Line additions
SCENE ONE
Big Bright Beautiful World
STORYTELLER 1
Once upon a time, there was a little ogre named Shrek, who lived with his parents in a bog by a
tree.
STORYTELLER 2
It was a pretty nasty place, but he was happy because ogres like nasty.
STORYTELLER 3
On his birthday, the little ogre’s parents had for hundreds of years before.
Mama Ogre: Listen son, you’re growing up so quickly, growing up, bigger by the day.
Papa Ogre: Although we want you here, the rules are very clear. So it’s time (now you’re seven),
so it’s time to go away.
Storytellers: You’re to go away mama packed a sandwich for your trip.
Storytellers: Your papa packed your boots in case of snow. You’re gonna make us proud. No
backing up allowed. Just keep walking, and you’ll find somewhere to go. It’s a big bright
beautiful world with happiness all around it’s peaches and cream and ev’ry dream comes true.
Mama Ogre & Papa Ogre: but not for you.
Mama Ogre: We’re ugly son, which means that life is harder people hate things they cannot
understand.
Papa Ogre: And when they look at us they
Mama Ogre: burn our houses down,
Papa Ogre: tend to make a fuss, and chase us off our land.
Storytellers: It’s important that you find a cozy cesspit
A place no one would ever dare to tread. And if they happened by, make sure you terrify them.
Mama Ogre: If you don’t, son
Papa Ogre: If you don’t, son
Mama & Papa Ogre: Then you’ll surely wind up dead.
Storytellers: Goodbye, goodbye watch out for men with pitchforks.
LITTLE OGRE
Goodbye Mama! Goodbye Papa!
HALEY/VILLAGER
Don’t get lost!
DUNCAN/VILLAGER
Stay warm!
ALYSSA/VILLAGER
BEWARE!! BEWARE!!
ROBYN/VILLAGER
Hope you have enough food!
BRANDON/VILLAGER
Bye lil ogre!
BRIGHID/VILLAGER
Remember, no backing up!
STORYTELLER 1
And so the little ogre went off and found a muddy patch of swampland.
STORYTELLER 2
Far, far away from the world that despised him.
STORYTELLER 3
And there he stayed for many years, tucked away and all alone.
Shrek: keep your big bright beautiful world! I’m happy where I am, all alone. I got all I need, so
read the stinkin’ sign!
Shrek & Storytellers: Keep yours bug bright beautiful world! He parties on his own. Anyways
Doin’ what he can with a one-man conga line.
Shrek: And it’s mine!
Storytellers: All his! All his!
Shrek: Alone! It’s mine! And it’s mine! All mine! All mine! All mine!
SCENE TWO
CAPTAIN OF THE GUARDS
Right this way. Don’t mind the mud. You’ll get used to it.
PINOCCHIO
This place is a dump!
PAPA BEAR
Ugh…….and it stinks too!
WOLF
It’s not fit for a pig!
PIG #3
Hello!
PIG #2
Vee can hear you!
PIG #1
Vee are standing right here!
TRANSITION SCENE
GRETEL
Un chocolate!
HANSEL
Un sucker!
GRETEL
Un chocolate!
HANSEL
Un sucker!
BOTH
(they both look at shrek and scream)
AHHHHHHHHH
SHREK
Do you know the way to Duloc?
BOTH
(point opposite direction)
OLD WOMEN IN A SHOE
I have some extra bread, would you like some?
SHREK
No thanks. Do you know the way to Duloc?
OLD WOMEN IN A SHOE
Hey pipe down!! Bread?
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Are you here for the special, the special the special?
SHREK
No I’m not hungry. Do you know the way to Duloc?
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
I’m not sure, but I think it’s that way, that way, that way.
SCENE FOUR
What’s up, Duloc?
(Part 1)
Duloc performers: Welcome to Duloc. Such a perfect town. Here we have some rules, lets us lay
them down. Don’t make waves, stay in line, and we’ll get along fine. Duloc is a perfect place.
Please keep off of the grass. Shine your shoes, wipe your…face. Duloc is, Doluc is, Duloc is a
perfect place.
PERFORMERS (JACKIE, KATIA, COLIN, ELISE, ANDREW)
And here’s the man who made it happen!
PERFORMERS (SOPHIA, CORBIN, JOANNE, ALEX LE, ROBERT)
That towering colossus of moxie!
DULOC ANNOUNCER (JET)
Loooooord Farquaad!
FARQUAAD
Oh, it’s you! What a terrific surprise! And lucky you, you’re here at torture time! Bring in the
cookie!
GUARD 1 (CRYSTAL)
Bringing the cookie!
GINGY
No! no! I won’t speak! I won’t! Oh, It’s you……
FARQUAAD
“Run, run, run as fast as your can, you can’t catch me – I’m the gingerbread man!”
GINGY
You’re a monster!
FARQUAAD
I’m not the monster here, you are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect
kingdom.
GINGY
It’s not a kingdom! Because you’re not a king!
FARQUAAD
Oh, but I will be. Just as soon as I find a princess to marry. And I hear you know of one. Tell me
where she is?
GINGY
Bite me!
FARQUAAD
That’s it! My patience has reached its end. Present the devices of torture!
GUARD 2 (ALEX C.)
Presenting the device of torture!
GINGY
Uh-uh, now wait a minute. Let’s not get crazy. Maybe I have heard tell of a princess.
SCENE TWELVE
BISHOP
People of Duloc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union of our new King and QueenPUSS IN BOOTS
OLE’! Hola senorita! I am Puss…N Boots! I would like to make you my little piñata to hang with
me…para siempre….forever.
FIONA
UH…this is a cat-astrophe. I hate cats!
PUSS IN BOOTS
I have shamed myself (sad face to audience)
BISHOP
People of Duloc….
FIONA
Umm…Excuse me…ah…could we just skip to the “I do’s”?