I Won't Apologize
(Spoken Word Poetry)
Our stories start young
Mine started when I was five
Moved from coast to coast
Beautiful California to dreary New York
I had just started Kindergarten
When one of my fellow peers
Decided it was time to speak loud and clear
Incited by my statement that I was Jewish
In response to my proclamation
He denounced, "Dirty Jew."
And thus began my struggle
With accepting my "Jew-ness"
It's that one moment
Where I realized the truth
For the rest of my life
I'll have to overcome people's ridicule
I went home that day
And spoke with my parents
And I still remember their response
They said, "It's the parent's words, not your peer's.
Don't worry about what he says."
Those words are still true
Sometimes I remind myself
It's okay to be angry at other people's naiveté
But it's better to laugh at the ironic words they say
Just last weekend I brought up this memory
My parents were shocked at the discrimination I faced
They'd forgotten the prejudice that I met everyday
Even though they were there, every step of the way
They don't remember that story
A seemingly insignificant moment in my life
But I do, I do because
It is a part of my Jewish story.
In truth there weren't many anti-Semitic incidents
Until I reached high school
When Judaism became my “fatal flaw"
The problem with facing ridicule and people's gibes
Is you get the urgent desire to eradicate their reason for it
It's in high school, during my three years of
Facing Anti-Semitism every day
That my struggle to keep my Jewish identity
Came to an peak
When you face bullying everyday
You begin to doubt that it's worth believing in
Is it worth being isolated? Is it worth crying over?
Is it worth being other people's punching bags?
Is it worth my happiness?
It was my parents that I got me to see
I wasn't trying to break away from my Jewish roots
Because I didn't want to be Jewish anymore
It's because I was afraid of the conflicts I would face
I'd been fighting the battle since childhood
Was it too much to ask for a reprieve?
In my last year of high school I faced horrible taunts and gibes
And a school's staff that did nothing to help
And yet, I remember asking my teacher in tenth grade
if he thought I could graduate early and still handle the workload
His first question was: Why? And then he guessed
"Is it because you're being bullied? Because you're smart? Jewish?"
And he looked sad at the world I was facing
And he made me feel better, knowing he valued me for being Jewish
My story and relationship with Judaism
It's tough to explain, it's not simple and it's not great
But it is my story, I can help others with this struggle
It made me stronger, which is all I can ever ask for
Sometimes people judge me because I'm Jewish
I won't apologize if I am pro-Israel
And I won't apologize for speaking Hebrew
I won't apologize for not having a confirmation
I won't apologize for Jesus' death
Sometimes people judge me because my thoughts
Don't fall into the category of "normal" in the Jewish world
But the thing is they don't have the right to judge
I won't apologize for not being shomer Shabbat
and I won't apologize for not being Kosher
and I won't apologize for not being more "Jewish."
I've lived my life being judged by the rest of the world
Without asking for a panel of judges
I'm not going to live my life
the way others think I should.
My Jewish Story has always been hard to explain
It's not a walk through a flower field
Nor is it one over hot coals
It's somewhere in between, something challenging
But it's something that I have foreseen
After all, isn't the whole bible
A collection of our struggles to escape other people's wrath?
And I'll always rise to make my mark
Changing people's attitudes about me and my dreams
They can eat their words, I'll be eating caviar
Arielle Markiewicz