PAGE 14
Health & Wellness
FEBRUARY / MARCH 2013
Don’t Play Others, Don’t Play YOU
BY JUDY RYAN
PRESIDENT
EXPANDING HUMAN POTENTIAL
Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Not me, you
say? Even if you’re a person who doesn’t
misrepresent your income, or snatch
something in a store, can you say you
never lie about what you’re feeling, cheat
yourself of knowing what you want, steal
opportunities to address issues in order to
avoid conflict?
A lack of honesty is clearly a violation
of trust. Most people would not dispute
this but many don’t realize the depth of
their inability to be consistently honest. In
my series on the eight values that build
trust, honesty seems like a
given yet we must examine
our level of honesty closely
to see how it impacts trust
and teamwork.
To his surprise, I suggested he get honest with himself about the fact his work is
his number one priority over everything
else, including family. I suggested he get
honest about what play activities he
prefers. After some time, this man contacted me to say that when he became
honest about his priorities and preferences, he found he was able to be a much
more attentive, playful, generous and
effective father. His lack of honesty with
himself had created a lack of trust in his
goodness. Even if his children were not
consciously aware of this lack, they experienced it.
such a high level others were not
afraid to do the same?
One of the things to know about honesty
is it must be tempered with a desire to be
caring, create harmony and be delivered
in a manner that’s useful; in other words,
people must be open and willing to hear it.
And it must begin with us. Let’s take the
example of catching one of your employees in a lie. How would you work to build
trust with this person? Imagine you were
to say, “I don’t feel good about discovering you don’t have this skill and it shakes
my trust with you. What do you need to
be honest? Do you believe trust between
So…what about the person you catch us is possible and do you want it?”
actively lying? Saying they’re home sick
when you suspect they’re not, representMost people want to tell others about
ing themselves with a certain skill at their their lack of honesty, but don’t want to
interview and finding out they didn’t have discuss the truth for them. Here’s an
that skill at all? What does this behavior example. A client of mine shared a story
do to relationships? And…how honest are with me about how frustrated she’d get
you in addressing it? In seeking the fac- with her boyfriend because he would lean
tors that spawned it?
in and act as if he was going to kiss her
and then stop midway. Her response to
What would our homes, schools and him was, “Stop playing games with me.
workplaces be like if we were able to Quit trying to manipulate me!” Sounds
address honesty in order to create honest right? What’s more honest is to
environments where being dishonest say, “When you lean in and then stop, I
was not needed or wanted? What if we don’t know what you’re doing. That conhad the courage to model honesty at fuses me and makes me unsure about what
to do.” Which way is more
honest? Easier to receive?
Builds trust?
The best way to build
trust in your company,
home, relationships and
community is to be mindful
about honesty first with
you and then with others.
When you play you, you
play others and vice versa.
And others return the favor.
When you’re honest, you
build trust. If you’d like to
get a measure of the values that build trust, and
the alignment and engagement in your workplace,
CALL ME NOW for your
FREE assessment. I’m
here to help!
I worked with a man who
was struggling as a parent.
He said he had a hard time
playing and even enjoying
much of his time with his
children. He didn’t like to
color or play legos and
when he sat beside his children at bedtime, he felt
guilty that he checked his
phone
messages
and
emails. This man honestly
loved his children but he
was dishonest nevertheless
and it was hurting his trust
with his kids and himself.
A Member of the Women’s Journals Family of Publications
877-850-8240
South Coast
Bristol County
www.womensjournals.com
South Shore
Rhode Island