Life Coaching with
Couples:
Smart Marriages Conference
June 29, 2007
Presented by:
Lisa G. Kramer, MSW, PCC
Living with Intention LLC
www.livingwithintention.com
www.lovingwithintention.com
“For one human being to love
another, that is perhaps the
most difficult of our tasks; the
last test and proof, the work for
which all other work is but
preparation.”
~Rilke
© 2007 Living with Intention
Program Overview
 What is Life Coaching?
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What is Life Coaching with Couples?
Distinctions between Coaching and
Other Professions
Conscious Relationship Coaching
Model™
Live Coaching Demo Q & A – write
them down
What’s Next?
© 2007 Living with Intention
Request –
A Coaching Skill
• Beginner’s Mind
“Seek the wisdom of the ages,
but look at the world through
the eyes of a child.”
- Wild
• Be the Consumer
© 2007 Living with Intention
Struggle
1 :To
make strenuous or violent
efforts in the face of difficulties
or opposition
2 :To proceed with difficulty or
with great effort
© 2007 Living with Intention
The Secret
Our Thoughts Create
Our Reality
The Law of Attraction – Like energy
attracts like energy
Focus on Struggle creates more
struggle and hard work
Focus on Appreciation and what
you want creates more of what
you want
© 2007 Living with Intention
Premise for Today’s
Program
When couples learn to focus
their attention on what’s
already working well and
what they want more of,
that’s exactly what
happens – they get more of
what they want!
© 2007 Living with Intention
Coaching is the vehicle
to shift from struggle
to satisfaction!
© 2007 Living with Intention
What is Coaching?
What comes to mind
when you think of
COACHING?
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What is Coaching
 A partnership designed to assist
clients to produce fulfilling results in
their lives.
 Coaching honors the client as the
expert in his/her life and work.
 Every client is creative,
resourceful and whole.
– International Coach Federation, 2006
© 2007 Living with Intention
Life Coaching
with Couples
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Communication
Parenting
Finances
Romance/Intimacy
Family Relationships
Life Transitions – Retirement,
Empty Nest
© 2007 Living with Intention
KEY POINTS
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Defines relationship vision and
develops plan of action
Focuses on possibilities and
capitalizes on strengths of the
couple’s relationship
Narrows the gap between
present and vision for the
future
Identifies roadblocks to assist
couples to make conscious
choices
© 2007 Living with Intention
Similarities/
Distinctions
Counseling
Marriage
Education
Coaching
© 2007 Living with Intention
Similarities/Distinctions
Between Relationship
Coaching and
Counseling
What are some similarities
between relationship coaching
and counseling? Marriage
education?
What are some differences
between relationship coaching
and counseling? Marriage
education?
© 2007 Living with Intention
The Conscious
Relationship
Coaching Model™
© 2007 Living with Intention
The Conscious
Relationship
A Conscious Relationship fosters
maximum psychological and spiritual
growth for both partners.
Stages in a Conscious Relationship
1. Romantic Love – ‘Honeymoon Phase’
2. The Power Struggle – Conflict as
Opportunity for Growth
3. Mature Love – Conscious Love
Imago Theory ~ Harville Hendrix
© 2007 Living with Intention
The Conscious
Relationship
Coaching Model™
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Design the Coaching Alliance
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Create the Relationship Vision
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Develop a Plan of Action
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Implement the Plan
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Clarity (vision) + Intention (plan) +
Action (doing) = Results (desired
outcome)
© 2007 Living with Intention
Design the Alliance
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Key Elements
 The Welcome Packet
 Set the foundation
 Educate couple about coaching
 Determine focus
 Establish connection
 Ask permission to coach
“The first step in building an effective
coaching relationship is to create a safe
and courageous space for the client…”
Whitworth et al.
Coactive Coaching
© 2007 Living with Intention
Creating the Vision
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Part I – Personal Vision
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Values clarification
Wheel of Life
Part II – Relationship Vision
 Personal Relationship Vision
 Shared Relationship Vision
 Relationship Wheel
 Use of Mirroring
© 2007 Living with Intention
Inventory - Wheel of Life
Directions: The eight sections in the Wheel of Life represent Balance. Seeing the center
of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, rate your level of satisfaction with each life
area by drawing a straight or curved line to create a new outer edge). The new
perimeter of the circle represents the Wheel of Life. How bumpy would the ride be if
this were a real wheel?
Physical
Environment
Career
7-10
Finances
Friends
&
Family
5-7
3-5
1-3
Health
Sig. other/
Romance
Fun &
© 2007 Living with
Intention
Recreation
Personal
Growth
Creating the Vision
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Part II – Relationship
Vision
 Personal Relationship Vision
 Shared Relationship Vision
 Relationship Wheel
 Use of Mirroring
© 2007 Living with Intention
Relationship Wheel
Physical
Environment
Communication
8-10
Personal/Spiritual
Development
4-7
0-3
Family and
Friends
(Community)
Core
Values
Social/Fun
Parenting
Finances
Romance/Intimacy
The hub represents your core values—each area inter-related in an ideal life.
Give yourself a score (1-10) and shade or color in the space accordingly.
Use this Wheel as a way to assess the level of relationship satisfaction in each
area. You may score it numerically to measure improvement desired, or you
may use it to have a coaching conversation about gaps between where you are
now and where you would like to be.
© Lisa Kramer/Patrick Williams
© 2007 Living with Intention
Inventory – Relationship Wheel
Directions: The eight sections in the Wheel of Life represent Balance.
Seeing the center of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, rate your
level of satisfaction with each life area by drawing a straight or curved
line to create a new outer edge). The new perimeter of the circle
represents the Wheel of Life. How bumpy would the ride be if this were a
real wheel?
Communication
Physical
Environment
7-10
Friends
& Family
5-7
Parenting
3-5
1-3
Romance
© 2007 Living with Intention
Lifestyle (incl. fun/
recreation
Money
Personal Growth
(incl. spirituality
The Coaching
Conversation
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Establish focus with the client
Promote discovery by listening,
asking questions
Clarify gaps – Where is the client
now? Where does he/she want to
be?
Determine action to narrow the
gap
Identify next steps and
accountability
© 2007 Living with Intention
Coaching Demo
Creating a Relationship
Vision
Select one area of the
relationship to begin to create
a vision
Observers – what assisted the
couple in moving forward to
develop the plan?
© 2007 Living with Intention
Develop the Plan
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Set SMART goals
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Related to the Vision
- Time-Limited
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Develop Action Steps
© 2007 Living with Intention
Planning and Designing
Actions
Imagine you are there, what are the
steps you took to get there?
By when do you want to accomplish
this?
What is the first step you will take
between now and our next
meeting? What support do you
need?
© 2007 Living with Intention
Create
Accountability
Accountability is key to accomplishing
what clients want
Client makes an accounting of what
he/she did or did not accomplish at
the next coaching call
Accountability questions:
 What did you experience?
 What got in the way?
 What did you learn?
© 2007 Living with Intention
Structure of the
Coaching Relationship
 Coaching takes place in person
or by telephone
 Meetings occur two or three
times monthly for a minimum
of three months
 Both partners must be present
for each call
 Fees are monthly or ‘package’
© 2007 Living with Intention
Great Coaches
“Great coaches and mentors are
so unshakably convinced that we
have great things in us -- their
vision of what is possible for us is
so clear and powerful -- that they
wind up convincing us too.”
- Lou Tice
© 2007 Living with Intention