“Don’t Drink the Water”
Winter Play 2014
Informational Packet
Audition Information
Auditions for the winter play, “Don’t Drink the Water” will be held Tuesday, 10/28 and
Wednesday, 10/29 after school in the drama room. Callbacks, if needed, will be on
Thursday, 10/30. Auditionees will be required to perform at least one monologue from
the list at the end of this packet. The audition will consist of a physical activity
(pantomime or improvisation exercise), the monologues, and scenes from the play.
Everyone will read for at least two characters. More reading will take place at callbacks.
If I receive all conflict sheets on time, I will post the cast list around noon on Saturday,
11/1 at www.gbntheatre.com. The callback list will be posted there in the evening on
Wednesday, 10/29.
Plot Summary
Don't Drink the Water is a comedy play written by Woody Allen. Written and set in the
60’s, the play bases itself around the Cold War. In an unnamed European country
behind the Iron Curtain, the American Ambassador must leave the Embassy for
business. In his absence he places his incompetent son Axel Magee in charge. Almost
immediately the Embassy is thrust into a crisis as the Hollanders, an American family of
tourists, come rushing in on the run from the Communist police. Walter, the father, had
accidentally snuck into a high security area and taken pictures, causing the communist
to believe the family are spies. Axel digs the hole deeper and the embassy is
surrounded, leaving the Hollanders trapped.
Character List
I’m looking to cast 14-18 kids in this show. It calls for more male actors, but some parts
could be gender-swapped.

Axel Magee - An American foreign diplomat who only went into the business due to
his father rather then his actual talent in art. He has a tendency to ramble, especially
when nervous. He falls in love with Susan during the play.

Walter Hollander - A caterer from Newark, New Jersey. He is married to Marion and
is the father of Susan and Seth. He causes his family to become trapped in the
American embassy after he takes pictures of a high security area. He is very loud
and abrasive but he can be kind when he wants to.

Marion Hollander - Walter's homemaker wife and the mother of Susan and Seth, she
too is somewhat inappropriate but she's much kinder then Walter.

Susan Hollander - Walter and Marion's beautiful daughter who falls in love with Axel.

Father Drobney - A priest hiding out in the embassy for 6 years with a love of magic
tricks. He is the narrator of the play.

Kilroy - Ambassador Magee's stuck-up assistant who is much more competent at his
job then Axel (could be female)

Krojack - The head of the Communist police who traps the Hollanders in the
embassy

Burns - An assistant working at the embassy (could be female)

Ambassador Magee - Axel's father who is the ambassador of the unnamed country
and the head of the embassy

Chef - The embassy's chef, who consistently butts heads with Walter (could be
female)

Sultan of Bashir- Rich Middle-Eastern ruler who visits the Embassy with his wife

Sultan’s wife- Young, pretty wife of the Sultan of Bashir

Kasnar- Guest at the Embassy

Countess Bordoni- Wealthy guest of the Embassy

Ensemble- Krojack’s thugs, sous chef, party guests etc.
Tentative Rehearsal Schedule
Play rehearsals are very important for keeping the production on schedule and building
confidence in individual performances. The expectation is that all actors will be at any
and all rehearsals that he/she is called for. Please look over the important dates for the
production listed here, and be sure to return the attached conflict sheet no later than
Thursday, 10/30. I CANNOT POST THE CAST LIST UNTIL I HAVE CONFLICT
FORMS FOR ALL STUDENTS WHO I’M PLANNING TO CAST.
Mon, 11/3
Tues, 11/4
Weds 11/5
Thurs 11/6
Fri 11/7
3:15-6:00
3:15-6:15
3:15-6:15
3:15-6:15
3:15-6:15
Mon 11/10 3:15-6:00
***********Tues 11/11
Weds 11/12 3:15-4:30
Thurs 11/13 3:15-6:15
Fri 11/14
3:15-4:30
All Cast
All Cast
All Cast
All Cast
All Cast
Script Read Through
Blocking Act 1
Blocking Act 2
Blocking Refresher
Table/Character Work
Scene Work
VETERAN’S DAY Rehearsal Times TBD*********
Scene Work
Scene Work
Mon 11/17
Tues 11/18
Weds 11/19
Thurs 11/20
Fri 11/21
3:15-6:15
3:15-6:15
4:00-6:15
3:15-6:15
3:15-6:15
Scene work
Scene Work
Scene Work
Scene Work
Scene Work
Mon 11/24 3:15-6:15
Scene Work
Tues 11/25 3:15- 6:15
Scene Work
*****************************THANKSGIVING BREAK*******************************
Mon 12/1
3:15-6:15
Scene Work
************************NO CONFLICT PERIOD BEGINS***************************
Tues 12/2
3:15-7:00
Tech Rehearsal
Weds 12/3 3:15-7:30
Tech Rehearsal
Thurs 12/4 3:15-8:00
Tech Rehearsal
Fri 12/5
3:15-10:00 p.m.
Tech Rehearsal
Sat 12/6
10:00am-10:00 p.m.
Tech Rehearsal (2 runs)
Sun 12/7
12:00pm- 9:00 p.m.
Tech Rehearsal (2 runs)
Mon 12/8
3:15-10:00 p.m.
Dress Rehearsal
Tues 12/9
3:15-10:00 p.m.
Dress Rehearsal
Weds 12/10 3:15-10:00 p.m.
Photo/Dress Rehearsal
Thurs 12/11 7:30 p.m.
Performance
Fri 12/12
7:30 p.m.
Performance
Sat 12/13
7:30 p.m.
Performance/Strike
“Don’t Drink the Water”
Conflict Sheet (return by 10/30!)
For the dates listed below, please write down any conflicts that you foresee that would prevent you from coming
to rehearsals. Please be honest; I can work around conflicts that are openly declared, but do not respond
positively to surprise conflicts.
Mon, 11/3
3:15-6:00
Tues, 11/4
3:15-6:15
Weds 11/5
3:15-6:15
Thurs 11/6
3:15-6:15
Fri 11/7
3:15-6:15
Mon 11/10
3:15-6:00
Tues 11/11
TBD
Weds 11/12
3:15-4:30
Thurs 11/13
3:15-6:15
Fri 11/14
3:15-4:30
Mon 11/17
3:15-6:15
Tues 11/18
3:15-6:15
Weds 11/19
4:00-6:15
Thurs 11/20
3:15-6:15
Fri 11/21
3:15-6:15
Mon 11/24
3:15-6:15
Tues 11/25
3:15- 6:15
Mon 12/1
3:15-6:15
Rehearsals between 12/2 and 12/13 fall during the “no conflict” period, meaning you will need to work your
personal conflicts around our rehearsal.
I have gone over the rehearsal schedule for “Don’t Drink the Water” with my parents and acknowledge
the time commitment required for this show. I have listed all conflicts that may interfere with my
participation in the space above. If I am cast and I fail to uphold this commitment, I understand that I
may be subject to consequences including diminished participation or possibly dismissal from the
show.
________________________________________________________
Print Student Name
________________________________________________________
Student Signature
_____________________________________________________________
Parent Signature
________________________
Date
__________________________
Date
Character Monologues
Father Drobney: I heard so much commotion today that I had to come
down. I’m a guest through the courtesy of your government and I do not
wish to make myself a nuisance. I only can leave if there’s some drastic
change in national policy. I have many friends who could help me to
escape. But my duty is to return and someday lead my people again. In
recent years, I’ve developed a hobby and so it passes the lonely moments.
I’ve been practicing magic for years. Years! Pick a card- any card- I’m not
forcing!
Ambassador Magee: The only important guest we’re going to have in the
next two weeks is the Sultan of Bashir. I’m on the verge of concluding an oil
deal with the Sultan that would make me a very big man next November.
Axel, most fathers start their sons in the mail room and let them work their
way up. I started you on top and you worked your way to the mailroom.
This Embassy is a clean start for you. If it’s not run letter perfect, I’ll fire
you, and if your own father fires you, it’s the end of the line.
Axel Magee: Listen, Susan, you don’t have to explain parents. I have two
parents. I had two parents. My mother is in court trying to disown me. Did
Kilroy tell you that if I don’t make it here I’m finished? Too many
international blunders, I guess. One thing about my work- I don’t usually get
to meet attractive American women. Are you a model or actress or
something? You’re really very pretty.
Susan: I’m not getting married, Axel. I haven’t told my parents yet, but I
have told my fiancée. Donald’s bright and very handsome but- not for me.
My father’s going to have a stroke. He adores Donald. And compared to
the kinds of boys I almost married, Donald’s the answer to a father’s
prayer. I always picked the type that would turn my father’s hair grey. A
manic-depressive jazz musician. A draft dodger, and a defrocked priest.
The truth is, you never know what you want. You think you want a certain
type and then you meet somebody who has nothing of what you want and
for some unexplainable reason, you fall in love with him.
Walter: Listen, I’m a caterer not a spy! Creative catering- our specialty.
What do you think I’m gonna do, stay here? Live here? This is the height of
the season! I got weddings coming up, I got receptions, I got coming-out
parties. Sam Blackwell can’t handle it by himself. He lacks my charm. He’s
the inside man. I’m the outside man. It requires personality. And now, if
you’ll excuse me, I’m going to America. Where’s my hat?
Kilroy: The Sultan of Bashir should be here any minute. Or did you forget?
I suggested a postponement but you assured everyone you would have
matters settled and that business would proceed as usual. You know the
Sultan is a dictator and a very temperamental man. Any little ripple could
hurt your father’s oil deal and I’d hate to be in your shoes if that happened.
Marion: I told him it looked like private property, but he had to get a
photograph. He said “Why? Cause there’s guards, and dogs, and barbed
wire?” I said, “Yes, cause there’s guards, and dogs, and barbed wire!”
What did you think this was, a place that sells guards, and dogs, and
barbed wire?!
Krojack: If I could have my way- you and all those like you would hang in
the public square as an example to all enemies of the State. I have men
who worked with the Gestapo during the war. One hour at their disposal
and you would tell everything. Admit it! You are a filthy American spy!
Admit it! Admit it! I will kill you myself!
Chef: Mister Magee, something is happening! There are soldiers
surrounding the house. They are staring in the kitchen. I can’t cook if I’m
being stared at. I’m that kind of person. I am personal chef to Ambassador
Magee, formerly Chef to the King of Norway, formerly Chef at the White
House, formerly Chef to the Queen of England….before that I did very little
cooking. I had a cake in the oven! Your gunshots made it fall!