Discipline Techniques for
Positive Parenting
Presenter:
Mary Ann Ibrahim
Behavior Resource Teacher
First ask yourself these
three questions
• What is your standard?
• What Do You Say?
• Do you teach with intention?
What is your standard?
• Who sets the standard in your home?
• What are the rules in your home? Does your
child know what is to be expected?
• Are your expectations realistic and your
rewards and corrections appropriate?
• Do you reinforce what is to be expected?
• Are you praising appropriate behavior?
• Is there a routine? Setting the table for
dinner time? Reading books before bedtime?
Family pizza night?
What Do You Say?
• Do you talk in front of your child about his/her
inappropriate behavior? Or appropriate
behavior?
• Do you catch your child being good? Where is
your focus?
• Does your “yes” mean “yes” and your “no” mean
“no”?
• Do you praise your child? Puff up? Or Build up?
• Do you follow through when giving directions?
• Do you follow through on your promises?
• Does your child believe the words you say?
Do you teach with
intention?
• Do you give choices in order to teach consequences?
• When are your best teaching moments,during your
child’s tantrum or during the natural activities of the
day? Do you make obedience attractive?
• Do you take time to listen and understand what your
child is feeling?
• Do you model empathy in order to teach?
• Do you teach your child during daily life experiences how
to act or react to frustrations?
• Do you teach that it’s alright to make a mistake?
• Does your child mirror what you say? What is he/she
reflecting back to you? Kindness? Thumbs up? Anger?
Make sure the standard is set in your home. The rules should be
realistic and they should bring order and routine into your families daily
life. Focus on building and strengthening your relationship by praising
your child, and take time to listen and understand what your child is
feeling.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Your words are so
powerful, and your child will believe your words. Your positive speech
should outweigh your negative speech. Communicate love and affection to
your child. Remember the word “love” is also an action word. Think of
“love” as not always giving the child what he/she wants, but rather by
actively setting limits and structure into the home. The home is a place
to feel safe and loved where a child will grow in stature and in character.
Teach with intention through modeling especially what you want your
child to learn during the daily activities of life. Model being honest and
truthful with your child. Children watch and listen to what their parents
do. Intentionally model appropriate responses to anger and frustration.
They will mirror back to you as you teach them through your reactions.
Praise them when they do react appropriately.
How to Discipline?
•
Developing affectionate, honest, ongoing discipline and correcting
inappropriate behavior out of love and concern for your children.
•
Move towards a constructive, instructive way of dealing with your
child’s behavioral problems and patterns. Be ready to teach during the
normal activities of the day.
•
As a parent you can assure your children that you are in control, as
you treat them with dignity and respect, holding true to what is just.
You have the awesome opportunity to show compassion when they make
mistakes. You are their model and someday they may be imitating
you. What do you want to see?
•
Teaching them what is right and what is wrong. Letting them know
that you hold yourself and them to a standard, and teach them what
you expect from them, and at times let them know that you make
mistakes too.
•
•
To build your child up in character traits such as caring, sharing,
helping, attending, and being content in what they are doing.
•
•
Train your child in manners as they grow in maturity and
wisdom.
How do you discipline your child’s
inappropriate behavior?
• What did your child do?
• What did you do about it?
• What should you teach your child in order to
replace inappropriate behavior?
Ways you could teach your child new
patterns of behavior?
 When giving a direction to your child go down to her eye level and say “It’s
time to clean up” as you point to her toys. When she starts cleaning up
praise her in a quiet affirming way, but do not exaggerate. She will learn
that you mean what you say and you’re teaching her a new pattern of
behavior when responding to your requests.
 Whenever your child screams, cries and/or whines for something tell her
plainly “When you calm YOURSELF down then I will talk with you.” Once
she is calm say “Good you calmed YOURSELF down” and then listen to her.
You are teaching her that she has the ability to calm herself. At that time
you should tell her that it is NOT acceptable to get what she wants by
screaming. You should follow through when you say “No.” At other times
when your child does ask for something calmly be sure to tell her, and then
praise her. Your are teaching her that she is respected and you are trully
interested in what she says. You are also there to correct and to teach
her.
 Whenever you become upset about something you will be your child’s
greatest model in how to act when YOU ARE upset. You will react calmly
and show her how you can solve a problem.
 Whenever your child does not listen to you when you tell her to clean up
before starting to play with another toy you will say “FIRST you clean up
the Legoz and THEN you can play with the computer game.” It will be

said in a calm and determined manner, but still respectful. When

your child starts to clean up say “Good,” or “Nice job, but do not

exaggerate.
What do you do when your child
has a tantrum?
•
Now is not the time to talk things over especially if he is screaming
and crying. Tell him with a determined voice, but do not show
anger, “When you calm yourself down then I will talk with you.”
Wait him out because you do not want him to learn that yelling and
crying are ways to communicate.
•
As he calms himself you can say “Good, you calmed yourself down,”
but say it in a matter-of-fact way and do not exaggerate praise.
Then when he talks you may want to listen, and learn what he was
thinking, then instruct and correct him to what is right.
•
The way you handle each of his tantrums will be a model for him in
how to handle other problems in the future.
If your child has a temper tantrum or
fights your authority ask yourself?
• What specifically does my child desire,
want, fear or crave in this moment?
• What does my child believe right now?
• What makes his reaction seem completely
logical and justified to his own mind?
Parents can learn how to help their
children grow wise.
Ways to give rewards in order to
build up character traits in your
child
 Instead of giving gifts every time your child does something
good, you could give it at your discretion in order to build
him up in the character traits that you want to increase .
For example when your son and daughter are sharing their
toys nicely, you could say to them “I really like the way you
shared your toys. I can’t do this often, but TODAY I want
to take both of you out to the movies to show you how proud
I am of you.” This will build them up in character and let
them know that you care about them, but it will also show
them that it is YOU who gives the gift when YOU want too,
not because they demand it or they expect it. It is a GIFT
given by a parent who cares about them. There are no
strings attached.
Ways to teach consequences
 When a child is not playing appropriately with a toy you can
say in a calm but determined manner “You have a CHOICE to
play nicely in the toy room WITH the car OR play
WITHOUT the car. It is your choice!”
 If your child is fighting with his sister for a TV show to
watch tell them both “You have a choice I will put on a show
and you can watch it OR I will turn off the TV. It is your
choice!
 Sometimes give your child a choice that will have positive
consequences such as going to the park or to the library.
They can choose to have jello or pudding for dessert. Tell
them when they make good choices.
If you have any questions please feel free to call or email me.
Mary Ann Ibrahim
Behavior Resource Teacher
Call 973-321-2260 or
email: [email protected]
Look at my website:
[email protected]