AYSO – COACHING COMMUNICATION &
ESTABLISHING GROUND RULES WITH
PLAYERS AND PARENTS
Chris Fudge
Coach, Referee, R18 Board member
Initial Communication with parents
• This is best done through email but don’t always
count on it
– Before the season starts, you should email all of your
parents introducing yourself and your assistant coaches
• I typically like to also add the roster so players know who their
teammates will be
• This is also a good opportunity to ask if any parents would like to
be a team parent, referee, etc.
• Ask if all there are any updates to contact information
– New email addresses, mobile phone numbers, etc
– When sending out your 1st email, ask everyone to reply to
ensure you have the right email addresses
– For no-replies, call the family. Too often you’ll find you
did have the right email address; they just didn’t respond
– Let everyone know your practice schedule/location
First meeting with players & parents
• This is usually the 1st practice
– Some coaches choose to hold a separate parent meeting before the
season starts – your choice
– If you choose the 1st practice as your parent meeting, schedule about
15 minutes at the end of practice to talk. Let parents know in
advance to be there.
• 1st practice – Getting to know the players
– Be there early. Players rarely show up all at the same time
• Some will arrive late – get used to it
– As each player arrives, introduce yourself, shake their hand and ask
their name
• I strongly recommend a clipboard and pen for writing down names
– Have the players go through some light stretching. This is a good
opportunity to talk one-on-one to find out their position preference
– Once all players arrive, get them in a circle and have each player
introduce themselves. You, as the coach, should go 1st. It’s
sometimes good to use some funny facts (e.g. your favorite action
hero) to lighten things up
– Have the players go through a stretch drill – start your practice
Setting the ground rules
• Define your goals as a coach. These are the ones I typically discuss:
– Always place the well-being of the player 1st
– As a coach, strive to communicate; to motivate; show leadership;
teach; be fair, honest, understanding, patient and responsible
– Develop techniques, tactics, fundamentals of the game and
conditioning
• Principles of play
• Observation and evaluation
• Develop match play skills
– Play to have fun – The season needs to be an enjoyable experience for
the player. Winning will be a bi-product.
• Parent expectations – The most important part of the meeting
– I have 4 major ground rules for parents
1. Always show positive support for your child, the team and the game
2. On game day, NO ONE talks to the referees, players and the other team except
for the head coach
3. As a parent, never approach the coach during a match and ask about the
position or playing time of your child
4. During practice and games, ABSOLUTELY no cell phones EVER!!!
Always show positive support
• Most players rely on someone else to get them to practice
and the games. Let the parents know it is important to
get players to the game/practice, on time, and picked up,
on time
• Practice – Important each player has:
–
–
–
–
Cleats (tennis shoes OK for younger ages)
Shin Guards
Water
Sweatshirt
• Game day – Players should arrive 30 minutes before game
time
– Arriving 5 minutes before the game starts can really cause
confusion as many coaches work out line-ups and substitution
patterns in advance
• Ask if anyone will have any consistent conflicts (due to
school, band, and of course, club soccer…….grrrrr).
Always show positive support (cont)
• Many parents attend games – Great! It is important that each
parent show positive reinforcement of their child, their team and
the opposing team
• Here are some good examples of positive reinforcement during a
game
– “Alright Jimmy, excellent pass”
– “Nice work Sandy, good hustle”
– “Good job team, way to play tough”
• Here are some less-than-perfect examples of positive
reinforcement during a game
– “Oh come one! You can do better than that!”
– “Don’t pass it to her. She can’t play to save her life!”
– “Hey Jimmy, that other team is playing dirty so you should start
playing dirty too!”
– “Ha Ha. Way to kick their butts. They suck!”
• If you have a parent that is a little too “over-enthusiastic”,
discreetly pull them aside and ask them to “keep it positive”
– I usually give each parent one warning/caution. #2 – Leave the field
Talking to the referee/other team
• The only player that addresses the referee is the coach
– This includes critical comments about the officiating
• Here are some less-than-perfect examples of critical remarks to the
referee:
– “Come on ref, that was a hand ball”
– “Hey, that was offside. Open your eyes”
– “Oh, that was a foul”
• Here are some good examples of critical remarks to the referee:
– ………..
• You should all know referees don’t get 100% of the calls right, every
time. Get over it. It’s not the end of the world
• No one addresses the players on the other team or the other side line.
Ever….
• This is often the hard part. Parents (and coaches) from the other team
may be loud, obnoxious, disrespectful and abusive.
– Do NOT get caught up in their drama
– Let it go and “keep it positive”. Your kids will respect you for taking the high
road.
• If you have a parent that is a little too “over-enthusiastic”, discreetly pull
them aside and ask them to “keep it positive”
– I usually give each parent one warning/caution. #2 – Leave the field
Approaching the coach during a game
• Never approach the coach during a match to discuss:
– The position your child is or isn’t playing
– The amount of playing time your child receives
• Except for U16/19, playing time is fixed – ¾ playing time
• I am always open to hear from a player who wants to play a
different position (than they typically play)
– There’s a way to approach that….
– Have the parent (or player) contact the coach before/after practice,
after a game or send an email or make a phone call
– Make sure the parent does it discreetly. No reason for the rest of the
team to be involved or aware of the discussion
– Let the parent know that you will do what you can to accommodate
their request. Usually, I am able to support a request.
• If the player wants to play in a different position, you may need to
work with them at practice to improve their skills for the new
position. I don’t suggest you make special time for them but put
them in new positions during drills, scrimmages and do
observation and evaluation.
– You may find the player excels more at a new position
– I also usually give the parent feedback (positive or not so positive)
Cell Phones
• This has become a popular topic over the past few years
• No player may use a cell phone during practice or a game
• There are exceptions:
– A parent calls with an emergency situation
– Need to arrange a ride - Do it during a break
• My issue with this is players get distracted (especially
during a game) and are often unprepared if you substitute
them
• During practice, players get on cell phones during water
breaks and take too long to get back on the field
• So here are my cell phone rules:
– If I catch a player with it the 1st time, I give them a warning
– If I see a player with a 2nd time, I take it away until the
game/practice is over
– After multiple warnings, in rare circumstances, I have
threatened to throw into the parking lot
• Hasn’t happened yet but if it does, I will not pay to replace it
Final items to discuss
• Players may not wear jewelry of any kind (including chains, watches,
body jewelry and earrings), or other ornamentation or anything else that
is likely to cause risk of injury to himself or herself or to other players
during the game, or practice.
– Medical information bracelets may be taped to the player’s skin with the
information visible. Prescription eyeglasses may be worn, but must remain
firmly on the wearer’s head or restrained by a strap.
• Hard casts (including padded casts), splints, helmets and hard padding
are not permitted to be worn by a player during any game or practice
• Players with permanent orthodontic braces are strongly encouraged to
wear mouth guards. Players may wear orthopedic braces, provided that
they are safe to all players.
• Additional volunteer support - Request team parent(s) support to
organize game day needs:
– Field preparation – Set-up for 1st game and tear down for last game
– Snacks – If you choose to have a snack schedule you should have 1 parent
coordinate it
– Someone to organize sweatshirts (if you want them), trophies, etc.
• Q&A
• Pass out Uniforms
BACK UP
Items you may want to send parents
from the Regional Guidelines
Region 18 Guidelines (subset)
• Attendance; Participation
– Every U14 or younger player present at the beginning of a game shall
be entitled to play at least three quarters of every game. Players
arriving after the first quarter of the game may be limited to playing
one half of the time they are at the game. Each player is strongly
urged to attend every team practice. Players who miss practices
regularly may have his/her playing time limited to one-half (but not
less than one-half) of a game. Such missed practices must be reported
to the DC, ARC and RC if a request is made to reduce playing time. If
the ARC and RC agree that playing time should be reduced, the parent
must be informed by the DC at least one week in advance of the game
in which playing time is reduced and the referee must be informed
about the reduced playing time before the start of the game. The
Referee will note this reason for reduced playing time on the game
card.
Region 18 Guidelines (subset)
•
Conduct during Games
–
The highest standards of conduct and good sportsmanship must be maintained at all times by
players, coaches, referees, spectators and all other participants. Offensive, insulting or abusive
language is forbidden. The use of alcohol, tobacco products or illegal drugs in the vicinity of the
playing field during practices or games is strictly forbidden. At the end of the game, the players on
each team shall line up and shake hands with the players of the opposing team and thank the referee
and assistant referees. All participants must wear the official uniforms provided for all games and
dress in them in a neat, clean manner. The use of shin guards is required at all practices and games.
Coaches are expected to be positive and set the best possible example for the participants. Excessive
coaching from the sidelines shall not be permitted, and the function of the coach should be to
provide encouragement and a positive direction. Except in Divisions U5 and U6, the coach may enter
the field of play only with the consent of the referee and may coach only within 10 yards in each
direction from the half-way line of the field (in no event in either of the penalty areas or from behind
the goals) and at least one yard away from the touchline. Coaches in Divisions U5 and U6 may be on
the field. Coaches should make substitutions and rotate players into positions in an effort to avoid
“running up” the score on an opponent. For competitive divisions, standings shall consist of only
wins, losses and ties with no benefit derived from creating a large goal differential. There shall not be
any specific penalty assessed in the event of a lopsided score; however the DC shall review various
methods to avoid running up scores with the respective coach(es). Coaches should try to control the
game so as not to run up the score. Repeat occurrences shall be referred to the RCA for further
instruction. Ability to avoid running up scores on an opponent may be used as one criterion in
selection of tournament and post season coaches. Spectators at games must remain behind the
spectator control lines which are marked three yards from and parallel with the touch lines and
between each penalty area. If the lines are not marked Spectators shall still remain three yards from
the touch line and between the penalty areas. Spectator’s vocal efforts should be limited to positive
compliments to the participants. Under no circumstances should spectators attempt to coach (ie,
provide tactical instruction) or publicly utter remarks derogatory to players, coaches, other
spectators, or the referee.
Region 18 Guidelines (subset)
• Youth Referees
– Region 18 has a zero tolerance policy for any abuse of a youth referee.
Any violation of this policy by a player, coach or parent will result in an
automatic additional two game suspension and such other disciplinary
action as the Executive Board deems appropriate upon thorough
review of the incident following the procedures outlined in Article 9
(Dispute Resolution). Abuse of a youth referee must be reported to
the Youth Referee Coordinator and the RRA in addition to the
appropriate Division Commissioner.