Handout for Parents
Helping children through a Traumatic Incident
When children experience a traumatic event such as a flood it can have a significant impact on the
way they view the world around therm. For children from around 4 years to 9 or 10 their world is
just beginning to expand beyond the horizons of home and family. It is no wonder then that when
they are witness to an event that threatens life itself they retreat back to the comforts of their
younger years.
It is normal to expect that they may:
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Experience nightmares
Feel reluctant to go to sleep
Seek the comfort of their parents or siblings bed
Request a light left on at night
Become anxious about parting from parents
Withdraw from previously enjoyed activities
Revert too thumb sucking or other comforters they had abandoned from babyhood
Become dreamy or forgetful
Exhibit a decline in school performance
Complain of headaches or tummy aches
Become more tearful than usual
These feelings and reactions are not only difficult for the child to express, the child may be afraid
to tell anyone in case these feelings are not okay.
What can we do to help the recovery process?
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First of all children need to be told the truth about the event they witnessed. This needs to be
done in a manner appropriate to the child’s level of understanding. If they are not given all
the facts, they may construct even worse scenarios in their own mind.
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Reassure the child that feelings they have are normal and that it’s okay to feel scared, sad,
weepy, confused or whatever they seem to be experiencing.
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Give them opportunities to use art-work to express things they may find hard to put into
words. Being alongside them while they are doing this can often give you and opportunity to
help them put words to the feelings.
education.govt.nz
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An excellent and non-threatening way to encourage a child to talk is to begin a shared activity
together, such as a walk on the beach, baking a cake, going for a drive, making a play hut etc.
While enjoying this special time together say something like, “I’ve heard that some children
who say.......... (describe the traumatic event) have been feeling upset and have had bad
dreams. Jimmy’s mum said that he gets into her bed every night at the moment because he’s
scared something might happen to him as well? Do you have any feelings like that because if
you do it’s okay to tell me and we can talk about some things that might help you to feel
better.” The purpose of staging a conversation like this firstly tells the child that he/she is not
alone with these strange feelings. Secondly it reassures the child that you already know kids
might feel like this and it’s okay.
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It is important to allow the child to gather things that they find comforting and not to draw
attention to it. For example a child suddenly needing to carry a long discarded teddy around
does not need people saying “You’re too old to carry that old thing around now.”
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If the child seeks the comfort of your bed indulge him / her for a while until things start to
settle.
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If the child has been able to express specific fears such as the event happening again, be very
positive about the ways you all take care to be safe and that what happened was really, really
scary but these are things we will always do to keep ourselves safe............
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Be sure to tell the child’s teacher (and any other care giver such as baby sitters, grandparents
etc) what and why the child is not his / herself at the moment and to not expect too much of
them just now. Ask the school teacher to let you know immediately if they feel things are
getting worse rather than better.
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Don’t feel that being lenient means you are going to excuse all bad behaviour. If the child is
overly defiant or aggressive you can say “I know your feelings are hurting just now, but it is
not okay to .....” and follow up with whatever consequence you would normally use.
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Traumatised children need, more than anything else, the love, the familiarity and security of
the people and routines closest to them.
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For some children the effects of their experience may last only a matter of days, for others it
can be weeks or months. If you feel that in spite of all your best efforts you see no
improvement or lifting of spirits after 6 to 8 weeks, seek advice from a professional. Consult
with your GP first and see if they can recommend someone who can help.
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Further supports are available from a range of agencies including the following:
Voyagers – Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services
106 Commence St, Whakatane
Ph 07 3088803 or 0800486947
Emerge Aotearoa:
Child Youth and Whanau Community support Services including family and individual counselling
Your Doctor is able to refer to Emerge. For further information on their services you are can contact
Emerge on 07 579 9020
Family Works Whakatane
Supports available include counselling and social work support for children and their families as well as a
range of group programmes
156 The Strand, Whakatane
Ph: 07 3071133
Tuhoe Hauora – Social and Health Services
Supports available include Social Worker in Schools, Family support and community transport
44 Tuhoe St, Taneatua
Ph: 3129874
Ngati Awa Social and Health Services - Te tohu o te Ora o Ngati Awa
Supports available include Social Worker in Schools, Iwi social Service including one on one and group
interventions for youth and whanau
36 Thornton Road, Whakatane
Ph: 3060096
Whakatohea Iwi Social Health Services - Te Pou Oranga o Whakatohea
Supports available include mental health services for children and adults, Social Worker in Schools
128 Church St Opotiki
Ph: 07 3156042
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