ADVICE
Therapy
HELP!
I CANNOT COMMIT
—by Tracy-Ann Smith
• Spend time with God and hand your difficulties over to
Him
• Seek confirmation in the Lord’s Word prior to committing
• Commitments should ultimately be exciting! When we commit, we allow ourselves the opportunity to grow, learn and
engage in new experiences
• Try to avoid making commitments out of curiosity. You may
want to give relationships, projects, jobs, etc. a ‘trial-run’. If
this is your intention, ensure that others are aware of this
• Commitments should not result in hurt or damage. If hurt or
damage are foreseeable by-products associated with making a commitment, it may be useful to reconsider
• Try to identify if difficulties associated with committing form
a pattern or theme in your life. If difficulties associated with
committing have become a habitual pattern or way of responding, try to challenge yourself to respond differently.
Are you taking responsibility?
T
To make a commitment with conviction may require authenticity and even a pinch of patience in certain instances. However when you are having difficulty making a commitment,
take responsibility for the process. No one can commit on your
behalf. And, if you need time or assistance in order to facilitate
the process of making a commitment, this responsibility will
also lie with you.
his new fusion replaces ingredients
used in more traditional commitment
recipes with more risky alternatives.
What you will need:
• A pinch of procrastination, to replace a
proactive attitude
tain way of determining when this dish is
cooked. The result? You be the judge!
Difficulties associated with committing
oneself pose a real dilemma for some and
can also result in significant amounts of
distress for all who are involved. If you experience difficulties associated with com-
In today’s generation, a great weakness is a lack of
commitment, accountability and responsibility. This is
seen in many marriage, work, family and church contexts...
• A trickle of indecisiveness, rather than
the more traditional dash of confidence
• A spoon of fear, which adds more flavour
than the previously added courageous
attitude
• And a generous helping of confusion,
just to add a little tang.
Combine all ingredients together and beat
vigorously. Lumps and bumps within the
mixture are expected. Microwave on a high
temperature for an undetermined amount
of time. It will be best to undercook and
keep on checking as there will be no cer68 JOY ! MAGAZINE
mitting yourself, consider the following:
Are you being authentic?
‘Ingredients’ such as procrastination, indecisiveness, fear and confusion may result in us not committing. However, it is
these very experiences that also serve as
important clues that may suggest that the
journey we are on, or are heading towards,
is not quite fitting in with who we are or
even fitting in with God’s plan for us.
While difficulties associated with making commitments may put us within a dif-
ficult space in which we/others may want
to exert pressure in order to find answers,
the goal of this time should include that of
making an authentic decision.
To live authentically is a difficult process. It suggests that individuals shift their
focus inwards and upwards and in so doing, increase self-awareness and self-acceptance. Authenticity suggests that we
not only discover, but also live out, all the
potential that God has blessed us with. It
suggests that we make decisions that are
right not only for ourselves but also form
part of God’s design for our lives. In order
to be authentic we need to be honest with
God, honest with ourselves and honest
with those who may be affected by the decisions and commitments that we make.
What is true commitment?
• Commitments should be based on truth
and faith
• Authentic commitments may require
time and patience as prayer is necessary
• Those niggling feelings that won’t allow you to commit are trying to communicate something to you. Take time
to explore these feelings
Tips to Remember:
• You are responsible for the choices that you make. This includes the commitments that you make
• You are responsible for your own life and the quality of your
life experience
• You are the expert with regards to your experiences and
are therefore responsible for clarifying your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants
• Compromise and negotiation may form a part of the process involved in making commitments
• It may be unreasonable or even unrealistic to always get
what you want. However, it should also not be that you
rarely get your needs met
• Develop effective skills for managing your life
• Examine the difficulties that you experience, assess how
you may be contributing to these difficulties, and then decide what you are willing to do differently
• Give yourself permission to seek help and to talk about
your difficulties
• With God, nothing is impossible. 
TRACY-ANN SMITH Clinical Psychologist Private Practice
Psychological Consultant within Educational Environment.
Part-time Lecturer at the Institute of Christian Psychology
For more info on Christian Psychology, or for professional
advice contact: 011 021 8930 or www.icp.org.za