Deciding to Separate
The break-up of a marriage or a relationship can be a stressful and traumatic time. Making the decision to stay
in a troubled relationship can be just as difficult as choosing to leave. Weighing up all the issues can
sometimes be overwhelming. It may be helpful to talk to someone you trust or seek assistance from a
professional counsellor to clarify your thoughts and sort out what you what to do. Gather information about
your rights and options as early as possible. Knowing the facts can help increase your control over the
situation and will enable you to plan realistically for your future. In the end, no matter what you decide, you
will want to feel the choices you have made will lead to a new way of living – one which will help you feel good
about yourself and confident about the future, as well as one which will keep you safe.
Commonly held myths
There are always myths surrounding important life events. These are some that you might have heard
about in regards to ending a relationship:
•
Marriage is meant to be for life
•
Children need both parents, therefore it is better to stay together for the children’s sake.
•
Single mothers ‘have it easy’ and get handouts
•
There’s something wrong with you if you’re not in a relationship
And the reality…
•
It is estimated approximately 33% of marriages will end in divorce. The most common length of a
marriage at separation is approximately 8 years.
•
Approximately 50% of couples who divorce in Queensland have children under the age of 18yrs.
What matters to the children is the quality of their relationships with their parents regardless of
whether or not they share a house with them.
•
Exposure to domestic violence is damaging to children
•
Approximately 60% of single mothers are in the workforce.
•
Most of us would prefer to share our life with a supportive partner but you do not need a partner
to have a happy and fulfilling life.
*Data from Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey 2012 and Marriages and Divorces 2014.
Important Issues to Consider
There are important legal, financial and housing issues to think about when making the decision to
end a relationship. There is no right way. The important thing is working out what is right for you.
Free or low cost legal advice and financial counselling is available.
•
•
If there has been domestic violence,
you will need to consider your safety
regardless of whether or not you
decide to end the relationship. Make
a safety plan (refer to our safety plan
factsheet).
If you have children, you may need to
think about what to tell them and
consider what arrangements need to
be made for them. You can seek legal
advice on parenting matters.
•
What is your current financial
situation? How will it be affected if
you decide to separate from your
partner? Are you eligible for
government assistance?
•
Do you feel comfortable and safe
where you are living? Will you need to
make other housing arrangements?
•
Even if you are able to negotiate
directly with your partner, it is
important you know your legal rights
and get good advice.
If you are a temporary resident on a spousal visa, you will need legal advice from a qualified
migration agent.
Some Practical Steps to Take
Once you have decided to end your relationship it is important to get organized. As daunting as this
may seem initially, it will actually help you feel more secure, both emotionally and financially.
•
Open your own bank account. ‘Ensure
your partner cannot access your account
via phone or internet banking. Redirect
your pay into your own account.
•
Is any property in your partner’s name? If
so, you may need to lodge a caveat or
take other legal action to avoid it being
sold off before final property settlement.
•
If you are renting your home, is your
name on the lease? If you leave, you may
need to have the lease changed or risk
being held liable for any damage or rent
arrears caused by your partner.
•
Organize to have a separate mobile phone
and internet account if you don’t already.
•
If your utilities and phone bills are in joint
names, speak to your service provider to
update this, or risk being liable for your
partner’s bills.
•
Seek legal advice to freeze joint accounts
at banks and other financial institutions.
•
•
List all your assets and any joint debts or
debts in your name.
Consider your financial situation and draw
up a budget. A financial counselor can
help you with this.
•
Do you need to change your will?
•
Write down the date of your separation in
your diary or notebook.
•
Contact Centrelink to apply or update
your details.
•
Apply to the Child Support Agency (CSA)
Can I Get My Partner to Leave?
Women who decide to end relationships often find their partners are very angry and resentful. If
there is a risk of violence, staying in the family home may not be the safest option. However, you
may not have to leave at all, even if your partner refuses to leave the home. If you have experienced
domestic violence you may apply for a Domestic Violence Protection Order which may order him to
leave the house. Seek legal advice about this option. There are domestic violence provisions in the
Residential Tenancies and Rooming Act (RTRA) 2008 which may be applied to the conditions of a
rental lease. If you are experiencing domestic violence while living in rental accommodation, you
can apply for an order to:
•
Be recognized as the tenant
•
End your tenancy agreement
altogether
•
Remove the name of the person who
has committed an act of domestic
violence from the tenancy agreement
There is provision in the law to be legally separated under one roof. Being legally separated under
one roof means you will still have access to child support and Centrelink payments. This may not be
a safe option when there is violence. It is important to get legal advice about how to go about this
and it will depend on whether you can negotiate with your partner. You may need advice about
what options apply to your situation.
I’ve Decided to Leave, But Where Do I Go?
Many women have families, friends or supportive networks they can turn to, at least in the short
term, when they leave their home. Others do not, and for most women, choosing a new place to live
is one of the most important decisions they will have to make. If you leave the family home you do
not lose the right to your share of the home or other property. In weighing up housing options, you
will need to think carefully about your financial situation. If you decide to move out of your home,
neighborhood or community, you will also need to consider the impact this may have on your life.
This may result in losing the support of your local networks, as well as having the potential upheaval
of changing jobs or your children’s schools.
If you are planning to leave a violent relationship,
You and your children’s safety is important.
Accommodation Options
•
Staying with friends or relatives can provide familiarity and support. You may find this is not a
long term option.
•
A refuge is a safe place at a secret location for women who have experienced domestic violence.
It can be used if safety and security are the main issues. To access a refuge call DV Connect on
1800 811 811 (QLD only).
•
A hostel is a place of emergency accommodation, but its location is not a secret and people can
visit you. There are ‘women only’ hostels and you do not have to have experienced domestic
violence to access hostel accommodation. To access a hostel call the Homeless Persons
Information Queensland (HPIQ) on 1800 47 47 53
•
Private rental can be expensive but you have more choice about where you want to live. To find
properties available for rent visit www.realestate.com.au to search suburbs or towns within your
price range. You may be eligible for an interest free Bond Loan from the Dept. of Housing to
help you access private rental. To check eligibility call 1800 880 882. If you already live in
private rental and are experiencing domestic violence, there are some special provisions in the
Residential Tenancies and Rooming Act (RTRA) 2008.
•
Share accommodation can make private rental more affordable.
•
Social Housing includes public housing provided by the Department of Housing and Public Works
(QLD) as well as community housing provided by not-for-profit community organizations. Social
housing is not an immediate option, as waiting times can be lengthy. Applications are income
tested and assessed by their level of housing need, with those in greatest need offered housing
first. If you have experienced domestic violence then the Department of Housing has special
provisions. Please visit their website for information on how to apply for public housing, or a
transfer if you are an existing tenant.
•
National Rental Affordability Scheme (NRAS) is a government funded initiative to provide
affordable housing to low income earners. NRAS properties are provided by approved tenancy
managers which include community housing organizations as well as private real estate agents.
For more information visit www.nras.communities.qld.gov.au
Can I Go Back to the House?
Ask yourself - is it safe to go back in? You have the right to your personal possessions and should be
able to arrange a suitable time to return to the home if it is safe to do so. If you are applying for a
Domestic Violence Protection Order you can ask for a condition allowing you entry to the house to
collect your belongings. If you have safety concerns, you can ask the police to accompany you to
collect your personal belongings. It is important to understand that they will not assist you directly
with the packing or removal of your property. If you have the time and it is safe, you should take
your personal and financial documentation with when you leave.
Have I Got Copies or Originals of All the Documents I
Need?
•
Passport
•
Loan agreements
•
Birth certificate
•
Guarantees
•
Citizenship papers
•
Wills
•
Marriage certificate
•
•
Driver’s license
Car registration and engine number
(Vehicle identification number)
•
Court Orders
•
•
ATM and credit cards
Mortgage and property details (e.g.
council rates)
•
•
Bank statements
Rental agreement
•
•
Last tax return and notice of
assessment
Centrelink identification number
•
•
Superannuation statements or details
Insurance policies (e.g. home,
contents, car and superannuation)
•
•
Titles of ownership and property deeds
Contact details for your accountant
and lawyer
•
Partnership and company records
•
•
Details of joint and personal debt
Any of the above documents that may
apply to your children
Getting Help
Crisis Support/Information & Referrals
DVConnect womensline
1800 RESPECT (National DV hotline)
Homeless Persons Info Qld (HPIQ)
Women’s Infolink
Statewide Sexual Assault Helpline
Parentline
1800 811 811 (24 hrs 7 days)
1800 737 732 (24hrs 7 days)
1800 474 753 (emergency housing referral)
1800 177 577 (Statewide info/referral)
1800 010 120 (7:30am – 11:30pm, 7 days)
1300 30 1300 (8am – 10pm, 7 days)
Housing / Tenancy Advice
Department of Housing and Public Works QLD
Residential Tenancy Authority (RTA) www.rta.qld.gov.au
Tenants Union of Qld
www.tuq.org.au
13 74 68
1300 366 311
1300 744 263
Legal Advice / Information
Women’s Legal Service
www.wlsq.org.au
1800 957 957
North Qld Women’s Legal Service
www.nqwls.com.au
1800 244 504
Qld Indigenous Family Violence Legal Service (QIFVLS) www.qifvls.com.au 1800 88 77 00
Refugee and Immigrant Legal Service (RAILS) www.rails.org.au
(07) 3846 9300
Legal Aid Qld
www.legalaid.qld.gov.au
1300 65 11 88
Family Relationships Advice Line
1800 050 321
Financial Support / Information
Centrelink
Child Support Agency
Financial First Aid
www.centrelink.gov.au
www.csaonline.gov.au
www.uccommunity.org.au/ffa
136 150
13 12 72
1800 007 007
Domestic Violence Services
Brisbane Domestic Violence Service
Immigrant Women’s Support Service - DV Program (Brisbane)
Domestic Violence Action Centre (DVAC) (Ipswich)
Working Against Violence Support Service Inc. (Logan)
Caboolture Regional Domestic Violence Service Inc.
Sunshine Coast Domestic & Family Violence Service (SCOPE)
Domestic Violence Prevention Centre Gold Coast Inc.
Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Service (Toowoomba)
Cairns Regional Domestic Violence Service Inc.
Domestic Resource Violence Service Inc. (Mackay)
Domestic Violence Service of Central Queensland Centacare
North Queensland Domestic Violence Resource Service (Townsville)
Working Against Abuse Service (Roma)
Centacare Safer Families Support Service (Roma)
(07) 3217 2544
(07) 3846 3490
(07) 3816 3000
(07) 3808 5566 or (Redlands) (07) 3286 7766
(07) 5498 9533
(07) 5430 9300
(07) 5591 4222 or (Outreach) (07) 3807 6226
1300 364 277
(07) 4033 6100 or (Tablelands) 1300 909 250
(07) 4957 3888
1300 523 985 (Rockhampton)
(07) 4721 2888 or (Mt Isa) (07) 4743 0946
(07) 4622 5230
1300 477 433
Counselling
Centacare
www.centacarebrisbane.net.au
Uniting Care
www.uccommunity.org.au
Relationships Australia
www.relationships.com.au
Better Relationships Anglicare www.betterrelationships.com.au
1300 286 822
(07) 3253 4000
1300 364 277
1300 114 397
Call Women’s Health Qld Wide (07) 3216 0376 or 1800 017 676 for a list of private counsellors in your area. You can
request a specialist counsellor e.g. relationships or domestic violence. Ask your GP for a referral under a Mental Health
Care Plan to be eligible for a Medicare rebate.
Women’s Legal Service Disclaimer: This information sheet is intended as a guide only and not intended to replace legal
advice. Legal advice from a lawyer should always be obtained. Updated 2016.
WLS acknowledges WIRE Victoria who kindly permitted us to use content from their information sheet
“Separation: Deciding to Leave a Relationship” Wire Women’s Information 2010 www.wire.org.au
Women’s Legal Service Disclaimer: This information sheet is intended as a guide only and not intended to replace legal
advice.