Brain Care is Self Care
USJT 9th Counseling Advances Conference
Las Vegas, NV
April 1, 2016
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Linda Graham, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years
AEDP, IFS, DBT, EMDR, Sensorimotor – Attachment Trauma
Mindfulness, Neuroscience
Mindful Self-Compassion teacher
Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and WellBeing
2013 Books for a Better life award
2014 Better Books for a Better World award
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Emerging Philosophy of Self Care
 Macro – big tools, big practices
Vacations, work out in gym, support group
 Micro – small tools, small practices
 Take a nap, stretch your body, self-
compassion break
 Brain – “little and often”
How to Replenish Human Brain
 Exercise-Movement
 Sleep - Rest
 Nutrition
 Laughter-Play-Positivity
 Learn Something New
 Create with Your Hands
 Open Mind/Heart to Larger Perspective
 Hang Out with Healthy Brains
Exercise - Movement
 Macro
 cardio – BDNF
 Yoga, qi gong – move the energy
 Micro
 3-minute better than nothing workout
 Move your body once every hour
 Sense and savor walk
 Do the dishes mindfully
Sleep - Rest
 Macro – 8 hours every night
 Housekeeping
 Reset nervous system
 Consolidate learning
 Sleep hygiene
 Micro
 Take mental breaks; switch the channel
 Take a nap
 Mini-meditate (10 breaths)
Take Mental Breaks
 Focus on something else (positive is good)
 Skillful distraction
 Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
 Relational regulation
 Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
 Moving the body resets the brain
 Every 90 minutes; avoid brain fog, fatigue
Nutrition
 Macro
 Eat healthy!
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More protein, more water, less sugar, less carbs,
less calories, less caffeine/alcohol
 Micro
 Savor (eat a raisin meditation)
 Eat one meal a day without doing anything else
Laughter-Play-Positivity
 Macro
 Have a good time at family/friends
dinner/celebration
 Schedule a play date
 Micro
 Cultivate positive emotion practice
 Watch a 4-minute Happify Daily video
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http://my.happify.com/hd/main/
Learn Something New
 Macro
 Speak a foreign language
 Play a musical instrument
 Juggle
 Play chess
 Micro
 Learn a new poem every day
 Practice brain fitness games
Create with Your Hands
 Macro
 Knitting, woodworking, quilting, gardening
 Micro
 Flower arranging, cooking, cleaning the kitchen
 Deep brain stimulation; meta-sensory cortex
 Flow state reduces stress
 Focus reduces worry, rumination
 Creativity evokes parallel psychological well-being
Open Heart/Mind to Larger Perspective
 Macro
 Spiritual practice
 Altruism-generosity
 Service – volunteer, career
 Micro
 Mindful Self-Compassion
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Mindfulness
Self-Compassion
Common Humanity
Hang Out with Healthy Brains
 Macro
 Participate in a conference, support group,
book club, choir, cycling group
 Micro
 Practice gratitude at family dinners
 Send a text or email of gratitude,
acknowledgement, appreciation to friend, coworker
Neuroscience is Revolutionizing
Our Thinking about Feelings
Negative Emotions – Up Side of Your Dark Side
 Signal – pay attention, this is important!
 Motivator of action - Adaptive action tendencies
 Anger – protest injustice, betrayal
 Sadness – pull in comfort
 Fear – move away from danger, toxicity
 Guilt – healthy remorse, make amends
 Joy – expand, connect with others
Positive Emotions-Behaviors
 Brain hard-wired to notice and remember
negative and intense more than positive and
subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a
species
 Leads to tendency to avoid experience
 Positive emotions antidote “negativity bias”
 Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is
more open to approaching experience,
learning, and action
Positive Emotions
Gratitude
Awe
Generosity
Compassion
Delight
Serenity
Love
Curiosity
Kindness
Joy
Trust
Positive Emotions
 Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
 More friendships, social support, collaboration
 Shift in perspectives, more optimism
 More creativity, productivity
 Better health, better sleep
 Live on average 7-9 years longer
 Resilience is direct outcome
Kindness is more important than wisdom,
And the recognition of that is the beginning of
wisdom.
- Theodore Rubin
Doing a kindness produces the single most
reliable momentary increase in well-being of
any exercise we have tested.
- Martin Seligman
Gratitude
 2-minute free write: people, processes,
possesions, web of life
 Gratitude journal – 3 highlights every day
 Gratitude buddy
 Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Take in the Good
 Notice: in the moment or in memory
 Enrich: the felt sense in the body
 Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in
body
 Repeat: 6 times a day, install in long-term
memory
Circle of Support
 Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have “had your back”
 Currently, in the past, in imagination
 Imagine them gathered around you, or behind
you, lending you their faith in you, and their
strengths in coping
 Imagine your circle of support present with
you as you face difficult people or situations
Positivity Portfolio
 Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you
 Assemble phrases on piece of paper
 Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor,
carry in wallet or purse
 Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
 Savor and appreciate
This is what our brains are wired for: reaching
out to and interacting with others. These are
design features, not flaws. These social
adaptations are central to making us the most
successful species on earth.
- Matthew Lieberman, PhD
Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired To
Connect
Connections
Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our
well-being.
- Matthew Lieberman, UCLA
True Other to the True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the mind and heart of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the question, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
Ah, the comfort,
The inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with a person.
Having neither to weigh out thoughts
Nor words,
But pouring them all right out, just as they are,
Chaff and grain together;
Certain that a faithful hand
Will take them and sift them;
Keeping what is worth keeping and,
With the breath of kindness,
Blow the rest away.
- Dinah Craik
 Imagine walking down the street
 Notice someone you know walking toward you
 Wave “hello!” There’s no response. Notice
your response to the lack of response
 The person notices you and waves “hello!”
 Notice your response to the response
 Notice any differences in your responses
Shame De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience
of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes
we are capable of change. We cannot change and
grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use
shame to change ourselves or others.
- Brene Brown, PhD
Just that action of paying attention to ourselves,
that I care enough about myself, that I am
worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to
unlock some of those deep beliefs of
unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.
- Elisha Goldstein
Reconditioning
 Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
 “Light up” neural networks of problematic memory
 Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and
instantly rewire by:
 Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts
or disconfirms;
 Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories
held in simultaneous dual awareness
 Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
Reconditioning
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Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Wished for Outcome
 Evoke memory of what did happen
 Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
 Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
 Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Brain Care is Self Care
USJT 9th Counseling Advances Conference
Las Vegas, NV
April 1, 2016
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net