The Relationship
Bank Account
&
Habit 4
Think
Win-Win
“7 Habits of Highly Effective
Teens”
By Sean Covey
Public Victory (Habits 4-6)
7 Habits Review
• 1st 3: Private Victory
• Habit #1: Be Proactive (you are the driver)
• Habit #2: Begin With the End in Mind
(control your own destiny or someone else
will)
• Habit #3: Put First Things First (will and
won’t power)
The
Seven
Habits
Tree
Private &
Public
Victories
• Private Victories (Habits 1-3)
– Help you become independent
– “I am responsible for myself. I can create my own
destiny”
• Public Victories (Habits 4-6)
– Help you become interdependent
• Work cooperatively with others
– Relationships: your ability to get along with others
– “I am a team player & I have the power & influence
with people”
PBA: Personal Bank Account
• PBA Deposits
– Keep promises to
yourself
– Do small acts of
kindness
– Be gentle with yourself
– Be honest
– Renew yourself
– Tap into your talents
• PBA Withdrawals
– Break personal
promises
– Keep to yourself
– Beat yourself up
– Be dishonest
– Wear yourself out
– Neglect your talents
Possible Symptoms of Poor
& Healthy PBA
• Healthy
PBA
• Poor PBA
– Stand up for yourself & resist
peer pressure
– Not overly concerned with
being popular
– See life as generally positive
– Trust yourself
– Goal driven
– Happy for the successes of
others
– Cave into peer pressure easily
– Wrestle with feelings of
depression & inferiority
– Overly concerned with what
others think of you
– Act arrogant to hide feelings of
insecurity
– Self-destruct by getting heavily
into drugs, pornography,
vandalism or gangs
– Get jealous easily, especially
when someone close succeeds
RBA: Relationship Bank
Account
• RBA Deposits
– Keep promises
– Do small acts of
kindness
– Be loyal
– Listen
– Say you’re sorry
– Set clear expectations
• RBA Withdrawals
– Break promises
– Keep to yourself
– Gossip & break
confidences
– Don’t listen
– Be arrogant
– Set false expectations
The Relationship Bank
Account
• Be Loyal
– Loyal people keep secrets
– Loyal people avoid gossip
– Loyal people stick up for others
The Relationship Bank
Account
• Listen
– One of the single
greatest deposits you
can make into
another’s RBA
– People need to be
listened to almost
as much as they need
food
The Relationship
Bank Account
• Say you’re sorry
– Saying your sorry when you yell, overreact or
make a stupid mistake can quickly restore an
overdrawn bank account
– It takes guts to say, “I was wrong,” “I
apologize,” or “I’m sorry”
– Don’t let pride stand in the way of
being able to get on in life and feeling good
about what you do
– A good habit to do as you will
continue to make mistakes
The
Relationship
Bank Account
• Set clear expectations
– Build trust by being honest about what
you mean from the beginning
• Avoid sending vague messages or implying
something that is not true or not likely to happen
• Our tendency is to want to flatter and please
others, and the result may be that we set unclear
or unrealistic expectations
What do we live for?
Is it not to make life less
difficult for each other?
-George Elliot
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
• Life is an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
– There’s enough to go around for everyone
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
• The foundation for getting along well with
others
• Begins with the belief that you are equal
– no one is inferior or superior
– no one really needs to be
Win-Lose—the
Totem Pole
• Says the pie of life is only
so big, & I need to get a
bigger slice than you
• Like a totem pole: “I don’t
care how good I am as
long as I’m a notch higher
than you”
• The focus is always
competitive
Win-Lose Attitude
Wears Many Faces
• Uses other people, emotionally or
physically, for their own selfish purposes
• Tries to get ahead at the expense of
another
• Spreads rumors about some one else
• Always insists on getting their own way
w/o concern for others feelings
• Becomes jealous & envious when
something good happens to someone
close to them
Lose-Win—the
Doormat
• Lose-win is weak
– Easier to be the nice guy
– Low expectations
– Compromising standards
• Gives in to peer pressure
• Hides true feelings deep inside
– Okay to let others win in the small things
– Stand up for the important things
Lose-Lose—
the Downward
Spiral
• “If I’m going down,
you’re going down with
me sucker”—misery
enjoys company
• Revenge—you’re only hurting yourself
– “I don’t care what happens to me as long as
my brother fails”
• Co-dependent relationships
Win-Win
• The belief that everyone can win
• Both nice & tough at the same
time
• “I won’t step on you, but I won’t
be your doormat either”
• You care about people & want
them to succeed
• You care about yourself & want
to succeed
How do you think
Win-Win?
• Start with the Private Victory
First
– Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, Put
First Things First
– Insecure people get jealous easily
– By starting with yourself, by putting deposits in
your PBA, taking responsibility for yourself,
getting a plan in place for your life, your
confidence & security will go up
– Personal security the foundation for
How do
you Think
Win-Win?
• Avoid the Tumor Twins
– Competing
• Competition is healthy when you compete against
yourself—challenging yourself to reach, stretch &
become your best
• Competition is not healthy when you tie your selfworth into winning & when you use it in a way to
place yourself above another
How do you Think Win-Win?
• Avoid the Tumor Twins
– Comparing
• Everyone is on different developmental timetables
• Each person has their own customized obstacle
course in life to follow
• Can become an addiction like alcohol or drugs
The Benefits
of the Win-Win
Spirit
• Confidence
• Happiness
• Serenity