Dr.
Nov. 2014
Mayer’s Memo
Immaturity: Unintentional
Coping Mechanism
I’ve called attention to what I call the ‘Epidemic of Immaturity’ in the past few years. In doing so I stressed how I believe
that our young people are more talented and informed than ever. In spite of their talent and knowledge many forces
determine that immaturity continues to pervade the current generation of young people and generations to come. Certainly,
there are exceptions as we see our young people accomplish amazing things with their talent.
Since I have been speaking about immaturity I’ve been asked why? What’s to blame? Who’s to blame? Parents? Schools?
Society? The Internet? Media? Technology?
Well, the answer is multi-determined and multifaceted. All of these forces and more create this veil of immaturity that
covers our young people in this current generation and will do so for generations in the foreseeable future.
In other Memos (Vol.26 No.’s 2 + 3) I have discussed the nature of this epidemic and what schools and parents can do to
help young people. In this Memo my goal here is to point out the understanding that immaturity often unintentionally acts
as a coping mechanism in young people. Think about this. If I (teen-child) act, think, emote immaturely, then I will not
have to take on the stresses and pressures of adult life. I keep the adult world away from demanding that I become adultlike. I can postpone this for now and stay within the safe, comfortable cocoon of childhood.
How does this help us? Well, like many coping mechanisms in life, to help an individual we don’t jump right in and try to
erase this coping mechanism because if we do there can be disastrous effects. Coping mechanisms are in place to protect us
from anxiety, fear, stress, and emotional turmoil. Remove them without other tools in place and the person can be broken.
If we continually approach immaturity as always negative in a young person’s life then we will not be successful at the goal
of leading the youth into maturity. Break this coping mechanism prematurely and you increase the chances for this youth to
act-out with poor school performance, alienation, psychological disturbance violence, drug abuse or gang activity.
So, five huge takeaways from this Memo: 1-Understand that immature behavior in young people is commonplace today. 2Immaturity is not our enemy-it helps young people cope with the stresses of today’s world. 3- We build MATURITY in
young people by replacing immature behaviors, thoughts, and emotions with alternatives that work for them. 4- This
process from immaturity to maturity can be slow and takes patience from the adult world. 5- Stop addressing immaturity as
an insult, a negative and start understanding immaturity as a coping mechanism of the not quite fully developed human
being.
More at: www.DrJohnMayer.com Follow me on Twitter @DrJohnMayer for daily tips for schools and
parents on teens, tweens and kings and queens!
Check out my new Author web site for my fiction at: www.jemayerbooks.com and my tweets at:
@jemayerbooks. Check out my two new fiction books: Immortal: The First Tango a new, scientific
twist to explain the vampire legend and An Anger at Birth the story of a raging teen time-bomb and
how we fail to help teens at-risk