Keeping Our Kids Safe Online:
Parents Talk Sheet
It’s important that we remember to talk to our kids about “accountability.” Sometimes when we
use the words, “rules” our kids look at them as accepting the challenge of breaking them. They
can also be seen as a line in the sand, trying to see what they can “get away with.” When it
comes to digital safety especially we want our kids not only to “obey,” but come to see in their
hearts a life time of Instead, accountability is life long. It helps each of us with decision making
and staying close to the Lord in whatever we do. Remember that wherever we go God is with
us. (Psalm 139.)
Did you know:
67% of teenagers say they know how to hide what they are doing online
20% of kids believe their parents are clueless to what they do on the web.
38% are offended about the idea that their parents are spying on them.
BUT:
43%of teens say they would change how they behave online if they knew their parents were
paying attention.
39% genuinely believe their online activity is private from everyone, including parents.
As we set guidelines we need to begin with some things:
1. Explore the devices and apps your kids use. Search engines are your friend when it comes
to learning more about something you are buying or have heard about.
2. Establish, communicate (constantly), remind and enforce boundaries, rules and guidelines
for use on any digital device, using Applications, cell phone usage, texting, social networking
and anything online.
1. If there are two parents in the home agree on what the guidelines for digital use will be.
Putting any “rules” in place will not be effective if parents are undermining each other.
This may take several discussions, reading articles and books together, and even counseling in some cases.
2. If divorced or your children are navigating more than one set of parents, try to get on the
same page for both homes. If this is impossible, make it clear what is expected in your
home.
3. Talk to your kids constantly and consistently about the content they wish to engage in
online, what they desire to post, and how they are posting and using it.
4. Limit times “online.” Create spaces where they are engaging people face to face, or activities that move beyond the use of anything digital.
5. Create and enforce consequences for misuse. However, only put consequences in place
that all adults in the home will follow through on. Avoid “empty” threats. Don’t be afraid to
say “No.”
6. Decide what you want the “house” rules to be on when and how to use technology.
1. What age can they have a cell phone and why?
2. What times of the day are you all “turned off?” (No technology after a certain time of
night. No cell phones at the dinner table etc.)
3. Can they go online behind closed doors or do they always have to be in a public space?
4. How do you want online use monitored?
7. Be a good example. Hold yourself accountable to the same “rules” you hold your children
to. As much as you can avoid a, “Do as I say not as I do!” mentality the better. Our kids are
watching and absorbing more than we realize. They will model behavior. For this reason
have times of the day yourself when you “unplug,” and monitor the way you use digital services.
8. This will needs to be a constant conversation. Teens do not retain and obey when told,
once. Stay constant and consistent in expectations and communication.
9. Create and have each family member sign a “Digital Covenant.” Then display these publicly on a refrigerator or other place where they can be easily referenced if needed.
Some things to teach our kids:
1. There is no such thing as “anonymous” in any application or social network. ALL of these
applications have “fine print” that state they can and do capture the information of the user.
Adam MClane says this truth, “There’s no such thing as privacy online. There’s not such
thing as anonymity online. There’s only the perception of anonymity or privacy.”
2. Private is only totally private if you do not write it down or take the picture. Next best is to
remember it only belongs to ONLY you if it is ONLY on your device. Once you share something online, or via text it is out there forever. Even “burner” apps like SnapChat have bylaws that allow them to own your picture, and there are work arounds to keep the “disappearing picture.”
3.
Our kids need to immediately remove posts that friends put up that are inappropriate in any
way.
4. Never text or post anything when you are hurt, angry or frustrated.
5. Pause before your post or hit reply. Once you say it you can’t get it back.
6. Before you post anything ask yourself these questions: “Would I show it to a grandparent?
Would I show it to a pastor? Would I show it Jesus if he were physically sitting next to me?
If I am honest will I regret this picture getting out into public?” If you have to ask the questions- then the answer is YES,
7. Not to interact with people onlineI they do not personally know in texts, snapchat, email,
instant messages, or online forums. Teach them to remove themselves from group chats
involving people they do not know. Teach them to never arrange to or meet anyone in person that they have only met online, via text or in a social network.
8. Teach them how to engage with others online appropriately with others online and to IMMEDIATELY tell you if they have any strange, hurtful or uncomfortable advances made by
others in the form of bullying, sexual messages, or stranger requests to meet in person,
they must tell a parent. Remind them that you want to keep them safe and learning about
someone else hurting them will not get them in trouble.
9. Teach your kids to use devices in public spaces, Keep computers in public spaces as well.
Restrict phone and digital use in bedrooms and behind closed doors. Remind them that your
job as a parent is to guide them and hold them accountable. In life we should always have
an attitude of being willing to always keep all of our online use public.
10. Talk to your kids about the way they want to be perceived online. Often they want to use social networking as a way to gain friends and feel liked. Help them understand this is not “real.” Talk to them about their identity in Christ and what that means. Help them navigate
what pictures to post and monitor what they post and that no overly identifiable locations are
in the background.
11. Teach your kids about a “digital footprint.” This is your online reputation. Remember the
mantra, “What goes online, stays online.” College administrators and future employers have
begun monitoring social networks of those currently and potentially involved with their institution.
12. Teach your kids about online dangers like predators, and dangerous people. Let them
know about news stories (within reason) of teens who have gotten into bad situations because of online interactions. Remind them that if they don’t know someone in real life, they
are a stranger.
13. Teach your children that trust is earned not a right. As they follow the guidelines they will
build trust. Yet, once that trust is broken it will take time to rebuild it. Trust is easier to keep
than regain.
Some thoughts on safety:
1.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries when your kids are “young,” before they are using cell
phones, or social networking on a regular basis. It’s also not “too late” if your children are
older.
2. Get to know the changing world of technology and social media sites. Research what is out
there and what your kids are using.
3. Go where your kids go online. Have profiles on the same sites they are using. This makes it
easier to monitor their activity.
4. “Don’t educate 99% of students about something 1% or less are doing.”- Adam Mclane. In
other words be aware, know everything, research (Search engines are your friend) but
DON’T PANIC. We can find out about something scary and start educating our kids on
something they didn’t need to know about. Wait and listen.
5.
Stick to social network “age” rules. Most sites like Facebook/Twitter have age restrictions of
13. Some have age requirements of 18 and up. Familiarize yourself with these and stick to
the rules.
6. Check the “rules,” terms and conditions, safety and privacy features on all social networking
sites your children use and read the “fine print,” before you allow them to use anything.
Make sure all of the features are set correctly constantly on your child’s networks.
7. Privacy Settings need to be set to “High.” Check all of the filters, and privacy settings both
on your computer, device but then also on all social networking sites as well. You can set
filters for YouTube, NetFlix, Facebook and Instagram. Be aware of Apps like, “KIK” (a texting app) that have NO privacy settings.
8. If you allow your children on apps with minimal security make sure you put up family “rules”
that create boundaries for your kids. For example have them use a fake even silly name, no
location and a profile picture of a warm and fuzzy animal or anything that is not really them.
9. Make sure your children share all user names, profiles and passwords with you. While at the
same time make sure they keep passwords private and not shared with anyone other than
parents or siblings.
10. Remind them to never post their full birthdate (with year revealing their age), address, social
security number or an other personal information that is private.
11. Have them set privacy settings to “friends only” on social network sites, or to whatever does
not make their profile public. Make sure you are their “friend” or “following” any social networking or other site where they have a profile online.
12. Monitor your child’s texts, social media tools, sites and devices regularly for content. Use
“Google Alert” (www.google.com/alerts)
13. Just like you get to know your kids habits and friends at school, follow these online. Review
their friend lists and ask about people you have not heard about. Learn what they like to
look at, what they want to watch and how they like to use different applications. Learn their
thought processes in why they like to go, watch or play certain things.
14. Urge your kids to avoid questionnaires, contests and free giveaways. Many of these are
used to gain private information. Teach them to stay away from these.
15. Monitor your kids pictures online. We would love it if our kids never posted a picture online,
but this isn’t true.
16. Limit cell phone, gaming and digital device use.
17. If your children use online gaming, make sure they are only interacting with people they
know.
18. If you have teens who are driving age teach them to turn off notifications that make noises
when they are behind the wheel. Make sure they never check devices while in the drivers
seat. Make sure they only talk on a hands free device like blue tooth, and restrict calls while
driving to parents and emergencies.
19. Make sure they turn off all geo- notifications on social websites and do not allow Apps
whose purpose is to show your location.
20. You do not have to but may choose to purchase a software suite that monitors your child’s
Internet usage. Popular programs such as Net Nanny and PureSight PC let you monitor social media sites, block chats, filter content and much more. My Mobile Watchdog and
TeenSafe both allow you to track texting and cell phone usage.
Some great places to find “experts” in the field:
(Also where the base of much of the information on this talk sheet originated.)
Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (www.cpyu.com)
This website holds a wealth of information for parents not only about the digital world but also
about culture in general. They have a “Digital Kids Initiative” that has many downloads and information specifically for parents on this topic.
Adam Mclane (adammclane.com):
Adam has been around for a long while writing and researching about the digital world. He is
the co-founder of the Youth Cartel, a publishing company that seeks to resource youth pastors.
He also wrote, “A Parent’s Guide to Social Media.” This quick and easy to read resource helps
parents navigate this topic more in-depth. In addition, Adam’s blog always holds great and
trusted information on social media.
Common Sense Media (commonsensemedia.org)
This site created by parents to inform parents is a great place to help track any media our kids
are using including games, television, movies and even books. It has a great break down of
exactly the amount of negative and positive influences are involved in media our kids are using.
While they do not focus on social media, their blog has up to date ways to stay on top of social
media.
Jonathan McKee: (http://www.jonathanmckeewrites.com)
Jonathan McKee has a great pulse on youth culture and is often writing devotionals and parental guides. His heart is often to better open communication between parents and their teens.
BeWebSmart.com
This website is great first stop if you haven't heard of a particular social networking site or want
to have a place to constantly “go to” when it comes to finding out something you don’t know
about. It gives great insights to ways parents need to be aware.
Webwise.ie
Similar to “Be Web Smart” this site give parents and educators up to the date information on the
latest applications and what parents should know about them.