Eliminate Strained Relationships
How to Work through
Relationships Confidently &
Effectively
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This is your brain
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This is your
brain during a
crucial
conversation.
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The Solution: Dialogue™
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Dialogue: Free Flow of Meaning
When facing high stakes, opposing
opinions, and strong emotions,
influential people:
• Frankly and honestly share ideas,
opinions, and feelings.
• Give up the goal of convincing and
controlling.
• Take responsibility for contributing to a
pool of shared meaning.
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Law of Crucial Conversations
Anytime you find yourself stuck,
there are crucial
conversations keeping you
there. Identify the crucial
conversations you are not
holding or not holding well,
and get better at everything.
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“The measure of success
is not whether you have
a tough problem to deal
with, but whether it is
the same problem you
had last year.”
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Where are YOU stuck?
When it comes to your organization,
where are you stuck?
• What do people gripe about?
• What do they complain about – at
work and after they leave to go home?
• What are the problems people are still
trying to fix?
• Identify one crucial conversation that
needs to happen.
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Start with Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect
The conditions of safety
To keep the pool of meaning large and wide
CREATE Mutual Purpose: search for common needs and
interests
Do others believe I care about their goals in the
conversation?
Do they trust my motives?
You must care enough about the other’s needs to be
willing to create a new mutual purpose – a win-win
Ask yourself
– What do I want for myself?
– What do I want for others?
– What do I want for our relationship?
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Domains of Conflict
purpose
personal
process
people
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In long lasting high stakes conversations you need to
learn the art of win-win
Collaboration
assertiveness
competing
Win Win
compromise
avoid
accommodat
e
cooperativeness
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Mutual Respect
If there is disrespect your conversation looses
it’s purpose. People start to defend and
protect themselves.
Signs
Emotional behavior, defending, fear and
anger, accusations, getting offended,
debate or surrender
If you don’t care for the other person,
respect their humanity
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Tools and Tips
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STATE
– State the facts
– Tell your story (interpretation)
– Ask for the other’s story
– How
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•
Tentatively
Encourage Testing
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Tools and Tips
• List of interests, needs, wants. Meet
together to compare. Focus on the
common ground.
• Assessments of style –
communication preference workshop
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Tools & Tips – Giving Feedback
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2.
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Plan – gather facts
Ask for permission
Set a favorable time, location
No distractions
Full attention
Listen to learn
Set the tone
Focus on specifics
Relay impact
Show appreciation, say thank you
Be a camera
Agree on outcomes and timelines for improvement
Re-evaluate
Look for the win - win
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Tools & Tips - Receiving Feedback
1.
2.
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Ask for it
Be vulnerable
View feedback as a gift
Check your anger and defensiveness
Pay attention
Ask for feed forward – one thing you can
do to improve
7. Take time to take it in – hold your reaction
– wonder
8. Thankful for honesty
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Executive Leaders Need To Improve
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Developing direct reports
Motivating others
Giving tough feedback
Building teams
Informing Others
67%
53%
63%
54%
61%
source, Center for Creative Leadership
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McKinsey Company Study
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Leadership Enhancers
• Early exposure, develop sponsors, big
opportunities, visibility
• Tough assignments, action learning
• Global, diversity
• Depth, departments, services, project
types
• Breadth, many types of problem
solving
• Failure & rebound
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Leader Derailers
• Does not build or leverage peer
relationships, not a team player
• Cannot execute through others, does
not develop other leaders
• Stops growing, not open to feedback
and lacks introspection
• Ego gets in the way, being right and
going it alone
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Leader
Levels of Success & Failure
Failures result from not shifting values
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2.
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6.
Individual contributor to managing others
Managing others to managing project managers
Managing others to managing functions
Managing functions to business management
Managing business to managing a group
Managing a group to managing an enterprise
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Apply what you’ve learned
• Given your crucial conversation, what
are your next steps?
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