Addressing the
Perpetrator as Parent: A
Cross-System
Examination of Gaps and
Interventions
David Mandel & Associates, LLC
May 10, 2013
Discussion Question
How does your agency approach perpetrators as
parents?
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
“Invisible”
“Good Guy”
“Bad Guy”
What we do
Ignore
Welcome/
Reward
Punish
Practice
Implications
Do nothing with
him
No assessment
Send him away
Implications for
work with
mothers and
children
All the focus is
on mom
Her efforts are
valued less
All the focus is
on mom
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
When perpetrators choose to be abusive or to
take steps that harm their children, they are
making conscious parenting decisions that
interfere with their child’s safety and wellbeing
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
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Third Safe and Together
Model Principle
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
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Different Systems and
Perpetrators as Parents
• How does each of the following systems address
domestic violence perpetrators in their role as
parents?
o Law enforcement
• Police
• Criminal court/prosecutor/judge
• Adult probation/parole
• Corrections
o Child welfare/dependency court
o Mental health providers
o Substance abuse providers
o Other social services
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
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Brief Checklist
• Does the agency generally address fatherhood issues?
o Examples:
• How does being a father factor into supervision for probationers?
• How do substance abuse programs explore issues of fatherhood with their
clients?
• Does the agency set high standards for men as parents?
• What kind of training has the agency specifically had on
perpetrators as parents?
• Does the agency incorporate specific assessment
questions related to perpetrators as fathers?
• Does the agency use the tools at its disposal to
address/intervene with perpetrators to support the safety
and well being of children?
o Systems may be better at holding him responsible for safety but as good as
holding him responsible for well-being.
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
Shifting the Paradigm: Keeping
Perpetrators’ Parenting in Focus
• Comprehensive approach to the perpetrator as a
parent
o How have their patterns of coercive control towards their partner
impacted their children?
o What actions have they taken to create harm for the children?
o How as the perpetrator impacted the children directly or indirectly?
• Example of directly: Fear from seeing the violence or taking the car
away from the family
• Example of indirectly: Loss of housing due to unemployment due to
the violence
• Question to ask:
o How are the children’s current situation/issues/problems connected to
their father’s violence?
o E.g. How is the child’s current academic issues connected to the current
or past behavior on the part of the perpetrator?
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
Shifting the Paradigm: Keeping
Perpetrators’ Parenting in Focus
(cont’d)
Safe and Together Model Assumption: Perpetrators benefit from
gender double standards. High standards for men as parents
helps shift this.
• What do they know about their children?
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Teachers?
Grade?
Favorite subject?
Medical issues?
Friends?
Favorite book?
Favorite toy?
o
o
o
Rules/discipline?
Parenting style?
How do they support their partner’s parenting?
o
o
o
What do the children say?
What’s been observed by systems (during visitation)?
What does the survivor say?
• How consistent are they in their parenting?
• And how do we know?
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
Batterer Perception of Child Exposure Impact Study
(Mandel)
Acknowledges that children have witnessed his verbal
OR physical abuse
Believes that kids feel scared, sad or confused
when they see or hear him acting physically violent
76.5%
69%
Believes various aspects of child's functioning and
relationships are negatively affected by his abuse
53%
Thinks violence and abuse negatively impacted his partner's
ability to parent (a lot or somewhat)
20%
Made it harder to co-parent with his current partner
28%
Felt his violence negatively affected his feelings about
himself as father (a lot or somewhat)
49%
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
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Some Show No Concern
Not at all worried about long term negative impact on children
26%
Not upset at all if child was accidentally physically harmed
17%
Not upset at all if child was abusive to dating partner
24%
Not upset at all if child hated him because of abuse
25%
Would not stop violence if he believed it was harming children
12%
Would not be at all upset if children thought violence was
normal
22%
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
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Engaging Fathers Around Violence
• Hopes that children would reach higher social status
o Talk about how exposure to violence in the home can reduce
academic and life success
o For father’s who express concern about neighborhood
violence, explore what they are modeling in their homes.
• Fears for daughters about predatory men
o How are they modeling for their daughter how a man is
supposed to treat their partners?
• Want their children to feel comfortable talking openly
o How does their violence impact the ability of their children to
come and talk to them?
• Tensions between hitting women being viewed as a sign
of weakness and violence being seen as survival skill
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
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Engaging Fathers Around Violence
• Working and financially supporting (or not) as men
o How do you use this theme to explore their relationship and the
potential for abuse or control?
o In a way that doesn’t offend or negatively impact: “I ask this of all
my clients because it’s common. I find that many men won’t bring
it up but it is bothering them.”
• Fathers as trauma survivors
o Helping them see the impact of their father’s/step father’s violence
• Fear about their children ending up the lowest of the low
o Exposure to violence in the home is one way that happens
• Some admit they have never talked to anyone about
these things before
(Research by Center for Social Research, University of Hartford)
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
Practice Tips
• Find what motivates this person towards change
• Find the contradictions
o Example: A father talks about feeling worried that his children are being
exposed to violence in their neighborhood and what it could do to them.
Validate his concern and point out that violence in the home can harm
the children as well.
• Redirect to focus on the perpetrator’s behaviors
and their parenting
• Observe the perpetrator with the children, if
possible
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission
Discussion Question
What could agencies in your community do to better
intervene with domestic violence perpetrators as
parents?
(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission