Becoming a new dad
Father’s Day
What is Father’s Day?
In Australia and New Zealand, Father’s Day is celebrated on the first Sunday in the month of
September. People take Father’s Day as an opportunity to express gratitude to their father or
father figure. Acts of appreciation can include a day out; handmade or purchased gifts; breakfasts,
lunches, or dinners either at home, at a restaurant, or in the park; or Father’s Day charity activities
such as fun runs.
Entering Fatherhood
Becoming a parent for the first time is daunting for some. Whether a single parent or a couple, new parents generally find that
they cease to feel like the individuals they previously knew themselves to be when becoming responsible for a new life (or lives).
This change can be both challenging and rewarding and requires a considerable amount of adjustment and compromise.
The journey into fatherhood can be one of the most exciting life transitions a man will ever experience, especially for those
expecting a baby for the first time. The pregnancy period will be a good time to learn about this new role that will bring the many
challenges and adventures of fatherhood and family life.
Myths of Fatherhood
If you’re like most new or expectant dads, you’re probably carrying around some silent
assumptions about what it means to be a father. Those ideas are rooted in your experiences with your own father and in what you believe society expects of a male parent.
Unfortunately, few resources exist to help men think through these issues or put common
myths to the test. Yet the more you examine and understand your unspoken expectations
of fatherhood, the better chance you have of becoming the parent you want to be.
It’s easy for an expectant dad to talk excitedly about the positives of becoming a father. It’s
much tougher to give voice to the equally important - and inevitable - feelings of fear and
apprehension. Will I faint at the birth? Will there be medical complications? After the birth,
how will our relationship change? Can I pursue my career and be the father I want to be?
That “men don’t know how to take care of children” is another great lie that keeps fathers
from having a primary relationship with their babies and causes unnecessary anxiety for
new mothers who fear that men aren’t capable of handling newborns. Even Dr Spock, the
late paediatrician and best-selling author, cautioned in his first book that men are subject to “clumsiness” around babies. He changed his opinion in subsequent editions and
you can, too. We know now that a father can be a child’s primary caregiver. Parenting is
learned on the job by everyone, mums and dads. If you spend time with your baby, you
will become sensitive to his or her needs.
Your partner needs to hear your feelings. Many men keep their fears about pregnancy and
fatherhood to themselves because they don’t want to add to their partner’s worries. Don’t
be afraid of burdening her. Most women crave this kind of interaction, and they know that
becoming a father brings challenges. Sharing your fears with your partner will bring you
closer.
You can also seek out other expectant fathers, read a good book about becoming a father,
and attend a group for support. You could always suggest a dinner group for the men in
your antenatal class. Give yourself permission to express your feelings of both vulnerability
and excitement. If we always play the part of men who are strong, we lose touch with a
part of ourselves. If you express your concerns during pregnancy and early parenting, you
challenge the myth that we merely accompany our partners through the process.
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Becoming a new dad
Father’s Day
Survival Guide
Men are often taught to value work as their main source of worth and self-esteem. Society’s underlying message is that men who
make sacrifices and choose family over career advancement do it because they can’t succeed at work. But we are at the
beginning of an epic shift in cultural norms. More men are finding parenthood meaningful and that is raising the status of fathers.
Some men are trading career advancement for time with their family because they value the fulfilment they find in fatherhood,
not because they can’t hack it in the job market. More men than ever feel that being a good father is a significant accomplishment in life. The government’s provision for parental leave is one way in which fathers are being increasingly recognised.
A change in your relationship with your partner is often feared. A newborn turns your world upside down and as you grapple to
readjust, it’s easy to get out of the practice of being intimate. Similarly, sleep deprivation can make you both testy towards each
other.
It is important to remember that both you and your partner are going through a period of major adjustment - sometimes new
mothers feel so overwhelmed that they become negative and tearful (the so-called baby blues). She may start acting towards you
differently because she is feeling uncertain about her own mothering capabilities and needs reassurance herself. She might not
yet have the confidence to help you learn. Meanwhile, you may be feeling vulnerable as you adjust to this huge change in your
life and could be more sensitive to criticism than is normal for you.
Managing Sleep Deprivation
Babies have no sense of time. The first couple of months of having a baby in the house are stressful enough, and it doesn’t help
if neither of you has slept properly in days. No one can survive on no sleep, not even Batman, but there are things you can do so
that each of you gets as much kip as you can.
• Go to bed early - you’ll be so tired this won’t be a problem.
• Get a routine - try to get into a routine as quickly as possible. Human beings are creatures of habit and if we do something
regularly our bodies soon get used to it and the lack of sleep will become more bearable.
• Eat properly - if you’re back at work make sure you have a healthy lunch every day if possible. Avoid heavy meals.
• Reduce alcohol - you might think that third glass of wine will help you sleep, but you’ll think differently when you get woken up
at two in the morning. Newborns and hangovers are not friends.
• Have the night off - give each other the occasional complete night off from feeding, so you get turns at sleeping all night.
• Take Baby out - even if it’s just for an hour, take Baby for a walk or to do the shopping and leave Mum to have a lie down in the
afternoon. This will earn you extra brownie points, plus you get some Daddy time.
• Get family support - get some help with other stuff round the house for the first couple of weeks. This is where your or her
parents (or both) can be invaluable, helping with housework and cooking meals to give you both a chance to rest.
Support at IPS Worldwide
IPS Worldwide can also help support you emotionally through counselling in times of need and explore possible strategies that will
assist you to re-balance your life as soon as possible. Whether you’re expecting, a new dad or have children of many ages, we will
support you through any emotional stress and concerns.
Through your EAP, you have access to confidential, professional and free counselling. If you wish to talk, please call to make an
appointment on:
Australia - 1300 366 789
New Zealand - 00 800 3667 8910
For more details on our services, visit our website: www.ppconline.info/au
Sources: www.babycenter.com.au/baby/dads | www.newdadssurvivalguide.com
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