Help Kids Navigate Adolescence in the Digital Age
Rick Stegman
Fairfax County Public Schools
http://tinyurl.com/mmoxks4
How to Talk to Your Child
Dr. Alan E. Kazdin
Professor of Psychology at Yale University
Director of Yale's Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic
Don’t say to your child, “You can talk to me about anything.” …Children
feel that, as a parent, there are some things that can’t come to you with…
…Be more Askable. Be an Askable Parent…
…and that comes from talking a little bit more about your day. Talking
about yourself. Getting the child really in the habit of just talking about
what is going on in their life, and not by interrogating…
…Get in the habit of we all talk about each other’s lives.
(2013). Dr. Alan E. Kazdin: get kids to behave without stress 09/01 by ... Retrieved September 25, 2013, from
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon/2013/09/01/dr-alan-e-kazdin-get-kids-to-behave-without-stress.
7 Steps to Good Digital Parenting
1. Talk with Your Kids
2. Educate Yourself
3. Use Parental Controls
4. Set Ground Rules and Apply Sanctions
5. Friend and Follow But Don’t Stalk
6. Explore, Share, and Celebrate
7. Be a Good Digital Role Model
(2015). 7 Steps to Good Digital Parenting – Family Online Safety Institute. Retrieved March 16, 2015, from
https://www.fosi.org/good-digital-parenting/seven-steps-good-digital-parenting/.
Human Growth & Development
Filtered vs. Unfiltered Access
Photo From: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dalydaly/10813808/Photo
VDOE Information Brief
Dr. Zheng Yan
 …Due to school Internet filters, these students develop an
unrealistically high comfort level online… Children need to build
virtual immune systems just as they do physical immunity. If children
are raised in a germ-free environment to prevent illnesses, their
immune systems are too low to block diseases when they encounter
the real world. Similarly, students who… [only access the filtered
Internet] will be unprepared for real Internet and virus threats. When
children advance physically, cognitively, and socially, they need a
scaffolding to wean them off the totally filtered Internet and on to
a partially real Internet. They then will enter the real world with
stronger virtual immune systems.
(2010). Children and the Internet - Virginia Department of Education. Retrieved September 27, 2013, from
http://www.doe.virginia.gov/support/technology/info_briefs/children_internet.pdf.
Social Networking Sites
FaceBook, Twitter, etc.
15 Apps and Websites Kids Are
Heading to After Facebook
Texting apps
Self-Destructing/Secret apps
 Kik Messenger
 Burn Note
 ooVoo
 Snapchat
 WhatsApp
 Whisper
 Yik Yak
Micro-blogging apps & sites
 Instagram
Chatting, Meeting, Dating
apps & sites
 Tumblr
 MeetMe
 Twitter
 Omegle
 Vine
 Skout
 Tinder
(2015). 15 Apps and Websites Kids Are Heading to After Facebook. Retrieved January 20, 2016, from
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/15-apps-and-websites-kids-are-heading-to-after-facebook.
What are Kids Doing on
Social Media Sites?
What are Kids Doing on
Social Media Sites?
Same things as adults:
• Sharing what they are doing
• Maintaining friendships
• Posting photos
• Coordinating social events
• Etc.
Risks Involved in Social Networking
 Harassment or online bullying
 Posting information that:
a) could be used to embarrass or manipulate
b) could cause psychological harm
c) could be used to steal their identity or property
 Damage to reputation or future prospects
 Too much time online, losing a sense of balance
 Exposure to inappropriate content
 Potential for inappropriate contact with adults
Collier, A. and Magid, L. (2012). A Parents’ Guide to Facebook. http://www.connectsafely.org/pdfs/fbparents.pdf
Human Growth & Development
Danah Boyd Quote
Danah Boyd talk at AAAS
Identity Production in a Networked Culture: Why Youth Heart MySpace
 Youth are not creating digital publics to scare parents - they are
doing so because they need youth space, a place to gather and
see and be seen by peers. Publics are critical to the coming-of-age
narrative… What we're seeing right now is a cultural shift due to the
introduction of a new medium and the emergence of greater
restrictions on youth mobility and access... Regardless of what will
come, youth are doing what they've always done - repurposing
new mediums in order to learn about social culture. Technology will
have an effect… But youth will continue to work out identity
issues, hang out and create spaces that are their own,
regardless of what technologies are available.
Boyd, Danah. 2006. “Identity Production in a Networked Culture: Why Youth Heart MySpace.” American Association
for the Advancement of Science, St. Louis, MO. February 19, 2006
Another Thing Kids are Doing
Online (differently than when we
grew up) is Developing Their
Sexual Identity
(Sex Ed) Communication Tips
 Myth of “The Talk” - Not a one time thing
 Trust your judgment, your critical thinking, and your
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teaching abilities
Help them create boundaries, reinforce their critical
thinking skills, start conversations around values
Find teachable moments
Keep the lines of communication open with your child
Respect your child’s opinions
If you cannot have these discussions with them, provide
them with reliable/responsible alternatives
Jo Langford (2011). The Sex Edcyclopedia. Second Edition. Las Vegas, Nevada: Nazca Plains Corporation
Quick Quiz…
 What is the average age at which
kids are exposed to pornography?
 At what age should parents start
talking about porn with their
children?
Quick Quiz…
 What is the average age at which
kids are exposed to pornography?
Not that long ago: 16 ½
Today:
10 ½ to 11
Jo Langford Quote
 Kids are discovering porn at a really curious age.
They are developing their sexuality and their
sexual identity out of pornography. As opposed to
adults. An adult already in a relationship, already
having a sense of who they are, then incorporating
porn into that is very different than creating one’s
sexual identity out of pornography. I tell kids, "you
wouldn't think you can drive after playing Grant Theft
Auto." But they do that with sex.
Jo Langford. Quoted from Sex is Fun #323 (Podcast) Available at
http://podbay.fm/show/468324946/e/1331535602?autostart=1
Quick Quiz…
 At what age should parents start
talking about porn with their
children?
Recommendation: 7 – 8
Start talking earlier than
you think you need to.
What’s real. What’s fantasy.
What’s healthy. What’s not.
How to Talk to Your Child (Porn)
Dr. Marty Klein
Sex Therapist & Author
Young people are so surrounded by media that they don’t realize that there
are human beings involved in shaping those media... Just like young
people need media literacy in general. Young people need porn literacy...
They need to understand some on the basic facts about this medium that
they insist on consuming. Facts like… Porn is not a documentary… Porn
is fiction… This is an adult product made for adults and there is stuff
going on here that you can not possibly understand…
So how do young people acquire porn literacy? Obviously, by adults sitting
down and talking to them...
[So How Do We Do That?!?]
(2015). Marty Klein Why we fear porn. 10/5. Retrieved October 15, 2015, from
http://secularsexuality.dogmadebate.com/2015/10/05/051-marty-klein-why-we-fear-porn/.
Recommended Resources
FCPS Internet Safety Page
http://www.fcps.edu/is/instructionaltechnology/internetsafety/index.shtml
Common Sense Media Parent Toolkit
7 Steps to Good Digital Parenting
1. Talk with Your Kids
2. Educate Yourself
3. Use Parental Controls
4. Set Ground Rules and Apply Sanctions
5. Friend and Follow But Don’t Stalk
6. Explore, Share, and Celebrate
7. Be a Good Digital Role Model
(2015). 7 Steps to Good Digital Parenting – Family Online Safety Institute. Retrieved March 16, 2015, from
https://www.fosi.org/good-digital-parenting/seven-steps-good-digital-parenting/.
Be a Good Digital Role Model
 Common Sense Media:
No tablets at the table. Make room for #realtime PSA
Photo courtesy of leah zawadzki | lilyblue photography
FAQ Handout URL: http://tinyurl.com/jdlnfxq
FCPS Information App
http://www.fcps.edu/news/mobile-app.shtml
FCPS Communication to
Smartphone
Keep in Touch - http://www.fcps.edu/kit/
 Parents & Employees Automatically Enrolled
 Emergency, delayed opening and school closing
information, attendance, and other essential
communications.
FCPS News You Choose - Link 1, Link 2
 Optional, subscription-based email
 “Non-critical" e-mail communications such as
newsletters, events, news updates, etc.
FCPS Social Media Guidelines
 Available on FCPSNet
 For FCPS Staff
 Define and Cover
1. Non‐Instructional Use
2. Instructional Use
3. Personal Use
Bring Your Own Device (BYOD)
 Public Internet Link http://www.fcps.edu/it/byod/index.shtml
 FCPSNet Link http://fcpsnet.fcps.edu/is/instructionaltechnology/BYOD/in
dex.html
 FCPSNet IT Service Catalog Link http://fcpsnet.fcps.edu/it/offices/itss/customer_srvc/srvc_d
esk/information/byod.shtml
Access to up to date hardware
 A Funding / Budget Issue
 Lobby your Fairfax County Board of Supervisors
representative to fully fund FCPS Schools.
 Replacing computer equipment (REOC) is
managed by the FCPS IT Office Program
Management and Planning. FCPSNet Link
Onboarding FCPS 24/7
 Parent Help Link http://www.fcps.edu/is/instructionaltechnology/24
7help/parents.shtml
 FCPSNet IT Service Catalog Link –
FCPS 24-7 Learning, More Information
Technology Access for All
 Access4All Team http://www.fcps.edu/is/access4all/
 Discounted/Loaner/Free Computers, Internet, and
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Software
Locations of Computers in my Community
Locations of WiFi Access in my Community
FCPS Access Programs
Community Access Programs
 MiFi Hotspot Checkout - Available for Schools to
Purchase for Student Checkout. FCPSNet Link
Other Questions
Rick Stegman
Fairfax County Public Schools
Instructional Technology Integration
571-423-4576 (office)
[email protected]
@rickinfcps (Twitter)