ADVICE
ATTITUDE
OPINION
Ask Bossy
with Kate de Brito
[email protected]
Spilling the
beans on
office affair
Got a question? Ask Bossy. No-holds-barred advice from
our agony aunt Kate de Brito . . . advice your friends are
too polite to give
DEAR BOSSY: I recently
caught a very senior male
member of staff in a
compromising position with
a female colleague — a colleague whose constant promotions have raised eyebrows from many quarters
for some time.
Now I know why.
Clearly this isn’t fair on the
rest of us and clearly there is
little I can do about it.
The thing is, the man’s wife
also works at the office — in
fact she sits just two seats
from him and three from her
— and appears oblivious to
her husband’s indiscretions.
Would she want to know?
Plus there’s the fact I feel I’d
be committing career harakiri in bringing it to
her attention.
On the other hand, I despair
at my whimpering moral
cowardice. My main beef is
the third party’s position of
unwarranted eminence.
What to do?
A reader busted her boss in a compromising position with a colleague whose constant
promotions have raised eyebrows from many quarters for some time
BOSSY SAYS: Should you
tell? That depends on whether you might have seen something innocent and chosen to
view it the wrong way.
It depends on whether you
like the wife and think she
deserves to know her husband is a rat.
And whether you think
by telling you will finally
If you choose not to
tell it’s OK, it’s not
moral cowardice. It’s
protecting your own
hide and who can
blame you for that?
put a stop to that other
chick’s ‘‘eyebrow-raising’’
career promotions.
You don’t say whether this
senior member knows you
caught him out with his coworker and how he’s been
treating you since.
If he knows you know, you
could definitely be committing career hara-kiri by spilling the secret to his wife.
But it also depends on the
kind of company where you
work. Is it a small family
business run by husband and
wife or a large corporation
with checks and balances?
Is this senior member of
staff your direct boss and
does he have a number of
bosses himself?
Would this man’s wife want
to know? Yes, she would.
Almost all women want
to know if their husband is
an arse-hat.
Sometimes they turn a blind
eye, but mostly they don’t
want to be lied to and taken
for a ride by their spouse.
In this case, too, not only is
the woman’s husband an
arse-hat he is also carrying
on an affair with one of her
colleagues right under her
nose. Bad form.
If you do choose to tell you
need to know it probably
won’t be pretty.
You will be throwing an
atom bomb into their marriage and into the office.
But if you’re sick of watching
promotions pass you by
while landing steadily at the
feet of the other woman then
you’re probably well within
your rights to raise the question why, while also providing the answer.
If you choose not to tell it’s
OK, it’s not moral cowardice.
It’s protecting your own
hide and who can blame you
for that?
You do also have the option
of telling the man’s wife
anonymously. You could also
send an email to his boss letting him or her know what’s
going on on your floor.
Whether or not the wife believes what you saw is anyone’s guess.
And in your shoes, I’d feel exactly the way you do —
scared to say something but
pretty certain I should.
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Seek out some home truths before jumping back into love game
Why am I always so un- never tell me why, so I have I must have L for loser tat- need to know how much to women because you have fe- need to take a risk to step out
no idea.
tooed on my forehead or give and how much to hold male friends. I think you of entrenched patterns.
lucky in love?
DEAR BOSSY: I just can
never seem to get anywhere
with women. In the last six
months or so I’ve been out
with five girls, and even
though we have a nice chat
over coffee or something, after that they are always
‘‘busy’’ (not interested), and
www.ntnews.com.au
I’m 35, had one girlfriend in
my life, and have just lost
interest in the whole sickening game.
I’m pretty average looking,
but fit and healthy, and a
friendly kind of guy.
I’m sure if I told my female
friends I had this trouble
they would be surprised.
something.
BOSSY SAYS: Obviously
you’re doing something right
because five women in six
months is actually not a bad
track record.
But somewhere during the
first date, you’re stuffing it
up. Negotiating a first date requires tact and skill. You
back. It’s a bit like a strip
tease — boring if you take it
all off at once.
Be alluring. Part of the excitement of a new relationship is
discovering new aspects of
someone. Don’t lay yourself
out like a buffet; bring out the
dishes one by one.
You obviously get along with
should get some honest feedback from a couple of them —
the ones most likely to tell
you the truth — about what
you might be doing wrong.
Ask them to be specific. It
probably seems a risky business exposing yourself to
these women, even if they are
friends. But sometimes you
I can understand how disheartened you must feel, but
you’re not alone. Many people
feel the way you do. Do what
you can to stay positive. And
stop asking women out on
dates — for now at least. It’s a
universal truth that love
turns up the moment you
stop looking.
Friday, May 3, 2013. NT NEWS.
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PUB:
Should I tell the wife of a
senior colleague that
he’s cheating with one
our workmates?
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