ALL RIGI{TS
Ho,u to
NESERV]'D
Win Frienls
Co'pyright, 1936, bY Dale' Carnegia
Published, by Simon and, Sclrustar, Ine'
386 lvourth Aaenue, New Yorlc
Edition
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CARNEGIE
DALE
D'
B'Pd'' B'c's'' F'R'G'S'' Litt'
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Inslitute
Presiilent o! the Dale Carnegie
Efleclioe Sp'*ifng and'-Human -Relations'
St'' Neu York CitE
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LINCOLN THE UNKNOWN
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33
LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT
WELL KNOWN PEOPLE
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T'I\IE MINUTE BIOGRAPHIES
Torar,, as of
)too. 16, 193'/,7o8,222
trIa'nufa,ctured,
coPies
in the tJniterl Slates of America
bg Arnorican Boolc Binctary-Siratf orcl Press,Inc',Ilew York Ci'tg'
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TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE
TO YOUR WAY OF' THINKING
CIIAPTER ONE
YOU CAN'T WIN AN ARGUMENT
close of the w&r, I learned an
invaluable lesson one night in London. I was ma,na,ger at the time for Sir Ross Smith. During the war,
Sir Ross had been the Australian ace out in Palestine;
and, shortly after peace was declared, he astonished the
world by flying halfway around it in thirty days. No
such feat had ever been attempted before. It created a
tremendous sensation. The Australian government gave
him fifty thousand dollars; the I{ing of England
knighted him; and, for awhile, he was the most talked-of
man under the IJnion Jack-the Lindbergh of the British Empire. f was attending a banquet one night given
in Sir Ross's honor; and during the dinner, the man
sitting next to me told a humorous story which hinged
on the quotation, "There's a divinity that shapes our
ends, rough-hew them horv we will.t'
The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from
the Bible. He was wrong. f knew that. I knew it positively. There couldn't be the slightest doubt about it.
And so, to get a feeling of importance and display my
superiority, f appointed myself as an unsolicited and
unwelcome committee of one to correct him. Ife stuck to
his guns. What ? From Shakespeare ? fmpossible ! Absurd ! That quotation was from the Bible. And he knerv
CJHORTLY after'.the
t)
it!
The story-teller was sitting on my right; and n{r.
Frank Gammond, an old friend of mine, was seated at
HOW TO WIN PE,OPLE
my left. Mr. Gammond had devoted years to the study
of Shakespeare. So the story-teller and I agreed to submit the question to NIr. Gammond. l,{r. Gammond lis'tened, kicked me under the table, and then said: t'I)ale,
vou are wrong. The gentleman is right. It is from the
Bible."
On our rvay home that night, I said to 1\,Ir. Gammond:
"Frank, you knerv that quotation was from Shake138
speare.t'
t'Yes, of coursertt he replied, ttHamlet,
Act V, Scene
2. But we were guests al a festive occasion, my dear
Dale. Why proye to a man he is wrong? Is that going
to make him like you? Why not let him save his face?
IIe didn't ask for your opinion. He didn't want it. Why
argue'with him? Alwavs avoid the acute angle."
" Alxtsays aaotd, tlue acute angle." The man who said
that is now clead; but the lesson that he taught me 61oes
marching on.
It was a sorely needed lesson because I had been an
inveterate arguer. During my youth, I had argued with
m;' brother about everything under the Milky Way.
When I rvent to college, I studied logic and argumentation, and rvent in for debating contests. Talk about
being from l\Iissouri, I was born there. I had to be
shorvn. Later, I taught debating and argumentation in
Nerv Yolk; and once, I arn ashamed to adrnit, I planned
to r-rite a book on the subject. Since then, f have listerrecl to, criticized, engaged in, and rvatched the effects
of thoirsands of arguments. As a result of it a1l, I have
come to the conclusion that there is only one w&y under
high heaven to get the best of an argument-and that
is to avoicl it. t\void it as you l\'oulcl avoid rattlesnakes
and earthquakes.
Nine times out of ten, an argunlent encls with each
of the contestants being more firmly convinced than ever
that he is absolutely right.
HANDLING AN ARGUMENT
139
'You
You cantt win an argument.
can't because if you
lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why ?
Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and
shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is
mon compos menfis. 'l'hen what? You will feel fine. IJut
wltat about him? You have nrade hirn t'eel inferior. You
have hurt his pride. He will resent yorlr triumph.
And-
man qonvinced against his will
fs of the same opinion still."
"A
The Penn Mutual Life Insurance'Company has laicl
down a definite policy for its salesnren: "I)on't argue !"
Real salesmanship isn't argument. It isn't anything
even remotely like argument. The human mind isn't
changed that way.
To illustrate: Years ago, a belligerent lrishman by
the name of Patrick J. O'I{aire joined one of my
classes. He had had little education, and horv he loved
a scrap ! He had once been a chauffeur, and he came to
me because he had been trying, without much success,
to sell automobile trucks. A little questioning brought
out the fact that he was continually scrapping rvith and
antagonizing the very people he was trying to do business rvith. If a prospect said anything derogatory al-rout
the trucks he rvas r"lli.rg, Pat saw red and was riglrt at
the mants throat. Pat'won a lot of arguments in those
days. As he said to me afterwards, "I often u'alked out
of a man's office saying: 'I told that bird something.'
Sure I had told him something, but I hadn't sold him
au5rl|1in*.rr
i\{y first problem was not to teach Patrick J. O'Haire
to talk. 1\Iy immediate task u'as to train him to refrain
frorn talking and to avoid verbal fights.
1\{r. O'Haire is no\\r one of the star salesmen for the
,;,
,,,.lll'$
fili
1
HOW TO \,VIN PEOPLE
white Motor compary in New york. Frow does he do
it? Here is his story in his orvn worcls:,,If r walk into
a buyer's office no\y and he says: ,What? A lVhite
truck? I'hey're_ no good I r wouldn't take one if you
gave it to nre. r'm going to buy the whoseit truc(' r
say, 'Brother, listen, the lvhoseit is a goocl truck. rf
you buy the lYhoseit, you'll'ever make a mistake. The
whoseits are made by * fine company ancl solcl by good
140
people.'
"Ire
is_speechless then. There is no room
for an ar-gu-
p"lt. rf he says the lvhoseit is best and r sa.y sure ifir,
[: theto stop. -I-Ie _can,t keep on all afternoor, ,uyirrg,
best' when_r-'m agreeing with him. $re then gI[
'rt's^hr:
off the subject of lvhoseit and r begin to talk about lhe
good points of the White truck.
"There was & time when a crack like that would make
me see scarlet and red and orange. r would start arguing agai'st the lvhoseit; and the more r argtred ugaiist
it, the more my prospect argued in favor oJ ;t; *id thu
moTe h9 argued, the more he sold himself on my competitor's product.
t'As r look back
now r wonder how r was e\rer able to
sell a.nyth_i1s. r lost years of rny life in scrapping and
arguing. I \eep my mouth shut now. ft payslt
As wise old Ben Franklin used to say^:
J"f yo" argue ancl rankle and contraclict, you may
achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty
victory because you rvill ne\:er get your npponeirt;s
good rvill.
- so figure it out for yourself. which *,oukl you rather
]rave: an academic, theatrical victory or a .ior.,rs good
will ? You can seldom have both.
Tlrc Boston Transcrt'pt once printecl this bit of significant doggerel:
I4I
HANDLING AN ARGUNIENT
"Ifere lies the body of William Jay,
Who died maintaining his right of way-FIe was right, dead right, as he sped along,
[fut
hets
just
as dead as
if he were wrong.t'
You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in
your argument; but as far as changing the other man's
rnind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile
as if you were wroxg.
William G. I{cAdoo, Secretary of the Treasury it
Woodrorv Wilson's cabinet, declared that he harl
learned, as a result of his crowded years in politics, that
"it is irnpossible to defeat an ignorant man by argument.tt
"An ignorant m&n ?" You put it mildly, Mr. McAdoo. 1\{y experience has been that it is all but impossible to make o,ny man-regardless of his I. Q. ratingchange his mind by r verbal joust.
For example, Frederick S. Parsons, an income-tax
consultant, had been disputing and wrangling for an
hour with a government tax inspector. An itern of nine
thousand dollars was at stake. Mr. Parsons claimed that
this nine thousand was in reality a bad debt, that it
would never be collected, that it ought not to be taxed.
t'Bad debt, my eye !" retorted the inspector.
"It must be
taxed.tt
t'This inspector was cold, arrogant, and stubbornrt'
Mr. Parsons said as he told the story to the class. "Reason was wasted on him and so \\rere facts. . . . The longer
we argued, the more stubborn he became. So f decided
to avoid argument, change the subject, and gi'r'e him
appreciation.
"I said, 'I suppose that this is a very petty matter
in comparison with the really important and difficult
decisions you are required to make. I've made a study
r42
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE
of taxation myself. But Pve hacl to get my knowledge
from books. You are getting yours fiom tile firing liie
of experience. r sometimes .wiih r hacl a job like y"ours.
rt would teach me a lot.' r meant every ivord r s"ia.
_ "we11, the inspector straighte'ed Lp in his chair,
lea-ned back, and talked for * lo'g time lbout his work,
telling me of the clever frauds tt" n"a uncovered. Hi;
!"-1: gradually became friendly; and presently he was
telling me about his children. As he left, he aclvised me
that he rvould consider
problem fui.ther, and. give
me his decision
Ty
in a few days.
"Ire called at rny office three days later ancl informed.
rne that he had decided to leave tire tax return exactlv
as it was filed."
This tax inspector x'as demonstrating one of the most
common of human frailties. r{e wanteJa feeling of irnportance; and as long as l\Ir. parsons ar.gued *ith him,
he got his feeling of irnportance by loudf asserting his
autho-rity. But as soon as his importance was admilted,
and the. argument stopped, and [r" *us permittecl to expancl.his ego, he became a sympathetic anct kindly human being.
constant, the head valet in Napoleon's household,
often played billiards rvith Josephine. constant says on
page 73, Yolume r, of his Recollecti,ons of the pii,oate
Lif e of
\apoleoru; "Although r had some skill, r always
managed to let her beat me, which pleased her exceed-
ingly."
Letts learn a constant lesson from constant. Letrs let
our customers and sweethearts and husbands and wives
beat us in the little discussions that may arise.
Buddha saicl: "Iratred is never endei by hatred but
by love," and a misunderstancling is never ended by an
a'gument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, rnd *
HANDLING AN ARGUMENT
r43
syrnpathetic desire to see the other personts viewpoint.
Lincoln once reprimanded a young army officer for
indulging in a violent controversy with an associate.
"No man who is resolved to make the most of himself,"
said Lincoln, t'can spare time for personal contention.
Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of selfcontrol. Yield larger things to which you sho.w no more
tl-ran equal rights; and yield lesser ones though clearly
your own. Better; give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the
dog would not cure the bite."
ll'herefore, Rule 1 is:
The only way to get the best of an argument is
to avoid it.
rli
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