Brittany Gregg
Deep Roots
Usually that tree was mine alone. It offered a good view of the others in their weapons
training class, but was far enough away that they couldn't throw anything - words included - at
you. It was a big tree, sturdy and old. Father used to say that it talked to people noble enough to
be worthy, and that it had been one of the first saplings in our Evermist forest. The branches
hung low and climbed high, and all beneath it felt like a private, secret hideaway where magic
might really exist.
None of the girls sat there because if they were going to watch, they wanted to be close
enough that they could be seen as they smoothed their hair and giggled at the boys they liked.
None of the other boys sat there because if they weren't in that class, then they weren't interested.
I liked to watch because I wasn't any good, but wanted to be. Fighting was a very manly
thing to do, and if you were good at it people left you alone. Since I wasn't, I didn't like to try
because they laughed. So I watched, and in the evenings when I was home alone I practiced by
myself. Every male was required to do a weapons class at least once a week, so I tried to prepare
myself so that I was ready for my weekly session.
One day the routine was interrupted. Eledu was sitting beside me but separate, brooding
as he watched his friends continue their training. He would have been down there, a dedicated
soldier since his father was the captain of the guard, but the day before one of his friends had
shot him by accident. The instructors always said not to even pretend to aim at each other, but of
course some elflings always felt the need to show off and not listen. Thankfully the practice
arrows were blunted shafts with no heads, but that didn't mean they didn't hurt when they hit.
His hand had been injured, and the healers had ordered him to rest for a few days.
Gregg 2
I had made potatoes with dinner last night, and mom had sent some with me for lunch.
We had fried some chunks in oil and then made a blend of fresh herbs to season them with, and
the next day they were greasy and cold but still delicious. Eledu's stomach growled, but he
continued to ignore me.
I was never much for talking to strangers. The only real friends I had were my parents
and some of the young ladies who lived nearby. I had learned early that girls, though cattier than
boys, were also more likely to think it cute or charming if your hobby was cooking. It was less
of a headache to just ignore the other boys my age for another decade so they could mature.
Despite my unofficial vows of silence, I wasn't about to let someone starve because they
didn't have a lunch for the day. I held my little paper-wrapped lunch out to him in offer after a
growl that was loud enough to color his cheeks.
With a mumbled thanks he took a piece of potato and popped it into his mouth, and even
though he didn't ask for more I scooted closer and kept the paper between us.
"Thanks. Usually I lunch with my father, but because of my change in schedule," he
trailed off with a shrug. "This is good. Your mother must be a wonderful chef."
"She taught me everything I know," I agreed.
He looked surprised and brown eyes jumped from the potato wedges to my face and back
again. The inevitable laughter seemed forthcoming, though I wasn't sure what to make of the
few low chuckles that tried to hide behind a belated cough.
"You cooked these? I... you... are very talented with potatoes."
It was the strangest thing anyone had said to me. I laughed and gave an incredulous
shake of my head. "Thanks."
Gregg 3
"You'll be popular on patrols someday with skills like that. I'm lucky if I fill my canteen
with clean water, it'd take a miracle from the veil to get me cooking food that doesn't look and
taste like horse crap."
There was a very low chance of me ever going on a patrol - in fact, it was probably more
likely that he'd learn to cook - but I had no desire to spoil his fantasy.
"I'm Eledu."
"I know. Gwyndir. A pleasure to meet you."
"The pleasure was all mine, I assure you," he laughed, exposing some herbs stuck
between his teeth.
The next day I returned to see another figure already there, and he stood and waved.
"I finally realized why your name sounded so familiar," Eledu greeted me. "Your father is
Faerod, isn't he? He made the hilt for my father's ceremonial blade. I've always imagined one
day that I'll have one just as lovely."
"I'm sure you will," I agreed as I dropped to the ground and leaned against the tree's trunk
so I could look out over the lush green field. The bark scratched through the thin fabric of my
shirt, though in his nice leather armor I imagined that Eledu hardly noticed a thing. One of the
perks of being the captain's son, I supposed.
"One day I'll be a captain, and you'll be my trusted lieutenant," he decided. For a
soldier's boy, I was learning that he had a rather wild imagination. "I'll lead the men bravely
through the forests to fight off Men and Beasts alike, and you'll make sure they have food in their
stomachs. Can't fight the good fight when you're irritable from a bad breakfast, you know."
Gregg 4
Potatoes for lunch again. They were my specialty because they were my favorite.
Potatoes kept better than most things, and I loved the earthy flavor. Subtle, but very well-suited
for moments of sitting beneath an ancient tree and feeling it shift against your spine.
We ate and watched the other boys run laps with full packs on their backs. A few times I
heard Eledu snort and mutter about how much he didn't miss doing that as their drills changed. It
was a nice day, but not for training, because the sun was bright and hot above the trees and it
made our heavy forest humid and the air thick. Just sitting there I could feel myself sweat, and I
hated to imagine what it must have felt like for anyone actually doing hard labor.
I felt Eledu glancing at me more often and flushed beneath his scrutiny. Either he was
about to start mocking me, like most boys, or he was taking a strange interest in my face.
"You're one of the once-a-week trainees. I wondered why you seemed so unfamiliar.
Usually the ones in those classes are either already military or employed elsewhere."
I frowned and pulled the lunch back to myself, not interested in sharing any more food
with someone about to mock me. Soldiers were all the same, without fail: young, proud boys
who were taught that the strongest were the best, and power got you everything. They tended to
be a bit slow, though, and I was expecting his interrogation.
"So are you a jeweler like your father, then?"
"No. He teaches me in daily lessons, but I am not as gifted as he is." I took a bite of my
lunch and proceeded to ignore him, instead enjoying the taste of cheese and onions and peppers
with the crunch of the potato's skin.
"You mean you cook? Instead of fighting, you spend your day in the kitchen?" he asked,
laughing once in surprise.
Gregg 5
"Yes. Between lessons in the library, naturally." I gathered my things and prepared to
stand, not interested in remaining to hear the obligatory taunting and teasing that will commence.
I could finish my meal at home or in the gardens, which I knew would be exceptionally
beautiful that time of year. The flowers would be in full bloom and fill the air with a spicy, floral
smell of life. Bees would buzz around and tickle ears with their drone, everywhere unseen. It
was safe there at that time of day but for a few ladies of the court wandering around collecting
blossoms for their hair or some couples sneaking time alone in a shady corner behind a fountain.
"That's amazing. Not just that you cook, but that you aren't ashamed to admit it. Most
guys our age would have lied just now and said that their dad was forcing them out of the
military or something. I like you, Gwyndir. You're different."
The unexpectedness had taken any response from me. I sat back and looked to him, jaw
slack and head tilted. I was waiting for a punch line and thinking that if I responded favorably he
would probably throw it in my face somehow. But he was just smiling, looking at me openly.
When my pause lasted beyond his liking, he stole my lunch and continued his dining.
"I could say the same about you," I admitted, leaning back again as he scooted closer to
share my own food with me.
"Thanks, 'tato." He raised his potato wedge in a sort of mock-toast before he tossed it
into his mouth. "To two different elves."
"To two very similar elves," I corrected, smiling as I returned the toast.
***
I always hated my weekly training lessons. They meant pain and humiliation, and often
simultaneously. At Eledu's request to his father I was able to switch what day my lessons were
Gregg 6
on so that I could be in a class with him. For once I was able to experience weapons training the
way most other boys did, with a friend.
Eledu promised to partner up with me whenever he could, and we spent the first half of
the day together. His directions were better than any that I had received from the instructors.
Perhaps because he had a better sense of humor, perhaps because I actually cared about earning
his approval, or maybe just because I enjoyed his company. I did better having a live partner than
I did just practicing alone, and by the time we broke for lunch I was able to parry as well as the
others. Granted, my partner moved slower and hit softer than many of the other boys, but I
appreciated his patience.
Instead of eating with his father, Eledu started towards our tree without even asking me
first. He simply assumed I would have enough to share and that I wouldn't mind the intrusion. I
couldn't decide whether I was annoyed at his arrogance or excited to have an understood routine
with a friend. With another potato dish that day, my nickname was proving to be well-chosen.
"Hey, 'tato. I'm glad you're in my class now. It's nice to have your food during breaks.
Much better than mom's lunches, but don't tell her I said that." Eledu had never quite mastered
the art of using silverware, and he licked his fingers clean after finishing a chunk of boar meat.
"Thanks," I said with a proud smile. My parents always complimented my meals, but it
meant more coming from him. It was getting easier to talk around him. "And thank your father
for me again. It's nice to have a friend in class."
"You'll make more in no time. No better way to make a friend than by beating up a
stranger, my uncle used to say. It's a good way to know a person, since it's hard to wear a mask
in a fight. You know? Even you get less distant when we spar. I like you like that."
Gregg 7
I felt my ears tingle with a blush and looked off to the side, pretending to be interested in
a small scuffle starting between some of our classmates. "I must be quite popular then," I mused
dryly, "given how many people have beaten me up over the past thirty years."
The pause lasted longer than I had expected and I turned away from the pitiful brawl to
see Eledu unabashedly scrutinizing me. He smirked when he was caught staring.
"I suppose I am lucky that I was the only successful one. Though, perhaps that's because I
waited to swing at you until after I'd already won you over with my undeniable charm."
The fact he could say that to me with a straight face and with complete sincerity was
more than I could handle, and I laughed and threw a potato cube at him. "Nay, your modesty was
what won me over. I couldn't resist such a quiet, flawed and philosophical warrior."
He bumped his shoulder to mine and stole from my portion of lunch. "There's my 'tato. I
was starting to worry I would always have to thrust a sword at you in order to get that fire and
wit from you." He paused, long enough for our youthful minds to twist that as far as we could.
Eledu snorted and stole the last of the roasted boar from my bag and then stood to dust
himself off. We were elves, after all, and we would be the first to admit we were vain. The few
humans I had met had always said that like it was a bad thing to worry about appearance.
"I'll meet you later for archery. Father will want to test my parrying and progress with
me, so I have to end lunch early." He swung his quiver back over his shoulders and strapped his
sword to his hip. "Thanks again for the food. You're the best, 'tato."
I spent the rest of the break finishing my lunch and then stretching out to relax. Evermist
was the sort of home that spoiled a person into taking beauty for granted. Birds called out high
up in the trees, up over the canopy at heights I could barely imagine, cawing victoriously from a
Gregg 8
hunt or courting one another with song. The grass was always plush and thick and damp, like it
was stuck in a post-rain state where the earth smelled sharp and musky. If you didn't move and
quieted your breathing, sometimes you would be lucky enough to hear the trees rustle a hundred
feet over your head and the creak and groan of the bark.
It was hard to get up and go back to work after that, relaxed and sleepy, but I struggled to
my feet and made my way back down the gentle slope to the field. Some of my classmates were
lounging on the ground as I approached, all blonds and all grinning cruelly.
"Hey pretty-boy, how'd your boyfriend like his lunch?"
"Must be nice to literally have the captain's boy eating from the palm of your hand."
I had heard variations of such taunts enough times that they were hardly more than
annoying by now, like a joke that loses its humor after the tenth telling. They stung more when
someone else was being slandered with me, though. Eledu didn't deserve this.
They snickered and turned as I walked by, following me with their eyes and their words.
"Maybe you'll inspire ladies everywhere. Forget sleeping your way to the top, now you can cook
your way there."
"True, because the ladies would certainly prefer to cook for you than have to bed you," a
familiar voice snapped from behind me.
I pivoted to see Eledu glaring at his friends. I couldn't tell whether I was flattered to have
someone stand up for me or annoyed that he thought I needed defending.
"Hey, Eledu, no need to get so pissed. We were just playing, right Gwyndir?" one of
them prompted, looking to me with a desperate expression. If he was trying to threaten me
somehow, he only succeeded in looking constipated.
Gregg 9
"Oh, just playing? Excellent, I was just going to come find my friend for some archery
practice, and we would benefit from using moving targets. I'm sure you wouldn't mind helping
your good friend by running around with a target on your back, would you?"
I grinned as I jogged to catch up to him as he marched away, the three boys behind us
groaning and hissing and slapping at one another. Flattery had won over annoyance and I fell
into step close beside him.
He picked out a bow for me from a rack of practice ones. These were the bows made by
apprentices or ones that had warped over time. The imperfections were not enough to weaken
the weapons or render them useless, but enough that they weren't wanted by the soldiers on
patrols who may have to rely on them for protection. As he handed one to me that he deemed
satisfactory, he finally broke from his stern soldier's glare and smirked.
"Dumbasses. I should have done that long ago." His smile brightened and turned a bit
more playful when he looked sideways at me. "Father says a good soldier is more about
character than strength, because any fool with opposable thumbs can be taught to wield a weapon
but only good souls have the discipline to protect our borders and stick together no matter what."
Eledu lifted his bow and pulled the string taut, eyes narrowing as he waited for the
perfect moment. The arrow flew with a soft, deep thunk and landed straight in the straw bull'seye on one of the boy's backs. He stumbled and fell with a loud curse.
My friend looked to me with a wide, toothy grin. "That's why I think you and me will be
great together some day, 'tato. I'll watch your back, and you'll watch my waistline."
***
Gregg 10
That night at home, mother greeted me at the door anxiously. I don't think she knew
whether to be excited for me to have made a new friend, terrified for my safety when training
with the true military boys, or if she should mother over my myriad of colorful bruises and cuts.
"How did training go today? Did you and Eledu get to talk much? Any new friends?"
"Mother," I protested with a scowl, swatting her hands away. "I'm fine."
She followed me as I entered our small home and went for the bathing room. I was
sweaty and sore and a nice bath before dinner sounded perfect.
"I didn't make any new friends, but I don't need any," I went on, knowing she wouldn't
rest without an explanation. Besides, before Eledu, my mother was my closest friend. The
rumors about me being a nana's boy weren't entirely wrong, despite my protests. "Eledu helped
me with training today. He liked the lunch, by the way, you were right."
"Oh, that's wonderful, carnilan. We'll have to experiment new recipes with your father
this week to find something for your next class."
The bathroom shared a wall with one of the many cliff faces along this edge of our wood,
and when we built our home we drilled in to find one of the hot springs. When a stone slab is slid
along the wall above the tub, some of the hot water trickles in through a copper pipe and fills the
large basin. Though the wait could be long for a full steaming bath, it was always worth it. The
smell always had a slightly bitter scent to it, humid and like the forges.
"You should have seen it though, nana," I continued, voice a bit louder to be heard as the
trickling water splattered onto the hard stone tub. "Some of the boys started mocking me, and I
was just going to ignore it, but Eledu had crept up behind us and he was so upset. He had them
carry targets for us to use for archery. The looks on their faces! We practiced together the rest of
the day, and nobody bothered me. Even after practice, we stayed together until everyone left."
Gregg 11
Mother smiled in her soft, almost sad way, the way most mothers do when they feel like
their children are growing up. "He sounds like a good friend, Gwyndir. You should have him
over some night for dinner with us, if his family wouldn't mind. I think it'd be nice to meet him."
***
"Humans have some of the strangest traditions, you know."
I chewed on a piece of straw, lying on my back and staring up at the branches over our
heads. It was hard to see anything through the dense brown and green and shadowy black, but I
could just make out the slight movements of a squirrel perched on one of the higher visible
branches, nibbling on something between its paws.
"I wouldn't know, actually. I've read some things about humans, but never actually met
any. Father doesn't trust them and they make mother nervous."
His fingers were in my hair, pulling at some of the fine strands of blond to braid them in
the style of a warrior. Usually I left it down to do what it would, but he had decided I should try
something more exciting with it and was taking over the task of doing the styling, since nobody
in my family was a warrior to know the braids. It felt nice, soothing and safe there beneath our
tree, just lounging and enjoying the summer heat as best we could. Even Eledu was dressed
down that day, his usual leather armor missing and traded in for loose-fitting and light cotton. If
any breeze was kind enough to come, we hoped it would tickle our sweat-dampened skin.
"Really? They aren't so bad. A bit too bold and cocky for how young they are, and they
don't always look or smell that nice. But they're interesting. They have such different views of
the world. I mean, they were acting like we were simpletons because we didn't use the same
weapons they do, or because we value our land."
Gregg 12
I shifted and lifted my head to ease the pull on a few strands of hair that were painfully
tugging from my scalp. He paused for me to reach up and dig my fingers along my hairline.
"I have heard they are a lot like dwarves in that regard. Greedy and prefer to live
surrounded by cold stone and metal rather than trees and warm earth. What weapons do they
use? Crossbows?"
"Mmm, something like that. Not quite, and that isn't what they're called. They don't use
arrows. It looked to me like they just fire pebbles at one another, but it was so loud. Very
inefficient. Garns? I think, though that doesn't sound quite right."
He tapped the side of my head to make me turn my face the other way, and I reached up
to tentatively feel the braid he had finished. It was smooth and neat, and the smaller ones felt like
rope made of spider silk. I smoothed my thumb back and forth over it as he continued his work.
"I assume there was a reason we started talking about them," I murmured, wiggling the
straw back and forth with my tongue.
He snorted and snatched at my treat, pulling most of it from my mouth and tossing it
aside. "Been a lot of talk about them recently."
My hair was tugged again and he continued his braiding a bit rougher than before. I
grunted a protest and reached up to gingerly tap my head and he slowed to loosen the rope a bit.
It seemed he wasn't going to elaborate.
"I was just thinking about them with this tree, though. They like to claim things, makes
them feel more important I guess. I was talking to one of the younger men - funny, 'tato, but he's
considered an adult among his people and he's half our age - and he was saying about how he
and his fiancée have a tree of their own back home. They tied a swing to it and spent many
nights together there-"
Gregg 13
"We're not swinging together, Eledu, people already call us queer enough."
"- and they carved their names into the trunk. Like it was symbolic of their relationship or
something. I don't know. It just made me think about us and this tree. I mean, if it wasn't for this
tree, we might have never met and become friends."
I turned my head a bit again, earning another annoyed grumble and a pull at the braid he
was currently weaving, and looked up at our tree. Over the past ten years it had become our
refuge. When we wanted to be alone, separately or together, we could come here and it would
always welcome us under its heavy branches. It felt like our own secret little hideout, a haven in
plain sight. Writing our names into it would be a cruel repayment and a redundant proclamation.
"That would have been a shame," I agreed softly.
I let my eyes close as he continued to braid my hair. He sat me up to bring them together
in the back and I looked out over the empty training field, mind wandering to all of the training
and laughter we had shared there over the years.
***
"I need help making a gift for Eledu."
Father always spent his days in one of the forges near the palace, a huge cavern that was
imposing when it wasn't filled with smiths. When it was first made, they tried to make the space
look more elven and welcoming by carving the stalactites to look like vines with flowers, or by
dotting lanterns around the space to give it light. Despite these efforts, it somehow only made the
atmosphere spookier; lanterns casted flickering shadows that skittered always just outside of
your sight, and spiders enjoyed building lovely and complex webs between the leaves on the
carved vines. But when it was busy with people, the forges glowing and smoldering, the clank of
hammers echoing to sound like hundreds rather than dozens, it was one of my favorite places.
Gregg 14
"Making a gift?" Father carefully put down his latest masterpiece, settling the loose
jewels so they wouldn't skitter away before he turned to me and lifted the spectacles from his
face. Despite the teasing they earned him, they magnified his already spectacular vision, which
was how he got such amazing detail on his pieces. "When I was your age, we just stole wine
from our parents to give one another on fiftieths. Don't tell your mother I encouraged you to
steal," he added with a quirky grin.
"I know. Eledu already has thirteen bottles of alcohol coming to him."
"Not interested in being lucky number fourteen?" Father smiled though and nodded for
me to come closer to his station. "Alright, carnilan, I understand. Something special for your
closest friend. What about cooking him his favorite meal? That would mean a lot, and be
something only you could do."
"I cook for him weekly already, Papa. I want to make him something he can keep." There
were lots of emeralds of varying sizes on his table, most polished though a few still raw. I picked
up one of the smaller ones and rolled it between my fingers, watching the glow of the lanterns
and forges get sucked inside the gem.
Father was looking at me when I looked up. It felt like I'd done something wrong, so I
placed the emerald back onto the table and bowed my head.
"I understand. He's announcing his engagement, isn't he?" He leaned back against his
table and at my side, a bit taller than me but not by much after my latest growth spurt. "What
about some nice earrings?"
"He doesn't have piercings. He saw someone get a ring ripped from their ear once."
"Can't blame him then. Alright, a necklace?"
"Doesn't wear them, he thinks they're too feminine."
Gregg 15
"Don't want to feminize your soldier friend, of course. Then maybe-"
"I wanted to make rings. One for each of us. A matching set." I bit my lip and watched
one of father's apprentices fumble to pull a mold from one of the forges across from us. He
wasn't doing well, too nervous and new at it.
"Rings?" Father sounded a bit uncertain, like he thought he hadn't heard me right. He
glanced to see what I was furrowing my brow at and lifted a hand to cup his mouth. "No, Elion,
get your gloves. And don't stand so close, you'll catch your hair when it's down like that," he
shouted. "Rings," he repeated as he looked to me again.
"I know, Papa. But he'll be in the office more, and I know his father wears several big
fancy rings. I thought if I made him something he could wear while doing office work, he would
see it daily and think of me," I explained in a rush, like if I didn't give him a good reason all in
one breath he would kick me out empty-handed.
There was that look again, Father gazing at me quietly, studying me. I was about to
apologize for my terrible idea when he shook his head.
"You seem to have this all planned out, then. Here, grab some charcoal. Sketch me what
you had in mind, and we'll see if we can get your friend a gift to remember you by before the
week's end."
***
Fiftieth birthdays were a big deal to my people. They meant being recognized as an adult
and gaining all the privileges and responsibilities that come with that. It meant no more classes
but actual work, it meant no more playing rough but maturing, and it meant settling down with a
family. Generally speaking, most elves found their future bride or husband while they went
Gregg 16
through all their lessons and classes and misadventures of youth, and the fiftieth birthday was
celebrated with a grand feast to honor not just adulthood, but also engagement.
Eledu was five years my elder, and his fiftieth birthday was a celebration unlike any I had
seen before. As the captain's only son, he was looked to as the next great soldier and leader of
our military and many eyes were turned to him. Everyone wanted to see who the lucky lady
would be at his side.
I stood near the entrance to his parents' ballroom with my hand in my pocket, playing
with two rings that clanked together softly. His present had to be something special, I knew, and
one night while I was in bed the inspiration had struck. The conversation about our tree from a
decade earlier looped in my head, and I had spent the next week in father's forge. I was not
nearly as gifted as he, and while his creations looked organic and masterful, my attempts were
very much the makings of a child that only a mother could laud. But with hours of bending over
a countertop and sweating in the suffocating heat of the forge, I was able to make a pair of
identical rings. The brass was an alloy that had a beautiful red-brown shade to it with specks of
amber that glittered in the light, and for the small price of four burnt fingers I had carefully
formed the bands to look like our tree. Roots swirled over the finger to tangle together below,
and the trunk and branches stretched nearly to the knuckle. Emeralds dotted the branches to form
dark and bright leaves, and crumbs of sapphire remade the desperate bursts of sky that peeked
between thick boughs. Father had helped with some of the work, but I was proud that the
majority of the jewels had been crafted by me alone.
Actually being at Eledu's party was harder than preparing for it, though. It was
everything I didn't like about parties. A large crowd, tons of soldiers, and quantities of alcohol
Gregg 17
that were only reserved for taverns and fiftieth birthdays. He had invited me himself, but that
didn't make me feel like I belonged.
Many of our classmates were wandering around with glasses in their hands, most of them
still underage like I was. A few paused to say hellos to me, or at least offer a friendly nod. Much
of the childish bullying had finally faded, and though I hardly considered any of those boys to be
friends, I trusted them, and that was enough.
"'tato! You came! I was worried you'd conveniently forget or be needed in the library for
a book emergency." Eledu hugged me and sloshed his drink on my back in the process.
"Well, it is not too late for either," I retorted with a friendly shove. Rolling my shoulders
didn't help the sticky wet feeling to peel away from my skin, but he remained oblivious and I
remained too polite to tell him he was drunk before dinner. "Of course I came. I wouldn't miss
your majority for anything."
His smile was my own gift and I let him drag me through the crowd of people towards
tables set up with food and drink.
"Look at all this! The king gifted me some of his private stock of wine, and one of the
other soldiers has a brother who works one of the taverns, so they provided ale."
"I'm not fifty yet, Eledu."
"Neither are half the dumbasses currently hurling over a balcony or walking into chairs.
Come on, live a little. At least have a small glass of something. For me?" He turned his best
innocent smile at me and I couldn't resist.
"Fine. Just a small glass. You pick something."
I wouldn't know the difference no matter what he got me. He chose a bottle of wine and
poured me a much bigger serving than I requested. I sipped tentatively - it was the king's wine,
Gregg 18
heady and fruity with a kick that I could feel all the way down to my stomach. But Eledu was
drinking and laughing as he pulled me around to mingle with him, so I followed.
For most of the conversations I felt sorely out of place. These were his fellow soldiers,
and they were respectful and friendly to me, but shared jokes and understanding with Eledu that
carried the implied air that I wasn't included. If I tried to make an escape, however, Eledu's
strong hand would take my arm, or he would shift his taller frame to get in the way of my path.
I took the opportunity then to inspect the people we were lingering around most. Surely
one of the ladies here was the special one who had captured his heart. A few ladies near our age
were there, still single, and he flirted with them as was his usual. But it didn't feel serious to me,
there wasn't a single one who captured his gaze a moment longer or inspired him to stay near her
or was offered more heart-warming words. Everyone was dressed immaculately, in their finest
silk gowns and their nicest jewels, so I couldn't place the lucky lady by her finery either.
"We've been taking bets, you know."
I was only half-listening to Eledu's conversations, far more interested in watching Eledu's
flush as he drank and laughed more. I also tried to blend in better with the crowd, and at least
the broad frame I inherited from my father helped.
"I know, you're all terrible at being subtle. It's a good thing none of you have any actual
money to gamble, or it'd be a problem."
"No, not those bets," Cavian retorted with a laugh. "I mean about who your future wife is.
I'm thinking you have a thing for blondes, but I'm one of the minority."
Eledu smiled and took another gulp of his ale. "You're right. I do have a thing for
blonds," he agreed with a wink.
Gregg 19
I looked around the room and found the few fair-haired ladies in attendance. Two were
already married, but the third was a young lady our age. Avelien was a lovely girl, pretty and
feminine but tough, known for not taking any abuse or accepting any slack. A fine sort of
soldier's wife.
"Gwyndir, come on, I think we could use some fresh air," Eledu said, pulling me away
from staring at Avelien. "You can make flirtatious eyes at the young ladies at your own party."
Outside it was cooler, but still hot. It was always muggy here, but it felt nice when the
evening brought crisp breezes and the sun stopped cooking the trees. The balcony of Eledu's
home overlooked the training field and there were children running around laughing and playing
with one another on the flat land. I leaned over the balcony to watch them, admiring their
freedom and carelessness. Eledu propped himself beside me, facing the other direction.
"I brought you a gift, but I'm not sure when the proper time would be to give it to you. I
had planned to wait until after you announced your engagement," I told him, fiddling with the
trinkets in my pocket. They clinked softly, and Eledu's brown eyes were on the outline of my
hand inside my jacket.
"If you'd like. I would prefer to have my present on my actual birthday, though." He
turned his head away from me to look down as one of the children shouted shrilly and a small
wrestling match broke out.
"You aren't proposing tonight?"
I couldn't see his face, but he shifted his weight and I could see enough of his jaw line to
see it clenching and moving as he chewed the inside of his cheek. "Not for a few more years," he
said. "My match is not yet fifty. I would prefer to wait and see how things play out."
Gregg 20
A strange thing to say, but I didn't question it. He was drunk, for starters, and it wasn't
really my place to ask. If he wanted me to know he would tell me without prompting.
I removed my hand from my silk shirt and held my closed fist out to him, curled fingers
up and hiding the gift within. With his eyes on me I felt nervous all over again, like this was a
dumb gift and I should have conformed to the predictable gift of alcohol. "Happy birthday,
Eledu," I said instead, stretching my fingers out to reveal the two dark rings in my palm.
He sat up from his perch and his dark hair fell forward as he reached with just finger and
thumb to pluck one of the rings and turn it in front of his eyes. The silence was unsettling and I
choked back the childish urge to ask if he liked it or ramble about how I'd decided on it for him.
"You made these?" he asked, looking through the ring to my wide blue eyes.
I nodded. "Father helped."
"It's the best gift I've received all night." He smirked and flipped the ring with his thumb,
slipping it down onto his finger. Again he leaned against the banister and stretched his hand out
before him, like he wanted the greatest distance to view it from so he could appreciate it fully.
"Put yours on, too. That one is for you, right?"
I did as he asked, lips quirking up against my will. "I suppose it's for the best you aren't
announcing an engagement. It's why I wanted to wait. I didn't want to give you a ring that would
overpower your betrothal band."
His dark eyes darted back to mine and he laughed, head falling back and to the side. I
didn't understand the joke, but I laughed with him.
The children down below were playing a seeking game together, and one of them
struggled up the hill to our tree. Eledu turned to watch with me, and he leaned low over the
railing to hold his hand up beside the hiding place.
Gregg 21
"Thank you, Gwyndir."
***
Without Eledu things felt less like a daily adventure and more like a tedious task. My
weapons training was no longer something I dreaded, thanks to twenty years of bonding with the
same group of boys and earning their respect despite their jealousy, but it was also no longer
something to which I looked forward. I did my best, as was expected of me, and I worked hard,
but I now worked hard in order to finish early and earn excusal to go visit my friend or go home.
While I continued my classes, Eledu began attending weekly meetings with officers and
councilors of the kingdom and learning the behind-the-scenes work of a military. He had his own
office set up within a year, and it was there that I often found him bent over a desk and doodling
on parchment while glaring at a stack of duty rosters and border reports. He would be a good
soldier when he wanted to be, but in the meantime he was a young elf who had realized all too
soon that being an adult was not half the fun he had expected it would be.
"So, big plans for your big day?" he asked me one afternoon from behind his mahogany
desk. His bare feet directed a silent symphony from atop a pile of ledgers and he rested his head
back against his folded arms to smile at me lazily.
"I would prefer not, but you know how mother is." I flipped through some of his reports,
marking errors. He had never been fond of his writing lessons, and it showed. "She and my aunt
are taking over the planning, since I am 'too disinclined to organize my own celebration'."
Eledu's laugh was still the same snort and low chuckle it had been when he was a child.
"Sounds familiar. I'm invited, right? I saved a bottle of wine from my party to bring to yours, and
I should hate to think I'll be forced to drink it alone while crying in my room."
Gregg 22
"I thought you did that anyway," I murmured, smirking as I dropped the papers back onto
his desk. He pursed his lips and moved a foot to toe at the pages, trying to shove them off the
desk and back into my lap.
"Only in your dreams, 'tato."
"So how are things here? I've heard-"
"Don't start." He sat up and finally accepted his ledgers, tapping them upright onto the
desk in attempt to straighten them into a nicer pile. "I hear it enough already from all the ladies
who wander through giggling and knitting sweaters for their husbands' hunting dogs, I don't need
to hear it from you too."
War was threatening. At least, if you believed the rumors, which I normally didn't but
was beginning to reconsider. They weren't the usual overzealous rumors about dragons and
hordes of undead, but they were quieter whispers in the halls and extra guards going out for each
patrol rotation. Humans were encroaching on our territory and weren't listening to the kings
demands for them to move away, they said. It was only a matter of time before they moved in
and took what they wanted.
"You would tell me if it was serious," I said, glancing at him sidelong as I pretended to
look out his window.
He grunted and sealed a letter with a lump of brown wax.
"I could just go see for myself," I pushed, knowing that he wouldn't let me wander off
alone if there was any actual threat.
His annoyed glare as he finished addressing the paper said more than his words could.
"Don't. Damn it, Gwyndir, this doesn't leave this room. There's some threats going back and
Gregg 23
forth. Nothing half as serious as the crap I hear the ladies prattle on about, but it's better to not
push any luck. If things go well, it'll be old news within a month or two."
I frowned and leaned forwards, stopping his quill so he would look at me instead of his
ink splatter. "And if things don't go well?"
"You're supposed to be the optimist, 'tato. You'll be the first to know, I promise, okay?
Just... your birthday is coming up soon. Focus on that. And let me worry about the politics and
the boring adult stuff. You're still a kid for a week, enjoy that. Go break some laws or something.
Peek into the girls' classroom again for me, for old time's sake." His expression softened and
turned to a smile and he flicked his feather at me.
Ink dotted the side of my face and I sighed, wiping at it with my sleeve. "When I get
chastised for it, I'll say that the new lieutenant told me to do it," I promised. I couldn't help but
smile, too, though.
***
My party was far bigger than anything I would have planned for myself. My aunt had
grand expectations for her little nephew to get engaged, and my mother's gentle protests hadn't
stopped her plans. There was even a set of rings already prepared for me, at my dear aunt's
behest, and I frowned down at the plain bands as I stood outside the double oak doors to the
ballroom father had reserved for me.
"You know, 'tato, people are supposed to look excited about parties thrown in their honor.
Try to look a little bit less like you're entering the sparring ring, and a little more enthusiastic
about getting drunk."
Gregg 24
Eledu stepped up beside me, a very poorly wrapped bottle in his hand. A ring in the shape
of a tree tapped against the neck. I forced a weary smile and looked up to him uncertainly,
holding the bands up in explanation.
"Oh. Oh, I see. Engagement jitters, everyone gets them." He looked away with a cough
and straightened his caramel doublet. "I'll, ah, leave you to it then. Need me to drag the lucky
lady out here for you to have some privacy with her?"
"There is no lucky lady." I blinked when he looked to me and pulled his brows up. "My
aunt expects there to be one, though. Mother said she tried to, uh, explain my situation, but..."
"Situation?" he asked, turning to prop against the doors. I frowned and waved at him to
stand - if someone opened the doors they'd knock him over like that - but he only slid down a bit
against the door and pressed against it firmly.
"That I'm not courting anyone. You know that. I'm not really interested," I explained,
trailing off as I turned and drummed my fingers against my thigh.
Over the years of our relationship, I had assumed that certain things had been taken as
understood without needing said. My utterly terrible swordsmanship was one of those unspoken
truths. My sexuality, I had assumed, was another. But then there were moments like this, where
we'd stumble over words and leave awkward pauses that stretched a dozen thunderous
heartbeats, and I would wonder if we understood anything at all.
"Ah. Right." He seemed about to say something else, then shook his head and grinned at
me as he stood. "Enough, what did I say about behavior on birthdays? Up we go, let's get you
drunk and force you to dance with some hopeful young ladies. Your aunt went through all this
trouble to publicly humiliate you, I'd hate to waste it."
"Sometimes I think you enjoy my misery."
Gregg 25
"I do a better job at acting than I thought, then."
The doors opened and we marched in side-by-side, Eledu breathing his military jargon
under his breath to me as we kept tempo until we reached the safety of the buffet table where we
doubled over laughing. There was food galore, especially potato dishes, and we took the
opportunity to pile plates high with the fine catered cooking. As expected, there was also a
horrible amount of alcohol piled up for me, and we each balanced a bottle of cheap ale as we
slipped away to the balcony together.
There were some tables set up for diners, but with the sun still up and the party only just
beginning everyone else was still inside seeking the safety of pulled curtains and cool drinks. A
few friends of the family came out to wish me a happy birthday and give me some expected
advice about growing up and being an elf now, but after that we were alone.
Eledu poured some of the mystery gift into a glass for each of us and we sat together,
looking out into the woods.
"What about you?" I finally asked the question that had been on my mind for the past five
years. He had said he was waiting for his bride-to-be to reach her fiftieth, and I had not heard
anything more since. "I notice still no band on your finger."
"Hm? Oh. Well, I've been watching to see how things would turn out."
"And? She found someone else, didn't she," I guessed, sipping my wine. It was light and
dry with a tangy sweet burst. Eledu knew my tastes well.
He narrowed his eyes, like he was debating doing something he knew wouldn't end well.
I knew that look well. It often ended with both of us grounded and my mother worrying about
me needing to find new friends who were better influences.
"What? Sorry, I'm bringing up bad topics. My party, get drunk have fun. Got it."
Gregg 26
He laughed and I looked over with a quirked brow and shadow of a smile. "No," he
replied. "That's not it. I just... how does your aunt like surprises?"
"I don't think I like where this is going."
"Do you care if I surprise her?"
I twisted my face into a grimace and leaned back, slightly away. "If you're about to tell
me that the 'she' you were interested in was my aunt, I will always remember you as the one who
ruined my fiftieth."
His mirrored look of horror was priceless, and we both burst into relieved and disgusted
fits of laughter. "Spirits, no! Oh, 'tato, did you really- I'm that sort of elf to you? Ugh, the mental
pictures," he trailed off as I began my own hysterical protests to the new images.
When the mirth and terrible thoughts faded, Eledu leaned forward over the table and
tapped the ring I wore to match his. "I was going to wait, but I've been waiting five years." He
paused and glanced down at our hands and cleared his throat. "Happy birthday, Gwyndir. I look
forward to seeing how it plays out."
His lips were warm and a bit chapped from all the chewing on them he did when he was
nervous. I could feel his breath and the nearly invisible tremors, and when he pulled back I could
see the specks of honey in his eyes as they darted from mine to our hands.
It took another minute for my brain to catch up with his words and then the blush hit so
hard I felt it tingle in my ears. There was no "she", just like I had no "she". He had been waiting
for a "he". He had been waiting for me, and the realization was a confusing jumble of excitement
and worry and confusion and flattery.
It wasn't completely unheard of for two males or two females to fall in love. That didn't
mean it was welcomed openly, either. There was no record of same sex marriages, only
Gregg 27
relationships that meant more to the couple than to everyone around them. Family was an
important thing to us. Parents dreamed of grandchildren and grandparents were eager to meet
great-grandchildren. Despite our long lives meaning we didn't die out and need to procreate to
survive, procreation was still considered important for adapting to a changing world.
Right now, however, all that mattered was that Eledu was switching between admiring
the woodwork on the table and checking to see if I was absolutely horrified and offended. He
was blushing too, just a bit, and I let out a shaky breath that almost tried to be a laugh.
I pressed forward, the table scraping against the stone below us when I leaned too far to
press our mouths together again. It was everything I had feared an awkward first kiss would be,
and I didn't know what to do, but I wouldn't have stopped or done anything differently.
"Worth the wait," Eledu decided softly, smiling at me when I dropped back into my seat
red-faced and chewing on the inside of my cheek. "Happy birthday to me, five years too late."
I laughed, a nervous little coughed bark, and looked at him from the corners of my eyes.
"I feel like I was cheated a bit, though. I slaved in a forge to make you a ring, and you attempted
to wrap a bottle of wine that you told me you were bringing."
"If it is of any comfort, I spent five years fretting every time you smiled at a young lady
or shared lunch with one of our classmates," he offered lightly, lifting his glass in salute. "You're
right though. I really did a shitty job wrapping your present. I'll wrap the next one better."
The gaudy ribbon knotted around the bottle's neck slid off easily and he dropped it on top
of his head. "See? Looks much better, right? And I didn't give this gift away early."
I leaned over the table, propping an elbow on it to balance as I snatched the ribbon off his
dark head and tsked at him under my breath. "Recycling gift wrapping. You mock the ladies of
the knitting circle, but you could do to listen to their prattling a bit more."
Gregg 28
"I think I could do with less prattling," he rumbled, one of his strong hands gripping my
braids tightly as we practiced our technique a bit more.
Naturally, as some sort of unwritten law of the spirits states, that was the moment that my
aunt decided to come make sure I had the rings with me that she'd left with mother that morning.
We broke apart and slammed back into our seats, but it was rather hard to pretend we had been
innocent when she had just seen us pulling each other's hair while exploring what the whole
tongue thing was about.
I pressed the side of my hand to my lip to dab at the blood from where his tooth had
caught me. Eledu coughed in a miserable attempt to hide a laugh. One of my pieces of potato
bounced off the side of his head in thanks.
"Gwyndir," my aunt cried in a much shriller voice than usual.
At any other time, with anyone else beside me, for any other crime, I would have
cowered before her and begged for forgiveness and promised it hadn't been nearly as bad as it
looked. But I had just kissed my best friend, and we were wearing matching rings and sipping
wine on a private balcony, and I was an adult.
"Mother tried to tell you I wouldn't need these. Here, maybe you can get a refund or
exchange them for a nice necklace." I held her gifted betrothal bands out to her, still dabbing at
my lip with my other hand. It was stinging and I kept getting more blood smears.
"Yes, thank you, but we already have matching rings," Eledu piped in when the pause
lingered, holding up his hand to display the tree perched upon it. I turned my hand at my mouth
to wiggle a tree-covered finger at her, too.
"Gwyndir, I cannot believe- I'm telling your mother."
Gregg 29
The silence that followed her departure lasted only long enough for Eledu to snort.
"Would be a bigger threat if your mother hadn't hand-delivered my invitation and smiled a lot
about how good I was for you. If she doesn't already know, 'tato, then I'm delusional."
"I suppose she doesn't know, then." I couldn't hold back a smile as I pushed the table and
moved my chair so we were beside one another. "Bastard, did you have to bite? Probably looks
like I was kissing a boar."
"Didn't know you were into that."
We laughed as we wrestled again; his hand pulled my braid the way he knew would make
me flinch and give in, and I regained control with a well-timed ear-twist. It felt like a start of
something new, but at the same time, like nothing had changed. There was no awkwardness here,
no uncertainty about what this meant or how I should act around him. I was still his 'tato, and he
was still my best friend; we just weren't hiding anything anymore.
***
Eledu had once said that the only thing women were good for was spreading gossip like
fire. At the time, I'd elbowed him in the ribs and stolen his pastry away from him in frustration.
Looking back, perhaps he'd been partially right.
My aunt's outrage spread through the village with remarkable speed. The story warped
and grew until I was convinced it was possible to die from mortification when I heard two
serving girls walking down a garden path discussing how Eledu and I had been discovered doing
much more than kissing. I hoped that wasn't my aunt's version of the story and that it had
degenerated somewhere else along the line. It only took one day, one sunset and sunrise for
everyone to whisper when one of us passed and stare if we walked by together.
"Well, I always wondered what it would feel like to be famous."
Gregg 30
"Infamous," I corrected, ducking my head in shame as my ears twitched to hear the
whispers of our latest imaginary exploits. I blushed darker when I began wondering if such an
act were even possible.
"Technicality," Eledu argued, waving a hand dismissively. He loved the attention and
winked at a group of young ladies who tittered and scattered. "Besides, it isn't so bad. It's giving
me quite the legend to live up to, but it could be worse. A rumor that we're in a relationship isn't
so scandalous, is it?"
"No, it's the rumor that we were finding new uses for a railing that are scandalous."
Eledu's office was our understood destination. It had become something of a sanctuary
for the two of us, where we could hide away and be left alone. Still young enough to be living
with our parents, it was the only place where we could claim privacy with a locked door.
"I hope your parents aren't too upset," he said, steering the conversation onto a slightly
different course. "About the gossip surrounding you."
"Father is a bit upset, but not at us. He's more angered by his apprentices talking about it.
Mother just worries about me."
I sat on the other side of his desk and watched as he hovered in front of his bookshelf. It
was a bookshelf in name only; the shelves were covered in pieces of armor, various oils for his
weapons, some old swords that he kept more for sentimentality than use, and the still obscenely
large collection of liquor leftover from his fiftieth. He grabbed two glasses and checked to make
sure they were relatively clean before pouring some wine into them.
"So not too upset, no. Certainly not at you," I clarified with a smile.
Eledu turned to me with a lopsided grin and I realized he'd been worried. "Good. I'd hate
to have ruined your fiftieth after all."
Gregg 31
He dropped into his chair and slid a glass towards me. I sipped as I watched him squirm,
toeing off his boots because he was too stubborn to just bend down and pull them off. Our
silences had always been comfortable and easy, but it felt too strained then, like he was
distracting himself. One boot came off with a hollow thud and I set my glass down to just watch.
My patience was rewarded. "My parents haven't taken it so well." He wouldn't look at
me, but leaned down beneath his desk to fuss with his other shoe.
"Eledu," I coaxed. I listened to him grumble softly, muttering about 'damn boots' and
'thought feet stopped growing'. "Eledu."
He sat upright and snatched his own glass to drink from it, eyes darted to the side
uncomfortably. His personal life was, I had learned years ago with some surprise, much more
personal than my own. Given how I was the one more likely to sit quietly and not speak while
he loved to hear his own voice and talk about the most improper subjects, I had discovered I was
the only one to speak about home. All my anecdotes and complaints on my family were met
with kind responses but changed subjects. It was my mother who had made sense of it for me,
holding me close against her side one evening as I told her about my day. Some families, she
had said, are not as close and happy as we are.
If he needed to talk about it now, I was both willing and curious to hear about his secret.
His father had always seemed so kind to me.
"Eledu, you know you can tell me anything." When his honeyed eyes met mine over the
rim of his glass, I leaned forward and propped my elbow on his desk, chin in my hand,
glimmering tree against my lips.
Gregg 32
His glass clinked onto the desk and he sighed. He folded his hands together to study
them, and I let him have his space. Had it been any other time I would have lightened the mood
with a remark about straining his miniscule brain.
"Father believes you are just a childhood fancy. He demanded I stop sullying my name
with my games and that I grow up already." He twitched his head, chin jerking to the side as he
glared. I could hear the soft thump of him bouncing a leg, heel hammering the wooden floor. "I
told him it was not a game, and mother actually stood up for me."
I put my hand over his, stopping him from where he'd been tearing at a cuticle. His
fussing ceased but he didn't acknowledge me otherwise. "They fought. I slept under our tree, was
quieter and calmer there." He shrugged a shoulder.
"I'm sorry." Certainly there was more to say but nothing came to mind. A part of me was
childishly pleased that he would disobey his father for me, while a larger part wished there was
some way to ease the hurt he was masking. "You know you're always welcome at my house."
He snorted and smirked, finally looking at me. "And now who's fueling the gossip?"
"Please, if I wanted that, I wouldn't invite you to come and stay across the hall from my
parents. I'd say we could get a room at the tavern." Though I would have preferred to ask more
about his home, I knew he was desperate for the change and clinging to his humor.
"I like the way you think, 'tato. I'll book the one that has that nice railing on the balcony.
We can test the believability of those rumors."
***
With my lessons behind me I had the freedom to choose my own path in life. Most boys
chose to be soldiers. I had always expected that I would be a jeweler like father, something
Gregg 33
respectable. But Eledu helped my mother convince me to do what I wanted most, and I
apprenticed myself to a chef at the palace.
In the mornings I would wake before sunrise to start preparing breakfast for the royal
family, and then it was straight into lunch preparations for all who lived or worked within the
palace. My days of simple potato dishes and family recipes to make as much as I could out of the
few things I could find were gone.
The kitchen was huge in ways I'd never imagined. Dozens of chefs and servants worked
with room to spare, and there was always such life in there. Huge ovens blazed hot and kept the
aroma of fresh bread and pastries in the air, and baskets of fresh fruits and vegetables tempted
hungry cooks to nibble as they worked. In there, I felt free and proud of who I was.
"Gwyndir, love, take over this stew for me," Deilawyn called, stepping down from her
little foot stool. "Thanks, I'll be back before lunch, promise!"
"Everything alright?" I asked as I nudged the stool aside and took her place, grabbing
some herbs off a shelf to drop into the boiling pot.
"Ah, nothing to worry your sweet little head about."
"Her husband was wounded on patrol," one of the servants supplied after she disappeared
out into the passages that led outside. "Nothing serious, he's fine, just moping."
"Oh. I hadn't heard. Boar attack?"
"So they say." The girl gave me an oddly annoyed look, like I'd asked an obvious
question. "I'm sure your friend would know more about it."
Gregg 34
That got my curiosity and concern up, though I kept focused for the rest of my shift. I
would have time after lunch was served to go to the barracks, where I knew Eledu would be
staring out his window or cleaning his office for the third time that week.
One of my favorite perks of the new job was that I had free access to the kitchen for any
cooking on my own, so long as I didn't waste any food or start a fire. I had my parents' creative
soul, and once my duties were finished I liked to linger and experiment with all the ingredients
that I'd never had back home. The kitchens stocked herbs from the south and vegetables from the
east, and to someone who had spent the past fifty years cooking from a modest home kitchen it
was a dream. Eledu rather enjoyed it, too.
I made a small lunch for two and wrapped it to take with me, waving goodbyes to the
ladies in the kitchen and stopping for my obligatory kiss on the cheek from Deilawyn. The halls
were empty at this time of day, everyone hurriedly finishing work before breaking for their meal.
"Lunch delivery," I announced as I tapped my boot against the bottom of Eledu's office
door. It swung open lazily, and I peeked inside to see my friend propped at his desk trying to
carve something using his pocket knife and what used to be an old bow.
"Excellent, I'm starving."
There was already a chair pulled up to his desk for me and a glass of our favorite wine
poured. My daily visits were part of our unspoken routine.
"You have the stain of lips on your cheek again. I'm starting to feel threatened."
"So am I. Deilawyn's husband could snap me in half like a spider leg if he wanted."
"And the mystery meat is identified." Eledu peered at his lunch for the day with a bit
more uncertainty than usual and I swatted at him as he leaned down to sniff at the meat.
Gregg 35
"How have patrols been?" I asked as I passed him his silverware. His manners had only
barely improved over the decades, but he did try to be proper for me. He knew how much it irked
me when he ate my food like a barbarian.
"The usual. Boring, lonely, bug bites in the most obscene places." He grinned with a
mouthful of food but swallowed it before saying, "Though, you already knew that."
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, shoving food into my mouth so I wouldn't give him the
satisfaction of a laugh. Eledu always had been good at sensing my moods. He told me once I
had adorable but obvious tells, and I hadn't believed him until I tried to play cards with some of
the other soldiers one night and lost all the coin I had on me.
"Alright, 'tato. What is it you heard now? One of the ladies from your knitting circle tell
you stories about the big bad soldiers again?"
"Deilawyn," I blurted, dropping my fork. The clatter seemed harsh in the silence that
filled his office. In the hall, soldiers marched past and someone shouted for a page. Eledu's jaw
locked. I could see the muscles flex as he turned to stare out the window. "I know her husband
was injured on patrol."
He set his fork down gentler than I had and ran his hand through his dark hair, turning his
face into his arm. I trusted him completely, but that was the first time I had ever doubted him.
The pause lingered and with each second I was more convinced he wouldn't tell me.
"I did promise you, didn't I?" His thumb rubbed over his ring, our ring, as he narrowed
his eyes in thought. "Fine. Things are heating up on the borders. Treaties are being stretched.
Requests ignored. The order was to keep an eye on intruders, but not to make the first move.
Just shadow them."
Gregg 36
His eyes finally met mine and there was such anger there, a righteous fury. "He was
tailing a man who had crept into our woods, and Orlan made himself known when the intruder
drew too close to our home. They can wander our forest, but they do not need to see our people.
Instead of playing stupid, as those men seem so capable of, he shot. Nothing fatal, though I still
cannot tell whether it was intentional or just miserable aim. A minor wound to Orlan's shoulder,
and the ashalaren turned and ran."
"The human shot Orlan?" I asked. I was shocked by the image of a vicious Man attacking
someone as gentle as Orlan. Deilawyn's mate was a kindred spirit, and he wasn't the sort who
would antagonize anyone into combat. Which meant the mystical humans were crueler than I'd
ever imagined. "Why? Why was he in our woods?"
Eledu shrugged, a sharp jerk of his shoulder as he dropped his arm and scowled. "Does it
matter? There is no justification for coming into a stranger's home and shooting someone who
approaches you. This is our land, Gwyndir, and we're the ones being threatened."
"They must have a reason." I didn't flinch back from his sneer; it wasn't at me. He was
angry that an elf was hurt on his watch, and he was scared. I knew his tells just as well as he
knew mine, after all. "Eledu, they're people, too. I can't believe they are just here for the pleasure
of harassing us."
"Not everyone is as good as you, 'tato," he replied, softer now. I could hear the whisper of
nails on skin as he scratched his neck and sighed. "Well, there it is then. Yes, we're under attack.
Nothing serious enough to raise alarms, and I'll thank you for your continued silence on the
matter. A few vagabonds scattered in our woods, shooting first and stealing later. There are
patrols doubling up to push them out, and the king is in council to send another ambassador to
attempt peace before things slip out of our hands."
Gregg 37
I nodded, though my appetite was gone. Eledu continued eating, filling the new silence
with rustling pages as he looked through his paperwork for the afternoon. The matter was settled,
and I knew better than to try to restart the conversation. It would end in an argument, and our
relationship was still young and fragile enough that I didn't want to risk the rift.
Due to his father's misgivings, we had refrained from officially binding ourselves to one
another. It didn't matter, I had assured him. I loved him, and he loved me, and we didn't need any
ceremony or vows to make it official. I still held to that, but it didn't change the way my chest
would tighten when we argued and separated or the small flutters of jealousy that we danced
around if either of us spent the night elsewhere.
"Well," I said, startling Eledu into dropping his papers back down and looking to me with
dark brows high on his forehead. It seemed he'd almost forgotten my presence. "I'll take these
dishes back to the kitchen and be on my way."
He nodded and tilted his head curiously. "I'll see you later?"
"Of course. Get your work done in the meantime. I'll check it tomorrow if you need." I
smiled as I gathered our leftovers and silverware. I also snatched the small carving knife from
the edge of his desk, not intending to leave him with any temptations. He had the terrible habit of
conveniently losing track of time if given the opportunity.
***
The palace had many suites within it reserved for visiting dignitaries, relatives to the
royal family, nobles with long histories in our wood, and people who had earned the right to a
home in the heart of the city. Most high-ranking soldiers had suites, as did many of the king's
councilors. Orlan and Deilawyn had earned their home because of their duties; Orlan was one of
Gregg 38
the instructors for the elflings training to be in the future guard, and Deilawyn spent most of the
day in the kitchens.
I had only been to a few palace rooms before. Eledu's, for an obvious one, and father
sometimes had me make deliveries for him to the wealthy nobles who ordered his goods.
Orlan answered on my second knock, leaning heavily against the doorframe. He was an
impressive elf, broad and tall and heavily muscled, but he was also one of the gentlest elves I
knew. It took a soft soul to love a woman like Deilawyn.
"Gwyndir," he greeted in surprise. "A pleasure to see you, child. Come in." He
motioned a large hand behind him and moved back to give me room to step inside.
I bowed and entered, looking around at the beautiful decor. It was simple and bright, the
sort of home that fit two people who were often outside and busy elsewhere. There was not a
clutter of knick-knacks or the mess of a busy family. I waited for my host to seat himself again,
propped amongst pillows and throws.
"Did the lieutenant send you? I told him I was cleared for duty at the end of the week,"
he explained as he waved to a chair opposite himself.
"No, I came for a different reason. I hope I am not disturbing your rest." I folded my
hands in my lap and sat up straight, trying my best to look certain and comfortable. This was not
the time to be thought of as a child, even if I was centuries younger than the elf across from me.
"Not at all. I'm going mad stuck in this room. Deilawyn, spirits guide her, fusses over
me like I'm an invalid." He laughed and shifted to a more comfortable position. A short silence
stretched between us as he waited for me to speak.
"I need to hear what is happening inside of our borders." I forced myself to hold his gaze
instead of looking away like a nervous boy.
Gregg 39
"I had assumed your friend would tell you anything you wanted to hear," he replied
carefully, tripping over the word friend in a suggestive and uncomfortable manner.
"Eledu tells me only what he wants me to hear, and only what he believes. You have
been shadowing the intruders, have you not?"
He nodded once, green eyes narrowing with understanding. "Young men - even among
their own they are barely considered adults. From what we have been told in meetings with
them, they are refugees from a far-off village that was attacked." He gave a shrug and grimaced.
Elves do not attack one another like that; it never made sense why Men felt the need to kill
themselves off over petty differences. "They sought a new life in Borghen, but there was not
enough room. As usual, they breed like animals but with less foresight. Too many mouths to
feed and heads to house, and not enough land to fulfill these needs."
"So they spill onto our land where the elk and boar are plentiful and the land is
unblemished," I guessed, earning another nod.
Outside I could hear the shouts and laughter of elflings playing, doubtlessly something
rough that would leave scrapes and bruises for worried mothers to tend. Orlan turned his head
towards the window, face relaxed as he listened to the sounds outside. It was probably his class, I
realized, playing out there during their break. The shrill voices would have names to him, would
be children he had helped raise. I frowned.
"So the negotiations," I prompted, worrying my ring absently. "We are going to give
them more land? That would solve the problem, wouldn't it? We have forest to spare, and surely
could be hospitable to the group."
Orlan shook his head while still gazing at the wall across from him. He looked back to
me with a soft expression, the sort I would expect from a mentor. "A short term solution at best.
Gregg 40
No, we will not yield our land to these outsiders, child. It starts with a small piece of land, and
for a generation or two they would be content and good neighbors. What happens when their
children grow and have more children, when they get too comfortable and complacent? They
will want more land, and the cycle will repeat itself." He turned away again, chuckling softly as
one small voice rose above the rest in outrage at a cheater.
"So we will do nothing?" There was wisdom in his words, I knew, but it seemed cruel. I
couldn't understand leaving them to starve or freeze, couldn't imagine them struggling through
each day to survive our hunters when it would be so easy to strike a truce. Surely they would be
willing to work with us, if we gave them land. They would be indebted to us and would not
trespass in the future.
"We will do what the king and the captain tell us to do," he corrected. His face tightened
and he looked me over. "You are young, Gwyndir. That is not an insult, simply a fact. Trust your
elders in this. We are not being cruel, we are being cautious and protecting our families." He
gestured to the window, unable to move his arm enough to do more than wave at the ceiling.
I listened to the children playing and bowed my head, subdued and meek. "I understand."
I stood and bowed and offered my best courtier's smile. "Thank you for your time. I hope
your injury heals without complication."
"As do I. Visit anytime you wish. Deilawyn adores you, you know. You're the son we
never had." He smiled warmly and shifted to get up, but I shook my head with a blush.
"I can see myself out. Thank you again, for everything."
I did understand the reasoning behind his arguments and the fears behind our actions.
Understanding did not mean agreeing, however, and I knew what I needed to do. The hour was
Gregg 41
already late, so I planned my work for the next day. With any luck, the following night I could
make my move.
***
I woke early the next morning, bidding my parents a good day as I hurried past their
bedroom and chuckling at their groggy mumblings. Before I began preparing breakfast for the
royal family, I gathered ingredients and a basket of fresh vegetables to my station in the kitchen.
"Extra goodies for your lieutenant today?" Deilawyn asked as she came in, hiding a long
yawn behind her hand. She had never learned how to be a morning person even after centuries of
waking at dawn.
"Yes. I promised him a dinner tonight, and I want to make sure there's enough. He's
leaving for patrol tomorrow."
"Always knew you were a clever one," she cooed. On her way around me she tugged my
sleeve to make me lean down for her usual kiss on the cheek. "Make sure he has plenty of good
food to use for bribes for the best watch shifts."
She flitted to a pantry and fished out some cheese that I knew to be the king's favorite. As
I started heating the ovens and preparing some herbs for the breakfast tea, she sliced a chunk out
of the bold wheel and wrapped it in a fresh linen.
"Here." The treat dropped into my vegetable basket and she winked up at me with a
laugh. "Send that along with him, and he'll sleep late every morning."
I forced a smile back and promised myself I would make this up to her somehow.
The rest of the preparations were spent quietly focused, only speaking to request a spice
or warn one another when moving around the room. Once the servers came to gather the finished
Gregg 42
meal, though, things slowed and I went back to my personal task. As the ovens were put to use
with breads and pies for dinner, I snuck a few extra loaves onto the racks.
I knew Deilawyn would cover for me, so as lunch preparation got underway I asked her
to chop some vegetables for me and promised to return quickly. She didn't even ask a reason, just
gave me a bright nod and gathered up the celery and tomatoes from my station to dump at hers.
Thanks to the time of day, the halls were mostly barren as I tried to keep a slow and
steady pace. Mother was at a knitting circle and father was at the forges, as I had expected, and I
slipped into our house unseen. My bedroom door creaked open and I dug through the chest at the
foot of my bed, pulling out childhood keepsakes. Blankets and carved figurines that had
protected me from shadows when I was young and afraid to be in a room all by myself at night
were crowded beside old clothes and my first attempts at jewelry. I pulled out the blankets and
figurines and clothes, smiling at the memories they held as I stuffed them into a pillowcase.
Sometimes it was comforting to sit up in the evening and look through my chest, remembering
bedtime stories from mother or games with father, but items did not truly hold the memories.
With my pillowcase filled to bursting I closed my door behind me and slipped out of the
house. The secret to being left alone was to look busy and act harried, I had learned from Eledu,
and I used this tactic as I strolled past the training field. Young boys sparred noisily and a few
instructors darted between them, and thankfully nobody seemed to have time to notice me. Our
tree was abandoned. I slung my pillowcase over my shoulder and pulled myself up several
branches and settled my package carefully among the leaves.
My journey back to the kitchens was equally dull and I stole some of Deilawyn's work
from her as I returned to my duties. We shared a smile, and I felt even guiltier. I never knew
doing the right thing could make me feel so terrible.
Gregg 43
***
I held back a smile as I moved through the halls, not having to look behind me to know
Eledu was there. I'd caught sight of him when rounding a corner and he had halted a moment too
late. It was a busy day - for us both, I had apparently wrongfully assumed - and I had skipped
our usual lunch together. The fact he had been upset enough to come looking for me was both
charming and amusing. Perhaps he needed me to review a paper for him.
"It's no wonder your father doesn't have you doing many night patrols. You're terrible at
this," I remarked without glancing back. One of the passing junior guards stumbled and gave me
a wounded look, then looked in askance at his lieutenant behind me.
"I'm good enough to sneak up on humans. In the dark. When they're not zig-zagging
through a palace and putting people between us intentionally." I heard him mutter something to
the boy as he passed him and then the quickening tap of his boots on the cobblestones. "You
missed lunch today."
"On the contrary, I had some delicious salmon and a cheese danish." As Eledu fell into
step beside me I slowed and tilted my head to smile at him crookedly. His nice tunic and loosely
braided hair meant it was a paperwork day. I wondered what tedious task he was avoiding.
"You ate with someone else?" His nights of playing cards had made him much better at
hiding his emotions than me, but his question was telling enough on its own.
"Alone," I assured. "While I worked. There are some leftovers, if you didn't eat yet. I'm
sure Deilawyn will be happy to serve you an exceptionally large heaping of food."
We turned into the courtyard, stepping out from beneath the vaulted ceiling to the soft
grass and bright sun. Some maids were scurrying along the paths with laundry or messages to
deliver, and we both gave polite nods as we lowered our voices and slowed to a halt.
Gregg 44
"You won't eat with me? Surely the others can spare their master chef for a quick lunch
with their favorite lieutenant." Eledu gave me a curious smirk, like he was baiting me.
"They could," I agreed. At his wounded look I laughed and took his hand, tugging his
fingers. "I have other things to do today for father. You know this is his busy season, what with
the festival approaching. I'll make it up to you with a picnic tomorrow. All your favorites.
Plenty of potatoes."
He appeared skeptical. "I only need one 'tato," he argued. His calloused thumb ran over
my knuckles and he sighed, his wry smirk slipping back into its usual place. "Alright, fine. I
won't keep you from your duties any longer."
***
The guards patrolled the city, but one of the perks of being close to a lieutenant who had
a penchant for hating paperwork was knowing the schedules and routes. I waited that night,
watching out the window of my parents' home as most elves slumbered. I had wandered my
home often enough to have a decent estimate of the time it took to march through the streets and
alleys, and it wasn't long until the whisper of elven feet preceded the shadowy forms gliding
below my perch.
I turned and slipped back inside and gathered my basket, and with a last glance towards
my parents' room I left. The patrol was around the corner, and I jogged off towards the practice
field. It was more awkward than I'd expected, carrying a bundle of food, and I shifted it around
to grasp close to my chest. I'm certain it was just my nerves, but my steps sounded so loud I was
convinced that every guard in the entire village could hear my fumbling.
Our tree loomed before me, proud upon its hill where it guarded us. I slowed as I neared
it and chanced a look towards Eledu's suite. The glow of a lantern gave red curtains an orange
Gregg 45
shimmer, and I smiled slightly to see the vague silhouette of my friend at his desk. Still putting
off his work, and still losing sleep over it. I could not tarry long, though, both for fear of the next
patrol's route and that Eledu would feel my gaze on him and come to find me himself. Settling
my basket in the shadows I leaped up and pulled the pillowcase down to drop on top of it.
The forest was eerier at night. When we were students training for a future in the guard,
one of our final tests had been a small patrol around the village. It was a safe route, too close to
home for anything more dangerous than a boar, and even those were generally smart enough to
avoid the area where our hunters were busiest. At the time it had seemed so exciting, like we
were really soldiers who were facing true danger and had to protect our home. Everyone had
over-prepared; mothers packed snacks and rations and blankets, fathers lent daggers and
bandages and clean socks, and we had all packed our bags as though we were traveling to the
frozen norths for a year.
It was different going alone and older and into a forest deeper and more threatening than
the innocent woods of my childhood. I knew what lurked out there this time, and it wasn't
stories made up by one of the younger guards who wanted a laugh at what elfling would be the
first to shriek or soil himself. This time there were actual monsters, not mythical or eight-legged,
but Men. This time I was alone.
The farther I got into the forest the more it seemed like a poorly executed idea. Morbid
as it was, I couldn't help but imagine people's reactions to finding my corpse the next day when
patrols stumbled upon it. I wondered if anyone would take over the task of proof-reading Eledu's
reports, and what his father would think. Would he feel bad about my death, or would he be
secretly pleased that his son was free to find a more suitable match?
Gregg 46
A branch snapped up ahead and I froze, darting my gaze around me and trying to pick
through the shadows. I was nervous though, and my eyes refused to stay in each spot long
enough for me to analyze what I saw, and everything looked like a looming shadow with a sword
drawn or a bow pulled taut. Years of training kept me still and silent, thankfully, and I must
have looked like a startled deer.
Another crash through the foliage and the intruder showed himself. A man, young and
clumsy but just as frightened of me as I was of him. We stared at each other for a long, awkward
moment. Perhaps we were both attempting to be still enough to blend into the shadows, even
though we were staring right into one another's eyes.
He said something, fast and low and his voice trembled and creaked. I moved my gaze to
see he was fumbling for a blade at his side.
"I apologize, but I could not understand you," I said carefully. Years of being a part-time
resident at the library paid off, but I had never spoken with an actual human before. They were
so quick, tripping their words into one another. "You speak too quickly."
The boy's posture slumped and he straightened like someone was tugging a string
attached between his shoulder blades. "Yer an elf who speaks our language?"
"So it would seem," I agreed. Slowly I crouched, setting my parcel at my feet, and then
moved closer, keeping my hands at my sides and open, trusting, unarmed. "I have read many
books, quite a few penned by Men, but you are the first I have met."
The shadows no longer masked him from my new position, and the darkness on his face
was short hair, not an illusion from the moonlight. He looked simultaneously old and young,
wrinkles on his forehead and around his eyes that were only deepened by the way he scrunched
Gregg 47
up his face at me now. But he was strong, and had dark hair, and the wiry look of him did not
seem like an elder's form.
"Where's yer sword?" he asked, looking me over just as thoroughly as I was inspecting
him. He motioned with his blade towards my hips.
"I have no weapon," I assured.
He gave me a strange look and tilted his head as though it would help him see some
hidden trick. I remained still under his scrutiny, watching his eyes through the murky shadows
that played over us. "You got nothin'? Out here in the middle of the night, nothin' ta defend
yerself." He snorted but lowered his weapon. "Thought elves were supposed ta be smart."
"These woods are not a threat to my people."
He huffed and shrugged and sheathed his sword. I relaxed my guard in return.
"Are you one of the wanderers of our wood?" I asked. "I was hoping to meet one of you.
I understand that you have no homes."
His lip curled and he stepped back warily. I wondered what our guards had been doing what Eledu had been having them do when meeting these Men - that he would be so defensive.
"What of it?"
"I brought some food surplus as well as some blankets and clothes for little ones. I want
to help you," I explained, motioning slowly to my bundle behind me.
Whatever he had been expecting me to say, it was not that. He stepped warily closer and
leaned over, though I doubted he could tell what was in the basket. From what I had read,
humans could not see nearly as well as we could, and even another elf would have been
challenged to name the items. "Really? I thought yer king didn't want ta help us."
Gregg 48
"I do not come from my king," I replied. I could feel a muscle in my jaw twitch and I
hoped I did not look as uncomfortable as I felt. It was like I suddenly realized what I was doing,
alone in the middle of the forest where a patrol would not be for hours, bringing goods to
vagabonds that my king had ruled as trespassers.
All of my doubts fled with my exhale, though, as the man smiled and shook his head.
"Yer crazy fer an elf, but ya have my thanks, friend."
I turned and bent, gathering the bundle with my back to him. I heard his heavy footsteps
on the moist ground squelch close to me and his heavy breaths above my shoulder as I turned to
offer the gift. He accepted it in one arm and shuffled through with the other hand, grunting as he
pushed around loaves of bread and fresh produce, soft linens and small wooden toys.
"Yer a blessin' from the gods. Th' others won't believe this. What's yer name?"
"Gwyndir. I am glad to help, though I must go now. May the stars light your path."
He gave me another uncertain examination and snorted a laugh. "And yers."
***
I was feeling good the next morning as I made my way to the kitchen. Though I was
running on only a few hours of sleep, I felt light. My night had been filled with imaginings of
chubby children bundled in my old blankets, a wooden soldier guarding them from the sounds of
the night, and happy parents divvying out food for breakfast the next morning.
I opened the door and went straight to the large brick ovens and struck up a fire to boil
water for the tea. When I turned I tripped back against the cool stones with a gasp, startled to see
Eledu leaning against my table and watching me coolly. His hair was loose and tangled from
bed, his clothes hastily donned and wrinkled, his feet bare. It would have been a pleasant
Gregg 49
surprise, but I had the sinking suspicion that he knew. Somehow, he'd found out where I was last
night and why I was busy all day.
"Good morning," I offered quietly, watching him warily.
He hummed and tilted his head.
Uncertain, I swallowed thickly and turned away from him to get to my duties. At any
moment Deilawyn should be entering and I knew that Eledu would not make a scene in front of
her. Besides, I told myself, I'd done nothing wrong. He was not my keeper.
"You seem happy this morning," Eledu noted, turning his head to watch me spread out
herbs on the table beside him and start chopping.
"I am. You seem tired. Lots of paperwork left undone last night?"
"Yes. I planned to finish it before bed, but plans change. They seem to do that a lot. Like
the work you had to do for your father yesterday and the dinner we had in the evening."
Deilawyn. Of course she would have said something in passing, an innocent comment
about the lie I'd told her. The guilt returned and I turned away to grab the kettle.
"I know we said that vows didn't make a difference, but I thought we were still," he
trailed off uncertainly. "Couldn't you have told me? Instead of sneaking around behind my back,
making me look a fool as you have your dalliances and I play the loyal mate," he said, his voice
rising at the end as he slapped the knife from my hand and yanked my arm to turn me to him.
It felt like everything was happening too fast, and I couldn't keep pace with Eledu. All I
could do was recall my behavior, the lies I'd told, sneaking out and being away half of the night.
Of course it would look suspicious. "No, Eledu, I would never-"
"Who is he? Or have you grown tired of being queer and prayed to the spirits for a lovely
lady instead?"
Gregg 50
"No!" I snatched my arm back from his increasingly tight grip and glared, frustrated he
wouldn't let me speak. "I did not-"
"My patrol heard someone sneaking out of the city last night," he said, voice dangerous
and low. A clump of dark hair fell into his face and the fire made light flicker over the tip of his
ear. "If not a lover, then what were you doing?"
I was frozen. I knew he wouldn't approve of what I'd done, and that it would just be a
bigger insult since the ruling against the intruders was his father's. If his family found out what I
had done, I would just be a bigger disappointment to them. What if this lie was the final strike of
hail on the branch and he decided I was no longer worth the trouble?
Deilawyn entered at that moment, her sleepy greeting halting as she spotted our stand-off.
"Oh, good morning, lieutenant." She looked between us and nudged me away from my table.
"Here, I'll finish the tea, why don't you two break your fasts outside? It's a lovely morning."
Not knowing what else to say, and certainly not wanting this conversation to continue in
front of sweet Deilawyn, I spun and fetched some pastries and cheese from a pantry and trusted
that Eledu would follow my steps. It felt less like a shared meal and more like I was being
marched to my judgment. His quick soldier steps and stern expression herded me along and I
thanked the spirits that at least it was too early for anyone to be awake other than servants who
were busy elsewhere.
It was still damp and cool outside, the sun too low in the sky to give heat and the shadows
grey and soft above us. I could see my breath as I watched my feet, and I glanced to Eledu
cautiously. His head was tilted back to admire the way webs glittered in branches over our heads
from dew. If he could feel what I felt right then, watching him in the morning light in his nearly
indecent dress, he would never doubt our relationship again.
Gregg 51
We didn't need to ask or judge one another's step to know our destination. Stepping into
that open field was like stepping into the courtroom, our tree the seat of my judge. I should have
been fretting over what I would say, but my mind was eerily blank.
He paused under the heavy branches and reached up, collecting the lingering drops of
moisture on his index finger and flicking them at the ground. I sat down, the uncomfortable
dampness immediately clinging to my breeches and the back of my shirt as I leaned against the
trunk and looked up at him. After a deep breath he sat down beside me and watched a blue bird.
"I'm sorry. I knew if I told you that you would stop me."
His dark, heavy brows drew together in a frown and he scoffed. I wondered if he still
assumed I had a new lover.
"Haven't you ever felt like you were meant to do something? Even when everyone else
says it's wrong, you know in your heart that you have to do it."
He laughed, more a sharp and stuttered pant and a smirk that didn't go past his lips.
Whether it was an intentional move or not I didn't know, but he lifted his hand and spun our ring
around his finger.
"I took some food and blankets and old clothes to one of the Men to distribute amongst
his people," I said quickly, having to get it out in one great burst so I wouldn't change my mind
or be interrupted.
Eledu jerked back and I heard his shoulder thud into the tree as he gaped at me. His
expression warped from surprise to outrage to, with a barked laugh, relief. "I- you utter fool, I
can't believe- by the spirits, I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you."
Gregg 52
When the moment stretched on awkwardly and he still seemed unable to decide, I shifted
a bit closer and quirked a crooked smile. "Maybe just lightly punch my arm and then kiss me.
Best of both sides."
He coughed another laugh and elbowed me - quite a bit harder than I'd meant when I said
lightly - then grabbed my arm right where he'd struck to yank me close enough to kiss. If I wasn't
so grateful that he wasn't screaming I would have complained about where his hand was.
"Damn you, 'tato," he murmured, pressing his forehead to mine. He was warm compared
to the air around us, but I could feel the chill in him. The consequences of wandering around half
dressed with no shoes before the sun was high enough in the sky. "I was sick last night, I kept
waiting for you to come to me and prove my fears wrong, surprise me with a late night snack but
you never came. And then when I saw a report under my door that mentioned someone sneaking
off, all I could think..."
"Forgive me."
"Always."
We lingered beneath our tree, breaths misting together. I was just about to reach for our
food when he leaned back enough to jerk his head forward again into mine.
"Damn it, you made a charity case of our enemy?" he growled while I sat back and put a
hand to my head with a frown.
"Just because some of them are cruel-"
"Did he threaten you?"
"-doesn't mean-" I broke off uncomfortably. "Self-defense is not cruelty. Just because
some of them have taken an offensive stance doesn't mean we should leave women and children
to starve, catch chills and die," I argued, raising my voice so he wouldn't speak over me.
Gregg 53
"You can't save everyone," Eledu retorted, but his voice stayed level and he shook his
head sadly. "Now they know they can get things just by harassing us enough. They'll expect,
maybe even depend on another delivery-"
"Then I'll make another delivery."
"They can't stay here, Gwyndir." He hovered his hand near my face and tugged on a
braid. "I'm sorry. If we push enough, they'll give up and go somewhere else. Somewhere with
other humans. Somewhere safer for both of us."
"And if that means some women and children, innocent people only looking for a home,
need to die," I prompted.
His amber eyes darted away to watch the birds in the slowly rising sunlight. I watched the
muscle in his jaw jump. Leaning forward, I took his hand and traced the branches on his ring,
feeling the grooves and dull lines of damage from weapons or armor.
"How much food did you send?"
"Enough to feed perhaps four families for a day. Assuming they eat sparingly and only
enough to satisfy, it should last the whole group through tomorrow evening," I guessed, watching
him closely. I tried to figure out his plans just by studying him, and dared to hope he would help
me in my scheme to help them.
"Will the staff notice its absence?"
"Yes, but not grudgingly. I often take extra food for myself, as do many others."
He narrowed his eyes and I watched as he shook slightly from his foot kicking the ground
repeatedly. For incentive, I pressed a kiss to his jaw right where the muscle was twitching.
"My patrol tonight knows where to find these intruders. We will go to them this time
instead of waiting for them to approach us." He looked to me and smiled slightly. "And
Gregg 54
perhaps, after meeting them, we will loudly speak between ourselves about the old guard posts in
the caverns that are too far from our borders to be of use any longer. Maybe we will decide to go
see if they are still inhabitable, and how well the food stores are stocked, and then clumsily leave
a trail behind us that would be visible even to a human tracker."
I laughed and kissed him, punching him in the shoulder when he tried to continue his
narrative against my mouth. We relaxed then, pressing close to one another and our tree. I knew
Deilawyn would need my help, but for once I didn't worry about doing an excellent job or
impressing the rest of the staff. Instead I closed my eyes and listened to Eledu's breath whoosh
in his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart, the birds singing above us. He shifted to bend his
knees and pull his feet up, pressing them beneath me for warmth.
"What if your father finds out? What will your soldiers think of your plan?"
He kissed my ear and wrapped his arms around me. "Sometimes, 'tato, you're just
destined to do something, even when everyone else says it's wrong. Sometimes your heart just
knows that it's right."
***
It was my turn that afternoon to be left out of scheming and wandering on my own.
Except I wasn't avoiding paperwork through my strolls, I was enjoying the warm spring breeze
and smiling at everyone I saw. Things finally felt complete; I understood my relationship with
Eledu, I felt warm and at peace with the resolution-in-progress for the vagabonds at our borders,
and it seemed like no matter what was coming in the future I had nothing to fear.
Bonded or not, Eledu and I finally understood one another.
I made my way to our tree absently, my feet following the familiar path as my mind
wandered. However, our tree was not empty this time. A young boy with dark hair sat there,
Gregg 55
hugging his knees and trying to shrink into the shadows. His worn clothing and small frame
suggested a farmer's son, and I gave him my best smile. He hunched his shoulders up a nd stared
at me with impossibly large, charming brown eyes.
"Hello," I said softly, sitting down near him and pulling my knees up to my chest to
mirror his pose. "I'm Gwyndir. It's nice to meet you."
"Tinduial," he whispered, still looking at me fearfully.
"Tinduial. How come you are not sparring with the other boys your age?" I asked,
waving towards the field.
He turned to look at them now, someone else the victim of his pitiful gaze. "Papa doesn't
want me fighting. Needs me to help on the farm."
"An honorable job," I commended, assuming that was the reason for his shame. "I'm one
of the chefs in the palace, and I know the best produce comes from the farmers around here.
Especially the potatoes."
He smiled a bit at that. "I like potatoes. Like tomatoes more." Still he watched someone
carefully, and I leaned a bit closer to attempt to follow his eyes.
"Do you have a friend in the guard?"
"Not really."
I frowned until I stopped thinking so hard, and then I laughed. He shifted and hugged
himself tighter, glancing once at me with an annoyed pout.
"I understand. What's his name?"
He didn't respond, but twitched away and shook his head.
"Do you know Eledu?" I returned his small nod. "He's my mate."
Gregg 56
I had never thought to call my lieutenant that. Certainly not in public, but it was strange
how plans can change. Tinduial looked at me with those wide eyes, then blushed and ducked his
face into his knees as he watched the field again.
"Iloren," he said, voice muffled. "The one with the bright red hair." He pointed a small
hand at a boy down on the field, tell-tale hair messily knotted at the back of his neck and a
practice sword in his hand.
I looked down at the ring I wore and turned it over on my finger. It slipped off easily and
left behind an imprint of our tree. Reaching over, I took one of Tinduial's small hands and
pressed the trinket into his calloused palm.
"Consider it a promise that dreams do come true," I suggested, pressing his fingers over it
and pushing his hand back to him despite his resistance. "And perhaps you should bring him a
tomato the next time you come visit him."