The Game Without Boards
by Jack Blatherwick
The game without boards has some big advantages, not the least of which is: no Dump-and-Chase.
No coaches yelling, “Chip it out; get it deep; finish checks; backcheck; forecheck; and HUSTLE
(meaning skate around like the proverbial headless chicken, and accomplish nothing).”
There are no scoreboards, but
of course there are winners
and losers in every game to
five. Pride and prestige are on
the line, not some meaningless
ranking. There is no
loudspeaker music between
whistles, because there no
whistles, no zebras, and no
penalty box. On the outside
pond, the obvious trip or slash
requires an immediate
democratic sanction, like
giving up the puck or at least,
offering an apology. There are
no scouts, no agents, and no
loud parents, only the quiet
ones with shovels and hot
chocolate.
Of course there is no boarding or checking from behind. All shots hit the net, and all passes are
precisely on the tape, or you have to walk through the snow or crawl on your knees across the dirt
to retrieve the puck. (Note: you can probably tell by the intricate detail that this author has plenty
of dirt on his sweat pants). There might be a line change – once each hour – leaving just enough
time to thaw out the toes and finish a sandwich. Then, when you return to action you must bring
someone with you to keep the sides even. We couldn’t allow one team to have a 10-on-9 advantage.
Puck possession is at a premium. No one would consider throwing the puck without making a play,
giving it intentionally to an opponent. That’s a ridiculous concept, conceived by college and pro
coaches, where wins and losses count more than cool moves and creative plays at the offensive blue
line. Actually, Risk/Reward has nothing to do with blue lines, because there are no lines. It’s more
about avoiding cracks in the ice.
It’s the purest game in the world, because motivation is all about sticks, pucks, dekes, deceptive
passes and goals. Goals? Consider that goal-scoring concepts might be developed better on a pond
without boards. Oh, we teach shooting, stickhandling, skating, and hustle in our regulation arenas.
X’s and O’s are easier to teach than the finer lessons of goal-scoring. Therefore, great goal-scorers
are rare, and great forecheckers are a dime-a-dozen.
Just one example: getting shots on goal – any shot from any angle – has become the rage in hockey
at all levels. Add to that the natural tendency to carry the puck wide on rushes, because it’s easy.
There is that moment where you can breathe without a defender all over you. So forwards learn
it’s cool to skate down the board toward the corner and take shots from bad angles rather than
carry the puck across the middle the way goal-scorers often do (picture Gretzky and Ovechkin).
But, no one learns to shoot from a bad angle on ponds without boards; the penalty for missing the
net is too great.
There are no plus-minus stats in pond hockey, except the one you keep in your head to measure
your own competitiveness. No stat sheets at all. No moron wearing a suit and tie, doing expert
commentary on the “number of hits” by team A. Of course, there are no suits and ties, just the
right number of jerseys (and maybe gloves under the hockey gloves) depending on the wind chill.
In a pond hockey game, highlight goals are the measure of a team’s skill, so no one bothers to count
hits, except for the occasional bully who has to be reminded this is hockey, not football.
Fun is not limited to one hour … or two or three. Fun is not defined by league standings and
celebrated by adults in the bleachers. There are no bleachers and no adults, except for those few
crazy senior citizens who compete with wooden sticks and leather skates. Pond hockey is pretty
darn good, but it’s not perfect. Alas, there are no Zamboni’s.