Building and Restoring Trust
Center for Corporate Education
Jean Gasen, PCC, PhD
Director, Center for Corporate Education
Outline for Today
• What is Trust and Why Does It Matter?
• What Can Erode Trust?
• How Can We Recognize when Trust is at Risk & What are
the Costs of Lost Trust?
• How Do We Create Trusting Relationships in the
Workplace?
• How Can We Recover from Lost Trust?
• What’s Significant for You to Take Away Today?
Trust
Why should leaders
focus on trust?
One More Reason…
How much of the time do you think you
can trust the Government in Washington
to do what is right?
What % of the time did people say just about always or most of the time?
And Another Reason…
How much of the time do you think you
can trust Big Business to do what is right?
What % of the time did people say just about always or most of the time?
What is Trust for You?
• What does Trust look like?
• What does Trust feel like?
• What is the impact of Trust on the work that is accomplished?
Trust in Teams: The Foundation
* From Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team
What is Happening When You Are In A….
Team That:
Trusts Each Other
Engages in Healthy
Diallogue
Commits to each role
Holds self & others
accountable
Drives Successfully to
Results
Observations
(What is Happening)?
Impacts
(Thinking, Feeling, Doing)?
Trust: Definitions
 Oxford American College Dictionary: a firm belief in the
reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something
 Merriam-Webster: assured reliance on the character, ability,
strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which
confidence is placed c: dependence on something future or
contingent
 Flores: a willingness to be vulnerable
What is trust really about?
Trust Elements and Relationships
• Trust is multi-dimensional
• Trust is fragile
• Trust is a two-way street
Flores / Reinas Descriptions of Trust
Sincerity / Communication
Do you mean it?
Reliability / Contractual
Will you do it?
Competence / Competence
Can you do it?
Impact of Small Things on Trustworthiness
Sincerity / Communication
“This must not be
important to them or
they would…”
Reliability / Contractual
•Chronic lateness
•Missed deadlines
•Ignoring communications
“How sloppy, careless,
they must not care if we
succeed”
Competence / Competence
•Inaccurate or incomplete
deliverables
•Mistakes
…the problem is, difficulties with reliability and competence
negatively impact our view of a person’s sincerity
Quick Exercise – Trust of Others
• Identify 1 person on current assignments at work that you
assess as trustworthy.
– How have they built trust (sincerity, reliability, competence)?
• Now, identify 1 person from your work history that you do/did
not trust keeping the following in mind:
– What happened? What trust areas described above did he/she
break?
– How did you feel about it?
– What did you do at that time?
– How has it impacted the way you interact with this person?
Recognizing the Signs of Lost Trust
•
•
•
•
•
How do you know if you have lost trust in someone?
How might you know if someone might not trust you?
What questions could you ask?
What observations could you make?
What assumptions might you bring into question?
What are The Costs of Lost Trust?
• Emotional and Mental Costs
• Physical Drain
• Productivity Drain
What Can We Say About Trust?
• Foundation of All Human Interaction
• Is multi-dimensional & fragile and can erode very easily
in small ways
– Sincerity, Reliability, Competence
– Intentional or Unintentional
• Requires a vigilant watch– can’t be assumed or taken
for granted over time
So, how do we build trusting relationships?
SHORT BREAK
Next Up: Repairing Lost Trust
Stay Tuned for Part II
17
REVIEW: Flores / Reinas Descriptions of Trust
Sincerity / Communication
Do you mean it?
Reliability / Contractual
Will you do it?
Competence / Competence
Can you do it?
Review of Trust: Key Components
Sincerity / Communication
“This must not be
important to them or
they would…”
Reliability / Contractual
•Chronic lateness
•Missed deadlines
•Ignoring communications
“How sloppy, careless,
they must not care if we
succeed”
Competence / Competence
•Inaccurate or incomplete
deliverables
•Mistakes
…the problem is, difficulties with reliability and competence
negatively impact our view of a person’s sincerity
The Darker Side: Repairing Lost Trust
• Can you really repair a relationship gone bad?
• What trust element was violated?
– Reliability
– Competence
– Communication/Sincerity
• How big was the betrayal from your perspective?
• Was it intentional or not intentional?
• Was this the first time or just “another” time?
All these factors contribute to our ability to repair the betrayal of trust.
So, what can we do about it?
Adapted from the Reina Team Trust Scale ©1995-2006
Observe and acknowledge what has happened
•
•
•
•
You have a choice
Awareness is the first step to move beyond betrayal
Notice what has happened and what the impact is on you
You cannot heal without first being aware of where you are
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Allow feelings to surface
•
•
•
•
•
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Give yourself permission to feel
Honor and respect your emotions
Recognize that nobody else can do this for you.
Give yourself quiet time alone
Say “no” to guilt
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Get support
• Healing from betrayal is difficult to do alone
• Share your feelings with a “trusted advisor” – colleague,
friend, counselor, support group, professional coach – a
neutral third party to help you think through choices and
options
You cannot change the past - you can
only change how you respond to it.
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Reframe the experience
• Put the experience into a larger context
• Try to make meaning out of what you have experienced
– Why did this happen?
– What extenuating circumstances might be at play?
– What is the purpose of this event in my life at this point?
– What options do I have for doing things differently?
– What lessons do I need to learn?
– What can I take from this experience in moving forward?
• Look for a greater insight and purpose
• Listen to your inner voice to help answer questions
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Take responsibility
• Can be one of the very toughest parts of the process
• Pain, hurt and even revenge can be natural reactions
• Step back to ask yourself these questions:
– What was my role in this experience?
– What could I have done differently?
– How do I protect myself from this happening again?
• Taking ownership for your current and future feelings and actions
must be part of the healing process
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Forgive Yourself and Others
•
•
•
•
•
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves
It frees us from the burden of bitterness and resentment
Moves us from hurt -> hate -> heal
Forgiveness is not condoning the behavior of the betrayer
Remember: Most betrayals are unintentional - through oversights,
rushing and cramming to do more with less time, energy and money
• Forgiving ourselves is just as important…honestly face the facts,
admit wrongdoing, acknowledge the pain we caused
• All of this takes candor, clarity, courage and commitment
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Worthington’s REACH model
R Recall the Hurt
E Empathy
A Altruistic (others-focused Gift)
C Commit to Publically Forgive
H Hold Onto Forgiveness
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
28
Let go and move on…
• Choose to act differently
• Focus on being present
• Lighten up
Life’s most painful experiences often
provide life’s most powerful lessons
Observe &
acknowledge
what has
happened
Allow feelings to
surface
Get support
Reframe the
experience
Take
responsibility
Forgive yourself
and others
Let go and move
on
Individual Trust Reflection
• Strengths: Where have you built trust – where are your natural
strengths?
• Where do you have opportunity to create stronger trust?
• In what ways can you improve your sincerity, reliability and
competence (i.e., trustworthiness) for the people in your work
organization?
• Write down at least one area where you believe you can improve
your trustworthiness in a current relationship.
How can you take action on this belief?
Final Reflection
• What is one key takeaway you
have you gained today?
• What is one action you can take?
Summary
• Trust is the belief in the sincerity, reliability and competence of another
person
• Trust can be broken in small and big ways – and they all matter.
• Creating trust is much easier than repairing lost trust.
• Know yourself - where your small actions can, unknowingly, erode trust
• Working to Regain Lost Trust is challenging, starts with acknowledgement
and moves through getting support, reframing the experience and your
role, potentially forgiving yourself and others and moving on
• Trust is fragile and each of us must remain vigilant to creating and
sustaining our trustworthiness of others
Notable Quotes on Trust
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
- Henry Stimson
It is impossible to go through life without trust:
That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself.
- Graham Greene
Thank you.
Questions?
Jean Gasen
(804) 828-3198
[email protected]
References
•
Galford, R. & Drapeau. A.S. (2003) The enemies of trust. Harvard Business Review,
February, pp. 1 – 9.
•
Reina, D.S., & Reina, M.L. (2006a). Rebuilding trust within organizations. The systems
thinker, (17)1.
•
Reina, D.S. & Reina, M.L. (2006b) Trust and betrayal in the workplace. San Francisco:
Berrett-Koehler.
•
Solomon, R. C. & Flores, F. (2001) Building trust in business, politics, relationships and
life. New York: Oxford University Press
•
Emerald, D. (2006) The Power of TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic),. Bainbridge
Island, WA: Polaris Publishing.
•
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2014/08/08/cnn-poll-trust-in-government-at-alltime-low-2/