Emotion Coaching: Supporting Parents
with the Gottman Institute’s New Program
Presented by:
Rebecca L. Bowen, M.Ed.,
School Counselor &
School Psychologist
Liz Thibert, M.Ed.
School Counselor
TODAY’S AGENDA
• Introduction to the new DVD series Emotion Coaching:
• View segments of the DVD series
• Explore some of the parent activities
• Our experiences from the last two
year’s events
The Heart of Parenting
EMOTION COACHING
Emotional Coaching is a process by which
parents (and teachers) can connect with their
children by helping them to label and
understand their emotions to create problem
solving solutions for their needs.
INTRO TO META-EMOTION
• Meta-Emotion DVD clip
• Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D at the Gottman Institute
• Meta-Emotion
• Thinking about our emotions
• Activity:
Remembering life as a child
CHAPTER 1: HOW OUR INTERACTIONS MATTER
• How kid’s turn out
• Emotion Coaching vs. Emotion Dismissing Responses
BENEFITS OF EMOTION COACHING
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Get along better with friends
Experience fewer negative feeling and more positive
feelings
• Are more emotionally healthy
• Reduced child risk
• Fewer behavior problems
• Less prone to acts of violence
• Better physical health
• Score higher academically
CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE AN EMOTION COACH
• Parenting behaviors to avoid (Four Horseman of the Apocalypse)
• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Contempt (sarcasm, mockery, name calling)
• Stonewalling
CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE AN EMOTION COACH
• Parenting Behaviors to try
• Behavior 1: Avoid evaluative and judgmental language
• Behavior 2: Describe what you see and how you feel rather than using
labels
• Behavior 3: Process is everything; what you do to help solve is more
important than what you say. Model respectful problem solving.
• Behavior 4: Kids need to save face
CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE AN EMOTION COACH
• Behavior 5: Validate your child’s feelings
• Behavior 6: Let your child come up with their own solution
• Behavior 7: Grant in fantasy what you cannot grant in reality
• Behavior 8: Don’t jump to say “no” too quickly
• Methods of Limit Setting – Big piece often forgot
CHAPTER 3: BARRIERS TO EMOTION COACHING
• The parental agenda
• Flooding/”Flipping your lid”
• Antidote to flooding – taking a break and calming down
CHAPTER 4: FIVE STEPS TO EMOTION COACHING
• Step 1: Be aware of your child’s emotions
• Step 2: Recognize emotions as opportunities to connect or teach
• Step 3: Help your child verbally label emotions
• Step 4: Communicate empathy and understanding
• Step 5: Set limits and problem solve
WHEN YOU SHOULDN’T EMOTION COACH
• When you don’t have enough time
• When you have an audience
• When you are too upset or too tired for coaching to be productive
• When you need to address serious behavior
• When your child is “faking” an emotion to manipulate you
ROLE PLAY
• Pick a partner and take turns being the child
• The child wants a cell phone and parent needs to deal with it with emotions
coaching techniques
• Be brave!
It will help when you try it out on your kids!
CHAPTER 5: HELPING CHALLENGING CHILDREN
• The Coercive Cycle
• Explosive Children
• Implosive Children
CHAPTER 6: NEXT STEPS
• Parent Testimonials
EMOTIONAL COACHING PARENTING CLASS
SUCCESS STORY
• The Gottman Institute has produced a DVD series complete with Parent Guides
making for a quality opportunity for parent education.
• Tahoma District Counselor’s teamed to present a two evening and three
evening events for parents.
• We had to close the event early due to limited seating space.
• Overwhelmingly positive feedback from parents.
LOGISTICS
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Decide on how many nights
Space for tables
Technology
Online Registration
Advertising through district
Counselors willing to present
Administration Support (Curriculum and Financial)
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Purchase parent handbooks
Childcare?
REFERENCES AND CONTACT
• Emotion Coaching, The Heart of Parenting, John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie
Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D.
• Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman, Ph.D. and Joan
DeClaire
• Rebecca Bowen: [email protected]
• Liz Thibert: [email protected]