The Driving Instructor
PROPSIEQUIPMENT: All you need is two chairs positioned side by side simulating the
front seat of a car. The driving instructor should be nicely dressed in a suit coat and tie
and seated in the chair representing the passenger side of the car. For best results
memorize the script and add a lot of action to the reading such as jerking each time Mrs.
Webb turns quickly or stops suddenly. If you would like to personalize this skit, simply
put in the name of someone in your group who is just learning how to drive or has a
notable driving reputation. This old Bob Newhart routine has been a success many times.
THE DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
How do you do, Mrs. Webb. I see you've had your first lesson already ... who was the
instructor? Mr. Adams. Now just let me read ahead and familiarize myself with the case.
Um ... how fast were you going when Mr. Adams jumped from the car? 75! ... How far
had Mr. Adams gotten with the lesson when he jumped from the car, Mrs. Webb? Oh, I
see-that was in your driveway. You were backing out at 75 when he jumped from your
car?
Well now, you've covered starting the car ... and what was that ... the-other-way-of
stopping?! What is the other way of stopping, Mrs. Webb? . .. Throwing it in reverse. Yes,
that will do it all right! Would you like to start the car now, Mrs. Webb. Ah, Mrs. Webb,
you just turned on the lights ... yes, they all look alike, don't they. No, I don't know why
they designed them that way. Fine ... now let's pull out into traffIc. What was the fIrst
thing that Mr. Adams did ... besides praying, that is?
Now, what I had in mind was checking the rear view mirror. Yes, you always want to ...
(Scream) ... Don't Pull Out! ... Oh, please don't cry, Mrs. Webb, I'm sorry. Of course
you're nervous ... why, I'm nervous too. No, believe me, I'm really nervous. But you see,
there was this bus, Mrs. Webb. All right now, you want to pull out? Get into the right
lane ... get up a little more speed ... oh, I didn't plan to cover reverse this soon, but as long
as you've shifted into it ... No, just don't pay any attention to their honking. You're not
blocking anyone's lane.
All right, you want to start the car again. No, as long as you're in this safety island, you're
not blocking anyone's lane. Now next, let's try again, While you're turning off the lights,
will you turn off the heater. That's fine, that was great, Mrs. Webb; it's really hard for me
to believe you've only had one lesson. Let's practice a few turns ... turn here ... that's fine.
There's only one thing though, this is a one way street. No, actually it was partially my
fault. But you were in the left hand lane signaling to turn left, so I assumed you were
going to tum left! ... The same to you, fellow! No, I don't know what he said, Mrs.Webb.
Now let's pull into the alley and practice a little alley driving. This is something some of
the schools leave out, but we . .. You're Going Too Fast, Mrs. Webb! ... Well, you're
going over 60 and that is kind of a sharp turn ahead. Maybe we better stop here. I don't
think there's enough room between the truck and the building ... ah, I don't ... Mrs. Webb,
I don't think ... Mrs. Webb! ... I really didn't think you were going to make it. Well, that
just shows you that we can be wrong too. No, no, I'll get out on your side--that's O.K.
Maybe we better go to the student driving area, maybe traffic throws you. Just turn right
here. Ah, no Mrs. Webb, that was my fault again ... Ah, sir ... sir, would you mind turning
off the sprinkler, please? .. Newly seeded ... is that right? Thae s always the way isn't it!
No, I don't suppose that it was so funny.
Now Mrs. Webb, you want to get off the man's lawn. Just back up. Thank you very much
sir, we ... oh, now you've hit someone Mrs. Webb! Remember, you were going to watch
the rear view mirror! I see ... the blue light blinded you ... the flashing blue light blinded
you ... the flashing blue light on the car you hit blinded you! Yes, officer, she was telling
about it just now. Mrs. Webb, I'll have to go with the officer to the police station; they
don't believe it and they'd like me to describe it all. Now the other officer is going to
drive you back to the driving school at the police station and I'll meet you there. Ah, my
name is Frank Dexter ... why do you ask?
... You want to be sure to get me next time!!! (HE WALKS OFF, EXASPERATED.)