US Game show
The Hollywood Squares was an American panel game show in which two contestants play tic-tac-toe to win
cash and prizes. The board for the game is a 3 µ 3 vertical stack of open-faced cubes, each occupied by a
celebrity seated at a desk and facing the contestants.
The stars are asked questions by the host, and the contestants judge the truth of their answers to gain
squares in the right pattern to win the game. The game started in 1965. In 2013, TV Guide ranked it at No. 7
in its list of the 60 greatest game shows ever.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Here are some of the reasons why:
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how
high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or
in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in
the bedroom.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you
probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a
party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to
come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would
you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid
of the dark.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong
with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of
people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the
next apartment.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or
less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never
forget.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on at
least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you
should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
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ON THE LIGHTER
SIDE OF LIFE
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for
the required medical. A few days later the
doctor phones and says “Paddy, you realise
you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”
It was hard getting over my addiction to the
Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around
and that’s what it’s all about.
Little boy gets home from school and says
"Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a
man who's been married for 25 years."
Dad replies "Never mind son. Maybe next
time you'll get a speaking part!!"
Police have just released details of a new
drug craze that is being carried out in
Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire
club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just
above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "e
by gum"
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a
favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue
made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue
of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone
yer daft bugger!"
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist
"Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
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The beauty of nature
About 35 kilometres north of Maltah‘he, in Namibia, on the farm Sandhof, is
an enormous salt pan extending over an area of a thousand hectares. The pan
is normally bone dry and few people would think of visiting it other than to
drive across it at speed to see how fast their vehicles can go.
However, once every four or five years when there have been good rains
in the surroundings, usually in January or February, the pan becomes
inundated, if the water reaches a depth of 15 centimetres, it transforms
miraculously into a vast field of lilies emerging from a sheet of sparkling water
tinged red by the underlying sand. In next to no time shoots break through
the surface of the shallow water and burst into a vivid display of pink and
white for as far as the eye can see. This ephemeral blaze is but short-lived,
because as quickly as the flowers take shape they wither and thousands of
elephant beetles appear as if from nowhere, devouring the lot within days.
To see the fleeting spectacle, visitors flock to Sandhof from different parts
of the country and even South Africa. They usually converge on the small
town of Maltah‘he, which has a country hotel and a small number of
guesthouses.
The last time the lilies appeared was after the copious rains of 2006.
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The Pope &
Trump
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch
on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and
during lunch, a puff of wind blew the
Pontiff's hat off and right into the water.
It blew off about 50 feet, then the wind
died down and it just floated on top of the
water.
The crew and the secret service were
scrambling to launch a boat to retrieve it,
when Trump waved them off, saying
"Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the
yacht, walked on the water to the hat,
picked it up, walked back on the water,
climbed back into the yacht, and handed
the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless, the security
team, and the Pope's entourage were
speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the
Pope.
That afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC,
CNN all covered the story.
Their banner headlines read,
"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM"!
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SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS •
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• SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS • SIGNS
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