Chapter 31 Choosing Marriage
Section 1: The Engagement
Section 2: Making Wedding Plans
The Engagement
• Definition: (in the dictionary)- attracted,
involved, intermeshed
• “a promise or intention to marry”
• Purposes of engagement period:
– Prepare for the wedding
– Prepare for marriage
– Working towards a transition from “me” to
“we”
Engagement
• Learning about each other (the book)
• Identifying differences (the book)
• Developing teamwork
• Establishing new relationships- family,
friends, children
• Seeking advice- premarital counseling
Broken engagements
• 1/3 of all engagements don’t result in
marriage
• Can be difficult but… whatever the
difficulties of a broken engagement, they
are far less than those of a troubled
marriage or divorce
Making Wedding plans
• A ceremony with significance- religious, family,
•
friends
Contracts and customs
– Contract- binding agreement between two or more
people
– Laws: marriage has restrictions on minimum age,
mental soundness, certain diseases, blood ties
(cousins)
– A license to marry is issued by the state 30 days
before, sometimes with a blood test
Prenuptial Agreements
• Partners can write them on any issues
they wish but are usually about:
– Protecting property within marriage
– Establishing ownership in case of marital
breakup
– Defining roles, rights, and duties of each
partner
Customs
• Rings- unending circle, gold- value, strength,
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•
•
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and enduring quality
Engagement parties and showers- given by
family and friends to celebrate
Bad luck to see each other
Vows- promises in front of friends, family and
God (if religious)
Bride’s maids & Groom’s men- help the couple,
and “stand up” for them
Wedding Concerns
• Finances
– Traditionally her parents pay
– Now it is more common to split 2 (both
parents) or 3 (the couple also contributes)
ways.
• Conflicts
– Pleasing family (especially if they are paying)
– Photos & seating
Chapter 32
Building a Strong Marriage
• What make a marriage strong?
– Realistic expectations
– Commitment-desire to make marriage work
– Acceptance
– Flexibility
– Thoughtfulness
– U-shaped satisfaction curve- highs and lows
of marriage satisfaction
Skills and Resources in Marriage
• Communication
• Conflict resolution
• Sharing intimacy
• Sharing decisions
• Common values
• Managing resources
• Spend time together
Resources for Married Couples
• Family and friends
• Marriage enrichment- religious or “retreat”
• Counseling
The Hard Questions-Susan Piver
With a partner- choose 2 “chapters” to analyze
Should agree or the relationship won’t work
should discuss but different answers
wouldn’t really matter
wouldn’t even need to discuss
would probably have come up in dating