December 201 2
V OICES OF HOPE
For the families and friends of those who have died by violence
Parents Of Murdered Children-MN Hope Chapter, PO Box 516, Circle Pines, MN 55014
pomc.com [email protected] 651-245-6195 or 651-484-0336
POMC National Headquarters
National Organization of POMC, Inc
Executive Director, Nancy Ruhe
100 East Eighth Street, Suite 202
Cincinnati, OH 45202
Phone: 888-818-POMC
Fax: 513-345-4489
Email: [email protected]
Online: www.pomc.com
Why we are here…
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
To provide ongoing emotional support needed to help
parents and other survivors deal with the pain of their
loss and facilitate the reconstruction of their lives.
To provide contact with similarly bereaved persons and
establish self-help groups that meet regularly.
To provide information about the grief process and the
criminal justice system as they pertain to survivors of a
homicide victim.
To communicate with professionals about the problems
faced by those surviving a homicide victim.
To increase society’s awareness of the problems faced by
survivors.
Minnesota POMC Meetings Schedule
Minneapolis/St. Paul Hope Chapter
FUTURE MEETINGS CANCELLED
Central Minnesota Meetings
Leader: Vicky Bolin
Meetings , contact Vicky
Southeast Minnesota Meetings
4th Tuesday of Month
400 13th Ave. SE, Rochester, Minnesota 55904
7:00-9:00pm
Homestead United Methodist Church
Questions contact: Connie @ 507-358-4017 or
Lois @ 507-367-4646
More info at www.semnpomc.com
We’d like to hear from you!
If you have any questions, comments, or ideas for Voices of
Hope, please let us know.
Contact us either by emailing the newsletter editor at
[email protected]
or by mail to our P.O. Box.
Moving??? Please let us know to keep you on
the mailing list
Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc. is a self-help support organization for families
and friends who have lost a loved one to violence.
“Membership” is open to those who have been cruelly bereaved by the murder of a loved one. Professionals who are in frequent
contact with grieving families are also welcome to join.
This project was supported by the Office for Victims of Crime, US Department of Justice. Points of view in this document are those of
the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policy of the US Department of Justice
Page 1
Page 2
Voices Of Hope
December
Anniversaries
Laura Ann LaMotte
Timothy George Benton
Donald Deiss
Kathleen Deiss
Sharla Ann Koski
Nancy Jean Kotyuka
Erica Lynn Grothe
Theodore Starr
KiAnn Marie Rivas
Tyler Gene Rivas
Catherine Ranft
Meredith Stepniewski
Caroline Stepniewski
Debra Kay Huck
Carol F Armfield
Jeff Larson
Calvin DeForest Loftus
Gordon Richard Helmer
Susan Marie Huling
Patti Ann Huling
Wayne Lowell Huling
Alice Rose Huling
Marcus DeShawn Potts
Debra Sue Adams
Dustin Jirasek
Carmen R Larson
Susan Charlotte Radil
Jill Erin Banks
John Mark Everson
Rita Hogendorf
Young Yang
Jason Bartholomew Hayden
Edrick Derrick McClure
Megan Marie O’Keefe
Raymond Arthur Banks
Richard Payne
Donald G Juenemann
Carrie Ann Richter
Dustin Baity
David Erickson
Cathy White
Bret David Olson
Michelle Lynn Andrews
Steven Russell Andrews
Julie Ann Everson
Barbara Joan Provost
James Nelson
Raquel Renee Richmond
Anne Barber Dunlap
Genie Pamela Erkel
James E Erkel
Dale Wayne Wilhelm
December 01, 1992
December 03, 2002
December 04, 1994
December 04, 1994
December 05, 1997
December 06, 1986
December 08, 1992
December 08, 1995
December 08, 1999
December 08, 1999
December 08, 1999
December 08, 1999
December 08, 1999
December 11, 1990
December 12, 1984
December 13, 1985
December 13, 1995
December 13, 2001
December 15, 1978
December 15, 1978
December 15, 1978
December 15, 1978
December 15, 1990
December 16, 1982
December 16, 2000
December 17, 1987
December 17, 2002
December 17, 2006
December 17, 2006
December 18, 1995
December 19, 1994
December 20, 1993
December 20, 1994
December 20, 2000
December 22, 1992
December 24, 1991
December 24, 1997
December 24, 1998
December 24, 1998
December 26, 1988
December 26, 1992
December 27, 1997
December 27, 2005
December 27, 2005
December 28, 1990
December 29, 1989
December 29, 1991
December 29, 1994
December 30, 1995
December 31, 1986
December 31, 1986
December 31, 1996
*If you do not see your loved one’s name in these lists and would
like to please let us know at [email protected] or send a
letter to our P.O Box.
Birthdays
Tyler Gene Rivas
December 01, 1983
Catherine Ann John
December 03, 1958
Bethany Anne Muller
December 03, 1973
Robert Stratton
December 04, 1953
Ronald Mark Nunn
December 04, 1970
Carla Arlene Peterson-GurskeDecember 06, 1961
Ellen Jean Bauer
December 06, 1969
Mickey Thompson
December 07, 1928
Stephen Edward Young
December 07, 1967
Melissa Noelle Johnson
December 08, 1967
Shelby Lynn Pavlacky
December 08, 1971
Jeremy Scott Kragness
December 08, 1977
Alec Helgeson
December 08, 1978
Holly Sue Schwerzler
December 09, 1957
Destiny Ann Dylkowski
December 09, 2003
Michelle Renee Becker
December 10, 1966
Patrick Dennis Brennan
December 11, 1958
Daniel Justin Rodgers
December 11, 1979
Daniel Anthony Mimbach
December 11, 1998
Larry Wayne Bagley
December 12, 1946
Janet Marie Leonhardt
December 12, 1965
David Alan Stockman
December 14, 1956
Michael Dean Angelo
December 14, 1959
Clint William Brazell
December 15, 1973
Duane Dale Swalve
December 17, 1966
Tammi Jo Shappell
December 17, 1968
Daniel Gideon Fox
December 17, 1968
Brian Christopher Gwaltney December 17, 1978
Artavies Allen Brown
December 17, 1980
Tyrone Anthony Struss
December 18, 1979
James Bernik
December 19, 1978
Raymont Rene Osborne Jr December 19, 1995
Ronald Joseph Ross
December 22, 1949
Kyle J Gulledge
December 22, 1958
Tyhran Eugene Wallace
December 22, 1985
James Francis Tetzlaff
December23, 1950
Zackrey James Peterson
December 24, 1986
Anna Mae Smerek
December 25, 1927
Kurt Eric Johnson
December 25, 1955
Loyde William Mincks
December 26, 1959
Melissa Simmons
December 26, 1977
Stevan Lynn Haugen
December 27, 1950
Arthur Preston Bankson
December 27, 1971
Donald Verly
December 28, 1956
Jerry L Lerew
December 28, 1963
Andrew Graham Dotson
December 28, 1980
Ruth Ann Berentson
December 29, 1959
Tom A Myers
December 29, 1967
Kiersa Alexandra Paul
December 29, 1972
David George Atchison
December 30, 1939
Eileen Jenkins
December 30, 1950
Timothy Jon Hawkinson
December 30, 1958
Jesse Erin Wells
December 30, 1966
David Arnold Geissler
December 31, 1976
Page 3
Voices Of Hope
Hope Chapter Meetings
It’s been almost eighteen years since our Son
Michael was murdered. During that time, Joanie
and I have been very active in the Hope Chapter
of POMC so it’s with great sadness that the
Board, has come to this decision. We have
decided to cancel all future monthly meetings.
Over the past couple of years, attendance has
become very sporadic and is getting smaller and
smaller to the point meetings have become
pretty meaningless.
We therefore have decided to discontinue all
future monthly meetings unless we hear from
many members that they would like us to
reconsider.
So effective with this month, there will no
longer be gatherings at Holy Spirit Church which
has graciously made a home for us for many
years. We can’t express our gratitude enough to
them.
It will be a bleak December 21st for those of us
who have tried to keep the meetings going.
Putting up the Tree
All wrapped in tissue,
I gently pull each memory out and place it along
side the others,
Lined up accordingly by the years past,
I take one piece at a time and place it in its
perfect space,
Moving them here and there along the sweet
smelling branches of the season,
Remembering you with each one I dangle among
the lights,
In the quiet and alone,
Thinking of how it used to be,
The joy, the laughter,
The splendor of it all,
Wishing once again,
That time had been more kind.
Submitted by:
Julie Burns
Elk River, Minnesota
2012 Minnesota Senior Poet Laureate Winner
Written in loving memory of Anna Jean and her
father David who were murdered respectively in
2008 & 2000.
For those of you who might have considered
coming to that particular meeting, so close to
Christmas, please know that meetings have
ended.
We plan on keeping the newsletter going on an
every other month basis, for the foreseeable
future knowing that for the bulk of you ,this is
your main contact with Parents of Murdered
Children. If you’d prefer to discontinue
receiving it, please let me know. As you know,
the newsletter is our major monthly
expenditure and for those who don’t really need
or read it, canceling will help maintain our
limited resources. We appreciate all that so
many of you have done for the group over the
years and should any of you have constructive
ideas for the Hope Chapter’s future, please
contact us at 651-484-0336.
Jim Lym
The best of all gifts around any Christmas
tree: the presence of a happy family all
wrapped up in each other. ~-Burton Hillis
Let’s keep each other in our hearts this
holiday season
Page 4
Voices Of Hope
Getting Through the Holidays
Surviving Grief During the Holiday Season
From Angela Morrow, RN, former About.com Guide
Updated October 05, 2010
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
If you have lost a loved one, you might be wondering how to cope with your grief this holiday
season.
With the first fallen leaf of autumn, we begin to anticipate the holidays ahead. Our senses are
acute and take in everything: the smell of turkey roasting and freshly baked pies; the holiday
songs playing on the radio; the sound of laughter from our loved ones who have gathered
together. But for those of us who are experiencing illness, grief, or the loss of a loved one, the
holidays can be a time of sadness, pain, anger, or dread.
The ebb and flow of grief can overwhelm us with waves of memories, especially during the
holidays. Grief will also magnify the stress that is already a part of the holiday season. How do we
begin to fill the emptiness we feel when it seems everyone else is overflowing with joy? There are
some strategies to help you cope during the holidays and beyond.
Strategies for Survival
Offer Yourself Some Grace
The best thing you can do this holiday season is be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to
feel whatever it is your feeling. Don’t fall prey to the belief that you have to feel a certain way or
do certain things for your holiday to be “normal.” If you feel sad, allow the tears to come; if you
feel angry, allow yourself to vent some steam.
Be Kind to Yourself
Get the rest and nourishment you need. Don’t take on any more than you can handle. If you need
to be alone, honor that. If you crave the company and affection of others, seek it out. Do
whatever it is that feels right to you.
Ask For and Accept Help
The holiday season is no time to feign strength and independence. You will need the help and
support of others to get through. Don’t feel as though you are a burden. People get immense
satisfaction and joy from helping those they care about.
In times of need, other people desire to help but often don’t know how. This is the time for you
to speak up and make your needs known. If you need someone to help you with meals, shopping,
or decorating, tell them so. They will be delighted to feel like they are helping you in some way.
Page 5
Voices Of Hope
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life
by what we give."
-Winston Churchill
Love Gifts
A special thanks to all who have generously donated in memory
of their loved ones.
"Maybe Christmas," he thought,
"doesn't come from a store. Maybe
Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit
more." —Dr. Seuss
Happy Holidays
With Love,
Lynn Lea in memory of Lyn Lea Slabaugh
Barbara Glick in memory of Brian Glick
POMC Hope Chapter
MN Hope Chapter Board of Directors
Sharon Huberty-Wiggins (Chapter Leader)
Jim Lym (Co-Leader)
Darlene Moen (Treasurer)
Joan Lym (Member)
Frank Baumgardner (Member)
Phyllis Baumgardner (Member)
Mike Schumacher (Member)
651-245-6195
651-484-0336
612-840-8522
651-484-0336
651-224-3114
651-224-3114
612-348-5368
If you would like support or have information
on upcoming hearings, trials, or sentencings
please call Jim Lym at 651-484-0336.
If you would like to memorialize your loved
one on the MN Hope Chapter Memorial
Wall, please mail the following to our P.O.
Box.
o Victim’s Name
o Date of Birth
o Date of Death
o 2”x3” colored photo
o $25 check to POMC/MN Hope
Chapter
The walls are 2’x3’ and consist of thirty
photos each. Underneath their photo is a
brass nameplate with their name, date of
birth, and date of death. The walls travel
to POMC functions. We currently have 5
panels.
“Justice will only be achieved when those who are not injured by crime feel as
indignant as those who are.”
Page 6
Voices Of Hope
LOVE GIFTS are a living memorial to our children, siblings and grandchildren,
usually given on anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. There is no charge for
our newsletters or meetings. We depend solely on your contributions.
I wish to make a donation in memory of:
_____________________________________________
Amount Enclosed $ __________________
DOB: ____/_____/_____
DOD: _____/_____/____
Age at Death: ______________
Donated by: ____________________________________
Relationship to: _________________________________
Please make your tax deductible check payable to: POMC Minnesota Hope
Chapter and mail to: PO Box 516, Circle Pines MN 55014
A New Star
I see a brighter star tonight
As I look at the sky;
It glistens in a teardrop
As it drifts upon a sigh.
A little light all filled with soul,
A speck so like the rest;
But to me it's brighter than the moon,
Above all, it's the best.
A part of earth for just awhile.
The heavens are its home;
Here it was confined as life,
There it's free to roam.
A little gem to crown the sky,
A jewel for all to see;
Its sparkle is for all mankind,
Its memory, just for me.
(In memory of my firstborn)
MN Hope Chapter Digital Photo Frame
A very special thanks goes out to the family and loved
ones of Joshua Haglund who generously donated a
digital photo frame to our chapter to help create a very
moving memorial to all our fallen loved ones. It will
be on display at our monthly meetings and any special
functions such as the annual brunch. Below is a
consent form that needs to be completed to have your
loved ones photo included. Please sign and return it to
us by mail or at the next meeting. Include an uncropped photo of any size. The clearer the picture, the
better. The photo will be returned.
MN Hope Chapter Memorial Digital Photo
Frame
CONSENT FORM
(please print clearly)
I give the Minnesota Hope Chapter of POMC
permission to use my loved one’s photo for
the Memorial Digital Photo Frame that will
be displayed at chapter meetings and
events.
Your Name:_________________________
Loved One’s Name:
__________________________________
DOB___/___/___ DOD___/___/___
Relationship to Loved One:
__________________________________
Address:
__________________________________
City:______________State:___Zip:______
Phone(area code):___________________
Email:_____________________________
Donation included (optional):
$_____________
We are sorry for the circumstances that bring you to POMC, but we hope that we can be of assistance to
you as you work through your grief. You are cordially invited to attend our meetings each month.
Nothing is required of you. There are no dues or fees, and you need not speak a work. Attending your
first meeting takes courage, but most find a comforting network of support, friendship, and
understanding that only those who have “been there” can give.
Voices Of Hope
Page 7
Surviving the Holidays…
The same holds true for your emotional needs. Friends and family may feel uncomfortable when it
comes to talking about your grief. They may think that you don’t want to talk about it and don’t
want to remind you of your pain. Again, you will have to direct them in the best way to help you.
If you want to talk about what you’re going through or just want a shoulder to cry on, let your
loved ones know.
Find Support
Sharing your feelings is the best way to get through them. You need people you can talk to.
Friends and relatives can be a great support to us during times of grief, but they are sometimes
full of their own grief or so immersed in the business of the holidays that they cannot be a support
to you. Support groups for caregivers and the bereaved are plentiful during the holiday season.
Check with local churches, community centers, and hospice agencies to find a group that suites
you. Support group members often make friends that end up being a source of support for years to
come.
Make a Difference
Most of us like to help others during the holiday season. Taking the ornament off the tree at the
mall, dropping our change in the charity basket, or donating to our favorite organization can help
us feel like we are contributing to a greater good. Helping others in times of grief can help take
the focus off yourself and your pain. Volunteering at a nursing home, hospital, children’s shelter,
or soup kitchen can be cathartic in times of pain. Even helping a friend or family member in need
can be healing.
Stop the Comparisons
It’s easy to watch other families and compare them to your own. Seeing other families together
and enjoying the festivities may make you feel deprived. Keep in mind that the holidays are
stressful for most families and are rarely the magical gatherings depicted in greeting cards. Try to
embrace what you have rather than compare it to what you think others have.
Remember That You Will Survive
As hard as it is for you right now, you will survive. You will make it through the holidays in one
piece. It may be the most difficult season in your time of grief, but it will pass. And when it does,
you will come out on the other side stronger than before.
You don’t have to enjoy the holidays. You don’t even have to go through the motions pretending
to enjoy the festivities. But, it’s also just fine to have a good time in spite of your grief. If
happiness slips through your window of grief, allow it to happen and enjoy it. You won’t be doing
your loved one an injustice by feeling joyous. The best gift you can give anyone you love, even
someone you have lost, is being true to yourself and living your life to the fullest.
Page 8
Non-Profit Org.
Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc.
Minnesota Hope Chapter
P.O. Box 516
Circle Pines, MN 55014
Voices
Of Hope
U.S. Postage
PAID
Permit No. 334
Circle Pines, MN
Address service requested
MN Hope Chapter
Upcoming Events
Meeting: Future Meetings Cancelled
Newsletter Mailing List Update
This is an effort to update our mailing list. We are asking for your cooperation.
To continue receiving the POMC, MN Hope Chapter VOICES OF HOPE
newsletter, please fill out the information below and return.
IF WE DO NOT HEAR FROM YOU, YOU WILL BE REMOVED FROM OUR
MAILING LIST. We hope you will continue to want to receive the newsletter
and future mailings. Thank you, MN Hope Chapter Board of Directors.
Name:____________________________________ Newsletter Donation: $____________
(optional)
Address:_____________________________City:_____________St:_____Zip:__________
Home Phone: (____)_____________ Work Phone: (____)____________
Permission to send info to POMC National: Yes:______ No:______
Email Address:______________________________________________________________
Do you wish to remain on the mailing list? Yes____ No____ If yes, by Mail____Email___
Survivor/ Professional/ Both If Professional, Company Name:_____________________
(circle one)
Victim’s Name:_____________________________________________________________
We’re on the Web!
Visit us at:
Pomc.com/minnesota
Last
First
Middle
DOB:____/____/____ DOD:____/____/____ Age at time of death:____
Your relationship to the Victim:_______________________________________________________
Mail to: POMC, inc. MN Hope Chapter, PO Box 516, Circle Pines, MN 55104
Or email us at: [email protected]