Warm up Column:
Your preparation for this session here…
Jot your answer(s) in the left gray
column
• Think about who
• Then: If they were to identify one/two
optimal areas/ dimensions for
improvement for you in your work,
what would they say?
• What would you say?
Write in Column 1 (under “Improvement
Goal”) your answer to this question:
What is your top priority selfimprovement goal?
Use these guidelines:
1. It’s true for you
2. It implicates you
3. There’s room for improvement
4. It’s stated in the affirmative
5. It’s important to you
(on a 1-5 scale, it’s a 4 or 5)
Self
Improvement
Goal
To be much more
effective at “deep
listening”; to be
able to really “sit
beside,” and “stay
with,” the person
even when they are
expressing hard
feelings (rather than
flee into “action
mode,” “rescue,” or
“the solution”)
© Minds at Work
Write in Column 2 (under “Doing/ Not
Doing”) your answer to this question:
What are you doing, or not doing, that
works against your Column 1 goal?
Use these guidelines:
• Behaviors (not emotions)
• These behaviors get in the way or work
against col. 1
• Don’t worry about why or write what you do to accomplish
your goal
Self
Improvement
Goal
To be much more
effective at “deep
listening”; to be
able to really “sit
beside,” and “stay
with,” the person
even when they are
expressing hard
feelings (rather than
flee into “action
mode,” “rescue,” or
“the solution”)
© Minds at Work
Doing / Not
Doing
-Focus mentally on
myself and how I will
deliver (vs. the other
person and how they
feel/think)
-Offer suggestions too
quickly, talk too much,
take charge, “lecture”
-Tell people how they
should think and feel
(rather than stay with
how they do)
-Steer them away from
their difficult feelings
(rather than
“accompany,”
“understand” and
“explore”)
Write in the top portion of Column 3: “Hidden
/ Competing Goal”:
Imagine doing the opposite of the
behaviors in Column 2:
Really picture yourself in that situation…..what do you feel/think?
• What concerns, doubts, anxieties – even fears – do you
experience?
• Write these down in the worry box
•
Examples:
• I’ll look like a slacker
• I’ll look stupid
• I’ll be replaceable
• I’ll be controlled, dominated by others
Self
Improvement
Goal
Doing / Not
Doing
To be much more
effective at “deep
listening”; to be
able to really “sit
beside,” and “stay
with,” the person
even when they are
expressing hard
feelings (rather than
flee into “action
mode,” “rescue,” or
“the solution”)
-Focus mentally on
myself and how I will
deliver (vs. the other
person and how they
feel/think)
-Offer suggestions too
quickly, talk too much,
take charge, “lecture”
-Tell people how they
should think and feel
(rather than stay with
how they do)
-Steer them away
from their difficult
feelings (rather than
“accompany,”
“understand” and
“explore”)
© Minds at Work
Competing/ Hidden
“Goal”
Fears: I’ll look dumb; I’ll lose
control; I won’t be special; I’ll
feel helpless; I’ll have to face
imperfections in myself &
others_________________
Put your answer underneath the “worry box”:
Consider that you may have a commitment to prevent
this fear or loss from happening. Write your fear into a
“goal” statement.
Examples:
-- I worry I’ll look stupid becomes “I am committed to not
looking stupid”
-- I worry I’ll let the person down becomes “I am committed to
not letting anyone down”
Use these guidelines:
•
•
•
•
Follows from your fear
Commitment to self-protection. IS NOT NOBLE.
Shows why col. 2 behaviors make good sense
You see your immune system & it feels powerful (4 or 5)
Self
Improvement
Goal
Doing / Not
Doing
To be much more
effective at “deep
listening”; to be
able to really “sit
beside,” and “stay
with,” the person
even when they are
expressing hard
feelings (rather than
flee into “action
mode,” “rescue,” or
“the solution”)
-Focus mentally on
myself and how I will
deliver (vs. the other
person and how they
feel/think)
-Offer suggestions too
quickly, talk too much,
take charge, “lecture”
-Tell people how they
should think and feel
(rather than stay with
how they do)
-Steer them away
from their difficult
feelings (rather than
“accompany,”
“understand” and
“explore”)
Competing/ Hidden
“Goal”
Fears: I’ll look dumb; I’ll lose
control; I won’t be special; I’ll
feel helpless; I’ll have to face
imperfections in myself &
others_________________
-To never looking dumb or
losing control
-To not being special/ different/
extraordinary, and being seen
as such by the other person
-To never experiencing
helplessness (other’s or my
own)
-To not having to face
imperfection (in seeing the
other’s weakest sides)
-To not get “sucked down” or
stuck in the pain or
helplessness of the other
person
-To staying “tough”
© Minds at Work
Write in the top portion of Column 4: “Big
Assumption”
Method 1: Ask yourself: ‘What assumptions must I be
making that would keep me captive of (or give rise to)
my col. 3 commitment?’
Method 2: Use ‘if….then….’ formula by inverting your
competing commitment, e.g., “If <opposite of column 3
goal>, then what bad thing would happen?
Use these guidelines:
• Makes col. 3 absolutely necessary
• Has a Bad conclusion for you
• Displays a contracted world
Self
Improvement
Goal
Doing / Not
Doing
To be much more
effective at “deep
listening”; to be
able to really “sit
beside,” and “stay
with,” the person
even when they are
expressing hard
feelings (rather than
flee into “action
mode,” “rescue,” or
“the solution”)
-Focus mentally on
myself and how I will
deliver (vs. the other
person and how they
feel/think)
-Offer suggestions too
quickly, talk too much,
take charge, “lecture”
-Tell people how they
should think and feel
(rather than stay with
how they do)
-Steer them away
from their difficult
feelings (rather than
“accompany,”
“understand” and
“explore”)
Competing/ Hidden
“Goal”
Fears: I’ll look dumb; I’ll lose
control; I won’t be special; I’ll
feel helpless; I’ll have to face
imperfections in myself &
others_________________
-To never looking dumb or
losing control
-To not being special/ different/
extraordinary, and being seen
as such by the other person
-To never experiencing
helplessness (other’s or my
own)
-To not having to face
imperfection (in seeing the
other’s weakest sides)
-To not get “sucked down” or
stuck in the pain or
helplessness of the other
person
-To staying “tough”
© Minds at Work
Big
Assumptions
-I assume my entire
“value proposition”
rests on my being
seen as (a) a very
smart source of
answers and
solutions, (b) tough,
and (c) in control.
-I assume that women
who are not “tough”
are discounted and
dominated.
-I assume my identity
would be shattered if I
were not regarded as
(a), (b), and (c)
above.
UNCONSCIOUSLY “IMMUNE”
CONSCIOUSLY “IMMUNE”
FOLLOW UP WORK TO OVERTURNING YOUR
“IMMUNE SYSTEM”
STEP 1: OBSERVE THE BIG ASSUMPTION IN ACTION
STEP 2: STAY ALERT TO NATURAL CHALLENGES &
COUNTERS TO THE BIG ASSUMPTION
STEP 3: WRITE THE BIOGRAPHY OF YOUR BIG ASSUMPTION
STEP 4: DESIGN A FIRST TEST OF YOUR BIG ASSUMPTION
STEP 5: EXAMINE THE RESULTS OF YOUR FIRST TEST
STEP 6: DEVELOP / RUN / EVALUATE FURTHER TESTS
CONSCIOUSLY “RELEASED”
UNCONSCIOUSLY“RELEASED”
Testing the big assumptions
Why?
• To get information about your Big Assumption …
specifically, how accurate it is
• The purpose is not to try immediately to improve or get
better
How? 1) What data would lead you to question your BA?
2) Now imagine a realistic situation that could yield
disconfirming data (if it exists); design it so that it is:
– Safe
– Modest
– Actionable
– Research (data-driven)
– Tests your big assumption
If you are having difficulty…
• Are there ways to re-focus the Big
Assumption to generate one that fits the
criteria?
• Are there assumptions implicit elsewhere
in your immunities work that are more
testable? Look for “hot” words
– in the Big Assumption
– in your immunities map
© MINDS AT WORK
Life After 1st Test
• Change is a journey … it happens
incrementally over time
• 1st test of your Big Assumption moves you
onto the path
• Success can encompass versatility /
complexity vs. replacement …
fundamental re-designs of the Big
Assumption
© MINDS AT WORK