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SEE? IT IS A GAME!
A busy father arrived late to watch his son play in a
Little League baseball game. Calling his son
over, he asked the youngster what the score
was. ‘We're behind 16 to nothing,’ his boy answered excitedly.
‘I’m proud of you for not being discouraged’ the
father said.
“Why should we be discouraged?the youngster
answered, "we haven't even been up to bat yet.
IT’S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT
Coming home from his Little League game the young boy swung
open the front door excitedly. Unable to see the game, his
father immediately wanted to know what happened.
"So, how did you do son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it!" his son said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"Really? How'd you do that?"
"I dropped the ball."
YOU’RE OUT!
The catcher of the visiting team repeatedly protested the umpire’s
calls. The official endured this for four innings, but in
the fifth inning when the catcher started to complain
again, the Ump stopped the game.
’Son,’ he said gently, ’you've been a big help to me
calling balls and strikes, and I appreciate it. But I
think I've got the hang of it now. So I'm going to
ask you to go to the clubhouse and show them how
to take a shower.”
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“WOW! THAT BUTTERFLY'S GONNA BE HUGE!" SAID THE FIRST PERSON TO FIND A MUMMY
ISN'T IT GREAT THAT PRAYER HAS ROLLOVER MINUTES?
ANYONE WHO IS SATISFIED TO STAND STILL SHOULD NOT COMPLAIN WHEN OTHERS PASS THEM
SIGNS YOUR GARAGE NEEDS TO BE CLEANED
4.
5.
6.
7.
1. It just entered itself in the heavyweight division on BattleBots
2. I don't care what mortgage company you
use, they're not going to ask for paycheck stubs
from anything earlier than the Eisenhower administration
3. Environmentalists picket in your driveway
to save the old-growth cobwebs
You have 12 leaf rakes with a total of 19 tines
Your missing son emerges twelve years after disappearing, with a tale of being raised by boxes and old exercise equipment
Cockroaches won't go in there without tiny rubber gloves
on
"Antiques Roadshow" holds a live broadcast from your
driveway.
HOME RUN
Minnesota Twins Hall of Famer Harmon
Killebrew once recalled playing in
the yard with his father and brother. While the three were roughhousing, his mother rushed toward
them exclaiming, ’You’re tearing up the
grass!’
‘We’re not raising grass,’ his father
replied. We’re raising boys!’
WE THINK TOO MUCH AND FEEL TOO LITTLE - CHARLIE CHAPLIN
DON'T WORRY, YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING EITHER
* On June 25, 1876, near Montana's Little Bighorn River, Indians led by Sioux chiefs Crazy Horse and Sitting
Bull wipe out Lt. Col. George Custer and much
of his 7th Cavalry. Within an hour, Custer and all
215 of his soldiers were dead. Although the
Sioux and Cheyenne fought to maintain their
traditional ways, within five years almost
all would be confined to reservations.
* On June 22, 1906, writer and pilot Anne
Morrow Lindbergh (wife of aviator Charles
Lindbergh) is born in New Jersey. She later
published several books about her experiences, including "North to the Orient" (1935).
* On June 26, 1948, the Berlin Airlift begins as U.S.
and British aircraft deliver food and supplies after
the city is isolated by a Soviet blockade. By
July 15, an average 2,500 tons of supplies
were being flown in each day, with planes
landing every 4 minutes.
YOUR SHOES ARE THE FIRST THING PEOPLE SUBCONSCIOUSLY NOTICE ABOUT YOU. WEAR NICE SHOES.
* On June 21, 1956, playwright Arthur Miller defies the House Committee on UnAmerican Activities and refuses to
name suspected communists. Miller's
defiance of McCarthyism won him a
conviction for contempt of court.
* On June 20, 1963,
the United States and
the Soviet Union agree to establish a "hot line"
communication system, a step toward reducing
tensions between the two countries following the
Cuban Missile Crisis.
* On June 24, 1997, the Walt Disney
Corp. orders the recall 100,000 already
shipped copies of an album by Insane
Clown Posse -- on the day of its
planned release. The Southern Baptist Convention had threatened to boycott Disney over the rap duo's lyrics.
* On June 23, 1987, Tiffany launches a
career-making tour with a live performance in a mall in New Jersey. The
16-year-old singer's debut album
gathered dust until she began her tour
of shopping malls, turning the album
into a smash hit.
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.
PRAY DAILY. GOD IS EASIER TO TALK TO THAN MOST PEOPLE
ACCORDING TO ALBERT EINSTEIN, IF HONEY BEES WERE TO DISAPPEAR FROM EARTH, HUMANS WOULD BE DEAD WITHIN FOUR YEARS
INJUSTICE ANYWHERE IS A THREAT TO JUSTICE EVERYWHERE
EAT MORE FOODS THAT GROW ON TREES AND PLANTS AND EAT LESS FOOD THAT IS MANUFACTURED IN PLANTS
ELEPHANTS CAN'T JUMP. EVERY OTHER MAMMAL CAN
I LEFT A BOTTLE OF RITALIN INSIDE MY FORD FIESTA...WHEN I CAME BACK IT HAD BECOME A FORD FOCUS
EVERY TAKEOFF IS OPTIONAL. EVERY LANDING IS MANDATORY
IF A PART OF YOUR BODY "FALLS ASLEEP" YOU CAN ALMOST ALWAYS "WAKE IT UP" BY SHAKING YOUR HEAD
NONE ARE SO CRAZY AS THOSE WHO ARE CONTENT TO LIVE UNPREPARED TO DIE
IT IS NOT THE STRENGTH OF OUR FAITH THAT SAVES, BUT THE TRUTH OF OUR FAITH
17 MESSAGES FROM GOD
ANONYMOUS BILLBOARD CAMPAIGN
1. Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game God
2. Come on Over And Bring The Kids - God
3. What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You understand? - God
4. We Need To Talk - God
5. Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush
Hour Longer - God
6. Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage God
7. That "Love Thy Neighbor" Thing, I Meant It. - God
8. I Love You... I Love You... I Love You... - God
9. Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place? God
10. Follow Me. - God
11. Big Bang Theory? You've Got To Be Kidding. - God
12. My Way IS The Highway! - God
13. Need Directions? - God
14. You Think It's Hot Here? - God
15. Tell The Kids I Love
Them. - God
16. Need a Marriage
Counselor?
I'm
Available. - God
17. Have You Read My #1 Best
Seller? There Will Be A Test. - God
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL; BUT SO IS GOD
GOD ALREADY HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT
THE ONLY ONE WHO DARES WAKE UP A KING AT 3:00AM FOR A GLASS OF WATER IS A CHILD. WE HAVE THAT KIND OF ACCESS TO GOD!
I BELIEVE THAT STANDING UP FOR AMERICA MEANS STANDING UP FOR THE GOD WHO HAS SO BLESSED OUR LAND’ - PRESIDENT REAGAN
WHAT GOD KNOWS ABOUT ME IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT ME
* It was award-winning Canadian novelist, poet and literary
critic Margaret Atwood who made the following
sage observation: "War is what happens when
language fails."
I'M FRIENDS WITH 25 LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET. I DON'T KNOW ‘Y’
HEAVEN'S DELIGHTS FAR OUTWEIGH EARTH'S DIFFICULTIES
* Many people don't realize that the parachute
was invented before the airplane. The first person to use a parachute and survive was LouisSebastien Lenormand, who jumped off the
tower of the Montpelier Observatory in 1783.
* You've doubtless heard of Edgar Allan Poe's poem "The Raven" -- or at least the famous line "Quoth the Raven, nevermore." When the poem was published in 1845, it immediately
became wildly popular, catapulting the previously obscure poet
to national celebrity. Future president Abraham Lincoln liked it
so much that he reportedly committed the lengthy verse to
memory. Despite criticism from such literary
lights as William Butler Yeats (who called
the poem "insincere and vulgar ... its execution a rhythmical trick") and Ralph Waldo
Emerson (who said, "I see nothing in it"), the
popularity of "The Raven" continued unabated, inspiring a plethora of parodies,
including "The Gazelle," "The Turkey" and "The Pole-Cat." Popularity didn't translate into financial success, however; Poe died in 1849, shortly after being
found a penniless wanderer on the streets of Baltimore. His
death has been blamed on consumption,
alcohol poisoning or an opium overdose, but the true cause remains a
mystery.
* If you're planning to take a cruise this
summer, try to remember to use your
right foot when you take your first step aboard; it's considered
bad luck to step aboard with your left foot.
* You might be surprised to learn that in Russia, there are laws
that prohibit the production, import or sale of lace panties.
Thought for the Day: "You have not converted a man because
you have silenced him." -- John Morley
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.