Proposition game: How differently do children react to a shocking event?
A child was involved in an armed robbery and starts playing again immediately afterwards:
the child suppresses its fear and that is not healthy.
It’s very normal the child starts playing immediately.
Children are able to exclude intensive pain. This way they protect themselves. If it is
enough, it is enough and they choose again playing. Adults don’t understand this.
A child that has been involved in a violent burglary and which play-station has been stolen
will pester its classmates more often.
This is very normal.
Children can’t express their feelings like adults do. The expression of their emotions can be
very explosive. Adults often have difficulty to deal with that explosiveness.
When a member of a child’s family has been beaten on the street it is alright to avoid the
subject to protect the child.
This is not right.
As children has a rich fantasy, it is very important to give them direct information. Children
hear everything, also when adults are talking to each other< when children do not get
correct information, they compose their own story in their fantasy world< Most of the time,
those stories ate worse than reality.
It is very unusual that a child starts bed-wetting again after a burglary.
This is quite normal.
Children can sometimes go back to an earlier level of development. On that level, the world
is still comprehensible for children and thus safe. When going back to this safer period, they
try to get a grip on the new situation as a result of a shocking event. For instance, children
will start bed-wetting and thumb sucking again.
When mum is in hospital after the violent theft of her handbag it is very normal for the child to
call up dad every morning and to make its packed lunch.
It is normal that a child will take over the tasks, when another member of the family is no
longer able to fulfil certain tasks. A child will do this out of care for the other family members.
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 5
After an armed robbery, it is rather strange that the children act as if nothing has happened,
while the parents really showing there fear.
This is normal because children do not always share their feelings with parents, sisters and
brothers. Children often hide their own feelings to spare and protect others. They are afraid
to afflict even more pain upon parents, brothers or sisters if they show their feelings.
Children who have been very afraid after a shocking event have no problem expressing their
feelings about this at the sports club.
Children have a strong need to be part of a group. They do not want to be different from for
instance their classmates, friends of the youth club, … . The result of this is that children
hardly show their feelings; they are afraid to be rejected and not to be part of it anymore if
they show their emotions.
After a shocking event children often have a stomachache.
This is very normal.
Children often react with atypical complaints and symptoms: emotions are often translated
into physical complaints such as stomachache, headache, … .
Apart from this, children also show learning and concentration difficulties. It is important to
be attentive to these signals and to examine if they are connected with the shocking events.
Children often have guilt feelings when they were witnesses of domestic violence.
Shortly after a shocking event, children can feel guilty.
There are two kinds of guilt: justified and non-justified guilt.
In the case of justified guilt, a child still has to make up for something.
Non-justified feelings of guilt often have to do with children’s magical thinking.
When a child saw that his father tried to kill his mother it will act this out time and again.
Children express themselves while playing, it is their most natural means of communication.
Adults talk about their emotions or they think about what has happened. Young children’s
verbal and mental abilities are not always sufficiently developed yet in order to express their
emotions in that way. While playing, they can express themselves safely. They act out the
shocking event, as it were, in order to get it under control.
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 5
Role play 1
Information Victim Support:
You’re at the office and the telephone rings
Information Ann:
•
Family situation:
Pete Johnson: 35 years old, bank employee
Ann Johnson: 34 years old, nurse
Casper Johnson: 9 years
•
Facts
You are Ann Johnson. A week ago, you and Casper came home a quarter to five.
As usual, Casper jumps out of the car and runs towards the back door where he waits
for you to open it. But this time, you hear Casper shouting “Mum, mum’” You go to
have a look immediately. You notice that Casper is already inside and you think it’s
strange that the backdoor is not locked. When you enter, you see Casper standing in
the living room, weeping in the middle of the mess: all the closets are open and some
of them have been emptied. You also begin to weep.
You immediately call Pete and the police. Pete arrives at about twenty past five, at
the same moment the police arrive. Pete, Casper and you are well taken care by the
police. In the meantime, also the lady next door passes by. You go upstairs to have
a look: luckily everything is normal up there. The neighbour supposes the thieves fled
when she came home.
The television, video, hifi-equipment and Casper’s playstation haven been stolen.
•
Ann’s part:
Today you are calling Victim Support. The police told you about Victim Support. You
really want to talk with them because you have some questions about the insurance,
and you are not sleeping well since the burglary happened.
You are rather frightened. Pete is not scared, but he understands you are afraid and
you also can talk well with him. But you think is good also to talk with someone else.
(You only talk about Casper when the vs-worker asks how he is)
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 6
Casper’s Playstation has been stolen and he is very angry because of this. The first
nights after is happened Casper stayed at his grandparents house, now he is back
home since three days. You have the feeling he don’t sleeps well at home and at you
think it’s better he is going back to his grandparents.
Both Pete and you are worried about Casper. The evening of the burglary he went to
stay with grandma. Presently Casper is very frightened, he does not want to go to
bed and Pete and you have to go upstairs with him when he goes to bed. You have
got the impression that Casper is received well at school. He talks with everyone
about what has happened and he asks a lot of questions, he is very curious.
Both Pete and you do not really know how to cope with this. You are especially
worried because he is so frightened, which he is usually not.
Information observer
•
Facts:
The Johnson family’s house has been broken into. The family consist of Ann and Pete
Johnson and their son Casper, who is nine years old.
Ann Johnson is calling for the first time to the office.
•
Task
-
•
-
Observe the role play with the help of the questions underneath.
Monitor the time. The role play lasts for maximum 15 min. with 10 min. of
subsequent discussion.
Lead the subsequent discussion: the Victim Support worker talks first, then
the victim and then you as the observer.
Guide questions for observation
Is Victim Support clearly introduced?
Does Ann Johnson get enough time and space to tell her own story?
How is Casper brought into the conservation?
Does Ann Johnson get enough time and space to talk about Casper?
Does the Victim Support worker fill in for the victim?
What advice/information is given by Victim Support?
How is the discussion wound up?
What agreements are made?
Was the phone call too long, too short or just long enough?
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 6
Role play 2
Information Victim Support:
A week ago Ann Johnson called a first time Victim Support. You talked with her about the
burglary and about her son Casper. Two days ago she called again you to say that she is
really worried about Casper. He still doesn’t sleep and he doesn’t want to talk about it. You
made an appointment with her and Casper at the office.
Information Ann:
•
Family situation:
Pete Johnson: 35 years old, bank employee
Ann Johnson: 34 years old, nurse
Casper Johnson: 9 years
•
Facts
A week ago you called a first time Victim Support. You had a very nice conversation
with the Victim Support worker. You talked about the burglary and about your son
Casper. Two days ago you called back to the Victim Support office to make a new
appointment because you are really worried about Casper. He still doesn’t sleep and
he doesn’t want to talk about it. So today you’re going together with Casper to Victim
Support.
•
Role
You are very happy you can talk again with the Victim Support worker. So every time
the Victim Support worker asks something at Casper you answer for him, you make it
impossible for the Victim Support worker to talk with Casper.
Information Casper Johnson
•
Family situation
Pete Johnson: 35 years old, bank employee
Ann Johnson: 34 years old, nurse
Casper Johnson: 9 years
•
Facts
You are Casper Johnson and you are nine years old. Your mum is Ann and your dad
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 8
is Pete. Last week, your house was broken into.
As usual, your mum collects you at school. When you come home, you jump out of
the car immediately and you run towards the backdoor where you wait for mum to
open it. But this time, the door is open already. You enter and see that every closet
is open and that some of them have been emptied. You are very frightened. You
begin to weep and call for your mum. She comes along immediately and starts
weeping too when she sees what has happened. It is a strange sight to see your
mum crying. Mum immediately calls both dad and the police. In the meantime, also
the lady next door passes by. Mum goes upstairs to have a look: everything is still ok
up there. The neighbour thinks the thieves probably fled when the people in the
neighbourhood arrived home. Dad comes home soon and a bit later, the police also
arrive. The police are very cool; they look for the place where the thieves have
entered. The television, video, hifi and your Playstation are stolen. You are very
angry because the thieves took your Playstation.
•
Casper's part
Today, you and your mum are going to an organisation called Victim Support. You
know the person of Victim Support talked already to mum. Mum has told you it is a
very nice person and you also think it is. You find all this very exciting. You like to
talk about the event but you think it’s very difficult to talk about it when mum is also
listening because you know she is scared about what happened and you are afraid
she will cry again.
You have a lot of questions about the thieves and the police. Have the thieves
already been caught? Do they have to go to prison now? What is the police doing
now? In the evening, you are very scared to go to bed, mum and dad always have to
go upstairs with you and you are not allowed to sleep in their room, which you do not
like.
The evening of the burglary, mum told you to go to stay with grandma. In fact, you
did not want to, but mum kept on crying so you went to grandma anyway. Luckily,
grandma had coke and crisps so it was nice with her. In the meantime, you have
stayed with grandma another time and you are not scared then, whereas you are still
scared at home. Sometimes, mum comes to get you after school and then you are
very sad because you think that the thieves have probably come back. The teacher
is very nice. During the drawing lesson, you could even make a drawing about the
burglary while the other kids had to draw a wood. The teacher always asks you how
you are and you have already talked about what has happened a hundred times.
Also the other children have asked questions but now they do not ask much anymore.
You always talk about thieves, but you never tell them that mum and dad have to join
you upstairs when you have to go to bed.
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 8
Information observer
•
Facts:
A week ago Ann Johnson called a first time Victim Support. She and the Victim
Support worker talked about the burglary and about her son Casper. Two days ago
Ann called back Victim Support to say that she is really worried about Casper. He still
doesn’t sleep and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Today she and Casper are coming
to the Victim Support office.
•
Task
-
•
Observe the role play with the help of the questions underneath.
Monitor the time. The role play lasts for maximum 15 min. with 10 min. of
subsequent discussion.
Lead the subsequent discussion: the Victim Support worker talks first, then
Ann and Casper and then you as the observer.
Guide questions for observation
- Is Victim Support clearly introduced to Casper?
- Does the Victim Support worker find a balance in his contact with Ann and
Casper?
- Is Casper brought into the conservation?
ƒ If so, how,
ƒ If not, how do you notice?
- How is the conversation wound up?
- What agreements are made?
- General remarks
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 8
Instruction sheet for empathy exercise
1.
Ask the participants to sit in a quiet spot in the room
2.
Ask the participants to close their eyes
3.
Instruct them to follow your directions
Think about your 3rd form in primary school/group 6 … who is your teacher? Try to
imagine what the classroom looks like … where are the desks … where is the blackboard
… what hangs on the wall?
Who are your friends?
Which classes do you like?
Which classes don’t you like?
The bell rings and you have a break … what do you do in the playground … whom do you
play with?
The bell rings again at the end of the schoolday. How do you go home (by bus, by bike,
on foot …)? Whom do you go home with (your brother, your friend, your mum, alone …)?
You are back home … what is the first thing you do? And afterwards?
It is weekend. How do you spend your weekends?
It is a holiday. What do you do then? Do you go on a trip … camping? Do you stay at
home?
You have a problem. It can be small or big. Whom you will tell it to? Why is this person
so special for you that you tell him/her about your problem, what very important thing
does this person?
I count to five and then you may open your eyes again 1…2…3…4…5…
4.
Ask the participants whom they would tell their problems to (generally speaking, no
names) and also ask tham why they would talk to this particular person and what
important qualities this person has.
5.
List the answers on a flysheet
6.
Conclude (together with teh participants) with possible tips for contacting and supporting
children
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 11
Role play 3
Information Victim Support
You just had a conversation with Ann and Casper. But you think is better to have a short talk
with Casper alone. You propose this, and aswell Ann as Casper agreed with your proposal.
Information Casper Johnson
•
Facts:
You are Casper Johnson and you are nine years old. Your mum is Ann and your dad
is Pete. Last week, your house was broken into.
As usual, your mum collects you at school. When you come home, you jump out of
the car immediately and you run towards the backdoor where you wait for mum to
open it. But this time, the door is open already. You enter and see that every closet
is open and that some of them have been emptied. You are very frightened. You
begin to weep and call for your mum. She comes along immediately and starts
weeping too when she sees what has happened. It is a strange sight to see your
mum crying. Mum immediately calls both dad and the police. In the meantime, also
the lady next door passes by. Mum goes upstairs to have a look: everything is still ok
up there. The neighbour thinks the thieves probably fled when the people in the
neighbourhood arrived home. Dad comes home soon and a bit later, the police also
arrive. The police are very cool; they look for the place where the thieves have
entered. The television, video, hifi and your Playstation are stolen. You are very
angry because the thieves took your Playstation.
•
Casper's part
You just talked a little bit with your mum and another person. But now the other
person asks if he/she can talk with you alone and after that again with mum. That is
no problem for you. You like to talk about the event but you think it’s very difficult to
talk about it when mum is also listening because you know she is scared about what
happened and you are afraid she will cry again.
You know the person talked already with mum before. Mum has told you it is a very
nice person and you also think it is. You find all this very exciting. You like to talk
about the event and you ask a lot of questions about the thieves and the police. Have
the thieves already been caught? Do they have to go to prison now? What is the
police doing now? In the evening, you are very scared to go to bed, mum and dad
always have to go upstairs with you and you are not allowed to sleep in their room,
which you do not like.
The evening of the burglary, mum told you to go to stay with grandma. In fact, you
did not want to, but mum kept on crying so you went to grandma anyway. Luckily,
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 12
grandma had coke and crisps so it was nice with her. In the meantime, you have
stayed with grandma another time and you are not scared then, whereas you are still
scared at home. Sometimes, mum comes to get you after school and then you are
very sad because you think that the thieves have probably come back. The teacher
is very nice. During the drawing lesson, you could even make a drawing about the
burglary while the other kids had to draw a wood. The teacher always asks you how
you are and you have already talked about what has happened a hundred times.
Also the other children have asked questions but now they do not ask much anymore.
You always talk about thieves, but you never tell them that mum and dad have to join
you upstairs when you have to go to bed.
You talk smoothly about the event to Victim Support, but you have more difficulty
talking about going to bed and about your anxieties.
Info observator
•
Facts:
The Victim Support worker had just a conversation with Ann and Casper. He/she
thinks is better to have a short talk with Casper alone. Aswell Ann as Casper agreed
with this proposal. So now the Victim Support worker has a conversation with Casper
alone.
•
Task
-
•
-
Observe the role play with the help of the questions underneath.
Monitor the time. The role play lasts for maximum 15min. with 10 min. of
subsequent discussion.
Lead the subsequent discussion: the Victim Support worker talks first, then
Casper and then you as the observer.
Guide questions for the observation
Does the Victim Support worker easily make contact with the child?
How is contact made?
Does the Victim Support worker introduce himself clearly?
Is Victim Support introduced clearly?
Does the Victim Support worker give enough time and space to the child to tell its
story (open questions, silences,…) and to relate facts as well as feelings?
Does the Victim Support worker fill in for the child?
How is the conversation wound up?
What agreements have been made?
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 12
Roleplay 4
Information Victim Support
After talking to Casper you go together with him back to Ann.
Information Ann
You wonder what Casper and the Victim Support worker talked about. And you don’t
understand why Casper don’t want to talk with you.
Information Casper
Together with the Victim Support worker you are going back to your mum to talk to her.
Information observer
•
Task
- Observe the role play with the help of the questions underneath.
- Monitor the time. The role play lasts for maximum 10 min. with 10 min. of
subsequent discussion.
- Lead the subsequent discussion: the Victim Support worker talks first, then
Casper and Ann and then you as the observer.
•
Guide questions for observation
- Who tells Ann about the agreements that have been made?
- Is Casper brought into the conservation?
ƒ If so, how,
ƒ If not, how do you notice?
- Does the Victim Support worker find a balance in his contacts with Ann and with
Casper?
- How does the Victim Support worker deal with the loyalty between Ann and
Casper?
- How is the conversation wound up?
- What agreements are made?
- General remarks
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Worksheet trainer
Session 13
Situation
Emma is 16. She goes to secondary school and has many friends and hobbies. She is,
among other things, a member of an Amnesty International letter writing group. (youngsters
general: development self-image) She hates the injustice in the world. She regularly chats
with youngsters from all over the world (youngsters general: society on this moment). Her
parents are divorced.
A few months ago she came into contact with Jasper, a boy who is one year older. He is
active as a member of the World Wildlife Fund and just like Emma he gets terribly annoyed
about the injustice in the world. Last week Jasper asked to meet her. He lives in the
southern part of the country. Emma knows her parents will not agree to this (youngster
general: getting rid of the parents). Luckily she is staying with her father for the weekend,
and this may make things easier, because her father is not always asking questions like her
mother is. She says that she will meet her friend Anne (importance of the peergroup) that
day and that she will probably stay the night at Anne’s place. Her father does not ask any
more questions. Emma tells Anne about her plans. Anne does not think it is a good idea
and asks Emma if it is not safer when they go together. But Emma does not see what could
go wrong, after all, Jasper really is a likeable boy. Of course, they have been mailing each
other for just a few weeks, but if you cannot trust people anymore … And yes, Emma sent a
photograph of herself to Jasper, and no, Jasper did not send one of him, but that only makes
it more exciting!
When Emma arrives at the station a man walks towards her, who turns out to be Jasper. He
also proves to be 27 and not 17. Emma is shocked that he is so much older than she is. But
when he explains that he lied about his age because he was afraid that Emma would not
have wanted to meet him, she understands. They spend an agreeable afternoon and Jasper
indeed does know a lot about the World Wildlife Fund and Amnesty.
When at about 06.00 p.m. Emma says that it is time to get back home, Jasper suddenly
changes his attitude and insists on having another drink. Emma agrees (don’t want to be
special). Jasper treats her to a beer. The next thing Emma remembers is that she wakes up
naked next to Jasper. He is still asleep. The only thing she has in mind now is to get out of
the house as soon as possible (cognitive development).
She steals out of the place and, once outside, immediately calls Anne(importance of the
peergroup) and tells her briefly what happened. Anne tells her to come and see her
immediately. Emma takes the first train, Anne is waiting for her at the station. Emma is
beside herself, she does not know what to do, how could she have been so stupid? Can you
really trust nobody anymore? (discovering that the world is not always honest and fair and
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 17
not predictable) Luckily Anne does not blame her for anything. Having arrived at Anne’s
home Emma says that Anne may not tell anybody anything and that they had better forget as
soon as possible what happened. Anne does not agree at all. What if Emma is pregnant?
Emma does not want to think about this at all. She tries to think clearly and to find a
solution.(cognitive development) Maybe nothing really happened, maybe she was just drunk
and Jasper took her along, you do not always have to think the worst.
Still, Anne and Emma decide to search the internet(youngsters general: society on this
moment) to find out what to do in a situation like this. It is advised to go to the police and to
see a doctor. Emma does not want to go to the police at all, but maybe Anne is right, and
what will happen if she turns out to be pregnant. Together they cycle to the hospital. The
doctor is very friendly and listens to Emma’s story. She does not pass any judgement. She
advises to have a gynaecological check-up. Emma is frightened but agrees. The
examination shows that there has indeed been sexual contact. The doctor prescribes the
morning after pill and advises her to have an HIV-test in a few months’ time. This finally
does it for Emma: all of sudden she gets furious(fierce emotions), and for the first time the
tears are running down her cheeks, she does not understand how this could have happened
to her and she thinks this Jasper has to be punished. He may have ruined her whole life.
The doctor calms her down and explains that the chance of HIV is very small, but that it is
still advisable to have the test. She also suggests to inform the police.
The doctor will call the police herself and ask them to come to the hospital. Emma agrees.
The doctor also asks if it would not be a good idea to inform her parents. But Emma does
not want that at all, she knows her father and mother. Her mother would blame her father for
everything and her father would feel very guilty. And now that he has a new girl friend, he is
feeling a little better at last and she does not want to do this to him(taking care of
others/protecting others). Informing her parents is the last thing she needs now.
The police is also very understanding. They will do everything to nail Jasper. Having arrived
at Anne’s place Emma calls her father to tell him that she will stay another night at Anne’s
and that she will collect her stuff the following day before going to her mother’s. In the
evening she only wants one thing: to have an enjoyable evening with Anne at the pub(healty
egoism). There are some other boys and girls from school and for a while Emma can forget
what happened. They got to school together the next day and this also works out fine. That
evening she goes and collects her things at her father’s place and then goes to her
mother’s. Her mother asks how the weekend was and Emma answers it was ok and that
nothing special happened.
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 17
During the first week Emma manages to function normally, she goes to school and tries to
think about what happened as little as possible(postponing the healing/coping process).
However, her mother notices she is a little more quiet than usual and rather irritable. A week
later all hell breaks loose(fierce emotions). On Thursday night her mother asks her to clean
up her room. Emma starts shouting that there are more important things in life and who does
her mother think she is, the silly cow! Emma’s mother does not understand, this has never
happened before. Emma sits in her room all night, crying(fierce emotions). Emma’s mother
calls Anne, but she says she knows nothing and that Emma acts quite normally when she is
around. Emma’s mother does not believe this.
On Friday Emma does not want to go to school, she has no energy. She simply cannot do it.
While her mother is at work she searches the internet for similar stories(youngsters in
general: society on this moment). She finds them in a guest book on a site for young people.
All of that evening she chats with two girls and it gives her a good feeling to know that she is
not the only one to have been so stupid(don’t want to be different). On Saturday she goes
shopping with Anne. Anne tells her that her mother called on Thursday night and is very
worried, but Emma does not care at all(difference between inside and outside). But
somehow she feels it may be the best thing to do, to tell her mother everything that
happened. On Monday there is another crisis because Emma does not want to go to school
once again(fierce emotions). She sobs out what happened and tells her mother that she
does not understand how she could have been so stupid. Jasper seemed to be so nice. Her
mother is very understanding and says it was really very smart of Emma to go to the police
and to see a doctor. She suggests to contact the police the next day to ask if Jasper has
been arrested yet.
Feelings of guilt
Psychosomatic complaints
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 17
Information Victim Support
Fadila is 17 and of Moroccan origin. All of a sudden she is at the door of the Victim Support
office.
Information Fadila
You are 17 and of Moroccan origin. You have a nice, warm but traditional family. At home
you have been raised in Arabic and this makes things difficult at school. Especially now , as
you are not only taught Dutch, but also French and English. English really is a problem. On
top of that your English teacher, whom you liked, is on pregnancy leave and her replacement
is someone you did not take to from the start. He forced you to take coaching in English with
him. It was alright in the beginning, but then he started to feel you up and you were even
forced to go to bed with him. You thought it was terrible. He told you that you could not tell
anyone about this. Otherwise he would make sure that you were expelled from school and
that your parents would find out what you had done.
Your first teacher is back at school since last week and he is gone. You hope you will never
see him again. You have not told anybody about what happened because you are afraid
your family would learn about it. You know very well that you will be expelled from the
community then. They must never know about this. You feel that things are not running
smoothly anymore at school. Last week your English teacher asked what was the matter,
she thinks you have changed. Last month your marks were not too good either. And this is
something you really do not want to happen. You will not have you life ruined by that man.
You heard about Victim Support in a lecture at school last month. That is how you got the
address. You hope they will be able to help you.
Information observer
Guide questions for the observation
Does the Victim Support worker easily make contact with the youngster?
How is contact made?
Does the Victim Support worker introduce him/herself clearly?
Is Victim Support introduced clearly?
Does the Victim Support worker give enough time and space to the youngster to
tell its story (open questions, silences,…) and to relate facts as well as feelings?
Does the Victim Support worker fill in for the youngster?
How is the conversation wound up?
What agreements have been made?
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 19
Information Victim Support worker
Last week Jonas, 15, was robbed in the street. Someone from Victim Support talks to him.
Question to ask:
Jonas, I heard you have been robbed. Do you want to talk about it?
Information youngster
Pfff, I really do not feel like it.
How can you help me? Have you ever been through this? You would not understand me
anyhow.
My friends understand me a lot better than you do.
(Indifferently) What else do we have to talk about? (Hunching his shoulders) What’s done is
done.
You look down and say nothing.
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Worksheet trainer
Session 20 part 1
What if …? : scenario’s
Situation 1:
You counsel Elke (7) after the death of her sister (fatal traffic accident). You also counsel the
mother. You have agreed with both that you will see the mother on Tuesday evenings and
that Wednesday afternoon is reserved for Elke. When you arrive at their home on
Wednesday afternoon the mother opens the door and starts to tell you all about Elke, the
latest judicial developments, … Meanwhile you see Elke standing in the doorway, watching
you.
You tell the mother that you will first talk to Elke and that afterwards you will make time for
her.
Situation 2:
You arrive in a family of which the husband/father has hanged himself. The mother tells you
that she has told her children that dad has had an accident.
Discuss with the mother that it is important to give correct information to the children. Discuss
how this information can be given. Emphasize that it is important that the mother herself
informs them, but that you will be present if necessary.
Situation 3:
You have counselled Nico (12) for quite some time now. Today he tells you that he does not
feel like it.
Ask Nico why. Maybe you come at an awkward moment, or he had planned something else
that afternoon (e.g. he wanted to go and play with a friend), or he simply does not want to
talk about what happened. You may e.g. suggest to make a drawing. But emphasize that he
does not need to talk about it if he does not feel like it.
Situation 4:
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 20 part 2
You talk with a mother who, together with her daughter Sophie (12), was involved in a holdup. The mother tells you that everything is OK, but her story reveals that her daughter is
very much afraid.
Explain the healing process of children to the mother and give her points of attention as far
as Sophie is concerned. If you think it is necessary, suggest that you may have a talk with
Sophie.
Situation 5:
You have a chat with Hanne (9). At the end of the conversation she leaves to play with her
dolls. Her mother takes you into the hallway and asks what Hanne has told you.
Always make clear agreements with the child about what you can tell the parents! Also tell
the child that her mother will certainly ask you how things are going and ask what you can
say.
Situation 6:
You have arranged for a chat with the Peters family after the death of their son. When you
arrive you see two children (5 and 8) playing in the living room.
Introduce yourself and Victim Support to the children. Ask the parents if it is possible to talk
to them (the parents) alone so you can find out what the children know. If the parents do not
think this is necessary, you talk with them in the presence of the children. If you talk about
the children it is important to involve the children in the conversation.
Situation 7
Janneke’s (9) house has been burgled. You are having a quiet chat with her when her two
elder brothers burst in and switch on the television.
You can ask her brothers to turn down the volume or to switch the television off. Or you can
ask Janneke to go and sit elsewhere.
Situation 8:
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 20 part 2
You make a second house call. The first time the mother told you that her son, Maarten (4 or
10), is also afraid after the burglary and she asks you to have a chat with him too. She says
Maarten knows who you are.
Introduce yourself (your name) and explain that you are from Victim Support. Ask Maarten if
he knows what Victim Support is and explain if necessary. If Maarten says he knows, it is
still important to check if he really does know.
Basic training ‘Children and Victim Support’
Czech Republic
Work sheet trainer
Session 20 part 2