EXCITING EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES
Numerous vacancies on the tea ladies’ rota are now up for grabs. See
below for details:
Salary: non negotiable, your reward is to serve the players at TCC.
Job Description / Requirements;
1. It is of paramount importance that tea ladies MUST be able to provide
hot chicken tikka baguettes (frozen sauces only - fresh food is not
acceptable). In order to aspire to the premiership of teas, all tea ladies
should be proficient in producing these consistently, to Barkisland
defined standards.
2. Ideally, you should own your own chicken coop, as you will be expected
to provide dozens of eggs for team salads. However, these are available at ;
kendom. coops.co.uk
3. All applicants must demonstrate the ability to maintain the fresh
appearance and consistency of baps at all times (the players do not
find dried up baps attractive or acceptable).
4. Tea ladies should be capable of crossing the tea room, from kitchen to
bar, in a time of 4.5 seconds, in order to ensure the efficient,
simultaneous supply of teas and alcohol.
5. You should have the ability to maintain a ‘hot totty’ like appearance at
all times. Funding / loans may be available from the ECB for cosmetic
procedures for those who require a little help, or for attendance at
Tucker’s boot camp.
6. Tea ladies must demonstrate a pleasant demeanour at all times and
should be able to resist the temptation to ask for ‘the magic word’
should a player forget to say ‘please’ or ‘ thank you’.
7. It is important that applicants are able to demonstrate the ability to
respond swiftly to a batting collapse (these are a frequent
occurrence), in order to have the pizzas ready on time.
8. Tea ladies should arrive no later than 12.30pm for a 1.30pm start, in
order to appear in control and unflustered. They must then remain
standing for approximately 7 hours (unless a batting collapse
transpires).
9. You should be able to demonstrate a sensitive and sympathetic
approach to players who have difficulty in getting food accurately
from plate to mouth and be able to perform discreet and effective stain
removal and deep cleansing on completion of serving/washing up duties.
(Tea ladies should be aware that the vacuum is very loud and could
distract the batsmen which may result in a collapse!)
10. Applicants who possess good self- regulating body temperature
control and who are able to cope with variable climactic conditions within
the tea room will be preferred.
11. On completion of tea duties, all tea ladies will be expected to cheer
loudly for the team, apart from when the batting collapses, catches are
dropped or the bowlers get smashed into the field, river or factory for 6.
12. Tea ladies MUST be available on frequent occasions, regardless of
social commitments the night before a game (pre match socials are not
encouraged, as the quality of the teas may be adversely affected)
13. Tea ladies MUST ALSO be prepared to deter members of the public
who try to muscle in ahead of the teams at tea time, as they tend to limit
the choice for players and can eat all the pizza on occasions. (This could
leave players malnourished and may once again, result in a batting
collapse)
13. It is vital that ALL tea ladies attend the end of year presentation
evening in order to receive important feedback on their performance
and appearance throughout the season.
14. The tea ladies’ team will be awarded a much anticipated mark out
of 10 by the first team captain at the annual presentation evening.
N.B. Anyone who is sensitive to strong or pungent odours need not apply.