ENG 486/586 • Fickle • W16 • Arena Match #2: You v. Caillois
DEMO VERSION ONLY
Sections in BLUE can be freely copied and used by players.
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ANNOUNCER: Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to THE BATTLE OF THE QUARTER! Reigning
Champion ROGER CAILLOIS is about to take on newcomer PING PONG! Let’s get
ready to rrrruuumbllleee!
ROUND 1
The arena gates creak open.
CAILLOIS leaps into the ring.
CAILLOIS: This, ladies and gentlemen, is no worthy piece of PLAY – just a cowardly ACTIVITY!!
PING PONG rushes in from the left.
PING PONG: Oh, please, CAILLOIS! Look at me! I’m PING PONG! I’m free, first of all. And
separate – just look at the size of my magic circle!
Draws a circle in the sand surrounding the net and table.
What happens in here STAYS in here! Same for time and duration: there are clear signals which
start and end play; they’re all part of who I am!
CAILLOIS: Who cares? Victoria’s secret VIP members can get Free Separates too, punk!
PING PONG: Oh yeah? Well, how about this, then? I’m uncertain – Lord knows how uncertain.
Who will win? Nobody knows! Will a player chop? Slice? Spin? Slam? Nobody Knows!
Will the ball bounce right off the edge, or be out? NOBODY KNOWS!
As for being unproductive – there’s still a table, a net, a ball, and 2 paddles at the end, just like
when you started! Sure, you can bet on who will win me, but I don’t need money to
function! Some players get paid millions of dollars to bring me to the Olympics; but all
that fame doesn’t change me a single bit; I’m still humble ol’ PING PONG, long-time
champ of old folks, young folks, poor folks, whatever!
CAILLOIS: You know what else is unproductive and uncertain? YOUR MOM.
PING PONG: WHY YOU LITTLE-- BADMINTON HAS BEEN GOING TO COUNSELING FOR
HER ANXIETY PROBLEMS, YOU JERK. REFFFF!
• page 1 of 4 •
ENG 486/586 • Fickle • W16 • Arena Match #2: You v. Caillois
Whistle Blows.
REFEREE: Come on, CAILLOIS, keep it above the belt, now; we want a clean fight.
CAILLOIS: Oui, désolé. But come now; you’ve said nothing of your rules, your making of belief!
PING PONG: Oh, please; that’s the most obvious of all! I’ve got rules and regulations so long
they’ll make your head spin – I’ve got an Official Table Tennis Association in each
country and an international organization, all with the most extreme, rigid rules about
what kinds of paddles are allowed, whether a player can hit the ball with their hand,
what’s in, what’s out…
CAILLOIS: Sure, fine, you’ve got rules; but so what? What’s the illusion? What’s the fiction?
What’s this magical reality or unreality you create?
PING PONG: Well, uh, um… I…I’m a game, so, you know…
Buzzer Sounds
ANNOUNCER: All right, break it up! Round 1 goes to Roger CAILLOIS – sorry PING PONG, you
almost did it, but you just couldn’t stand up to CAILLOIS in the end!
ROUND 2
Buzzer Sounds
The floor has been divided into four quadrants.
AGÔN
ALEA
MIMICRY
ILINX
CAILLOIS: CLASSIFY YOURSELF, COWARD!
PING PONG: You can’t scare me, CAILLOIS! You know who I am! I’m all-Agon, all the time! I’ve
got artificial absolute equality down to a T: players have to use the same regulation
paddles, both sides of the table are exactly identical, the net is exactly in the middle.
Service gets rotated, as do sides of the table, so there’s no unfair advantage. When
• page 2 of 4 •
ENG 486/586 • Fickle • W16 • Arena Match #2: You v. Caillois
there’s championships or brackets, players get time to rest so they don’t have to play
while tired; balls get constantly replaced so nobody gets an unfairly flat one.
That’s why I’m so easy to play, but so darned hard to be good at! You can’t just grab a paddle
and expect to beat the world champions; like every other Agon, I require discipline,
training, attention, skill; you have to have hand-eye coordination, agility, amazing
reflexes; and you don’t have to be extremely strong or tall, which is part of why I’m so
popular in Asian countries.
CAILLOIS: Yes, but you don’t…er…just give moi a minute…
Buzzer Sounds
ANNOUNCER: Round 2 goes to PING PONG – you blew CAILLOIS away!
ROUND 3
The floor has been divided by a long line.
paidia
ludus
CAILLOIS: I won’t be so easily bested this time, cheater! Try classifying yourself according to
THIS one!
PING PONG: Well, uh, I’m definitely more on the ludus side. I require discipline and attention,
not spontaneity and free energy. Yeah.
REFEREE: PING PONG, you have to actually mark where you are on the spectrum.
PING PONG: Oh, right. Well, I’ve got so many rules, so I’m definitely … well, probably here:
paidia
ludus
*
CAILLOIS: Rules, rules, rules! Is that all you’ve got? Have you forgotten that ludus is different
from agon, that the conflict in ludus is with the obstacle, not with a human competitor?
PING PONG: Oh, right. Um, well, I guess you could think of it as fighting against yourself…or
maybe with gravity? And the laws of physics? Wait, hold on…
Buzzer Sounds
• page 3 of 4 •
ENG 486/586 • Fickle • W16 • Arena Match #2: You v. Caillois
ANNOUNCER: Round 3 goes to CAILLOIS – yikes, PING PONG, you really should’ve trained
better!
GAME OVER
PING PONG • FINAL SCORE
(For detailed Scoring information, see Arena Match 2 Scoring Guide on Canvas)
Round 1: +2 XP (most characteristics addressed; max = 3)
Round 2: +3 XP (all major characteristics addressed; max = 3)
Round 3: +0.5 XP (hardly any characteristics addressed; max = 2)
Overall: Form and Style: +2 XP (excellent writing organization, tone and creative flair; max = 2)
TOTAL = +7.5 XP
WINNER: ROGER CAILLOIS!
• page 4 of 4 •