Chapter 10: Additional Exercises
Creating a List
Some of the information in the following passage would be more accessible as a vertical list. Revise the
paragraph to include a bulleted list, and be prepared to share your revision with the class.
Pheasants are associated with agriculture and occur in varying abundance on or near farmland along the Snake
River. Much of the decline in pheasant populations is due to loss of wintering and nesting habitat from changes in
agricultural practices. Conversion of rangelands to farmland, removal of riparian vegetation, clean farming
practices including post-harvest burning that eliminates permanent cover and vegetation surrounding farmlands,
and increased use of herbicides and insecticides have all contributed to the loss of important winter and nesting
cover for pheasants.
Revising Sentences
1.
In the following sentence, the real subject is obscured by a grammatical expletive. Revise the
sentence so that the real subject appears prominently.
There are three CERCLA sites in the Buhl area.
2.
In the following sentence, unnecessary nominalization has obscured the real verb. Revise the
sentence to focus on the real verb. If necessary, supply a "doer" of the action. The contractor shall accomplish the removal of all visible overspray.
3.
Revise the following sentence so that it is in the active voice.
Developing a new procedure was rated as the top quality-assurance objective by the division managers.
4.
Revise the following sentence to eliminate the awkward, confusing noun string. The building contains a special incoming materials storage area.
5.
The following sentence is addressed to general readers. Revise the sentence to remove
unnecessary jargon.
Please review this revised report and provide your feedback by April 2. Revisions have been printed in
bold type to expedite your time input.
6.
Revise the following sentence to eliminate pompous language. It would be helpful toward resolution of this problem if you would review the enclosed report and advise
me as to any perceived errors or discrepancies.
7.
Revise the following sentence to eliminate sexist language.
Each student must complete ENGL-302 before he can enroll in ENGL-402.
Case: Revising a Draft for Sentence Effectiveness
Pretend that for the past three years you have been employed as a work-study student in your
university's advising office. The office wishes to distribute a new pamphlet to incoming students
describing the services it provides. A new work-study student has written the following brief
introduction to advising. You have been asked to help her with it. Revise the writing in her draft
according to the material presented in this chapter. Refer to specific strategies or “errors” in trying to
revise.
Academic advising is counseling by a university representative, usually a faculty member, to assist the student
achieve their goals for their education. The counseling's character, and the relationship that exists between the
advisor and the student, change as the student's career in the academic setting progresses.
In the student's freshman and sophomore years, academic advising assists the student to identify, comprehend,
and finalizing the sequence of university core requirements; that is, common classes such as English composition
and basic science courses. It is also the case that academic advising may also serve to help the student clarify his
academic strengths and interests in order to establish a major.
During these first two years, the interpersonal relationship between the student and the advisor are usually
general and impersonal. The academic advisor may very well be someone with whom the student has little or no
contact beyond obtaining a signature as a formality on paperwork. Similarly, the student may well never be
enrolled in a course taught by the advisor, or otherwise become involved in the advisor's activities or academic
interests.
This rarely succeeds in giving the student the optimal possible guidance for progressing in their academic career,
however it is very economical and usually suitable. Faculty time and resources are expensive, limited commodities.
Except in small, private institutions, there is rarely a large enough faculty to provide close and individual attention
to each student who needs it. Student attrition rates are high in these first two years, many students flunk out of
school before they have an opportunity to benefit from detailed, personal advice. Even among those who stay
there is a high percentage of changes in academic majors. The emphasis on ensuring students understand and
complete the core requirements ultimately ensures that those who do remain as students are able to progress
along their degree path in a relatively smooth fashion.
In the student's junior and senior years, there is a shift in the emphasis. The goal of academic advising now is more
to assist the student finish fulfilling their individual educational needs, and less to help the student meet the needs
of the university. Academic advising helps the student make the best choices of the remaining options and
requirements.
The relationship between the student and the advisor is closer in the last two years as well. The advisor is more
personally acquainted with the student; he (or she) has seen the student periodically over a substantial period of
time, and may even have instructed the student in one or more classes. The advisor is also more familiar with the
major department, the courses it offers, and the colleagues who teach them, and can offer the student personal
recommendations regarding many important and critical issues. Owing to the fact that the student is pursuing
academic interests related to the advisor's, there is likely to be more interaction between them in academic
projects and programs.
Academic advising also helps the student look beyond their undergraduate years. As the student comes close to
concluding a degree program, they may be considering the possibility of entering a professional career, for
example, or at extending their education in a graduate program. Academic advising serves to assist students again
in making the educational choices, which will be most productive in meeting those goals.