Paul
INTRODUCTION:
The Three Ropes
Who is this guy?
Paul Hadfield, MS. LCPC
• Works in private practice in Frederick,
MD
• Works with children, families & adults
• Produced and performs anti-bullying
programs Everyone Belongs and Taking
Care, based on research of Dan Olweus
MENTAL HEALTH
Definitions of Bullying
• Bullying is aggressive behavior that is
intentional and that involves an
imbalance of POWER. Most often it is
repeated over time.
• Bullying occurs whenever a student
intentionally, repeatedly, and over time
inflicts or threatens to inflict physical or
emotional injury or discomfort on
another’s body, feelings, or
possessions.
Three Crucial Components
1. Aggressive behavior.
2. Repeated over time.
3. Imbalance of power or strength.
When someone is mean to
you over and over again.
POWER
Fighting, alcohol abuse,
Smoking, loneliness, &
Delinquency.
Anxiety
Anxiety, depression, low sense of self-worth
Absenteeism, loneliness, suicide.
SYSTEMS
&
SECRECY
Systems resist change.
• Parents wanted me to “fix” children
• Children’s behaviors were part of a
system
• Parents were part of the system and
played a role in sustaining unwanted
behaviors
• Systems seek a comfortable balance
and are resistant to change
Systems can define us:
“She’s the black sheep; I’m the little
angel.” (or vice versa)
“My son has so many problems; I’m the
tortured parent.”
“He is weak; I am his protector.” (“If he
gets stronger, who will I be?”)
Secrecy
• Every child client had been bullied
• Bullying had remained a secret to
everyone outside of the counseling
setting
• Children were taught to cope within a
damaged system
Local Middle School
• Research led to work of Dan Olweus
Systems approach
• School survey
• “Hidden” problem
• Effort to conceal results
Silence
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Perpetrators
Victims
Administration
Bystanders
System
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Students
Teachers
Administration
Parents
Dan Olweus
Systems Approach
Empowering Bystanders
POWER
Rule #1
Rule #2
We Will
Not Bully
Help
Others
Rule #3
Rule #3
Include
Everyone
Tell An
Adult
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to
understand and share the
feelings of another.
Rumors
Hitting
Excluding
Name Calling
BYSTANDER SKILLS
Do not laugh.
Do not be silent.
Invite kids being bullied to play.
Talk to kids who are bullied.
Tell a teacher.
Make friends with kids who are bullied.
Are You Being Bullied?
WALK- walk away without saying anything
TALK- assertive “I” statement
SQUAWK- tell an adult
SUPPORT AT HOME
Breathe
Relax
• “If you are more relaxed, I think your
brain functions more effectively.” –
Dali Lama
• “Between stimulus and response,
there is a space. In that space lies
our freedom and power to choose
our response.” – Victor Frankl
Triune Brain
Brain Stem- reptilian brain
Limbic System- emotions & memory
Amygdala- The Guard Dog
Hippocampus- memory and space
Prefrontal Cortex- executive functioning (Wise Owl)
Support At Home
• Break the silence; don’t assume
• Do not get angry; be warm, caring, and
authoritative
• Ask, “What do you think we can do about this
situation?” “What have you tried?– That was
worth trying.”
• Be aware of school policies
• Promote empathy
• Review bystander skills
• Model behavior
Talking to children
Two crucial things to remember are:
1) Do not get angry;
2) Do not jump in and solve the problem
until your child has tried more than one
solution. And let them know that you will
always be there for them if things get “too
tough” for them to handle.
RESILIENCY
Building Resiliency
(some kids are harder to hurt)
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A peer group that shares values.
Mastery experiences
Time spent together.
Problem solving skills
Choices over Traits
Cognitive reframing
Stress reduction activities
RESILIENCY
• Studies link regular family dinners with lowering a
host of high risk teenage behaviors such as:
smoking, binge drinking, marijuana use, violence,
school problems, eating disorders, and sexual
activity.
• Kids who know their family stories are more resilient
and have higher self esteem. –Anne Fishel
Cognitive Flexibility
Think about the situation differently, feel
better, move on. That is resilience.
(searching for the “Truth” can be futile)
Simon’s Hooks
Doing Nothing: not reacting
Agreeing: disarming technique
Distracting: changing the subject
Laughing or making a joke: humor
Staying Away: avoiding the perpetrator
E.A.R.
Empathy
Disarming Technique
Reflect Thoughts or Feelings
Inquire
Assertiveness
“I Feel…”
Respect
Stroking (find something +)
ON THE WEB
STOPBULLYING.GOV
STOPBULLYING.COM
THEBULLYBLOG.WORDPRESS.COM
POSTSCRIPT
Mean Girls
• Lyn
Cyber Safety
RULE #1: Never share embarrassing pictures or
information on your computer or cell phone.
RULE #2: Never share your password with anyone.
RULE #3: Do not retaliate.
RULE #4 Review privacy settings with your parents.
Pause Before You Post
Before Posting, Ask Yourself…
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Who will see it?
Will anyone be embarrassed or hurt?
Am I proud of this post?
How would I feel if someone posted this about
me?
Teasing
Teasing
Teasing
Teasing
Teasing
Teasing
Teasing
According to the children, targets might be different in
1. appearance (ugly, fat, short, thin, wearing wrong or odd clothes,
wearing glasses, having different skin color, or just looking “bad” in some w
2. behavior (weird speech, playing with opposite sex, clumsy);
3. characteristics (stupid, childish, nerdy);
4. having a disability (“retarded,” deaf, confined to a wheel chair);
finally, a child might be bullied for
5. association (having an odd friend or family member, or belong to a
different culture).
From: Schoolchildren’s Social Representations on Bullying Causes.
Thornberg, Robert. Psychology in the Schools, Apr2010, Vol. 47 Issue 4,