Fix my son, tell me what to do!:
Daily challenges
for a Helpline Worker
Sam PoynterDrugs / HIV Helpline,
Dublin, Ireland.
The Drugs / HIV Helpline
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Statutory Service, nationally accessible
10yrs in existence
Two helplines in one
Open 5 days a week between the hours of
10am-5pm
Our Helpline……
Does NOT tell callers what to do, but instead
we create a supportive space for the caller
to discuss their next step forward.
We respect that all callers are self-determining
and to take this away from them only disempowers them.
Statistics
Total of 46,449 calls in 10 years (mid 97-mid 07)
42% of all calls are about drugs/ alcohol
13% of all calls are from mothers
2.5% fathers; 2% partners; 2% siblings
28% of all drug calls are about cannabis
21% heroin; 12% cocaine; 10% alcohol;
Reported effect of cannabis calls
on my colleagues
 Feeling Bullied
 Feeling ‘put on the spot’
 Being pushed for personal opinions,
“What do you think I should do?”
 Being dragged into a ‘debate’ about the
seriousness of cannabis use
 Pushed to take sides
 Problematic alcohol use was minimised, But I
don’t mind him having a drink”
 Frustrated
The nature of helpline work
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No appointment necessary/ no waiting – Just Call!
Free or low cost
No contract signed and negotiated
Callers preception of the service- They will ring
and get an answer!
Caller may not be telling you the whole truth
The caller may have an agenda prior to calling
Callers sense of urgency/ may be in crisis, this
affects their ability to take in information
The Helpline relationship is once off/ not ongoing
The caller may feel that other help didn’t work
Common issues that arise in Irish
drug calls
 Family breakdown / Separation / Divorce
 Active addiction in the family home
 Systemic Issues – Adult children living at
home. “I know he’s 35 but he is immature for
his age!”
 S ‘mothering’ – Not letting Go
 Learnt Helplessness
Challenges
 Context of call –
Is the caller distracted? Have they just had an
argument or confrontation? Is their son upstairs?
 Clash Of Agendas- Caller wants me to be directive
 Anger
 Fear
 Frustration – these may be masking other feelings
such as fear and helplessness
Empathy & Rapport
Transference, Projection &
Projective Identification
Transference
 Sigmund Freud – Early 1900’s
 Origins in Psychoanalysis
 A Definition,
“A process by which a patient displaces onto
his analyst feelings, ideas, which derive
from previous figures in his life, but which he
relates to his analyst as though he were
some former object in his life” Rycott (1979)
Projective Identification
 Melanie Klein – Child Psychoanalyst (1946)
 A definition,
“ The client may project this dis-owned part of
themselves onto another; to which the person
who is at the receiving end of this will adopt this
dis-owned aspect of the self”
Clark (1995)
Projection
 A definition,
“Projection is a psychological process that
involves the attribution of unacceptable
thoughts, feelings, traits or behaviours to
others that are characteristic of oneself”
Crawley & Grant (2005)
Helpful Interventions
Exploring Power Dynamics
Helpline Example:
The caller may have tried everything to make him stop and
he still hasn’t. This can make the caller feel tired,
powerless and frustrated
A Helpful Intervention might be;
“I sense that you are feeling powerless over this, what is
that like?
You are demonstrating your EMPATHY
You are MIRRORING their experience
You are LISTENING to them
Helpful Interventions
Name what is happening in the call
Helpline example: Have you ever been on a call
and it is going no-where or the caller is
repeatedly asking you what they should do?
A Helpful Intervention might be:
“ So we’ve discussed some options and not really
come up with any answers, what is your sense
of that now?”
Helpful Interventions
The caller may organise their relationship with you
Helpline example: Sometimes the caller may have
questions and make a presumption that we are the
experts and project this onto us;
Intervention: “Before you came on the call, did you
have an idea what you would do?”
Caller: “You’re the experts!, that’s why I am ringing
you”
Helpline worker: “Maybe it doesn’t feel like it now
but you are the expert in dealing with your son or
daughter. How have you dealt with challenges in
the past?…..”
Helpful Interventions
Asking for our personal opinions
Helpline example: “Is this something that I should
be worried about? Do you think it is a dangerous
drug?”
Intervention/ technique:
Side Stepping and de-personalising it –
Helpline Person: “Well there is a school of thought
that says this… and a school of thought that says
this….”
Our toolbox of skills- Analogy
 Use of Analogy / Play on words to explore
ideas with caller
Exploring Powerlessness & Control –
“You can drag a horse to water
but can you make him drink it?”
Exploring their management of situation
“I sounds like you are juggling lots of things
there, how is that for you?”
Our toolbox of skills
 Empathy: tone, pace, verbal nods, silence
 Being non-judgemental
 Staying in ‘the here and now’. We have only the
information that is available to us in the call.
 Having a focus on caller and his/her needs.
 Having policies and guidelines to follow
 Being the ‘constant’
 Using ‘we’ rather than ‘I’.
Our toolbox of skills
 Using Clinical Supervision – This is a reflective
space to look at your skills and explore how
calls may impact on you
 Being aware of how your body is feeling after a
call- Are you frustrated? Are you bored by what
they were saying to you?
And Finally………
 Accepting that we are not miracle
healers or magicians!
Your intervention may not fix their
son or tell them what to do but it
may be planting a seed for them to
think about looking at other aspects
of the situation
References
 Grant, J., & Crawley, J., (2002)
Transference and Projection: Mirrors to the
self. 3rd Ed. Open University Press. UK.
 Kahn, M, (1997) Between Therapist &
Client. 2nd Ed. Henry Holt & Company, New
York.