Grief Work –
The Hidden
Secret of The
True Man
Grief, when dealt with in a knightly
fashion, causes an individual to be
focused on life in more positive ways. A
positive outlook will ensure that a man’s
beliefs will not be held hostage by his
mood. It will also help him expect a high
level of functioning from himself, and
allow him more freedom to give others
the benefit of the doubt, when needed.
I.
Grief work requires that you
focus on the event and do the
following:
A.
Give yourself quiet time to reflect
on what it felt like.
B.
As you remember the feelings, do
not try to re-experience the event.
Keep yourself grounded in the
present.
I.
Grief work requires that you
focus on the event and do the
following:
C.
Approach your grief work in a
balanced way by remembering the
positive things that were occurring
in your life during that time.
D.
Share what you are experiencing
with several people with whom
you have supportive relationships.
I.
Grief work requires that you
focus on the event and do the
following:
E.
Allow yourself to think differently
as you redefine the grief:
1.
Appreciate that you have survived it.
2.
Consider what you have learned from
it.
3.
Discover at least three strengths that
you have demonstrated by getting
through the grief.
4.
Consider how the events appear from
another person’s point of view.
E.
Allow yourself to think differently as
you redefine the grief:
5.
Recognize that some experiences can
never be fully explained or justified.
6.
Write a letter of forgiveness to the
individuals involved.
7.
Read this letter to various friends, as a
way to release the feelings that are related
to your grief.
8.
Seek counseling if you need it.
9.
Actively establish beliefs which lead to
feeling like you “won,” in areas where you
once felt like you “lost.”
E.
Allow yourself to think differently as
you redefine the grief:
10. Forgive yourself for any responsibility that
you had for the experience.
11. Ask God to help you grieve all the way
through your hurt.
“So the king went out and took
his seat at the town gate, and as
the news spread throughout the
town that he was there,
everyone went to him.”
Absalom and David
2 Samuel 19:8
II. Consider how the grief areas of your chain
mail affect your relationships.
A. Energy that is available for positive relational
pursuits is limited by the grief.
B. We unknowingly involve ourselves in
relationships which require restoration. These
relationships often remind us of past
relationships because of the similarity in the
difficulties we experience in them.
1. Part of what they remind us of is inside of us.
2. We naturally seek what is familiar.
3. Others choose us because of the ways that we fit their
chain mail relationship attributes.
II. Consider how the grief areas of your
chain mail affect your relationships.
C.
We tend to expect our intimate partner to
make up for what was lost as a result of
the ways that others have treated us.
D.
Negative chain mail experiences interact
with a person’s use of their armor,
creating relational defensiveness.
E.
Unresolved grief areas of chain mail act
as hurdles which we must overcome in
order to achieve intimacy.
“Team player: One who unites
others toward a shared destiny
through sharing information
and ideas, empowering others
and developing trust.”
-Dennis Kinlaw
II. Consider how the grief areas of your
chain mail affect your relationships.
F.
We distort who the person really is to fit
our image of who we want them to be.
G.
The grief process requires the use of a
good support system to provide new and
positive experiences.
H.
We should not take responsibility for
fixing the past negative experiences of
others.
I.
We can support the grief process of
others by listening.
II. Consider how the grief areas of your
chain mail affect your relationships.
J.
We want others to do the impossible and
mend our old wounds.
K.
Others can’t do your grief work for you.
You must do it for yourself.
L.
Forgiveness is the key to letting go of
old pain.
M. You can pursue the forgiveness of those
whom you have hurt through an
accurate, humble, and honest apology.
II. Consider how the grief areas of your
chain mail affect your relationships.
N.
You can support the grief process of
others by:
1.
Hearing their anger.
2.
Letting them know their value.
3.
Asking for forgiveness.
4.
Endeavoring not to hurt them again.
5.
Waiting.