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YOU CAN HANDLE THEM ALL Second Edition
A Discipline Model For Handling 124 Student Behaviors
THE DISRESPECTFUL
I. BEHAVIOR: Specific attitudes and actions of this child at home and/or at school.
1. Reveals disrespect in the classroom in many ways: a pointed look, a sigh, a sneer, or a look of clear
disdain.
2. Also reveals disrespect by what he/she doesn’t do—usually through lack of common courtesy.
3. May act as if some people don’t even exist.
4. May reveal disrespect in the form of ugly words.
5. Doesn’t think very highly of anyone, including himself/herself, even though he/she may act superior.
6. Often seems to be expressing frustration.
7. May have real problems at home or with friends.
8. May have basic primary needs which aren’t being met. Appears unable to meet needs in a positive
manner. Therefore, turns to disrespect out of frustration, anger, or hostility.
II. EFFECTS:
How behavior affects teachers, classmates, and parents in the
school learning environment and the home family situation.
1. Teacher may find that disrespect “gets to” him/her in a way that nothing else can, and that it takes a
damaging toll. He/she may be unable to respond in any way except by being disrespectful in return.
2. Teacher may feel helpless or insignificant.
3. Worse, teacher may become hateful.
4. Teacher may even become disrespectful toward other teachers—and especially toward administrators
for not “taking care of” disrespectful students quickly and harshly.
5. Peers who experience disrespect from a classmate have similar feelings. That’s why the disrespectful
student brings discord into the classroom.
III. ACTION:
• Identify causes of misbehavior.
• Pinpoint student needs being revealed.
• Employ specific methods, procedures, and techniques at school
and at home for getting the child to modify or change his/her
behavior.
1. Primary cause of misbehavior:
± Revenge: This student has been mistreated and therefore is mistreating others.
2. Primary needs being revealed:
± Escape from Pain: He/she is feeling a great deal of pain caused by peers, family, or educators.
± Sex/Sexuality: There may be a great deal of conflict between the adults in the home.
3. Secondary needs being revealed:
± Power: This student, because of his/her hurt, is hurting others as a form of power. The power is usually a demonstration against adults.
± Status: Because of the treatment received, the student—through disrespect—lets everyone know
he/she is “somebody.”
The Disrespectful
4. Always remember that disrespect is never given without reason. The reason may or may not have to
do with the teacher. Yet, student disrespect will never be resolved unless we realize this fact—and do
something about it.
5. Adopt the strategic position of acting in a positive rather than a negative way. Don’t try to fight fire
with fire. The behavior of this student can’t be changed with such an approach.
6. Be aware that, more often than not, the teacher is not the cause of disrespect. It’s an indicator that a
child has problems, is experiencing failure, has been hurt, or has been indulged too often by adults.
However, a close look will reveal that disrespect is often a result of a circumstance which could be
altered rather than tolerated as a permanent condition. It’s an instant response which the student might
withdraw immediately if so allowed.
7. Try responding to the offender with “What’s wrong? Did I do something to offend? If I did, I’m
sorry.” This can set the stage to resolve rather than fuel the situation.
8. Keep the responsibility on the student. This is an important aspect of handling the disrespectful student. Retaliating only lets him/her off the hook.
9. A public confrontation may put the student on the spot and compel him/her to act even worse to save
face or retain his/her image as one who doesn’t get “pushed around by anyone.” Whenever you can,
move to the hall or a private place in the room to handle disrespect.
10. Remember, an unprofessional reaction always reinforces negative behavior in this student. Approach
disrespect as you approach other student misbehaviors—professionally. Although it’s normal to be
offended by disrespect, returning it only proves to the disrespectful student that he/she is right and justified in the behavior. It convinces the student that the teacher does not deserve respect. That’s why a
private one-on-one meeting always has a better chance of success and of achieving honest communication—and a student apology. In addition, classmates will not support disrespect from another
student directed at the teacher when the teacher responds respectfully to the disrespectful student.
11. Be calm, poised, and perceptive when disrespect is shown. Most disrespectful outbursts are the result
of quick, unthinking, and emotional responses. They would never have been made with forethought.
By remembering this reality, you’ll never prolong a student’s quick outburst. Rather, you’ll shorten it.
12. At times, it’s effective to identify a student’s intent and how it conflicts with his/her actions. For
example, if a student is being disrespectful, we can say, “When you talk so aggressively, it’s harder
for me to help you get what you want.” It’s necessary to point out the unintended consequences of a
student’s behavior in order to position him/her to be teachable and motivated to change.
13. Try not to confuse tension with disrespect. For instance, if a frazzled or worried student says something mildly offensive, don’t press the issue. Instead, inject a little humor, laugh a little and say, “I’ll
pretend I didn’t hear that.” Likewise, look for opportunities to build on students’ words. Say, “There’s
another reason I think you’re right” or “I couldn’t agree more.” Remember, reinforcing what students
say and relieving tension can help build relationships with them.
14. If you believe that the disrespectful remark was completely unwarranted, say so. Simply say, “Jim—
I don’t think I deserve that.” Follow this remark with “Now ... tell me what’s really on your mind.”
This is confronting in a professional and caring way. This response will produce more instant student
apologies and resolve more ugly incidents than you might think.
15. Remember, disrespect is often a result of hostility and desire for revenge. Give the student nothing
more to be hostile toward, and he/she will usually cooperate.
16. Don’t jump on disrespect too quickly or harshly. Doing so can turn a cornered kitten into an ugly tiger.
If your reaction is negative or retaliatory, you may receive further disrespect. So be careful not to let
your initial response be defensive, indignant, or attacking.
17. Don’t engage in sarcastic comments, put-downs, ridicule, or barbed teasing with students, or you will
probably hear similar statements made to you—openly or behind your back. There is much truth in
The Disrespectful
the old cliché: Example is the best teacher. The behavior you display toward students will be mirrored.
You can count on it. Remember, misbehavior can originate from both sides of the desk.
18. When a student makes one negative accusation after another, stop him or her immediately. This student isn’t looking for solutions, but is employing overkill—sometimes to divert you from the original
issue. When such situations occur, stop, avoid explanations until another time, and let the student
know that the behavior is making you angry. In this case, anger is an appropriate motivator. Say, “You
don’t want a solution or you wouldn’t be using this approach.” Finally, tell the student that both of
you need to give this matter some thought and that you should meet tomorrow. You’ll find tomorrow
will bring a more considerate tone.
IV. MISTAKES: Common misjudgments and errors in managing the child which
may perpetuate or intensify the problem.
1. Getting mad and responding accordingly. As much as we would like to understand and respond in professional ways, we may find it difficult and may react in a negative way.
2. Giving the student something to react to.
3. Reacting publicly.
4. Issuing ultimatums.
5. Failing to teach acceptable behavior.
6. Failing to show feelings of kindness.
7. Fighting for power or dominance in an attempt to change behavior.
8. Saying and doing things that we normally wouldn’t.
9. Believing administrators don’t respect us, or they wouldn’t allow children to inflict such punishment
on us. If we believe this, we may be expecting administrators to act beyond the realm of their authority.
SEE ALSO: • The Arrogant
• The Interrupter
• The Smart Aleck
• The Foulmouth
• The Lewd
• “I Won’t Do It”
• The Loudmouth
Copyright 2009 by THE MASTER TEACHER®.
This behavior resource is excerpted from You Can Handle Them All (2nd Ed.). By using terms such as The Agitator and
The Boss, we are labeling behaviors, NOT children. Never use such labels when talking to—or about—children.
Permission to use, copy, and distribute this document is hereby granted for private, noncommercial, and educational purposes only,
provided that the above copyright notice appears with the following notice. This document may be reprinted and distributed for noncommercial
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