Online, Offline, and Over The Line
Adolescents, Sex, and The Internet
Elizabeth Griffin, MA, LMFT
Internet Behavior Consulting
952-451-0771
www.internetbehavior.com/youth
www.internetbehavior.com/parents
Prevention
• Too few adults are addressing this issue
• Prevention
– Often too much focus on cyberpredators
– Often not enough focus on youth/sexual behavior
– Often wait till youth are too old
– Often provide older youth with juvenile programs
Prevention
• Half Truths Youth/Parent Presentation
– Format for today
– Presentation adapted for
• Junior High through 12th grade
• Myth Busters for Junior High and Elementary School
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Uncovering the Half-Truths
about Technology
By
Eliabeth Griffin, MA, LMFT
952-451-0771
[email protected]
Adults can’t
help me with
technology
But they do
have something
to offer
2
E
IQ
T
Online EQ
•
Online EQ is the
– Understanding the consequences of your online behavior
• Short Term/Long Term
– Understanding impact of online environment on behavior
– Understanding and practicing Digital Citizenship
• Building healthy/respectful online relationships
• Maintaining healthy/respectful online relationship
Teen / Young Adult Brain
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Adult Brain
Adult Brain?
Adult EQ
• Life Experience
• Fully Developed Pre-Frontal Cortex
• History of building and maintaining relationships
Online EQ
•
•
•
•
Adults Have EQ
Teens Have TQ
Powerful Combination
EQ + TQ = Online Health and Safety
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People choose
how to behave
Technology can
influence
those choices
What Teens Like About Technology?
• There are no rules
• You can experiment, explore, and separate
• Provides a sense of belonging
• Provide a place to express yourself
LOL
<3
• Interact with Psychology of Internet
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10
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The Psychology of the Internet
• You Can’t See Me
• See You Later
• It’s Just a Game
• We’re Friends
• We’re All Equal
Psychology of the Internet
• The Concept of FLOW…
– State of deep concentration
– Being “In the zone”
– Complete attention in order to complete
a single task
– Action and awareness become merged
– Hours can pass like minutes
– Offline world and goals are ignored
(Csikszentmihalyi,1996)
What Teens Like About Technology?
• There are no rules
• You can experiment, explore, and separate
• Provides a sense of belonging
• Provide a place to express yourself
• Combined with Psychology of Internet
makes if difficult to maintain Online EQ
However knowledge = power
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Protect your
Privacy Online
Out of Control
vs.
In Your Control
Posting Information Online
•Every time you send an email or post
something online the information doesn’t go
from point A to point B.
•It goes through multiple points.
•At each one of those points your privacy
can be compromised.
Information Control
• Out of Your Control
–
–
–
–
–
public records and databases
phone book entries
legal documents / court records
taxing records
unknown tracking
• In Your Control
– Information you provide about yourself
– Information you provide to others
– Permission you give others
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•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Anyone Can See and Read
What You Post:
Friends and teachers
Your mom and dad
Coaches
Your future boss
Scholarship Committees
Your chosen college
Neighbors
People from community
• Remember people can
capture what you put out
there and repost
© 2011 Delmonico & IBC
Steps for Privacy Protection
• Cautiously Provide Personal Information
– Why do they need this?
– What will the do with it?
– Who will see it…now and in the future?
•
•
•
•
•
Read TOS and Privacy Agreements
Clean “Cookies” every couple weeks
Conduct Ad/Spyware/Virus Searches often
Beware of phishing, pharming, & spoofing
Do not use “Password Remember” features
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…but we still
struggle with it.
Digital Citizenship is
Important
Digital Citizenship
The appropriate, healthy, and responsible
use of technology
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What are we communicating...
• You are not important
• I am more important
• You are not valued by me
• I am rude??
Digital Citizenship
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Cyberbullying / Harassment
• When a person is tormented, harassed, humiliated,
embarrassed or otherwise targeted by any other person
using the Internet
• Cyberbullying / Harassment
– Anywhere/Anytime
– Can be Anonymous
– No Group to help Moderate
• These behaviors can lead to arrest and prosecution
•
•
•
•
Jayme Rodemeyer
14 Years Old male from New York
Questioning his sexual orientation
Posting on his facebook included:
– "JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND UGLY. HE
MUST DIE!" and "I wouldn't care if you died. No
one would. So just do it :) It would make
everyone WAY more happier!“
• Jayme killed himself outside of his home
What to do….
• If you are bullied or harassed…
–
–
–
–
Print or save any document, text, screenshot
Do not respond or interact in any way
Block or ignore the person
If it can’t be solved…then include an adult
• If you are a bully or harasser…
– Remember online disinhibition
– Would you do/say these things if your grandmother
knew about it?
– Trash talk can go to far…there are people on the
other side of your communication
– Trolling and digital drama has consequences
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Digital Citizenship
M
U
S
I
C
Nothing is
Online
Disinhibition
FREE!
online
V
I
D
E
O
Digital Citizenship
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Rules from Kindergarten
•Be nice to people
•Don’t call other people names
•Don’t use bad words
•Don’t hit / pinch / bite / kick, etc.
•Don’t lie
•Don’t take things that don’t belong to you
•Apologize when you do something wrong
What does
delete mean?
You can
always delete
What does delete mean?
• On the Internet
–There is no such word as delete
when it comes to technology
–Google Caching
–File Sharing / Saving
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The Digital Footprint
• A collection of all the traces you leave as you move
through the electronic environment
• Some of the material you actively provide
– Facebook
• Some of passively provided
– Cookies in your browser
• All this data builds a profile of who you are, where you
go, and what you do – Your Digital Footprint
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Digital Footprints
• Impact Others
• Are Permanent
• Are Our Responsibility
The Media Hypes
Cyberpredators
It doesn’t
mean they don’t
exist
Cyberpredator?
• Angie Jenkins
– 35 Year Old mother of five
– Lured 14 year old boy while playing World of
Warcraft
– Traveled 400 miles to meet him
– Told him she’d kill herself if he didn’t meet her
– Sent him a cell phone and gifts
– Boy’s parents discovered sexting photos
– Woman arrested / 7 years in jail
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Cyberpredator?
•
•
•
•
•
•
Douglas Sversko
Met a 13 year old girl online
Sent her nude photos of himself
Had sexualized chat conversations
Was a 43 year old State Police Officer
Was fired and sentenced to prison
Autonomic Nervous System?
•
•
•
•
•
•
What did you experience?
What did your head tell you?
How did your body respond?
What did your stomach say?
Why did you experience it?
What is your online signal?
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Psychology of Grooming
• Friendship Forming Phase
– Finding common interests, attitudes
• Relationship Forming Phase
– Connecting privately, u r special,
• Risk Assessment Phase
– Will u tell
• Exclusivity Phase
– Gifts, Money
• Sexual Phase
– I care about u, I love u, I will be there for U 4ever
Online Signal Examples
• Someone contacts you and pretends to know you
• Someone (you know or don’t know) asks you personal
questions that seem out of bounds
• You get anonymous online messages that threaten or harass
you
• Someone asks you to keep a secret
• Someone you don’t know well asks to meet online
Protect Yourself
From Others
And
From Yourself
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Behaviors of Youth At Risk
•
•
•
•
•
Talking with people you don’t know
Using technology to harass others
Using file-sharing programs
Visiting pornography websites
Meeting people offline you don’t know in
real life
• Talking online to unknown people about
sex
Pornography Use
• Can provide misinformation about sex
• Can create unrealistic expectations
– Partners
– Sex
• Can make it difficult to be sexual with a real life
partner
• Can lead to illegal pornography
Sexting
20%of teens admit to taking and sending
nude or semi nudes pics of themselves
50% have admitted to receiving nude or semi
nude pics of other kids
This is called sexting and it’s illegal
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Sexting
Taking, Sending, and or receiving nude or semi
nude pics of anyone under 18 is illegal
These behaviors are being prosecuted
You can end up having to registered as a sex
offender
Sexting is YOUR Decision
• Adults cannot supervise you 24/7
• Ultimately you make the decision and act
• Questions to ask yourself:
– Do I care if anyone in the world sees this?
– Do I care if someone important in my life sees this
– Will I care in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?
Know The Law
• Viewing and/or Downloading Child Sexual
Abuse Images is an illegal behavior.
• This mean viewing any type of sexual image of a
person under the age of 18 is illegal. It also revictimizes the person in the photogrpah
• Adults talking sexual and/or sending sexual
pictures to anyone under the age of 18 is also
illegal
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Technology
Can Be Fun
Technology Can
Become
Problematic
Can Technology be Addictive?
• Some individuals report:
(1) Feeling out of control with their online
activities.
(2) Having significant consequences because of
their technology use.
(3) Feeling obsessed with a 24/7 technology
mentality
(4) Get highly agitated or anxious without their
technology
(5) Feeling like they are addicted (10%)
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~~ Balance ~~
Balance
• Don’t Let Technology Be Your Only Solution
• Be Involved With Life
• Find a Passion
• Take Technology Time Outs
…if we choose
to use it
wisely
The Internet
has great things
to offer…
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Uncovering the Half-Truths
about Technology
By
Eliabeth Griffin, MA, LMFT
952-451-0771
[email protected]
ADULTS ONLY
It Is Not Your
Father’s Playboy
Everyone
Knows There Is
Porn on the Internet
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“Porn Informed Consent”
•Reality
•Educate teens about the “truth” of pornography
•Provides an informed consent
– Just say no doesn’t work
*
Areas of Concern for Teens
• P2P
• Tumblr
• Omegle/Chat Roulette
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Peer to Peer
• Frostwire, Kazaa, BearShare, Shareaza
• 92% of teens download music online
• Large % of all activity illegal
Peer to Peer
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Peer to Peer
• Frostwire, Kazaa, BearShare, Shareaza
• 92% of teens download music online
• Large % of all activity illegal
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Sexting Issues
Are
Serious
However Some
Are More Serious
Than Others
Teens and Sexting
• Early Adolescents Emerging Sexuality
– Poor Decision Making/Impulsive
– Restorative Process
• Teens in Relationships Using Sexting
– Typically Strong Norms to Keep Private
• Teens Hurt and Angry Sending Photos
• Sexual Exploitation By Teens
– Rare But Does Happen
– Most Serious
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Just Say No May
Work in Some
Cases
However You
However You
Probably
Probably Need
Have
To Do
to Do More
More
Warning Signs
• Often there are no warning signs
– Isolated behavior
– The perfect kids can still look perfect
• However pay attention
–
–
–
–
Isolation
Boredom
Stress
Giving up offline activities
• All Kids are at risk
– Poor social skills, no friends, DD youth, the “perfect kid”, kids
struggling with sexual identity
Doing More
• Simple Management Strategies
– Computer in high traffic area
– Time limits, also times of day
– Using only when others are around
– Monitor visible to others
– Family/friends screensavers
• Flexibility with Developmental Stage of Child
*
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Doing More
• Acceptable Use Policy (AUP)
– Can be used as a management technique or
a preventative measure
– Should have one for every family
– Modify when necessary
Doing More
• AUP Components
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•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Preamble
Time and Place
Privacy
Meeting others
Respectful Communication
Blocking/Filtering/Monitoring
Usernames, Passwords and Buddy Lists
Unacceptable Activities
What to do if…
Consequences
Concluding Statements
Signature
Management/Treatment
• Electronic Management
– Blocking Software/Filters
– ISPs
– DNS Filters
– Monitoring
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Filter Resources
•
Net Nanny - http://www.netnanny.com/
Content filtering, blocking, and monitoring software for
children and organizations. Free block list updates.
• CyberPatrol - http://www.cyberpatrol.com/
Internet filtering, blocking and monitoring software for
Windows. Blocking list updates require subscription.
• CyberSitter - http://www.cybersitter.com/
Windows (32-bit) filtering program for web, news, mail,
and ICQ which supports PICS and can keep history of all
Internet activity. Free block list updates. 30-day free trial.
Doing More
• Electronic Management
– Blocking Software/Filters
– ISPs
– DNS Filters
– Monitoring
• Limitations
– Portable Devices
– Helicopter Parents
Portable Devices
• Cell Phones
• MP3 Players
• X Box
• PSP
*
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Doing More
• Electronic Management
– Blocking Software/Filters
– ISPs
– DNS Filters
– Monitoring
• Limitations
– Portable Devices
– Helicopter Parents
Doing More
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Teach the Rules
Create Acceptable Use Contracts
Model Appropriate Behavior
Use filters and monitors
Find Teachable Moments
Start Early
Make it Fun
• Have Conversations
*
Online, Offline, and Over The Line
Adolescents, Sex, and The Internet
Elizabeth Griffin, MA, LMFT
Internet Behavior Consulting
952-451-0771
www.internetbehavior.com/youth
www.internetbehavior.com/parents
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