Bellwork
Why do you think
most marriages end
in divorce?
Take your notes out!
Mate Selection
Your “key” to unlocking a happy
marriage.
There a many theories related
to the mate selection
process… Will be discussing
just a few of these today to
broaden your knowledge and
understanding.
Theories of mate selection…
 Theory of
Propinquity
 Exchange Theory
 Complimentary
Needs Theory
 Time and Place
Theory
(Happy Collision)
 Filter Theory
Theory of Propinquity
 We marry people we know.
If you only know people from school, work,
church, college, etc., that is who you will
marry.
Exchange Theory
 We evaluate our worth and find someone of
similar worth.
We find people for us with similarities to us (looks for looks,
money for money, etc.)
People will exchange or barter to make up in areas (ie my
looks for your money).
This is why it is not uncommon to see people getting married
that look like brother or sister.
Complimentary Needs Theory
 We find people that compliment our needs.
Dominant people find submissive people.
A nurturant person finds someone who wants
to be mothered.
Time and Place Theory
(Happy Collision)
 Fate… we marry the person we are
supposed to when the time is right.
This theory suggests that we could have married many of the
people that we dated but the timing wasn’t right.
This is against societies expectations that there are times in
our life when we should get married because that is the
next step: after college, after establishing our career, when
returning from military service, etc.
More on the Happy Collision
 People generally marry
 Average ages for
about 4 years after they
begin to date on a regular
basis.
 This theory also states you
will marry someone
within the geographical
area that you live (long
distance relationships
require more time and
money).
marriage are:
*US men-24.5
women-22.5
*Utah men-22
women-20
Filter Theory
 We filter out people that don’t meet our
criteria (color of hair, height, age, etc.)
 The three types of filters are:
– Biological
– Social
– psychological
Biological Filters
 Most people choose
the same gender.
 We choose someone
close to our age (most
22 year old men are
not looking for a 54
year old woman).
 We can rule out our
relatives…
 Physical features are
usually similar to ours,
ie. Body type, weight,
height, etc.
Social Filters
 We often marry within
 Most people marry
our same social class
or income level.
 There is an increase
chance of marriage
success when we stay
in our own class.
 Race is the least-likely
line to be crossed in
mate selection.
within their own
religion.
 We try to find
someone of similar
intelligence and
education.
Psychological Filters
 Based on conscious
and unconscious needs
of people.
 These needs are based
on childhood
experiences.
 People will often
marry someone similar
to their opposite sex
parent.
Other considerations…
 You need to determine if your personalities go
well together and here are some aspects you
should consider:
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–
–
–
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Amount of personal space needed.
Type of love language.
Seriousness or lightness of personality.
Gender-role compatibility.
Interests and hobbies.
Desire for achievement.
Are they picky, meticulous, detailed, sloppy, etc.?
The BIG Questions
 Does this person make you a better person?
 Would you rather be with this person than
any other person in the world?
 Could you spend the rest of your life with
this person?
 Could you spend the rest of your life
without this person?
There are no gray areas when
answering those questions…
if you have doubts, you need
to look at the relationship
very seriously.
Qualities Essay:
 On a piece of loose leaf paper, write a one
page paper about the qualities that you will
bring to a relationship, the qualities that you
would like out of a significant other, and
what theory you can relate to the most and
why.
 Make sure to put the school heading on
your paper.
 This assignment is 75 points and due
tomorrow at the end of class.