asked this parent for help in positioning the child, the parent
felt relieved and reassured that this trusted individual was really interested in her child and in
providing the best possible care. This child care provider tells parents when they enroll their
children in her program that she will be requesting regular feedback so they can work together to
help the child have a wonderful experience in her program. From the start, parents know that
they are considered partners. As this child care provider realized, children's parents are almost
always ready and willing to contribute when you let them know you need help.
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Implement Consistent Strategies at Home and in Child Care. Infants and toddlers benefit in
many ways when there are consistent expectations and routines across the settings in which they
live and play. This is particularly important for children with intellectual disabilities that can
make learning a new set of expectations especially challenging. Ask children’s families what
words or signs they use at home to communicate with their child about his needs. How does the
child let them know when he needs to use the restroom, and how do they signal to the child when
they want him to try to go potty? Using the exact same words in child care that a child is used to
hearing at home can help him learn new skills more easily. For children with disabilities, it is
also important that you work with their families to implement any intervention strategies that the
child needs in order to successfully participate in your program. For example, if a child is having
difficulty feeding herself in the child care setting, but doesn’t have trouble with this task at home,
you can speak with her family about what they do differently at home. If the issue is that the
child has more one-on-one assistance at home, the parent can work with other professionals, such
as an occupational therapist, to come up with things the family can do at home and you can do in
child care to help the child eat more independently. Working with a child’s family to choose a
consistent set of goals, expectations, and strategies is a great way to build a partnership based on
doing what’s best for the child.
Celebrate the Child’s Accomplishments. Every parent wants to know that their child’s
accomplishments are noticed and acknowledged. Especially for parents of children with
disabilities, small accomplishments might have a big significance. Never take for granted how
hard children with special needs work to make small steps forward. Celebrate the child’s
progress with enthusiasm, even if it is something that seems minor. For example, you might
celebrate the first time a child uses a consonant at the beginning of a word. You can celebrate a
child’s accomplishments in the moment by giving him praise and encouragement, and then
excitedly share the news with his parents face-to-face, through a phone call, via email, or in a
special note.
Maintaining Confidentiality
As you build relationships with the parents of children in your care, you may be told or given
information about them or their child that is not shared with everyone. A child's disability,
medications, therapies, educational goals, or what is happening at home are examples of
information that you should keep confidential out of consideration for the family's right to
privacy and your goal to establish trusting relationships with them. Showing respect for a
family's privacy is often referred to as maintaining confidentiality.
Maintaining confidentiality is more than simply resisting the urge to make casual comments to
others about the children in your care. Maintaining confidentiality essentially means that
individuals and agencies, including early childhood professionals, may not give or receive
records or other information about children or their families without written permission from the
child's parents or legal guardian. You must have parents' written permission whenever you wish
to ask someone besides the child's parents for information about the child or when you wish to
share information that you have gathered. Parental permission or consent is voluntary. Parents
have the right to change their minds and revoke their permission at any time. In addition, parents
must be given the opportunity to inspect and review records about themselves and their children
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upon request. Parents of children with disabilities are often sensitive to public knowledge of their
child's condition, and you may be told or given information about them and their child that they
do not share openly with others.
Many everyday situations can challenge your ability to maintain confidentiality. Observations of
specific children should be kept in a closed notebook. Daily plans related to children's
Individualized Family Service Plans or Individualized Education Program goals should be kept
concealed or the child's name erased. If you put up lists to remind you of medications, new
words, or skills a child is practicing, do not put the child's name or any other identifying
information on the list.
In addition to records and other written information, it is important that you maintain
confidentiality when it comes to talking about children and their families. It is natural to want to
share events of the day, progress children have made, or concerns that you may have. Whenever
you begin to describe a child to someone other than the child's parents, confidentiality may be
jeopardized.
Let’s take a few moments to complete an activity related to maintaining confidentiality. Please
refer to the document entitled “Activity 1: Maintaining Confidentiality.” It contains three
scenarios that describe some common challenges that child care providers face related to
maintaining a child’s or family’s confidentiality. Please read each of the scenarios on page one
and think about how you could best respond to ensure that children’s and their parents’
confidentiality is maintained. After you do this, compare your ideas to the suggested responses
on the next page.
Maintaining confidentiality does not start or end with avoiding personal comments to others
about the children in your care. It applies to the sharing and receiving of information, both
written and verbal, about a child or family. You must have parents' written permission whenever
you wish to ask someone besides the child's parents for information about the child and when
you wish to share information you have gathered. Most parents are cooperative when it is clear
that the information you are seeking benefits their child and improves the care you offer; they
will either give you the information themselves or the written permission you need to seek
information from other professionals.
When requesting written permission from parents, there is no specific form to use, but there are
important guidelines to follow. You can develop your own form to use in your program. Once
the form is developed, you can use this form whenever you want parental permission to request
and/or discuss information about the child. The form should include the following five elements:
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The name and address of the individual or agency from whom information is being
requested,
The type of information requested,
The child's full name,
The child's birth date,
A parent's (or legal guardian's) name and signature, and
The date signed.
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A simple paragraph describing your program and any specific requests could be added. This
form is your request for information from the particular individual and/or agencies designated by
the parent as important to the child's inclusion in your program, such as a physician, occupational
therapist, or nutritionist. You need a separate form for each individual or agency. It is important
that the parent date the form because a signed request is valid for only one year from the date of
signing.
After you have obtained written parental permission to request information, you have choices
about the methods you use to gather the information. You might:
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Ask for copies of records,
Ask for a report or letter summarizing information,
Ask for information in a telephone consultation,
Ask the individual to talk with you at your facility, and/or
Ask to be included in therapy sessions.
You might use any combination of these methods. Remember, the professional must have
received the signed and dated request form before sharing any information with you. Similarly,
you may not give records or exchange information with other individuals or agencies without
having received written permission from the parents. If team members or others request your
caregiving reports or notes, they must present written permission from the parents for you to
release information to them. Furthermore, you should never give out any records or information
that you received from another individual or agency (a copy of the child's IFSP, for example).
You can only release records which you generated in your program. If agencies need other
records, they must go to the original source of the record. The only persons who can share
whatever information they wish, when they wish, and with whom they wish are the parents.
For a variety of reasons, however, a few parents may be reluctant to allow the release of any
records or information to you. They may be unsure about how the information will be used, for
example, or fear that if you know everything about their child's disability, you may treat the child
differently. As you build a partnership with the family, it is likely that they will eventually
recognize your need for information about their child. If not, this is a decision you must respect
and accept without judgment.
Do not be alarmed if a parent refuses to provide consent for release of confidential information.
Remember that this is their right, and in fact, many parents feel obligated to protect their child's
records. Without the parent's written permission, you cannot obtain the child's records but you
can still gather general information from the local library or agencies familiar with children with
disabilities. Although not specific to the child, this kind of information can help you learn more
about the care a child needs while in your program and formulate specific questions to ask the
family.
The one exception to getting parental permission before releasing information to other
professionals or agencies is when you have a reasonable concern that the child may be neglected
or abused. In this instance, you are required by law to report your concern to the proper
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authorities whether or not you have parental permission to share this information. This situation
demands that your primary concern be for the welfare of the child.
Unless you have already developed a philosophy which includes the principle of confidentiality,
the whole idea may come as a surprise to you. This discussion is not only intended to emphasize
the importance of maintaining confidentiality, but to also provide concrete ideas and methods for
actually doing it. While confidentiality takes effort to maintain, responsible providers willingly
make the effort to safeguard the privacy of the children and families in their programs.
Parent Participation
Let’s now turn our attention to how to encourage parental participation. How do you get parents
to participate in your program? How much parent involvement can you expect? Why is it
important that families participate in your program? Before any of these important questions can
be answered, it is necessary to define what is meant by parent participation.
Although most providers would agree that participation of parents and other family members is
important, a good number of them would also agree that finding ways to get parents to
participate in child care programs can often be frustrating. Providers may say, "All the parents in
my program work; they don't have time to participate" or "I've tried to find ways to get families
actively involved in our program but haven't had much luck. They're just not interested." What
these providers are really saying is that a good number of parents do not seem to have the time or
the inclination to participate in day-to-day program activities.
What may be needed is not necessarily a way to convince parents to find the time to participate,
but a new way to think of what participation means. Using a very broad definition, parent
participation means any way in which a parent becomes involved in your program. Few parents
would say they do not want to be active participants in their children's experiences. In fact, most
parents actually do want to be involved in the daily child care activities, but it is difficult to
balance this desire with their responsibilities at home and at work. Parents who are experiencing
a high degree of stress are less likely to actively participate in the program. They are using their
energy to resolve the stress in their lives. Parents of children with disabilities sometimes report
feeling overwhelmed with the care requirements of their child. Being asked to volunteer time in
the child care program feels like "just too much."
Does participation mean joining in group activities? Does it mean reading the parent bulletin
board each day? Does it mean paying the bill on time? Does it mean supplying diapers?
Definitely! It means all of these things. If you think in terms of a continuum of parent
participation, all of these activities can be included. Parents are involved because their child is
part of your program. Rather than think of a certain level of participation, think of an entire
spectrum of activities that parents participate in as a direct result of enrolling their child in your
program. Parents may be able to help with a field trip or leave work to come help with a special
project, but that is really only one way to think about their participation.
It’s helpful to think of parent participation as a continuum, with interest at one extreme and
action at the other. Any type of activity can fit into this approach to parent participation. A parent
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might attend a parent meeting, which would represent participation toward the "action" end of
the continuum. Another parent might leave a note asking for the words to a song the child was
practicing at home. This would represent participation somewhere in the center of the
continuum. Yet another parent might take a few minutes as she drops off her child in the
morning to watch part of a group activity. This illustrates parent participation activity toward the
"interest" end of the continuum.
Neither end of the continuum is good nor bad, nor should preference be given to a single type of
activity. If your goal is to increase parent participation, you must provide opportunities to be
involved at every point along the continuum. You can help parents and other family members
understand that their role is a very important one and that you work hard to encourage their
participation in individual and different ways.
This view of parent involvement is significantly different from that shared by many child care
programs, and it is particularly useful when the program includes parents who have a variety of
needs and abilities. When a parent volunteers to assist with an art project, for example, it gives
the parent an opportunity to see what your program is really like and gives you an extra hand.
Unless your program requires active participation, it is unlikely that the parents of each child in
your program will play the same role. It is tempting to want parents to participate in daily
activities. The message we want to give to parents is that any effort to become involved is
appreciated. In order to convey this message, there must be numerous and different ways to
participate. It is important that any level of participation be warmly welcomed.
It should be clear that both you and the parents share in the challenge to create partnerships
which meet both partners' needs. The following guidelines can help you build your program's
commitment to parent participation:
Explain your program goals and philosophy. From the first contact, you begin describing your
program. You might initially review the fee structure, schedule, or child-staff ratio and then later
have the opportunity to explain your policy about sick child care or behavior guidance. It is
important to clarify your personal and program goals to ensure that parents get a consistent
picture of what you are trying to accomplish. Try to avoid giving mixed messages. Do not
assume that parents already know what you expect from them. If you are able to clearly voice
your expectations (of children, parents, and yourself), there is a greater chance that parents will
be able to discern their role.
Ask parents how they want to participate. It is just as important to individualize our
expectations of parents as it is to individualize activities for young children. When a child is
enrolled in your program, listen to parents' expectations and concerns. Make clear statements that
let parents know you would like them to participate in whatever way they can. And most
important, respect whatever response parents give you.
Share details. Plans, current events, schedule changes, and even small inconveniences should be
shared. There is a reason why most states require posting a schedule and/or menu as part of
registration or licensing requirements. This is one way that early childhood professionals share
information about the program with parents. But if you really want parents to participate, you
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need to look for many more opportunities to share details about your program. Parents need to
know about changes in case their child's routine will be affected. If you keep parents informed,
they may be less concerned about changes that may be occurring and better prepared to respond
to their children's questions or behaviors related to events in the program. Although it certainly is
not appropriate to burden parents with every problem your program encounters, there are times
when sharing details about an anticipated "problem" can make a big difference in parents'
responses.
Recognize that parents are your most important partners. Partners can share their resources,
offer support, assist in problem-solving, and provide much-needed reinforcement when the job is
especially challenging. By respecting the parents' role, their input, and their questions, you can
develop a relationship with parents as colleagues. Parents and child care providers who share this
type of relationship realize that they work together in the best interest of the children. The
realities of managing an early childhood program may leave you with very little contact time
with parents. In fact, you may barely have time to share a few details about the child's day.
Developing this colleague-to-colleague relationship is not easy when you have such limited
contact. The trick is to take advantage of every possible opportunity and not let a lack of time get
in the way of establishing an effective relationship. A partner has the responsibility to relay
information and to respect the person's right to reject or accept that information.
Remember to say thank you. Parents are more likely to become involved and to stay involved
in your program if you freely express your thanks. When you thank parents for their help and
assistance, be sure to relate their efforts directly to the care their child receives while in your
program. If parents become convinced that helping out in your program or reading the parent
bulletin board benefits their child, they will be more eager to extend their support.
Putting It All Together
With what you know about children with disabilities and their families, parent participation, and
sharing information with parents, you are ready to apply this information to various aspects of an
early childhood program. From the very first time parents contact you, there are opportunities to
encourage them to work with you as partners. If your program is a family child care home,
parents' participation may be very different from parents whose children are enrolled in a child
care center. Likewise, infant programs may encourage parent participation that is different from
a program for children who are three to five years old.
In this section of the course, we will go through a chronological sequence of activities that
parents typically experience when enrolling their child in a child care program. The information
presented is designed to:
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Help you develop a parent participation approach that fits into your program,
Strengthen the activities you currently do to encourage families to participate, and
Identify new ideas to try.
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Please refer to the handout “Putting It All Together” for specific suggestions on what you can do
related to each activity in the sequence. After we discuss a particular activity within the
sequence, take several minutes to go over the suggested ideas.
Let’s begin with the Initial Contact. The goal of the initial contact is to share your philosophy of
working with young children and their families. Building your partnership with parents begins
with the first call a parent makes asking about enrolling his or her child. This first contact sets
the stage for partnership by consciously promoting two-way communication. You have the
opportunity to tell parents about your program, to explain what you do and why, and to get
information about the child and the family. With these goals in mind, you will have to discuss
more than availability of openings, tuition fees, and schedules. Whether or not you actually have
an opening, this phone call or visit can be used to describe your program and communicate your
philosophy of caring for young children.
This is also your chance to listen to parents and find out what they need and want for their child.
You do not necessarily need to ask for detailed information, but you can ask parents to tell you a
little bit about their child. Using open-ended questions and comments like, "What kinds of things
would you like your child to experience in my program?" or "I'd like to hear a little bit about
your child's interests, favorite toys, or activities she particularly enjoys," give parents the
opportunity to introduce their child to you. Show a genuine interest in the child as an individual.
Some parents, for example, may have had experiences that make them reluctant to disclose their
child's disability. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) expressly prohibits making
enrollment decisions based solely on the presence, or perceived presence, of a disability.
In reality, knowing that a child has a particular disability tells you very little, if anything, about
how that child might fit into your program. Ask questions that help you identify the fit or match
between your program and the child and family's needs. Finding out that a child has Down
syndrome is not nearly as important as finding out information that will help you include the
child in your program. Asking parents to give you information and not just a diagnosis may also
reassure them that you are truly interested in their child.
Next is the First Visit. The goal of the first visit is to provide an opportunity for parents to see
your program in action. Parents may want to visit your program even when you do not have
current openings. This is especially true when you have presented your program well and parents
are interested enough to want to actually see what you are describing. They may come to observe
a group activity, staff interacting with children, or the overall cleanliness and safety of the
program. The parent's task is to get more information. Your task is simply to welcome the parent
into your program as a guest. Use this as your opportunity to set the stage for your future
relationship.
The next step is Enrollment. The goal during enrollment is to gather information from parents
about their child. Most parents and professionals associate enrollment with filling out endless
paperwork. It is true that there are usually forms to fill out, but it is also true that enrollment is a
critical time to explain your parent participation component. You enroll the child and the family
in your program. As you busily set up the child's file, gather records, and put the child's name on
a cubby, think about what you can do to include parents and other family members in your
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program and to encourage them to participate. You began to develop a relationship with the
parents during the first contact. Now you can help them understand the role they may have in
their child's child care experience.
Next in the sequence is Getting Acquainted. The goal at this point is to establish a working
relationship with parents. Now that the child is attending your program regularly, you can begin
to develop a relationship that fits both with parents' expectations and commitments and your
interest in having them participate in your program. You are not trying to find a way to fit
parents into a particular type of activity. Rather, you are trying to show them that you have a
broad view of parent participation and that you appreciate and acknowledge the many ways
parents take part in your program.
Next in the sequence is Planning Together. The goal at this point is create developmental goals
with parents. Planning together combines your professional expertise and training as an early
childhood professional with specific information about the child that only a parent can provide.
Working with families to plan developmental goals for their child may be a formal process
which results in an Individualized Family Service Plan or an Individual Education Plan. For
children with disabilities, the IFSP or IEP represents an important tool in designing
developmentally appropriate curriculum activities for the child.
Working with the IFSP team is a great resource for you in meeting a child's needs. The child's
parents can invite you to attend an IFSP meeting or request that an IFSP team member visit their
child while in care and offer suggestions for improving the child's participation or addressing
your concerns. In order to attend an IFSP meeting or consult with any of the team members, you
must have written permission from the child's parent or guardian. Some parents may not realize
that you would be open to an invitation to an IFSP meeting or welcome an IFSP team member in
the classroom. Take the time to explain to parents of children with disabilities how your
participation can enhance their child's experience in the child care program. Some parents may
choose not to include you on the IFSP team. This can happen for a number of reasons, and is
entirely the parent's choice. If that is the case for a child in your care, work to build a positive,
trusting relationship with the parents and request information directly from them about how you
can best serve their child's needs.
While there may not be a formal plan for children without disabilities, parents often seek input
and suggestions regarding upcoming developmental stages. Toileting is a good example of a skill
that requires collaboration and input from both parents and early childhood professionals.
Remember that planning together does not necessarily mean that there is a problem with the
child's development. It simply means that the child's parents want to work with you to identify
ways to help their child develop new skills.
Next is the phase that we refer to as “Sharing the Excitement.” The goal is keep parents
informed about day-to-day activities. Exciting things happen in the child care setting every day.
Toddlers discover what play dough tastes like, how to pour from a pitcher, what finger paint
feels like, and what it is like to be part of a group of young children. It is easy to forget that
parents do not have the opportunity to see these magical moments. One of the ways that you can
help parents feel a part of their child's experiences is to relate to them those every day
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excitements. Letting parents know about events that happen during the day is a good way to keep
them interested and up-to-date. In addition, if you let parents know about fun things that happen,
you will be in a better position to talk to them when problems arise.
The next activity in the sequence is Resolving Problems. The goal is to find mutual solutions to
the various problems that might arise. Even in the best partnership there will occasionally be
problems. It is important to be able to confer with parents as these situations occur. If you have
worked to develop a good relationship with the parent and are in the habit of communicating
frequently, you are in a good position to be able to work together when problems arise. It may be
as simple as finding a way to tell the parent when the child needs more diapers or as sensitive as
talking about ways to help a child cope with the stress of a divorce in the family. Parents and
early childhood professionals, because they are partners, should be able to communicate their
differences and work out problems so that these issues can be discussed and hopefully resolved.
it is important to develop a relationship with parents that is strong enough that you can work
together in difficult situations rather than avoiding the issue.
The last step in the sequence is “On To The Future.” The goal in this last part of the sequence is
to provide a sense of closure as the family leaves your program. It may seem unusual to talk
about the importance of parent participation after the child has left your program but it is
important for two reasons: first, you can provide valuable information to the preschool,
kindergarten, or other child care provider who will care for the child in the next setting, and
second, the parent who is leaving your program is in a wonderful position to give you feedback
about your program. A brief exit interview or survey given to parents as they prepare to leave
your program provides a wonderful opportunity to let them know-one last time-that they have
been an important part of their child's experience in your program and that you have appreciated
their involvement.
Gaining Support from Parents of Children without Disabilities
Before we conclude this course, let’s turn our attention to one final important topic: how to gain
support from parents of children in your care who do not have disabilities or other special needs.
If you already have a child in your program who has a disability, or if you are considering
enrolling such a child, there is a possibility that other parents of children in your program will
have questions or concerns. For example, some parents may feel that their child will not receive
adequate attention from you because the child with a disability will require more of your time
and energy. Some may feel that it is unfair to pay the same amount for tuition if their child is not
given the same level of care. Others may believe that the quality of care, in general, will decline
if a child with special needs is enrolled in your program. If concerns such as these arise, do not
dismiss them. Instead, acknowledge the parents’ feelings and be prepared to answer their
questions and concerns openly and honestly. Remember that to promote positive partnerships
with parents, communication should be honest, respectful, timely, constructive, and reciprocal.
Let’s consider some strategies for gaining the support of parents who might have questions or
concerns about how their children will be affected by having peers in the program with special
needs.
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Explain to parents the concept of inclusive child care and why it is an important part of
your program’s philosophy. Some parents may not be familiar with the concept of inclusive
child care. This lack of understanding can lead to unfounded fears and uncertainty concerning
how it will impact the quality of care their children receive. Take some time to educate parents
about what inclusive child care is and is not. In doing so, you can dispel some of the
misunderstandings that parents may have with regard to including children with special needs.
There are some excellent brochures and fact sheets that can be provided to parents to help them
gain a better understanding of the nature of inclusive child care.
Share with parents the benefits of an inclusive child care environment for all children. It
could be that parents acknowledge the benefits of inclusive child care for children with special
needs, but perhaps they have never considered the benefits of inclusive care for their own
children. You have a great opportunity to share what researchers have discovered. Among the
many benefits of inclusive child care for children without disabilities that you might want to
convey to parents are:
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Increased appreciation and acceptance of individual differences,
Increased empathy for others,
Preparation for adult life in an diverse and inclusive society, and
Opportunities to master activities by practicing and teaching others.
Emphasize to parents that the needs of children with disabilities, for the most part, are
very similar (if not identical) to those children who do not have disabilities. Children,
regardless of ability, share a common set of needs. All children have the need to be cared for by
warm and nurturing caregivers; to feel as if they belong to a community; to establish positive
social relationships with peers; and to be given opportunities to learn and develop to their full
potential. In other words, children with and without disabilities are more alike than different.
Inform parents that, in most cases, simple adaptations can be made to program activities,
the daily routine, or even to the child care environment to accommodate children with
special needs. Like some child care providers, parents may be under the impression that in order
to meet the needs of children with disabilities, drastic changes have to be made to all facets of
the child care program. With certain exceptions, this is rarely the case. You can provide them
with examples of how simple modifications to activities or room set-up ensure that all children’s
needs are met. Just be mindful to maintain a child’s or family’s confidentiality when discussing
any specific steps that you have taken to make the environment more inclusive.
Invite parents to your facility to observe what goes on during a typical day. Best practice for
young children is best practice, regardless of the abilities of the children enrolled in a program.
One of the hallmarks of a high quality child care program is that it meets the needs of all the
children. If you have established such an environment, parents will be very impressed with all
aspects of your program when they visit. They will see, firsthand, how all children are
seamlessly involved in all program activities. The concerns they might have had will likely
disappear when they realize that their children are benefiting just as much as the others.
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Emphasize to parents that all children, regardless of ability, will be treated equally and
cared for in the best possible manner. Let parents know that their children’s needs are your top
priority. As a child care provider, your goal is to see that each child is cared for in manner that
enables the child to reach his or her developmental potential.
Conclusion
During this course, we have addressed some of the common challenges that may occur when
parents have a child with special needs. We have discussed effective communication strategies
that can be used to build stronger relationships with parents; explored a wide variety of ways
parents and families can participate in your program; and identified strategies for gaining support
from parents of children in your program who do not have disabilities. Here are the major
messages we would like you to “take home” from this training:
 Partnerships with parents begin with the acknowledgement that parents play a vital role
in the lives of their young children,
 True partners work together to form a relationship that meets the needs of both parties,
 Effective communication is essential to the growth and maintenance of the relationship
between you and parents of the children in your care,
 Hand-in-hand with effective communication comes trust and confidentiality. Both are
critical elements in any parent/provider relationship,
 There are many different ways for parents to express their commitment to your program
and participate in their child's experiences. It is our responsibility to carefully consider
how we define parent involvement and be sure that the message given to parents is
encouraging, welcoming, and accepting,
 This process starts with the very first phone call and should continue throughout the time
parents have their children enrolled in your program,
 Finally, gaining the support of parents who have children without disabilities and other
special needs is an important part of creating an inclusive environment where all children
and their families feel welcomed and that their needs are being met.
Thank you for your participation in this course, and for your desire to provide quality inclusive
care for young children in child care.
Note: The content contained in this online course was adapted from Child Care plus+
Curriculum on Inclusion: Practical Strategies for Early Childhood Programs, Chapter 4 –
Building Partnerships with Parents and Families. Permission granted by Sandra Morris,
Director Child Care plus+: Center on Inclusion in Early Childhood, The University of
Montana Rural Institute.
This course was developed and produced by the Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service of
the Texas A&M University System in cooperation with the Texas Department of Family
and Protective Services, Child Care Licensing Division, and using funds provided by the
Texas Workforce Commission.
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